Disclaimer: Calvin & Hobbes' alter egos are Waterson's and the syndicates, not mine, yadda yadda yadda
Narrator: Spiff flew through the bleak darkness of the cold impersonal space…
Spiff: You're certainly cheery. And ain't I supposed to narrate?
Narrator: I have to fulfill a contract. Take it up with the producers.
Spiff: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get on with it.
Narrator: just then, a Draconian laser beam hit our hero. He shot out a few times at the war ship, before he crashed on the uninhabitable surface below, with no sentient life forms.
Spiff: It's Washington, D.C. It's habitable. And how come I always get shot down when I wash and wax this thing? Huh? Why's that?
Narrator: The rouge ship is destroyed by the lazer satellite defense system when it enters Earth airspace. As the debris crashes into the rest of the street, the message center flashes on Spiff's computer.
Spiff: I wonder who it is.
Narrator: Answer it then.
Spiff: My agent's gonna get it. Let's see. Powerful laser system… Regonian Empire… need crystal… on Venus… needs help… with Love, President Helena S.
Narrator: Love? Maybe it's time for her to resign…
Spiff: Wanna take it outside? It seems the Regonian Empire has built a new laser weapon. They need a special crystal on Venus that will make it invincible. The…
Narrator: Why does it make it invincible?
Spiff: Size, color, shape, clarity, the only known frozen light beam in it…
Narrator: Frozen light beam?
Spiff: I ain't no post-Einsteinium physicist. Ask one of them.
It seems that president Sloan wants me to help.
Narrator: Spiff hails a cab. A thieve robot tries to take his cab and his wallet. Spiff calmly zaps him with his beam set on 'kill'.
Spiff: 'Frappe', actually.
Narrator: Whatever. The cab flies to the White House. Spiff enters.
Spiff: Hello, Miss Derkins.
VP: Miss President! Spaceman Spiff is here!
President: Thank God you're here, Spiff. Come follow me. The rest of the squad I assembled is in there.
Spiff: You mean I gotta work with other people?
-To be continued-