Hello. I've had this idea for a while, I just didn't do anything about it until now. This is mainly the story of Dr. Cox's internship, but there will be other characters from the show, including younger versions of Ted, Janitor, Kelso, Carla, and Jordan. There will be some OCs, too. So, I hope you enjoy reading this. It should be a good break from the sheer depressingness of my other story.

Now, on with the story.

Perry's only thoughts as he walked into the hospital were how new everything was, and how professional it all seemed.

Someone wearing purple scrubs suddenly shot out of a stairway in a wheelchair right in front of him, throwing him off-balance. She waved and winked at him as she passed. He waved back tentatively.

A short, balding maintenance worker swung an orange stethoscope over his head like a lasso. Another, much taller one watched with amusement and something like fear on his face.

A man in a suit was arguing with a young, scary-looking woman. "Legally, he can't do that right? What does it matter if some barely-qualified, minimum-wage worker didn't hand me a shiny blue diploma saying I'm allowed to cut people open and give them addictive drugs? I've been a board member for three years!" she was saying.

The man wiped his head with his ugly tie and ran his hand through his dark hair. "Ms. Sullivan, I wouldn't know. You might want to ask a lawyer."

She crossed her arms. "Aren't you the new hospital lawyer?"

"I wouldn't know."

Okay, maybe not so professional.

Lost in thought, he accidentally ran into someone. He was knocked backwards onto the ground. After taking a moment to catch his breath, he looked up to see who he had run into. He was greeted with the face of none other than; he squinted at the nametag hovering a few feet from his nose; Dr. Bob Kelso.

Kelso bent down slightly, as if he was going to help him up. He didn't do that, though. "You must be a new intern," he observed.

"Yeah." Perry scrambled to his feet, slightly embarrassed.

"Then," he said grimly, "Let me be the first say: welcome to hell. Get out while you still can," He gestured towards the hospital's 'lawyer', who was still standing in the same spot, even though the board member he had been talking to had left, looking confused. "Or else you'll end up like him."

"But, Dr. Kelso, I've only worked here for two weeks!" he protested.

"Like I said, Sport, just like him," he told Perry, patting him on the shoulder. He chuckled to himself as he left. "Interns are fun."

Perry wiped at his nose before crossing his arms. What was that guy's problem?

He dropped his arms to his sides and started walking again. He had to get to the intern orientation thingy. He continued on for a while without further incident, but he soon saw the two janitors again, trying to pry open a door with a hammer and a crowbar. "Hey, you," the short, older one said. "Do you know what's wrong with this door?"

Perry turned toward him, arms crossed over his chest. "Maybe your stupid orange stethoscope got so scared of your clown-like looks that it hid in there and locked the door," he replied irritably.

The janitor pointed at him with his crowbar. "How would you know that?" Perry opened his mouth and started to speak, but he cut him off. "If it turns out that's true, you'll be sorry."

Perry shrugged and started walking away, ignoring the upset janitor's shouts. If there was one thing he learned in the past few minutes, it was that everyone here was insane, and should be treated as such.

Once he was out of view, the janitor laughed and turned to his taller companion. "See, that's how it's done. None of this 'excuse me, did you jam this door' crap! Now, where did I put that stethoscope?"

The other janitor silently reached into the pocket of his gray uniform and pulled it out.

"Nifty."

"So," Dr. Benson, who was the Chief of Medicine and by far the sanest person Perry had encountered so far, said, "Welcome to Sacred Heart, everyone. I hope you'll like it here."

Ted came in the door, looking extremely sweaty and nervous. "Am I late?" he asked, wiping his forehead with his tie again.

"It's okay," he told him. Then, to all of the interns, he said, "Ted, our lawyer, is going to talk to you about some legal issues you may encounter while working here, and how to avoid them." He motioned for Ted to walk to the front of the room. When he did, Dr. Benson left.

Ted laughed nervously. "Okay, I guess we can start with lawsuits. You don't want a lawsuit. They are bad. Do not drink alcohol the day before surgery, or on the day of surgery. Don't kill people... their families might sue us. If they don't have families... I guess you can go ahead and kill them, but only if your sure they have no family... or friends... who could sue. Okay, that's it, I guess. You're all free to go." He gave another nervous laugh before running out of the room as fast as he could.

Once he was out in the hallway, he slowed. 'It could be worse, Ted,' he reminded himself, 'At least you still have all of your hair.'

Perry and the other interns came out of the room, chatting amongst themselves.

Dr. Kelso walked up. "Now, everyone," he said. "You all have work, work, and more work to do. So get moving!" He just stared at them for a second. "Go!"

They all scattered, even though they didn't have a clue as to where to go. Perry eventually found himself by the nurses' station. He leaned against the counter and tried to look nonchalant and professional at the same time. If that wasn't work, then what was?

"Get off," a voice behind him said.

"What?" he asked without turning around, still trying to maintain his façade of coolness and professionalism.

"You're on my chart."

Perry quickly lifted his elbow from the chart and turned around. "Oh, uh, Dr..." 'Think, Think...' "Dr. Benson."

"Didn't Kelso give you work to do? I told him to... Never mind. I'd be surprised if Bob ever listened to anything I said," he chuckled, handing Perry the chart he was so desperate to get just moments before. "You can just take this patient."

"Okay." He took a few nervous steps back. Dr. Benson smiled encouragingly, and Perry opened the chart, took note of the room number, and turned around, wishing he was as confident as he was pretending.

He walked slowly, wondering who his first patient would be. It did not occur to him that that information was only a chart away.

When he got to the room, the janitors on either side, standing like guards and waving the orange stethoscope for him to see, did not help his confidence at all. He chose to ignore them, and placed his hand on the doorknob.

It was time to see his first patient.

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