I know most ppl don't read these but I have some warning to say. One this was the first Naruto fanfiction of Naruto I wrote. After I reread I realized it didn't make any sense but that was the point. Because I'm rewriting it, I've decide to do Naruto 1st person pov and general 3rd person pov. Chapters that focus mainly on Naruto will 1st person but then there will be chapters on people's react to his antics. Also I'll be posting another Naruto fic alongside this one but that one has nothing to do with this one. Then later down the line another one.
Warnings: Tree puns for curses
Sakura torture (I don't hate her but this Naruto does. (Torture only after they're placed in teams)
Minato and Kushina craziness (Naruto believes their a figment of his imagination but he doesn't care)
Kyuubi and Kakashi being perverts (kyuu will be explained later)
4th wall breaking
Disclaimer: I wouldn't be here now would I?
Minato: No you wouldn't!
Kushina: Nope!
What the-
Kushina: No cursing!
- roots are u doing here?!
Kyuubi: Can't we just say hello?
No! You shouldn't be here, where are my girls!?
Kyuubi: Aren't they on your chest?
Not those girls! My daughters (henchwomen)
inato:We tied them up and placed them in the back room! Right Naru-chan?!
Naruto: You shouldn't bring me into this, ya' know!
GET OUT ALL OF YOU!
*running feet*
YOU! *point at reader* Just read already!
Posted March 22, 2016
Last edit: March 21, 2016
Latest update: March 22, 2016
Chapter 1: Secretly an undercovered Idiot
I was painfully aware of all the eyes watching me from all around the small classroom. I might be over exaggerating it but I just can't stand, and the worst part about it is that I can't do a logdamned thing about it or else Jiji-san will restrict me even more. "You need to act more your age" he says, "this will be a good learning experience for you" he says! What in log's name does that even mean?! Okey, so I'm a little grumpy today but anybody would too if they had to take the same test they took when they were four.
"The answer to 43 is Dog, Snake, Bird not Boar, Snake, Bird. "
'Thanks.'
I quickly glanced at our ever watchful teacher, who had a soft smile as he scanned the room. Sometimes its good to know not everybody in this logforsaken village hates me. Ever since I was sent back to the academy, I've been reminded that I'm not welcomed by the civilian population. Iruka-sensei along with my nii-san have always protected me from most of the villagers hatred but I can see it as clear as day.
"I wish I could show them just how much of 'monster' you really are!"
'This isn't time nor the place for that.'
I shook my head to get rid of my inner voices. Just ignore them, I told myself. The test really isn't all that bad, but still doesn't change the fact that today is the bane of any twelve year olds existence, Graduation test day! Even though I did this when I was four (I'm jounin, since age seven) and raised through the ranks faster than anybody in history. (Nii-san at seven became chuunin and Itachi-san at fourteen) "You're awesome like that Sochi! " If you're wondering who I am, than let me enlighten you.
I am jounin Namikaze Uzumaki Obito Naruto (yes my middle name is Obito, deal with it since I have to!) I'm twelve years old, became a ANBU Commander at eight with an IQ that could rival a Nara. "What are we, chop wood? " I rolled my eyes, the three voices in my head are my father, Namikaze Minato, my mother, Uzumaki Kushina, and my ever faithful prisoner (note the sarcasm ), Kyuubi Kurama or at least that's what they.
"72 is pure uncontrollable chakara in physical form. "
I'm really glad that even I pass or fail, I'll be going back to my old brat free jounin or ANBU life. I started to fantasize about all the missions I'll be taking once this mission is over. Sigh, soon my love we will be together again, and with you, I will make such glorious explosive art!
"I'm not going to comment on that. "
"I blame your father's genes!"
"I resent that! Name one person in my family that thinks explosive is art!"
"Your oldest son Deidara."
"..."
"He's your son too Kushina-chan"
"Not when it comes to their 'art'! Log bless us if they ever meet in person."
'...'
"..."
'I have an older biological brother?'
"..."
"..."
"... No..."
An awkward silent surrounded my mindscape. I want to meet him.
"No!"
I inwardly pouted. Not fair.
"Life isn't fair kit."
BANGBANG!
I guess I was so deep in thought that I didn't realize that they were calling people up for the jutsu part of the test. Damn I need the last question!
"Which one is it?"
'Number 100, which village was Konoha allied with during the first shinobi was?'
