Disclaimer: RK isn't mine. If it were, I would make Kenshin and Kaoru hump each other everyday. I DO OWN THIS FIC THOUGH… and I can make Kenshin and Kaoru do anything I want here… MUAHHAHAHAAHAHA…..
AN: I was thinking about how many times had Kaoru been raped, beaten up, kidnapped and tortured and how many time Kenshin had left home because of the same old "Battousai problem" in fanfictions. Based on that thought, I created this fic. I wrote this not as an insult to other authors (because, face it, even I do the same to both of them all the time. I made them have sex, I separated them, I made someone kidnapped Kaoru and basically torture them altogether… Well, you know, the usual stuff -__-") but purely for fun. Well, MY fun, primarily. So I hope you enjoy it, not my best fic (mainly coz I was a little out of my mind when I wrote this), but I tried. It's a confusing writing, so good luck reading it :P
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Typical
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"Oro? Again…?" Kenshin uttered as he looked at his computer. Kaoru looked at him and smiled understandingly.
"Okaaay… What did they make us do this time?" She asked with a lazy smile. Kenshin scrolled down and sighed.
"Hmm…. You know, the same things again… 'His amber eyes gazed into her deep sapphire eyes, and inhaled the jasmine scent surrounding her, before claiming her lips. Kaoru's eyes widened as his tongue forced into the depth of her mouth. She struggled at first, but then calmed down and started to kiss him back…' I lost count how many times they made us do that in a fic. But at least it's better than the last one." He said with a sighed. Kaoru scoffed.
"ANYTHING is better than the last one! I mean, that author made it seemed that you just fell on me and somehow your…. Slipped into my…. You know…" She said, her words were fading away as she blushed in embarrassment. Kenshin chuckled.
"Oh… You're right. That was the worst and the fastest lemon I've ever seen… It was three hundred words, for God's sake! I gotta ask you though… Do you really smell like Jasmine? How come everyone said that you smelled like Jasmine?" Kenshin asked. Kaoru giggled and leaned towards Kenshin.
"Does this smell like Jasmine to you?" She asked. Kenshin inhaled, frowned and shrugged.
"Hmm… Maybe… Well, I think so." He answered reluctantly. Kaoru laughed.
"This is not Jasmine. This is Burberry! The one with Agyness Deyn on the ads." She said. Kenshin looked at her weirdly. For all he knew, she was just speaking gibberish to him. Kaoru waved carelessly at him and sighed at his hopelessness. "You know what, nevermind. You're such a guy." She added. Kenshin chuckled and shook his head.
"Well, for a guy, according to this fic I have a 'soft, beautiful red hair and a pair of soothing amethyst eyes that fits his small features well…' This fic sounds okay, let me read some more." He said, a little flattered at what the writing said about him. Kaoru sat beside him and took a peek at his computer before turning pale.
"Kenshin, you better stop reading before it's too late." She said seriously. Kenshin frowned and smiled at her.
"Why? So far so good, Kaoru. This is nice." Kenshin scrolled down happily. "Let me read this for you. 'Kenshin entered the doujo and found Sano there, waiting for him. He looked a little restless, so Kenshin decided to come and talked to him a little. "Sano, what's wrong?" He asked softly. Sano looked at him with an odd desire in his eyes….' What? Desires? That's weird… Anyways, 'he took the Rurouni's hand and pinned him on the floor. "I've want you for such a long time…" he whispered before leaning down to ki—' OH MY GOD! MY EYESS! MY EEEEYEEESSS! KAORU WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME?" Kenshin shrieked in horror and ran to the bathroom to gag, while Kaoru sighed.
"I told you not to read it." She said while moving towards the computer. She was now sitting on his chair, scrolling down, browsing to other stories. Kenshin came out of the bathroom, looking quite green. He sat beside Kaoru.
"We should stop reading these fics. They're toying with our minds." He said weakly. Kaoru snorted.
"Nonsense! You're dying because of one Yaoi fic? I thought you're Hitokiri Battousai!" Kaoru said. Kenshin sighed, took the mouse from Kaoru's hand and clicked around. He grinned in satisfaction.
