"Come love, See my hands."
Chapter One - Fresh Wounds, Clean Bandages, And a Kind Word.
Edward's POV
There she was again, quite possibly the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes on. Isabella Swan, pianist, songwriter, and singer at the Seattle Academy of Music. She had been coming into the coffee shop for the past two years, the same one I had been occupying for two years prior to her arrival here in Seattle. She had never been very talkative, but something about her lack of speaking, long dark hair, and mysterious eyes kept me constantly focused on her. Every time she walked through that door, she was the only thing I saw.
"I'll have my usual." She smiled politely at Alice, the owner of the very coffee shop we both sat in right this moment. Alice responded enthusiastically, quickly making her drink.
"Thanks." She replied, as Alice sat the drink in front of her. As she laid her money on the counter she looked around nervously, our eyes catching each others momentarily, were they stayed for a few seconds, before she turned her attention back to the task at hand.
"So, Bella, how's everything going with you and your fiancé Mike?" Alice asked, arching an eyebrow suggestively. Of course, I thought, someone as beautiful as her had to have a boyfriend. What would possibly be keeping her from it? I heard her sigh lightly from where I sat at the front counter.
"We, uh. We broke up, last night." She said, almost inaudibly, from where I was sitting, as she ran a hand through her wavy hair, shaking it lightly.
"Oh, I'm so sorry." Alice said, patting the back of her hand from behind the counter. "What happened? Everything seemed to be going so well. And what about your recording contract?"
"I've kind of known it's been over for a while. I could tell he wasn't ready to be married, anyway. I think the whole proposal was just his last resort in trying to get me into his bed. Besides, what good is a recording contract you only got because you were dating the son of the studio owner? Now that I think about it, it was almost insulting." She spoke with confidence, but something about the look in her eye was telling me that she was on the verge of tears, and that she had really cared about this Mike character. I saw her slowly start to back away from the counter, a sign that she was about to leave, Alice's face grew solemn. It was only seconds before I saw her quickly wipe a tear from her eye, before she practically bolted from the coffee shop. I watched her figure move around the corner, where she stopped, falling to the ground, sat up next to the side of the building. Away from wandering eyes, at least the pairs that hadn't been following her.
"Is she going to be alright?" I walked up to the counter, almost shouting at Alice over the rumble of conversation happening at the counter, coming from the long line of people waiting for their morning coffee.
"I don't know," She shouted over the growing noise. "Could you check on her for me?' She asked, I nodded, grabbed her coffee she had left on the counter, and headed outside, following the footsteps I had just watched her take. I walked around the corner, and saw her sitting on the ground, her knees hugged to her chest. I took in, not for the first time, her sense of style, which consisted of usually a dress with tights and a cardigan. Even if she wore the same dress with the same cardigan more than once it always looked different, more unique every time.
"Are you alright?" I asked, sitting beside her just around the corner of the coffee shop. She was sitting on the ground in the alley, I handed her the coffee she had left inside, she moved it from my hand and quickly wiped a tear from her cheek. Her face stayed fixated on the park across the street. I extended my hand to her.
"I'm Edward, by the way…" I trailed.
"Bella." She said, flatly. Her eyes still fixated on the playground. She had stopped crying, and at least a few minutes had passed in absolute silence. My eyes met the same spot that hers did, and I watched as several children laughed and ran amongst themselves, carefree, and unaware.
"What I'd give to be a kid again…" She murmured, almost inaudible.
"You still can be…" I replied, patting her shoulder. I stood up, offering her my hand to help her up. She took it willingly.
"What do you mean?" She said, as she stood next to me, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I'll show you sometime…" I said, her eyes grew skeptic as she bit her lip and looked toward the road.
"I, uh…. I better get to my class…" She said nervously.
"Alright. I'll see you around?" I said.
"Uh, yeah. Thanks for bringing me my coffee…" She trailed.
"No problem.." I said, before the both of us walked separate directions. I entered the coffee shop again, and was met with Alice's voice.
"Is she alright?" She asked.
"For now.." I ordered a to-go cup of coffee, and she placed it in front of me.
"Thanks, for going out there… I owe you one." She said, and I nodded.
"It was no problem.." I turned to leave.
"Oh, Edward, I almost forgot. Jasper got that new job! So I'm planning him a surprise party, you should come. And maybe this time you can bring someone other than a work friend…" Her eyebrow arched. And I laughed.
