Introduction: The Chateau
"Where's my paperwork on the Kincer case?" Olivia asked, rummaging around on the top of her desk.
"How should I know?" Elliot asked, not even bothering to look up from his computer.
"Gee, I don't know, maybe because I asked you to bring it up here when you left interrogation earlier?" Olivia snapped. Honestly, sometimes she thought he was obtuse on purpose.
"What do I look like, your personal pack mule?" Elliot growled. "I'm not here to-"
"Benson. Stabler. My office." Captain Cragen glared at them both before disappearing into his office.
"Great. I was trying to get this done before we left for Rikers, but now you've dragged me into something..." Elliot was still griping as they made their way to Cragen's door. Olivia just rolled her eyes and stepped inside, trying to ignore Elliot. Lately, she'd been doing that a lot-mostly unsuccessfully.
"Both of you, sit down." Cragen's tone was firm and Olivia racked her brain for what might have gotten them in trouble. Surprisingly, they'd been playing by the rules fairly well as of late, and nothing came to mind.
The captain sighed and looked at each of them in turn. "It's come to my attention that the two of you have been sniping and snarling at each other more than usual lately. I can't have your personal dramas affecting the rest of the squad, so I'm sending you both for a weekend of conflict resolution therapy."
"WHAT?!" Elliot's bellow was probably audible down in the cells, but Olivia couldn't blame him at the moment. Therapy? Them? What was Cragen thinking?
Before she could ask, though, Elliot turned on her. "This is your fault, you know. If you didn't have to constantly double-check everything I do-"
"What do you mean, my fault? If you would just stop breathing down my neck every five seconds-"
Cragen held up a hand. "Enough. You're just proving my point. The two of you are going, and that's final." He pulled two packets from a drawer in his desk, handing one to each of them. "These are your aliases. If anyone from here asks, you're going undercover. I can't have 1PP finding out my two best detectives aren't playing nice."
Olivia stared at the envelope in her hand, labeled Amanda Collins. Glancing over, she tried to read Elliot's envelope, but it was clenched in his fist.
"Captain-" he started.
"It starts in three hours and it'll take you that long to pack and get there. Now go." Cragen returned his attention to the papers on his desk, and Olivia knew they'd been dismissed. She stood and her hand was on the doorknob when Cragen added, "Oh, and don't bother coming back until all your issues have been resolved. You're both on leave."
She was still glued to the spot, dumbfounded, when Elliot strode to the door and shoved his way past her. Glaring at his back, she stormed after him.
Three hours and one very silent car ride later, they pulled up to a small cabin nestled in the woods of Beekman Park. Just two stories tall, it didn't look like the kind of place where conflict resolution therapy was held. But what did she know? Maybe this was a way to help clients unwind.
As she pondered their temporary home, Olivia realized Elliot was already out of the car and halfway up the sidewalk, bag slung over his shoulder. Scrambling out of the car, she yanked her bag from the backseat and hurried after him.
"Couldn't have at least offered to carry mine, oh no," she muttered to herself as they climbed the wooden stairs to the front door. Elliot rapped sharply on the door before pushing it open and striding in. Ducking after him, Olivia's eyes were adjusting to the darker interior so she didn't immediately see the woman who greeted them.
"Hello! You must be Amanda and Dave," the voice said. Olivia squinted slightly to try and catch a glimpse of their tormentor-er, therapist. The woman appeared to be in her mid-thirties, petite, with wispy blonde hair and pale blue eyes. Olivia's first uncharitable thought was that this woman seemed weak, but she tried to tamp down her irritation. It wasn't the therapist's fault they were here.
When Elliot only grunted in response, Olivia stepped forward and held out a hand. "Yes, hi. It's nice to meet you, Dr...?"
"Oh, we don't go by formal names here." Her laughter was a light tinkle. "You can call me Traci! Now let's come sign all the paperwork so you can go meet the others."
"Others?" Olivia's question was lost amid Traci's rapid chatter about "the chateau" and how much they were going to love their stay. Following Traci into a well-appointed but rustic-looking office, Olivia nodded absentmindedly. Truth be told, she wouldn't mind a small vacation from the daily grind of work, and she thought Elliot might feel the same. When she chanced a glance at her angry partner, however, she recoiled. He still looked madder than hell.
"Okay, Dave and Amanda, here are your client agreements. Basically, no verbal or physical abuse is allowed while you're here, and you are to respect the opinions of your partner and the other couples. Just sign, please, and then we can get started."
Olivia remembered at the last second to sign Amanda Collins but the A definitely looked more like an O. It wouldn't pass a handwriting analysis, that was for sure. She handed her contract back to Traci and Elliot did the same. Traci clapped her hands and smiled broadly at them both. "Excellent! Welcome to Couples' Therapy Retreat, you two!"
A/N: This plot line is hardly original, so I can't take credit. I will, however, take credit for applying it to Olivia and Elliot. I'm imaginary-setting this somewhere during their "15th" season or so-and pretending that Elliot didn't leave forever and that he's divorced for good. Okay, enough disclaimers.
Wait, no. Forgot one. Not Dick Wolf or NBC.