"That's an easy one! Uzushiogakure no Seto! Home of the Uzumaki can!"
I frown at that, they didn't teach that to us. How the roots is anybody suppose to answer that if they haven't taught it? My wondered for second then it hit me. The civilian council probably cut that out of the education programs because they didn't want me to know I have (had?) a clan.
BANG!
I glared down at the creamy pale skin that dare smack my desk. Who the f-("Language! ") - bark did that!?
Damn it, it was Sasuke.
"Hn, dobe they're going to call you soon."
Who the f-("Naruto! ") bark cares?!
Uchiha barking Sasuke, this all that stupid brat's fault. If it wasn't the fact that he couldn't protect himself them I would in some far away mission, in a far away land that probably scar my psyche. But I'm stuck babysitting him on Jiji-san's order.
' And making my glorious art! '
Oh! I'm sorry, you're probably confused on what the root I'm talking. (And why I use tree puns as curses)
"Flashback time!"
"Yay!"
"Why the bark am I stuck with blondaime, Habanero, pryo-blondie Jr again?"
Shush! I'll explain that in a later chapter!
Flashback no jutsu
I stood in front of the Uzumaki Memorial Shrine just in outer lands of the Uzumaki Compound grounds. Usually I was on missions but today was my day of so I had no reason to wear my uniform. I was wearing my black tee with my father's crest (a blue wind swirl) and burnt orange cargo pants.
("Why does what your wearing matter?" 'Details. Where was I?')
After a few hours of just standing (actually I was talking to my voices ) a shadow passed over, I did nothing. I knew who it was.
"Naru-chan! I could've been an enemy nin!"
I rolled my eyes at the man-child I call a brother.
"Kakashi nii-san, you don't have to tell me, beside I knew it was you."
I could just feel his pout.
"But-"
"Tell what you want or I'll tell Iruka nii-chan where your prevy books are! "
The silverette gasped. "You wouldn't!"
I raised and eyebrow.
{"Didn't you do it anyway?" 'Details.'}
"Hokage-sama wishes to speak to you."
"Gah what does that old man want now! This our first break in over a year!"
"Kaka is still talking."
"Oops."
"-And now I lead team seven."
"Hmm did you say something."
Beat
"I'm such good influence on you!"
Nii-san's eye twinkled. I did the first thing that came to mind. I shunshin away. I flashed with golden lights in front of the Hokage. Oops. I seem to interrupt a meeting with the elders. Hmm.
"Gomen-nasei, Hokage-sama. I was told you requested to see me immediately."
The elderly grandfather figure cleared his throat.
"Yes I did request... But I order Kakashi to find you over three hours ago."
"... " "... " "... " '... '
"That Barking Pinecone! When I get my hands on him... " The elders gave each other wary glances. Nonetheless they let me finish my rant on how I will 'teach' my dear older brother on being punctual. I won't bore you with the gory details. This is rated Teen not Mature, you want that go look somewhere or read the bucking the disclaimer at the beginning.
"Bucking?"
Better than bark. And if Hasbro can get away with it so can I.
"But this isn't about pony puns. Dragon-sama wants tree puns as curse seen we're in Leaf. "
I don't bucking care!
The elders shared a wary look as they watched their youngest soldier go from plotting the castration of his mentor/brother to significantly depressed about something out of his control.
"I promise I won't do it again author -sama!"
The two advisers sweat drop at the Namikaze heir's inherited randomness. If they weren't used to his parents bouts of random moment they might have to had question the ANBU's commander's sanity. The Hokage shook his, having already made up his mind on the blond's future.
"Naruto." he called for the boy's attention. "This important."
The nine year old stopped his charade and stood at attention for his leader. Hiruzen, seeing he finally has his questionably insane commander's attention, he took out manila folder. The blonde picked up blinking reading the name.
"The Uchiha clan?"
"You've heard of the massacre?" Koharu spoke with disdain. She scowled as the boy nodded. "Have you heard about the survivors?"
That caught Naruto's attention, for split second he glanced to his right before nodding.
"Makoto Uchiha, current clan head, sustain no injury. Itachi Uchiha, age 14, former clan heir, sustain extreme injuries, six broken fingers, crushed right wrist, left arm broken in two places, " as he proceeded to information, he grew pale and sickly green before gulping and continued. "Snapped spine, crushed pelvis, both legs broken in five places including the right kneecap, left foot broken with twisted ankle. Sasuke Uchiha, age 9, currently clan heir, sustain no physical injuries but psychological is still unknown. Twins Ichigo and Chihana Uchiha, age 4, the youngest of the clan head family, sustained no physical injuries, mentality unknown."