"I'll work on it…" I said before walking out the door and heading towards the restaurant I worked in downtown. I'd been working there for at least two years, and I was simultaneously putting myself through culinary school, which I had graduated from a few months ago. I was only waiting for a building to open up downtown, before I started my own Italian restaurant with the money I had recently received from my father, after his passing. I walked inside, and sat at the front of the restaurant, finishing my coffee before heading to the kitchen to get to work.
Bella's POV
To the outside world, being upset about my break up with Mike may have seemed ridiculous…
But to me, he had ripped everything in my life away from me…
Our secret that we'd kept for so long, was bound to come out sooner or later…
And I could only blame myself for listening to him, for actually going through with what I had.
How could I have chosen him over my own child, how could I have done it?
I felt a tear slip out as I reached the front door of my apartment, I stepped inside, setting the bags of groceries I'd just acquired on the kitchen counter.
I changed my clothes, exchanging my dress for a tank top, sweats, and a cardigan. I un-packed the groceries, and made myself dinner. I stood from the kitchen table, and made my way towards the living room. I couldn't take it anymore. I fell to the ground, sobs shaking my entire frame. I wished for a second chance, but it was too late for those. I wished for my baby, for some miracle that would place her back inside of me, where she we safe, and warm, and loved, and alive. I stayed there on the kitchen floor wishing for a lot less silence in my 2 bedroom Seattle apartment. Wishing for interaction of any kind, wishing for something to look forward too. Anything.
The next morning I woke around eight, I showered, dressed, and started my five minute walk to the Alice's coffee shop. Alice and I had become close friends since I'd arrived in Seattle, and even she didn't know about me and Mike's secret. I'd been too careful for too long about making sure she didn't find out, that I had no idea how to go about telling her… even now that I didn't owe anything to Mike. I stepped inside the door and recognized the man who had talked to me yesterday. Alice was sitting at the corner table, today was her day off, and Jasper's younger sister, Rose, was behind the counter, working the morning rush. I got my coffee from Rose, and walked over to the table Alice was sitting at.
"Hey, Alice." I said, sitting down. She put down the magazine she had been reading, realizing someone was in front of her.
"Bella! I was so worried about you! Are you alright, I really meant to talk to you yesterday, it's just that the rush came in and I - " I cut her off.
"Alice, I'm fine…. I just…I did something horrible and I'm almost sure I'll never be forgiven for it…I just, I need someone to know the truth." I shook my head, my voice growing quieter as I felt a few tears fall from my cheek.
"Bella, that's ridiculous… there's nothing…." I stopped her again.
"There is…." I said, my voice shaking slightly. She looked at me for a long minute, before giving in, realizing that maybe this was something so horrible. And it was.
"Come over later? I'm throwing Jasper a surprise party for that new job he got… Help decorate. We'll talk then. Edward will be there… but we'll get him to do something else for a bit.." I nodded, regretting that look of urgency that had been in my eyes… this really could wait. I wasn't exactly feeling a party right now…
"I'll be there… I don't have any classes today. So just give me a call. I've got some things I've got to get mapped out for the concert in the park this weekend.. " I said, standing up and throwing my bag over my shoulder.
"Just come over around two? Edward isn't coming until four, just call if something comes up. I'll be by the phone.. I don't have a shift today." She said, and I nodded.
"I'll see you later, then. Bye."
"Bye."
I walked outside, catching my breath, which staggered against the winter air. I sat in the park for a while, watching as the children laughed and enjoyed themselves. I let my thoughts drift back to the child that I should have been six months pregnant with right now. I placed my hand on my stomach, and I whispered to it. Even though I knew she wasn't there, and I knew that she probably couldn't hear me. She was the only person I wanted to speak to right now, the only person that I felt I owed an explanation. The only person that deserved an apology, and the only person that I needed here with me right this minute. I looked down at my stomach.
"I just want you to know that I loved you." I began, a tear escaping. "I should have chosen you, I'm a terrible person for what I've done. But I do love you. I'm so sorry." My voice was barely audible, even to myself. And several more tears slipped out, I leant forward, my elbows on my knees as I held my head up. I wiped my tears away, only to have them start all over again. I sat up, and continued to watch the children play, while my emotions got the best of me.
"Hey." I heard a slightly familiar voice from behind me, I wiped my tears quickly and turned around. I saw Edward, the guy who had talked to me yesterday. I stayed sitting on the park bench, but scooted over to make room for him as he sat down.
"Hi…" I sniffled.
"Still having a rough time..?" I nodded.
