pinksnow here! This was a single oneshot before, but now I'll be posting a series of oneshots centered around Yuki.
This one is about Yuki and Tohru. Basically I've observed that the Yukiru relationship in the manga is really going downhill from volume 12.It has become too formal and impersonal. Even though I'm a total Yuchi supporter I truly miss the warm Yukiru interactions like the secret base and stuff. I guess it made me a bit depressed so I decided to write this. Please tell me what you think about this, guys. Read and review!
I would really like your opinions on this matter.
Disclaimer- furuba is not mine….otherwise Yuki would have had great cooking skills!
It belongs to the one and only Takaya-sama.
On with the story.
The rat and the onigiri.
They are really opening up to each other.
I observed it today as I watched an annoyed Kyo, cat ears and all and a hyper Honda-san doing everything in her power to get him to calm down.
I was right all along….those two…they really do…love each other..so unknowingly…and I really am happy for them..so why…
It is true that I have distanced myself from her. It is also true that I ended up losing a lover in the process. I wanted to do things on my own, without burdening her with my
problems..but when did it become… like this?
I still love her very much. And recently things have become much more distant than I would like them to be.
Her eyes do not carry warmth when she looks at me. I don't want her to love me like a boyfriend...that idea…I gave up on it a long time ago…someone like me...so incapable of healing her…no, I don't deserve her that way…
But still… I've seen a lot of things in her eyes…when she looks at me…worry, confusion, distance..even fear sometimes…the affection that I crave is not one of them.
I remember telling her that one day I would tell her everything. I feel that she deserves to know. Back then she said that she would wait…but now…I'm afraid..
Will she listen to me? Does she even want to listen to me?
The time for it will come sooner or later, but what if I'm unable to tell her how I feel? What if she is unable to understand how much I love her?
What if I end up losing her forever?
He (Kyo) will take good care of her….he is taking good care of her, even now.
Sometimes I think I'm not needed here anymore.
When I think about it I was never really needed here in the first place. I mean, I don't have to worry about her anymore….Kyo is there for her….and there are people I should be worried about as well..people like Machi.
Even as a child I often wondered if things would have been better if I was not there. I'm sure a lot of people would have been happier….
Even so… I want Honda-san to confide in me… I want her to know that I'm there for her too…. I want her to realize that I'll do anything for her… all she has to do is ask me. I want to feel free, to call her by her name…. I don't want to feel so damn worthless…
Yuki slammed his diary as the pen shook in his hand. Tears stung at his eyes.
' Am I asking for too much? I don't want her help, I don't want her pity, I don't want her concern…all I want is to be able to reach her… I wish things could go back to how they were before… when we used to study together…when we visited the secret base…when her eyes would become wide with delight at the mention of planting strawberries…. when she used to laugh with me…so freely ..'. He opened his diary and ripped off the freshly written pages and tore them into itty-bitty pieces.
' How long can I go on like this? ' Yuki wondered. ' I hope I have the strength to stay like this a little longer…'
" Dinner is ready! " Tohru's clear voice rung through the house.
" Coming, Honda-san " Yuki answered from his room. He took one last look in the mirror that showed his true reflection, only to himself, an image of a very shaken boy.
' They will never be able to tell anyway ' Yuki inwardly frowned thinking about Kyo and Shigure as he plastered a smile on his slightly flushed face, for a certain onigiri in the house.
He watched her at the dinner table as she bustled around, trying to do everything at once and couldn't help but smile wistfully. He was feeling a little better now, after venting his frustrations on pieces of paper.
' When the time comes… I will make you listen to my voice… I hate giving up…. And I won't give up on you… just yet ' Yuki made up his mind, with renewed determination.
Afterall, the rat and the onigiri deserve a better ending.