A/N Thanks to MissKindOwl for giving me the idea for this story! :]
I took liberties with the support conversations so they aren't word-for-word.
I am in love with Lady Corrin.
How can I deny it any longer? All these years… All this time. I have done my best to be a good butler. I have tried my hardest to meet my lady's every need and notice her every preference… I have done my job too well.
She… She is my reason for living… She was always been special to me for the help she gave me when we were children, but now… there is no possible way I could love her any less….
A long time ago, when I first realized that my affection for my lady was increasing into something more than a butler should feel for his mistress, I tried to quench it. Indeed, I tried my hardest to shut it out of my mind and just serve her the way any butler would serve any mistress…
But I couldn't.
In my eyes, she is perfect.
From her beautiful, wavy hair to her dark crimson eyes and her slightly pointed ears, she is enchanting and mysterious, graceful and elegant….
Then there's the fact that her world has been turned upside down... Nothing was as it used to be. Her family is not her family, she hardly has a real home, and she is out in the world unlike she had ever been before. And how does she react to all of this?
She fights with determination, and she helps everyone else before herself, and she is warm and kind and generous to a fault!
And I love her…
God forgive me, I love her!
When I finally admit this to myself in the middle of the night, after weeks, months, years, of denial, I am devastated. This is so terribly improper for a butler, and I must not remain in her service any longer!
… Mustn't I?
Unable to sleep, my heart twists around in my chest, and I clutch at it with my hands.
Leave Corrin? The thought alone makes my world darken, as my future path, once so obvious, disappears before my eyes. What would I do? Where would I go? But… I realize suddenly, that hardly even matters… because wherever I go and whatever I do, it will be without Corrin…
Ok, then, I love her. That won't ruin anything. I can keep it in check… I can just serve her and be her most trusted and loyal companion for all of my days. I'll fight with her through this war, and then we'll go home, and it will just be the two of us…
In the back of my mind another voice pipes up, a little traitorous voice. The two of you? The two of you forever? But it won't just be the two of you, will it….? One day, somewhere, Corrin will fall in love, and then—!
No, no, no! I cannot watch her marry someone else! I cannot wait on her husband as I have waited on her. I cannot! I am not strong enough!
I'm suffocating. I feel like I'm suffocating, and I sit up in bed. The sheets are twisted about my body and neck and are strangling me! I pull them from me, tear them from me and gasp for breath, throwing them onto the floor and finding myself somehow there as well, hands and knees on the cool, hard wood, and I just breathe.
I cannot leave. I cannot stay.
I have made a decision.
I must not put my lady into this position. If she only knew the fevered dreams I have about her, her radiant eyes, her flushed cheeks, her—No! No. I stop myself. This is precisely the reason why I must leave. I will tell her I love her, and that I cannot remain as her butler any longer and request to be removed as soon as possible. I love her too much to stay by her side… Whatever my dismal future holds, I would rather face it than cause my lady pain.
It's late afternoon, and we are between battles in a rest period of sorts. I fortify myself, straighten my vest, and go to Lady Corrin's private quarters. I knock but don't bother waiting for a reply before I open the door and step in. She's sitting on her bed reading a book but glances up at my entrance. A smile spreads across her face.
And suddenly my mouth is incredibly dry.
"Lady Corrin," I choke. "May I have a moment?"
"Of course, Jakob." She sets down her book to give me her full attention. "Oh, before you do, I've been wanting to thank you for teaching me how to make tea!"
These last days have been so precious, being so near her as I tried my hardest to teach her at least a simple tea… Now, I realize that I won't be able to help her anymore… I won't be able to stand next to her and watch as she smiles and asks if she's doing it right, and… "As always, I am delighted to serve you." The automatic words fall from my lips.
The smile slips from her face, "Um, you look pretty unhappy for a man who's supposedly delighted… What's wrong?"
This was it. I step towards her. "I…" I hesitate. "I need to apologize to you, my lady… I am… truly, deeply sorry."
"Jakob, whatever for?"
My heart is pounding, and for the second time I feel as if I can't breathe, and I want to take off my jacket immediately, and I don't want to see the confusion on her face replaced with shock and dismay at the words I have to speak, and I don't know if I can do this! "The truth is…" I start, as she looks at me with concern, and I feel as if I'm losing myself in those eyes… I swallow and the next moment I'm shouting, "You're tea was quite bitter!"