"Do you mind me asking what's wrong..?" He trailed, looking down. I shrugged, sniffling once more.
"It's complicated…" I said, and as his eyes met mine. I felt a strange wave of security, something told me to trust him. Something was egging me on, something inside of me wanted me to share my information with this guy, be him a stranger or not.
"I - " We both began. And then chuckled. "Go ahead." I said, and he nodded.
"I understand. You don't really know me, and I don't really know you…if you don't want to tell me it's perfectly fine.." He smiled.
"I…" I stopped, deliberating. "I just did something that I shouldn't have… and I'm trying to deal with the regret of it all… like I said it's complicated. And not really something I want on my résumé , if you know what I mean." He nodded. And I turned my attention back to the playground, as did he. We sat there for a while, neither of us saying anything. And it was nice, for once, to be so at peace amongst the silence. I couldn't remember a time when I'd been at peace in silence, the silence usually drove me insane. I could feel the time passing around us, as we did nothing but sit there, and I welcomed it. Around eleven, I stood, figuring I should go pick up a card for Jasper and grab some lunch.
"I should probably go, I have a few errands to run before I go over to Alice's later…She wants me to help decorate…" I trailed. To a stranger this would have sounded strange, but I knew that he was going to be there, too. And I knew that he and Jasper had gone to high school together and had been friends ever since. He stood, also.
"Do you mind if I tag along?" He asked, and I smiled letting out a chuckle. He laughed too, stepping back.
"I'm sorry, that was way too forward of me…" He started to back away. I picked my bag up off of the bench, and took a few steps closer to my destination - the Hallmark shop on Pike Street. I stopped, turned around, and saw him standing where he last had been, and I smiled.
"Are you coming…?" I said, laughing once more. He didn't say anything as he caught up to me and we walked side by side. Neither of us said a word until we reached the store which was only about a block away.
We walked inside, and I headed straight for the cards.
I stood there, searching the different cards. I ended up grabbing one that just said "Congratulations" on the front, and I imagined some sort of cheesy rhyme scheme going on inside. I watched as Edward also picked one out. I stood there, waiting. As an extremely familiar song came on over the store speakers I tried to contain myself. Edward's eyes met mine, which apparently had some glimmer of happiness in them.
"You know this song?" He acted surprised.
"I live for this song," I laughed a bit. "I missed their concert last weekend. I've been kicking myself about it ever since." I said, he just stood there looking at me in complete shock. I shook my head.
"What?" I asked, laughing again.
"Nothing, I just. I can't believe you're a fan of the Black Keys…." He trailed.
"Once you hear them, you're practically obligated to become addicted…" I said. There was a silence as we paid for our cards and made our way back outside, I shivered as the early December air hit what little of my skin that was exposed. I put the card in my bag and shoved my hands deep into my pockets.
"Where to now?" He asked, smiling.
"Lunch. Definitely lunch." I hadn't had anything to eat yet today, it was nearly noon. He nodded. We stood there for a moment, as I tried to decide where I wanted to go. I started walking back South, headed toward my favorite Italian restaurant. He followed behind quickly. It was going to be about a ten minute walk.
"By the way, their concert was fantastic.…" He chuckled.
"You went?" I stopped walking, and looked him dead in the eye. All Edward could do was nod, with a smirk on his face. The look on my face must of described thoroughly the jealousy I felt at this particular moment.
"Maybe we can catch the next one…" He smiled. And we continued walking again.
We reached the restaurant, and we got a table. Edward was smiling like crazy, and I couldn't help but wonder why. He'd been acting strange since we stepped inside.
"What's with you?" I laughed. "Why are you smiling so much?"
"I, uh, I work here.." I smiled, too. And then felt bad.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know…Do you want to go somewhere else? Because we can…" I said, setting my menu down. He shook his head.
"No, no. This is fine. It's just…ironic." He chuckled.
"Are you sure?" I asked, and he nodded.
Eventually we ordered our food, making small talk about music and art. We sat there in peace though, and I didn't feel like a bad person, temporarily. I felt just as I had before, whole, complete, of course still missing something, but it felt as though someone had thrown a thick blanket of security over me. It could still be removed, or torn, or drenched…. But for now it was warm, dry, and comforting.
We both ate slowly, and without even realizing we'd sat there for almost two hours the check was delivered, and we both reached for it at the same time, causing our eyes to meet each others.
"I've got it." He said, pulling the black booklet from my hand.
"Edward, really, I can pay for it…." I objected. He shook his head.