"Let's see how you like it if they pair you with Megumi! 'Megumi caress Kaoru's bare body with her cold hands, causing her to shiver. She leaned down and kissed her again, slowly slipping her tongue into her mouth, before trailing passionate kisses on her neck. Kaoru moaned as Megumi's lips reached her hardened nipple and suckled them like a sweet candy…' Are you ever going to stop me?" Kenshin asked. Kaoru smirked slyly.
"Go on. I don't feel anything. For all I care, I'm liking that story more and more now." She said confidently. Kenshin shook his head.
"Unbelievable. I can't believe you're not disgusted. Fine, let me continue and see if you REALLY can handle it. 'Her hand reached Kaoru's other swollen breasts and massaged it gently. Kaoru groaned as she felt the wetness on her womanhood… Noticing this, Megumi traced her hand down to Kaoru's wetness and slipped a finger—' Uh... Okay, I'm getting a little turned on now… If I continue I might need a cold shower." Kenshin said with a red face. Kaoru took Kenshin's coffee and had a victory sip with a really smug smile carved on her face.
"I don't get why guys get turned on by lesbians but get freaked out by gays, but anyways, girls are known to have better endurance for these kinds of things compared to guys." She said with an arrogant nod. Kenshin sighed as he leaned back, letting Kaoru browsed around by herself.
"Found anything good yet?" He asked lazily. Kaoru shrugged.
"Not really. I found some depressing stuff, mainly because you're a Battousai. I kinda like you on Battousai mode, though. That masculinity, the amber eyes, the sensual aura you have… If you're like that all the time, I might consider sleeping with you. Why aren't you hot, Kenshin?" She said with a flicker in her eyes.
"Well, firstly, it's because the real Battousai was not hot. He was a SAD AND LOST CHILD. Seriously, I was like, fifteen when I went through everything! How could I be a sexy person with an uncontrollable libido if I was a half-dead fish most of the time? Secondly, even when I was Battousai, I still look like this. I don't suddenly transform and become hotter or something." Kenshin defended himself. Kaoru sighed in disappointment.
"Ah, how depressing. Here I thought that you would be hotter and full of raw sexual magnetism." She said gloomily.
"Yeah, sorry to disappoint you."
"WAIT! WAIT! What about you… As a vampire?" She asked excitedly. Kenshin frowned.
"There's something like that? I thought we left that part for Bella and Edward?" he asked, looking at the computer together with Kaoru. Kaoru giggled.
"You're a cameleon, Kenshin. You could be a vampire, a pirate, a chef, a werewolf, a businessman… Oh! This one is my favourite!" Kaoru said while clicking a file. Kenshin read it a little and groaned.
"NOT AGAIN, KAORU!" He screamed helplessly. Kaoru giggled.
"Kenshin, you're a hot bisexual stripper with a tendency of breaking everyone's heart, and Sano, a successful businessman, is hiring you to accompany him during his vacation… it's done very tastefully, Kenshin. We should read this one. Oh, this is the hottest part! 'Sano caressed Kenshin's body with his rough hands, and Kenshin could only surrender in ecstasy…' I love this one! I'm favouriting it!" Kaoru chirped happily while Kenshin looked down, very depressed, thinking about burning his ears after the short description. Kaoru clicked around again and looked at Kenshin. "Nee, Kenshin, can you have amber eyes now? I mean these violet eyes are fine, but I think you look hotter with amber. All amber-eyed Kenshins in the fics are hot." She asked, her eyes were looking at his eyes in anticipation. Kenshin frowned.
"That's only on fics! How can a person changes their eye colour without surgery? That's absurd!" He said. Kaoru snorted.
"That's not true! Fluffybluff-chan said you can do it!" Kaoru protested. Kenshin looked at her.
"Really? She said that?" He asked in disbelief.
"Yeah. Try it!" Kaoru suggested. Kenshin blinked.
"Okay?" He asked. Kaoru shook her head.
"Nope, still the same dumb purple." She said. Kenshin blinked again.
"Now?" Kaoru shook her head. Kenshin blinked again.
