AN: My friend Zolo and I created this one afternoon. It is in genuine book-a-minute formate ala
Twilight
Bella: I'm the new kid at school. My life sucks but, hey, look, a hot guy!
Edward (aka Hot Guy): Grrr. I'm a vampire.
Bella: Oh! I love you Edward!
Edward: I love you too, Bella, but we can't be together because I want to suck your blood.
Bella: That's ok. I have no personality so my death won't really effect anyone that much.
Edward: I could never do that!
Readers: Kill her off!
James: Grrr!
Victoria: Grrr!
Edward: Grrr! (gives Bella to Alice and Jasper)
Alice and Jasper: Why do we have to get stuck with her?
Bella: Oh, Edward! Save me!
(lots of STUFF happens)
Edward: I now realize just how much I love you!
Bella: I lov- faints for the 23rd time in the last 300 pages
The End
New Moon
Edward: I've finally realized just how annoying you really are Bella, I'm leaving.
Bella: NOOOOOO!!
Charlie: Good riddance!
Jacob: Score!
Bella: Oh, Jacob, you're my personal sun. Excuse me while I use you shamelessly.
Jacob: Oh, no! I can't see you anymore Bella because I'm a werewolf.
Bella: NOOOOO!!
Jacob: I can't stand it. Use me shamelessly.
Bella: I know you'd see it my way.
Victoria: Grrr!
(lots of IRREVELENT and predictable things happen)
Edward: I really do love you! I was lying when I said I hated your very existence. shifty eyes
Bella: Oh Edward! I love you too!
Jacob: What about me?
Bella: I love you too. I just love Edward more. Bye!
The End
Eclipse
Edward: Marry me, Bella!
Bella: What's in it for me? I just want to be a vampire.
Edward: NOOO!!
Jacob: NOOO!!
Bella: I love you Edward.
Edward: Marry me, then.
Bella: I love you Jacob.
Jacob: Ditch Edward, then.
Bella: pouts
(Teenage angst follows for roughly the next 600 pages).
Edward: I love her more.
Jacob: Yeah, right.
Victoria: Grrr.
Bella: Save me!
Edward and Jacob: Yes, ma'am.
Bella: I love you, Jacob.
Jacob: Yay!
Bella: I love you more Edward. Let's get married.
Edward: If you say so...
Jacob: I hate everyone.
The End