"Bella, I've got it. It's no big deal…" He smiled, and I lightly nodded.
"Thank you…" I trailed, and as he placed bills in the booklet I watched him, in wonder. We walked outside, braving the cold once more. We headed back towards the coffee shop, talking and laughing amongst ourselves.
"How have we not met before?" He asked, and I shook my head.
"Maybe we were just convinced we'd found our own fate, instead of letting it find us." I sighed, with a serious tone in my voice, and then we both laughed. We continued walking, and were about a block from my apartment. I continued smiling, and I was walking backwards, facing him as walked along.
"I should probably head home, I have to be to Alice's in an hour, and I have to get ready for the party." I said, as we stopped on the corner, outside the coffee shop.
"Yeah, me too. I'll see you there?" He asked, his eyes hopeful, I smiled.
"Yeah, I'll be there." He nodded, and extended his hand.
"It was nice spending the day with you…" He said our hands intertwined now, almost holding each others, until he loosened his grip, snapping me back to reality.
"You too." I said, smiling once more. "I'll see you tonight." He nodded, and we went our separate ways.
I reached my apartment, rummaging through my closet to find something decent to wear. Pretending to ignore the day I'd just spent with Edward, trying to only feel friendship for him. Because that's all I needed right now, a friend. Anything more would only complicate my situation… not that I was thinking about it…. Maybe I was.
What would someone like Edward want with me? I was a disaster, full of nothing but emotional baggage, and a history that was bound to follow me wherever I went. If you were lucky enough not to have someone like that in your life, why would you go looking for it?
I found my strapless black tube dress, folded it up neatly and put it in my bag, along with some jewelry. I figured I would just get ready at Alice's who knew what kind of event she had planned once I got there, I put on a pair of jeans and a floral tank top, ready for whatever it was she wanted me to do for decoration once I got there.
Alice and Jasper lived on the other side of town, near a school and a playground. Both of which made Alice practically beg Jasper for children on a regular basis. They weren't married though, actually they weren't even engaged. They'd been living with each other for a year, and had been dating since they graduated high school. I walked outside, into the pouring rain, and saw my black Ford Edge parked just in front of the building. I smiled at it, still reveling at my 21st birthday present from my parents. I loved my car. I got inside and cranked the heater, making my way towards Alice's house.
I finally pulled up in front of their split-level suburban style home, just on the outskirts of Seattle. I parked in front of their house, and saw Alice practically jump off the porch and run towards my vehicle.
"Bella! You're here, alright, I need some help hanging the streamers, and then I'll be finished, Edward got here earlier than planned, so we're going to have to think of something for him to do so we can talk….is that alright?" I nodded, and followed her inside. Wondering if maybe Edward should just stay and listen too.
We hung the streamers, which I felt were unnecessary, this place already looked amazing. She had cleared the entire living room, which was huge to begin with, and had dancing room and snack tables, the whole nine yards. Her kids were going to have the best birthday parties ever. I laughed to myself. Edward would occasionally smile at me from across the room, he was setting up the snack tables, and he sat a few chairs along the walls. By the time we finished everything, their house looked every bit as good as any venue would have.
I took a deep breath, knowing I had to do what I'd come here to do. Tell Alice, and I had decided to tell Edward. I couldn't hide it forever. And Edward seemed pretty trustworthy.
"Uh, Alice. Can I talk to you for a sec?" She nodded, and we walked to the hallway.
"Edward can stay…he doesn't know either..so, I might as well tell both of you at the same time." She nodded, confusion in her eyes.
"Since when are you and Edward friends…?" Her eyebrow arched.
"Since today…I guess." I shook it off, and she walked away, taking a seat at the kitchen table, calling Edward over. It was my call now, and far too late to turn back. The sooner I let people know, the sooner I could be held accountable for my actions. And I deserved every bit of whatever punishment I got. I took a deep breath, and walked into the kitchen, sitting at the table with them.
"Edward," I started, and he looked at me, fully attentive. "Earlier you asked me why I've been so upset…." He nodded, and Alice's eyes grew just as attentive.
"And Alice, I should have told you this a long time ago… I should have come to you before I even made the decision to do what I did. I think that's why it's harder for me to tell you. Because you deserved to know sooner, and you deserve better than this from me. You're my best friend and I hope that you can forgive me after I tell you this…" She nodded.
"Of course…" She shook her head, concern in her eyes. Edward's face had grown more serious. There was a long silence.
"I…." I looked down. "I had an abortion…" I let it out, and watched both of their expressions grow shocked.