Naruto looked to be troubled as his moved from his right to his left and nodded as if agreeing with someone. With the lowest, barely audible voice, he spoke again.
"I personally wrote the report on the aftermath."
The elders gave him a grim look. They knew how close the young commander was to the Uchiha clan but the boy couldn't do anything to help them. They nodded to another.
"How am I supposed to know what their thinking? I'm not psychic."
They ignored him.
"Naruto-kun?"
"Hmm?"
"Pay attention."
"Hai, Hokage-sama!"
Hiruzen sighed as he handed the blond a mission scroll. He read it quickly, stopped, then reread it.
"NononononoNononononono! "
"Yes."
"Please don't do this to us - to me!"
Koharu glared at commander, who of course, ignore her.
"Boy quit your babbling!" She watched as the mutter to himself, but his attention focused on her. "Now, you're not going to pull off the roster entirely, just while the academy is in session."
They saw him internally fight with himself (if only they knew) before nodding to them to continue.
"It came to our understanding that you don't know how to interact with children your age-"
"That's not true, Jiji!"
"Jounin exams."
"... "
"Okey I get your point, carry on."
"This mission isn't just to guard Sasuke but also learn to interact with these kids and befriend them."
Silence surrounded the boy.
"This mission is going to be a pain the a-" flinch. "Roots. Just a pain in the roots."
He tried to leave but...
"No shadow clones!"
"Oh come on!"
I blinked as the memories left my mind. Why did end in third person? I narrowed my eyes as I played on the swing set. Author-sama got mad didn't she?
"Yup!"
Damn.
I felt Mizuki-teme come from behind me. But I ignored him in favor to listen in on some parents gossiping.
"Hey, isn't he the one that didn't pass?"
"Well good thing too! He would've killed his team."
"Looks like the demon didn't pass!"
"He shouldn't be allow any where near kids."
"The Fourth should have finished it."
"I'll finish you, barking peach tree!"
'Tou-san... '
"What!? She asked for it. They're talking about you, MY son, I would never kill you... You're my pride and joy!"
'I know tou-san '
"I wonder how'll they'd react when its revealed you're the fourth son."
Shivers went down my spine. Fan girls, that's what it'll happen.
"Don't mean to ruin the moment but that traitor has been talking."
Nani!?
I turned to look at the teacher assistant, and lo and behold, his mouth was still moving.
"So the only thing you need to pass is to grab the scroll from the Hokage and head to the forest on the east side. Got it?"
"Hai sensei!"
He gave me an evil smile. What an idiot. As soon as he was out of sight, I made a clone and sent it on it way to warn the others. He's such a pinecone... I chuckled, as of three hours ago I'm once again not undercover.
Now it my turn to smile evilly.
"Bitches are gonna pay."
...
Sorry for the flashback from now on flashbacks are in third person-
Naruto: Why?!
BECAUSE I NEEDED TO GET ON WITH THE STORY! Beside the whole "You're a Jounin/ANBU this is overused by now everybody already knows that you're only pretend to be genin to 'protect Sasuke'. The difference between my story and everybody else's is your parents are sealed inside of you alongside the kyuubi (which is your father's fault)
Minato: Hey!
Aaaaaand his mother is alive and Itachi isn't a traitor. He also has two little sisters (twins)plus the 'person ' who did it was caught and executed. (subplot) YOU, on the other hand was raised and trained by your parents souls and Kurama. Due to you talking to them out loud, ppl think u crazy...
Minato, Kushina, Kurama: ...
Naruto: Aaaaaannnnddddd
You're not going to pretend to be Genin-
Naruto: Yeah!
But personally train team 7 as an assistant jounin-sensei (all will be explained next chapter)
Naruto: Yea- WHAT?!
All will be explained next chapter.
Naruto: BUT-
NEXT CHAPTER!
Naruto: Hai, Author-sama...
EVERYONE: Ja-ne!
~ Dragon Queen Niji
p.s naruto is gay help me find him a boyfriend (kyuubi: he diffinitly needs a mate. Naruto: ANYone but Kakashi and Sasuke! Please anyone but them!)
So vote now! You get to choose!