Some Kind of Heartache Honey, Give It a Try
Couldn't stop listening to Faith Hill's "Cry" while writing this story, hence the title. The song spoke to me because it's about wanting an ex lover to feel some heartache for the relationship they had and lost. And even though in the song it seems like the ex lover didn't feel any sort of remorse, it made me think how April and Jackson must feel like; that they would want one another to feel the heart ache they are causing each other, because that would mean that they both still cared. Anyway, below are the lyrics that struck a chord with me, and hope you guys enjoy the story!
If I had just one tear running down your cheek
Maybe I could cope maybe I'd get some sleep
If I had just one moment at your expense
Maybe all my misery would be well spent
Could you cry a little? Lie just a little?
Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain?
I gave now I'm wanting, something in return
So cry just a little for me
Give it up baby
I hear you're doing fine
Nothing's gonna save me
I can see it in your eyes
Some kind of heartache
Honey, give it a try
I don't want pity
I just want what is mine
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or the characters.
April was exhausted. Tired. Fed up. There was a sadness in her soul that cut through to the bone and her whole body was screaming at her to cry, to let it out, to feel the tears and release the pain, but she couldn't. The tears wouldn't come. Things at the hospital hadn't gone well today. There had been two traumas, one an injured fire fighter and the other a small child in a car crash and she hadn't been able to save either of them. That was just the tip of the ice berg though. Matthew breaking up with her a few days ago still hung heavy on her mind, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't forget the way Jackson had held her when she had broken down against him last week. She still felt the warmth on her cheek from when she had laid it in the crook of his neck, and this…this look in his eyes that seemed to speak volumes in a language she didn't understand was somehow seared to her brain. It was the way he had looked at her just after she had pulled away from him, just before she had almost, almost let herself lean in and kiss those lips of his… She closed her eyes, willing the thoughts to go away, because right now, at this very moment, she felt empty, as if all the life had been drained out of her. And if she let herself think too much, the sorrow that she felt deep in her heart would surely break free and drown her.
So she focused her mind on the simple, the mundane, the routine. The day to day tasks she did almost without thinking now: making her way slowly to the locker rooms, changing out of her scrubs, slipping her tired feet into a comfortable pair of flats, putting on her jacket and walking out of the hospital straight into…
Pouring rain.
Which wasn't uncommon for Seattle; its predictability was more of a comfort to her than anything else. There would be afternoons brimming with rain and mornings thick with fog, and even though she had spent many a night being lulled to sleep by the pitter patter of the rain against her window, today she found no comfort in it. It only seemed to beat down on her already dampened spirits, deepening her sadness. She shivered in the cold, suddenly realizing that she had come to a full stop once outside the hospital, and resumed her way to her car, the sobbing skies drenching her in its downpour. Driving home in a daze, the swish-swash of her windscreen vipers and the occasional glare from the headlights of an oncoming car were the only things that brought her to her senses from time to time.
Reaching her apartment, her trembling fingers managed to unlock the door and she stumbled inside, ready to collapse. This day couldn't end soon enough. All she could think about was a hot shower and a warm bed, and as soon as she managed to get out of these wet clothes she could have both. April wearily made her way to her bedroom, dumping her bag unceremoniously on the floor and was fingering the waistband of her jeans trying to unbutton them, when the door bell rang. She bowed her head and sighed, rain soaked hair falling in a curtain around her face, droplets of water sliding down each strand and on to the floor. She just did not have the strength for visitors today, just…not today. She raised her head slowly, letting it fall to the side, still fingering the top button on her jeans contemplatively, figuring she'd let whoever it was think she wasn't home. But the door bell started to ring again and again insistently, and she frowned, her legs almost automatically walking her towards her front door.
She opened it to find a certain tall someone with olive skin and blue eyes standing outside, and felt her heart skip a beat. He was positively dripping with water and panting like he had run a mile. Incredibly long eyelashes, thick and wet, blinked water out of eyes that stood out a piercing blue against the dark back drop of the stormy night, as he stated, slightly out of breath, the obvious: "It's raining."April raised an incredulous eyebrow at him, too tired and grumpy for any niceties, and said, sarcastically, "You don't say."
If she was being honest with herself, his rejection of her offer the day before to head to the bar for some drinks had cut deep. Having to make up a lie about meeting up with Matthew later had cut even deeper, when essentially, that relationship had come to an abrupt end almost immediately after it had begun again. She still didn't know why, and frankly, she was beyond caring. Unbeknownst to April though, after having listened to her ramble on about Jackson one too many times, Matthew had finally managed to put two and two together, and had decided that quietly ending things was the best strategy. He knew love when he saw it, and what he saw in April's eyes when she talked about Jackson was what he saw when he looked in the mirror every day. Except, his love was for a woman who didn't love him back. Too heartbroken for an actual conversation, he had left a message on her phone, apologizing and telling her he should never have come back.
April shook herself, reminding herself one more time that the handsome man with the chiseled jaw standing in front of her was one of two reasons that her life was miserable right now and narrowed her eyes. "What" she said tersely, "are you doing here?" "I need to come in" came the stubborn reply that she would otherwise have found cute, except she wasn't having any of that today, so she decided to give him some sass. "Try a different door." Satisfied with her comeback, she prepared to slam it back in his face but was outraged to find a very expensive, albeit very wet, sneaker clad foot wedged in between her door and the door jamb. She scowled, temper flaring. She was on a short fuse today, and he was getting on her last nerve. "I swear to God, I'll give you two seconds to get that foot back or you won't have one left." His eyes flashed, something in them making her go hot all over.
"Let. Me. In." He said, his voice dangerously low, stepping so close that if it wasn't for the damn door in the way, he'd be on top of her. He wasn't taking any of her crap today. He'd had a rough couple of weeks and it had had nothing to do with the board members breathing down his neck every two seconds and everything to do with a certain diminutive red head with hazel eyes and alabaster skin; who was currently standing in front of him looking about ready to explode. And he didn't care. He felt about ready to explode himself. First, she'd had the audacity to accuse him of taking her virginity, and he of course, knowing full well how inaccurate that piece of information was, had still, God knows how, managed to keep his cool and gently remind her of what really happened. And THEN, sap that he is, he'd told her –and he may have phrased this differently at the time–that he was never going to be sorry for being her first. To which she had given him absolutely no response, of course. Why he kept swiping at those flames and burning himself over and over again, he didn't know. Yes, she may have apologized since, but he was willing to let that thought fly out the window today, he was much too exasperated with her. Sometimes his mouth said things to her and hopelessly waited for a reaction, like some kind of love sick puppy and every single time, he didn't know how she did it, she found new ways to trample on his heart. And him being the fool, never learned. Well, he had rejected her offer for drinks the day before. He figured he'd save himself the heartache, knowing that the later he let the night progress, the more chances he had to let his dumb ass mouth say something pathetic to her. And she'd probably have pounced on the chance to crumple up his heart like a frightened leaf all over again. So he'd played it safe that time.
And then Stephanie had happened. He'd kissed her just to shut her the hell up when she'd kept asking him why he kept forgetting her and frankly, he hadn't been ready to deal with the reason why. And hell if he was telling her. So he'd kissed her, and given her the date she wanted out of sheer guilt, and had tactfully kept his mouth shut about maybe having sex afterwards. But they'd gone back to her apartment today to have sex and he'd somehow managed to fall asleep in the middle of it and she'd kicked him out straight into what seemed like a freaking monsoon outside. She'd also told him, well, more like yelled at him, that they were dunzo. Thank the good Lord. He'd been trying to think of a way to tell her that for eleven straight days now and it had been driving him up the wall.
April stared back at him defiantly, not wanting to back down. The man had just ordered her to let him in for goodness sake. Who did he think he was? He may have women falling at his feet left and right but April Kepner wasn't one of them. If he thought she was going to bow down to his orders, then he better think again because it ain't happening. She had no idea what made her say what she said next though, but "Make me Avery!" shot out of her mouth, and a second later, she found herself sandwiched between a wall and a muscled torso while the door slowly creaked itself shut behind them. "Anything else you want me to do?" Jackson Avery asked in a sexy drawl, backing off slightly with one hand still on the wall behind her head.
It infuriated her that it didn't seem to affect him. That he didn't seem to be experiencing the pain she was experiencing over her loss of him. All she wanted was one sign that he was at least feeling some kind of heartache, but he'd moved right on to dating Stephanie, and she'd heard through the grape vine that they'd been all over each other at Joe's yesterday. Right after he had rejected her offer of going there for drinks by the way. Her whole body was screaming in pain at the thought, and he has the nerve to show up at her door looking like some kind of demigod and actually forcing himself inside.
His eyes roved over her, noticing her bare feet and the wet jeans clinging to her every curve, and gulped when he saw that the front button was unclasped and the zipper was halfway open. He dragged his gaze back up her body excruciatingly slowly, thirstily storing every small detail in his head for later reference. He hadn't had a chance to look at her like this since they broke up, and he'd missed being able to run his gaze appreciatively over her body from time to time. She shoved at him with one of her small hands ineffectively, eyes spitting fire at him, and his breath hitched. He'd gotten feisty April today –an all time favorite of his. He loved it when she flew off the handle, and he was itching for a fight. And considering what he'd come here for, he wouldn't have had it any other way. He'd heard of a break up between her and the paramedic, and once and for all, he'd come to take what's his.