"What?" Alice said, hurt in her eyes. "Bella, how could you do something like that?" She backed off then, somehow seeing that I wasn't telling the whole story. "It was Mike, wasn't it…" She trailed, a tear falling from her cheek, Alice had always been against abortion, seriously against abortion. "He talked you into it….he tricked you, didn't he?" I lightly shook my head, tears falling from my eyes also.
"That doesn't matter Alice…..It doesn't matter what he wanted me to do….because I had a choice between my baby and him, and I chose him….Alice. I chose him…..how could I have been so stupid.?" I could feel my entire body shaking as tear after tear fell from my cheek.
"Bella, he never should have asked you to do that…" She shook her head, I hadn't bothered to look at Edward's expression, I didn't want to know.
"It doesn't matter. I should have left him. I should have made it work. I should have fought harder. Do you understand what I'm saying? I picked that asshole over my child!" I continued crying. I brought my head into my hands, and I felt Alice's small arms snake around me, rocking me lightly.
"Shhh, Bella….we'll get through this. Shhh." She whispered. Edward never said anything, but I heard him get up and leave the table. I deserved that.
"Bella, It's alright. You didn't know any better. You didn't know he was going to do the things he did…all you knew was that you loved him and you would do anything for him, anything to keep him there…." She continued rocking me, and eventually I stopped crying. I grabbed my bag, and stood to leave.
"I'm sorry, Alice. I just don't think I can be at a party right now." I reached into my bag, pulling out Jasper's now signed card, and handed it to Alice.
"This is for Jasper, tell him I say congratulations. And I'm sorry, again, Alice." I sniffled, no expression on my face and walked outside. Edward was sitting on the front porch swing. I looked over at him just as he looked over at me.
"Come here…" He said softly, patting the empty space next to him on the swing. I complied, and took a seat. We continued sitting there, not saying a word. Until his hand grabbed a hold of mine, I looked him in the eye.
"I'm here for you…" He said, releasing my hand and pulling me closer to him so that I was almost completely snuggled up to his chest. I breathed him in, reveling at his warmth. A few minutes later, I could have swore I'd seen Alice peek at us through the living room curtain. But I had seen for sure. Almost an hour later, Alice stepped out onto the porch, causing me to disengage myself from him. I pulled my shirt down nervously and I saw her smile.
"It's six thirty, everyone's gonna start heading over soon…. Are you sure you don't want to stay, Bella?" She said, and I shook my head.
"I'm sure." I stood from the porch swing, pulling my bag over my shoulder again. "I don't think I'm ready just yet…sorry, Alice." She shook her head.
"It's fine, sweetheart. Just don't be too hard on yourself, alright.?" She said, and I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest.
"I'll call you tomorrow, " Alice said, and I nodded.
"I'll see you guys later…" I said before turning to step off of the porch.
"Oh, and Edward," I said, his head shot up. "Thank you…." I said. He nodded.
"Anytime." He said, half smiling. I stepped off of the porch, and made my way to my car in the pouring rain.
Songs - Chapter One
"Fresh Pair of Eyes" by Brooke Waggoner (Bella and Edward meet in the alley of the Coffee shop)
"Alas We Aspire" by Amy Stroup (Bella and Edward sit in the park, also playing while they walk to the Italian restaurant)
"Everlasting Light" by The Black Keys (In the store picking out cards, Bella recognizes this song on the intercom)
"Not in Love" by Crystal Castles ft. Robert Smith (playing while Alice, Bella, and Edward are decorating for the party)
"After the Storm" by Mumford and Sons (begins playing as Bella goes to leave Alice's house)
-I should have more songs than this in each chapter, but this was just an ease in chapter…not much happened, so expect more songs next time… (: Also, I might use certain songs more than once throughout this story, so I apologize if it gets repetitive…
Hey, guys! So this is the first chapter, and as some of you may know my first chapters are always kinda rusty. I haven't written for about a year, so this is the best I could muster. School starts in a few days, so I should have a new chapter up tomorrow and the day after, but It'll be a while after that, until I can figure out a weekly or bi-weekly schedule. But, anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this! And theres a LOT more to come, so don't lose hope in me. This is my senior year so if I don't post something whether it be a chapter or an update it's because they're piling on the homework .. .(: Enjoy! And I will be putting a few song in each chapter. At the end of it I will list the name of the song and the artist and what part of the chapter it was playing in. I'm big on music these days, so feel free to check out the songs I suggest.. (: