"Where You Belong" by: Setsuna-X
Summary: After everything that Kang did, Steve is not sure about his continued existence. He appreciates everything the other Avengers had done to protect him, but ultimately it's his choice if he lives or dies. If anything, he should have died once he plunged into the ice. Can Tony, resident futurist and friend, help Steve find a will to live once doubt takes place?
Pairing: Pre-slash Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Stony, Superhusbands
Fandom: Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes
Notes: Spoilers for Season One, up to episode 19 The Kang Dynasty
Warning: Suicidal thoughts, possible attempted suicide
After the fight with Kang and saving Earth once again, the Avengers let out a sigh of relief. It was a hard battle that required everyone's top game. It was one thing fighting the Masters of Evil, or even the other escaped super villains, but it was a whole other thing to fight a being that came from the future and with technology and weapons that even Tony, as a futurist, could not imagine.
Kang was tough – he was tougher than any villains they had fought before. The problem with Kang was that he had all this tech and his shielding and he could also pass through the time stream. It took their all to take him down and even then it was a near thing, especially with Thor out of commission at the home stretch. If Hank hadn't reprogrammed the Ultron robots, they wouldn't have had a chance.
But now Kang was imprisoned in the negative zone jail/rehabilitation center known as "42", yet he still stuck with the same song and dance.
"You've destroyed everything," intoned Kang from his prison cell.
"Is that so?" quipped Iron Man, not really caring about what Kang had to say.
"Oh yes. I know, because I've seen what Captain America's actions have wrought. His betrayal is just the beginning. The worst is yet to come," said Kang with an air of finality.
Tony and Steve just looked at the prisoner, different thoughts running through their heads. Something must have shown on Steve's face because Tony turned to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Come on, let's get out of here. I'm sure we really earned our R&R this time around."
Steve let Tony lead him out of the negative zone. The quinjet was prepped and waiting to take them back to Avengers Mansion. Jan, Thor and Jane were still in the hospital, but the rest of the Avengers should have made it to the Mansion already.
On the flight over Steve couldn't shake the feeling that Kang was right. After their first time meeting Kang had hinted that it was an action, and possibly an involuntary action, that would cause the end of the reality in the 41st century, along with Kang's Empire. Steve wasn't so sure he belonged here in this new time, without Bucky or the rest of the Howling Commandos.
He stayed quiet as Tony flew the jet to his new home. It was odd, not really having his own home to return to. He knew that the most of the other Avengers relocated and now called the Mansion their home as well, but they still had options to move away if they wanted, and Steve didn't. He was completely and irrevocably reliant on the goodness of Tony Stark.
Steve stole a glance at Tony. He was still wearing the Iron Man armor, but the face plate was up. Steve could see that Tony's mind was elsewhere, possibly on what Kang said. Steve wondered if he had to sleep with an eye open in case Tony found him to be a threat.
They haven't been a team for long and aside from the battles they always seem to be fighting they haven't had much time to get to know one another. Although Steve and Tony usually had breakfast together they hadn't delved deeper in conversation than the weather or how food tasted better in this century.
Steve wasn't sure what to think of it all. And that was probably the crux of the matter. He had too much time to think. His room was exceptional, but there wasn't much to do in it. When he wasn't in the training room he was in his bedroom, the door closed and the lights off with his head in his hands.
He missed Bucky, he missed the Howling Commandos, and he missed his own time. There was no way to justify to himself that he had survived while everyone else died. Just because he as a super soldier, because he was Captain America, it didn't mean that he was better than anyone else. Sometimes he wished that he was never found. If he hadn't died, he could have at least stayed frozen for the rest of time.
But thoughts like that were usually short lived, and mostly after he had a trying day adjusting to the new century. Tony and the rest of the Avengers helped keep his mind away from such dark thoughts, but the thoughts were always there, floating in his subconscious.
Once back at the Mansion Steve and Tony went their separate ways. Tony gave Steve a hard look, almost as if he could read his thoughts on the flight over, but didn't say anything aside from "get some rest".
Steve heeded his advice and headed to the kitchen first. It took a while to get adjusted to a modern kitchen. Everything was shiny and electronic and had too many buttons. Despite that Steve could certainly get used to all the new and fresh food he could eat. Since it was Tony who funded everything and had a penchant desire to be the best, they were never out of food – it was as if the fridge replenished itself.
Once done making a sandwich and grabbing a water bottle, Steve wandered over to his room. He was surprised he didn't run into anyone, but figured Jan was still at the hospital with Thor and Dr. Pym was in his lab.
His room was exactly as he left it. No matter the destruction outside in the city, his room seemed to have survived. Steve wasn't sure if he would have preferred some damage – it would at least give him something to do. He turned on the lamp on his bedside table and placed his water bottle next to it. Steve tried to eat his sandwich but Kang's words would not leave his head. He set aside his plate and flopped down onto the mattress, his hands making their way to his face and his fingers tangling in his blond hair.
'What if everything Kang said is true?' Steve thought to himself. 'I shouldn't be here. Aside from the team I don't know anyone; I don't have a job or income, and everyone I once knew is dead.'
Steve's fingers pulled on his hair in frustration. He needed to move, to do something instead of lying down and wallowing in his thoughts.
He stripped down and placed his uniform on a nearby chair as he made his way to the attached bathroom. This was yet another thing he had to get used to. Back in the day you had to wake up early to get any hot water, or at the barracks during the war he was used to a communal shower that lasted 5 minutes. Now, he had hot water instantly, no matter what time of day and he could run the water as long as he liked. It was a perk that he genuinely allowed himself to enjoy.
He let the hot water soak up in his hair, it traveled over his shoulders and he could feel some of the tension wash away. Ever since 'The Ice' Steve cherishes the warm water. Anywhere too cold brings back unwanted memories he'd sooner forget.
But Kang seemed to have struck something within Steve that he hadn't known was there.
Did he truly not belong here?
The Avengers didn't really need him. They seemed to be able to handle things pretty well on their own before he joined the team. With the recent addition of Hawkeye, the team looked to be in much better shape. Hawkeye may not be a super soldier, but he sure did have the skills of one. Captain America didn't seem to be necessary. Any other superhero would be able to fill his place on the team.
Steve had thought about running away before. Leaving and forgetting he was ever Steven Rogers and forge a new identity for himself. He couldn't justify doing it though. Erskine had turned skinny, sickly Steve into a formidable hero and it felt that he would be dishonoring the scientists' death if he ran away from 'Captain America'. He could also hear Bucky's thoughts, 'the war is over Steve. Go out and have some fun. Get a dame or two and see the world!'
Steve let a small smile grace his face. Memories of Bucky were always left him melancholy.
Finishing up his shower, Steve grabbed a towel from the nearby rack and dried himself off. The shower helped him feel like himself again, but he knew that with time all those thoughts that Kang uncovered would come to the surface once more.
TBC - 08/19/2014