He stepped closer to her again, laying his hands deliberately on the strip of skin that was exposed between her tee and her jeans, and felt her shiver. Her skin was red hot, and he felt a rush of pure lust sweep through him. "So I heard that Matthew broke up with you again." He said, his voice dropping a few decibels and touching his lips to her ear. "Shut up" she said through gritted teeth, placing her palms on his chest again and trying to shove him away. "Well he did, didn't he? He rejected you. Again." He emphasized, a sadistic side to him wanting her to feel, just for a second, how he felt every time she rejected him. There were nights when he would ache for her so much that he would just stay up, letting himself drown in misery. And he wanted to know that he wasn't the only one. Needed to know, because the pain would be so much easier to bear then. Knowing that she was hurting the same way he was, would be his comfort. That would be his sign that this wasn't all one sided. His sign that she would be willing to take him back, to make things work, to fight for them. Because he was ready to. He'd had enough heart ache to last him a lifetime, and he'd come chasing happiness.
He heard a sob escape her and felt her body crumple in his arms and picked her up. "I'm sorry." He whispered into her hair. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have –" "You're an asshole" she said, her voice muffled against his shoulder, as her legs wound themselves around his waist, allowing him to carry her onto her couch. "Yes I am." He agreed, sitting down with her on his lap and she settled against him, arms slung casually over his shoulders. "He walked away from me." She repeated, her eyes huge and wet, heartache evident in them. "You walked away from me. Everyone walks away from me." She whispered, looking like a lost kitten, and his heart gave a painful squeeze. "And you keep rejecting me." he whispered back, kissing a rosy cheek, and watched as her eyelashes fluttered, memory suddenly flashing back to yesterday, when they had performed a Roux-en-Y together. He had kept looking at her, and although he had said he'd been admiring her technique, which was partially true, he'd also been admiring her eyelashes, so long that they were almost draped over the mask she was wearing. "I'm a mess." she whispered, and he gently laid her sideways on the couch, each arm beside her head, holding himself up. "Yeah, yeah you are." He leaned down to gently kiss those cheeks, making her giggle a little through the tears. He adored her cheeks, and she knew it. They were silky soft, and back when they were together he hadn't been able to get enough of them, kissing them multiple times before finally getting to her lips, and it had always made her giggle.
"I broke up with Stephanie" he confessed, touching his forehead to hers, and sighed. "And Matthew broke up with you, and I'm here to ask you to take me back." Her breath caught at the sudden vulnerability in his expression, and she sniffled, chin set to a pout, not wanting to give in. She had suffered enough heartache at the hands of Jackson Avery, and she wasn't going to give in this time unless she made sure he knew that things were still complicated between them. They still didn't see eye to eye on some things, and she didn't want him running away at the first sign of trouble. His eyes darkened suddenly, seeing the hesitancy on her face, and he knew that he needed to convince her. So he drew her closer and dropped an open mouthed kiss just under her ear lobe, sucking on the skin there until he felt her melt against him. "Jackson" she said, her voice wavering, and he moved on to her ear, gently suckling on her ear lobe, and she whimpered. "Please…" she whispered. "Tell me you felt this way with him." He said, his voice hoarse. "That he made you feel this way and that he felt the same way about you, because God, April, I do." She shuddered, knowing her answer and feeling it at the tip of her tongue. "Tell me you feel what I feel for you" he whispered, head coming up to lock his gaze with hers, those almond shaped eyes boring holes through her. She closed her eyes, unable to let him peer into her soul any longer, afraid he'll see far more than she wanted him to see. "April." He pleaded.
"You know I do…you already know that…" she whispered, eyes still closed, knowing how strongly she felt for him but also knowing that they weren't there yet, that they still had a long way to go before confessing their love for each other, but she needed to give him something. If they were to work, they had to start from something, and he'd given her enough for her to give it back to him. He let out a breath, and she opened her eyes, seeing him looking down at her with a relieved expression on his face. "I can't get you out of my head, you can't get me out of yours. You keep kicking me in the gut and I keep coming back for more. Count the number of times you rejected me and the number of times I've put up with your crazy." He whispered. "Give in and feel the heartache baby, because I feel it when you're gone too." he said, voice barely audible now. "You come with a hell of a lot of baggage April Kepner, but this kind of heartache is the kind that can kill, and trust me, I'm too young to die." He finished, his eyes twinkling, letting her know that he knew he'd won her over.
Her lips curved in a smile and she hooked a finger through the neck of his shirt to pull him closer, sealing their lips together in a searing kiss. "Think you can handle me Jackson Avery?" she whispered against his lips. "Trust me, no other man would have the balls to try." he replied, looking smug, and she gently kissed the tip of his nose. "Have I told you I don't like obnoxious men?" she traced his lips slowly with her finger. "It's a good thing you have me, then…I'm not obnoxious at all." "Mhmm" she murmured, smiling up at him, and his eyes suddenly went soft, kissing her sweetly, and she let herself get lost in him, not ever wanting to be found.
Things may not be perfect between them, they may still have some issues to sought through, but at least she knew that neither of them could be without the other, and knowing that is what saved them. Knowing that he needed her as much as she needed him, that both of them ached when they were away from the other was enough for her to know that whatever happened, it'll always be okay. They'd tried being apart and that just didn't work for them, so there was nothing else for them to do but be together…
So Here's to Forever…