"Now?" He asked again. Kaoru grunted.
"This is stupid. Bluff-chan, just like her name, is bluffing. She said she could make you change your eye colour!" She said, disappointed. Kenshin smiled.
"We'll try next time." He consoled her kindly. Kaoru went back to browsing the fanfiction. Halfway through the page, she stopped and looked at Kenshin. Kenshin looked back at her awkwardly. Kaoru sighed and poked him.
"Hey, how come we always have this 'sexual tension' and we are always hopelessly in love with each other in these fics, but not here?" Kaoru asked him. Kenshin smiled.
"It's okay, Kaoru. For us to be together is a everyone's hope… With the exception those KenshinxTomoe or KenshinxSano people… Let them imagine anything they want to imagine, alright? We can have our own lives, where we're a good friends and nothing more." He said, patting Kaoru's shoulder. Kaoru smiled.
"You're right." She nodded, and they both smiled at each other.
THE END.
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…
Or so they thought.
So the said bluffer, Fluffybluff-chan, was not going to stop before seeing some fanservice from both of them. They didn't realize it, of course. But they could feel it in their heart.
Kenshin looked at Kaoru with a little realization. She was wearing her normal shirt and skirt, but everything looked different now. Her ivory skin glowed brightly in that dim room, and her eyes became a little somber, and it looked more captivating that way. Her black hair fell freely on her back. Kenshin lifted up his hand and grazed her small face.
"I'm going to marry Fluffybluff-chan, but for now, I'm gonna do this with you." He said softly. Kaoru raised her eyebrow.
"WHAT?" She asked, a little confused. Kenshin sighed.
"Come on. We all know that she created this fic, and she can make me say anything she likes." He said. Kaoru looked at Kenshin with narrow eyes, but then shrugged.
"Oh alright." She said. Kenshin chuckled.
"But anyways, I love you so much, Kaoru." He said softly.
"You said you wanted me as a friend." She replied.
"Well, It's not our problem. It's Bluff-chan's. Let's just do the thing we have to do now." He said.
"You're right. It's not our problem if she's a bad writer who doesn't know her grammar and can't create a coherent storyline." She said. Kenshin chuckled as he leaned down and kissed Kaoru softly. Kaoru blushed, but shyly returned the kiss. The soft kiss became more and more passionate. Kenshin bit her lower lips softly and thrust his tongue into Kaoru's mouth, and she moaned before responding to the challenge. His hands trailed down, to the side of her body, and suddenly grabbed her closer, making her out of breath.
"Kenshin." She whispered in bliss as he trailed down, planting feverish kisses on her neck and went lower to the collarbone. He unbuttoned Kaoru's shirt, revealing her lacy black bra. Kaoru shivered as she looked at Kenshin. "Finally." She whispered.
"Finally, what?" Kenshin asked.
"It's the long-awaited amber eyes." She purred. Kenshin smirked as he tugged off Kaoru's bra, leaving her bare, only with her skirt. He kissed her breast and licked her nipple, and then stopped. He made an incredulous sound and smirked.
"Hmm… Weird. I don't feel depressed at all. I feel free. And beast-like. And extremely horny. God, you're beautiful, Kaoru." He said with a low voice, before swept her off her feet and threw her on the bed. Kaoru frowned.
"Oh? I thought we were in an office. So how come there's a bed here?" She asked, confused.
"Details, Kaoru. Details." kenshin murmured while trailing hot kisses down on her abdomen. Kaoru sighed heavenly and smiled.
"I think Bluff-chan is going to stop writing now, because she can't really write a smut." He said. Kenshin smiled.
"Well then, we have to go at it ourselves," He said while taking his shirt off. Kaoru groaned at the sight. Her eyes trailed at his toned chest and chiseled abs.
"Oh, much better. Thank you, Bluff-chan, for making Kenshin hotter right before we make love." She whispered quietly, before Kenshin dropped his body onto hers and began to kiss her senselessly.
And yes, the mentioned author, Fluffybluff, can't write smut without making it sound really corny, so she had to stop and leave the happy couple alone.
Well, The end, I guess :)