1/17/15: **Edited.
Hanna's Pov
She's running late for our date again. It's been like this ever since Alison came back from a year of her disappearance. She explains me that swimming has took most of her time. If that was really true, why did your mom tell me you were with Alison again, when I came by to drop off a rose in your bed, so you can come home with a smile?
I start to rub my arms to give myself warmth as I sat outside waiting for her at the restaurant's best table. Getting this table wasn't cheap. My phone text tone beeps and I had just received a text from her. "I can't make it tonight, sorry baby." The words stung me. I had been waiting here for an hour.
A big huff of air escaped my mouth of disappointment. All I could think of is the same thing over and over again. She's probably with her again. She'll never love me the way she loved her. She's with her again. I open the car door and slammed it shut as hot tears started streaming down from my collarbone to my jaw. My hands furiously wiped them away.
When I got home, I didn't even step out of the door. Instead, I sat there staring at the reflection in the mirror. The makeup I spent so much time working on was smudged. My hands grip onto the steering wheel as I look down and see this dress I had on. This beautiful black dress with a flower design, was just another outfit I put on with hopes up that she would actually show up.
Hesitating to open the door and get up and out my car, I take another deep breath. My left foot comes out and steps on the floor first, and then so on. With every step I took to my door, I started to feel those damn hot tears running down my face again.
She had always made me feel so whole and she made me a better person, but now staring at another reflection in the mirror in my bathroom, I feel so lost. I look so wrecked. Maybe tomorrow or our next date, things would be different and she'll notice that I'm hurting.
Who am I kidding? She doesn't love me anymore.
A few more seconds pass and I just walk inside my room, letting the pain take over me. Tears kept coming down my eyes like it was rain, but this time I let it be. This time, I didn't take my sleeve from my jacket and wipe the tears away.
I just curl my hand into a fist.
The next day, I decided to stay home from school. Usually when I decide to do that she would text me during her class to see how I was doing. She would go off campus during lunch to see me and she would come over at night telling me how much she loved me with 'Baby' at the end.
However, that has changed. It's almost midnight and she hasn't showed up.
I love her so much. She's the best thing that had ever happened to me. I never felt so whole before I was with her. That's why it hurts me so much- there's a knock at the door that interrupted my thoughts. Another knock..
The door opens slowly, so I close my eyes and pretend I'm asleep. There's footsteps. They come closer and closer. Then I feel the weight of someone on my bed. Their hand rests on top mine. I open my eyes slowly and see her.
Suddenly the hurtful feeling in me went away. All the over thinking and her being with someone else while she's with me, seemed like all a crazy thought. Being without her scares me. I instantly sat up and wrapped my arms around her. I close my eyes tightly and feel safe again as her arms hug me back. "I love you. I love you so much, Emily Fields," I said.
How can she do that? Does she control my feelings so much that without her I feel insecure and scared but then with her, I feel on top of the world?
"I love you too, baby," She said. There's something different. I know there is. I just feel.. I don't know. It sounded hesitant. She said baby so differently and it makes me feel.. It's makes me feel like I'm not the only one she calls that.
Her arms were wrapped around me for the whole night. It was the best feeling in the world, until I woke up and didn't see her beside me.
At school, she'd always walk me to class. Now, she would volunteer if Ali needs help going anywhere. During lunch, I finally had her alone. I asked her if she still had feelings for her. She hesitates, but she tells me no. She tells me that she was already with someone special. Me. All I did was give her a small forced smile. She presses her lips against mine, but only for half a second before the bell rings.
After school, I went over Spencer's house for homework. I couldn't focus at all, because she was still in my head. She hesitated. She lied. I know it. Spencer gets up to use to the bathroom and during the mean time, I just walk around her room.
Her window had a view of Ali's house. I move the curtain out of the way, and I see Emily. She's in Alison's room and she's moving closer to Alison. They are talking before she presses her lips against Alison's neck for the longest.
My knees shake and go weak and my jaw drops. My eyes are widen and my heart beats fast. I started to feel tears coming down my face.
Spencer walks back in and asks what was wrong. I ignored her and grabbed my things, before I headed out the door and left.
One shot.
Two shots.
Three shots.
How much more until I can drown?
I came to school drunk. She got angry at me because she hates when I drink. Only if she knew what I knew. She takes me by the arm and we walk to my car. She takes my car keys out of my bag, opens the door for me and lightly sets me in. She closes the door and I rest my head against the window. She sits in the drivers seat and asks me 'why' several times. Why I'm drunk. Why I'm doing this to myself.
Emily. You're the reason why.
I stay quiet.
My eyes open and I look at the time. 10:38am. I overslept because I was drinking again. I hardly made effort to get out the door because, what's the point of me rushing myself to school? It doesn't matter to me anymore. Nothing matters to me anymore.
I walk in class and each step I take, the more my head throbs more and more. I look around. No one's in here, but Spencer and her. They both furrow their eyebrows at me. They ask me why I'm late. They ask me why I'm drinking. My eyes find hers. She's looking back at me, but I see through her. I walk away from both of them, ignoring their questions.
I want to go home. I hate it here.
I feel someone grab my arm. I turn around and tug my arm away. There's a confused expression on her face. "Have you lost your mind?" The words shot out of her mouth like it was venom. Only if you knew what I knew.
I keep walking away from her.
It's like she's calling me crazy, but every time I look at her now, every time she calls me baby, I know. I know I'm not the only one.
Two days passed by and we haven't spoke ever since that moment we had when she yelled at me. I want to be better. I came to her house, unexpectedly. Making my way up to her room has never made me feel so nervous before.
I'm mostly here because I want to talk things out with Emily. I want to continue our relationship if the truth be told. I always thought in my head that, opening closed doors which you aren't invited into, can lead to so many things.
My hand is on the knob. I gulp. Now or never. I twist the door knob and found her and Alison. Together. Lips locked. They both jump and turn to face me.
Again. I feel the pain again, but this time it feels worse.
My hand flies to my mouth. I want to scream. I want to say something, but nothing comes out because if the throbbing pain in my neck.
I storm out her room. Then I get out the front door of her house. She chases behind me. "Hanna!" She calls for my name. She said she can explain, but what was there to explain? I get my car and drive away as far as possible.
I loved her. No, I love her. I love her so much that every part in my body wants to break down. But I can't break down, now that I know. I know that, I'm not the only one.
I'm not the only one she was with.
And it kills me.
I always saw things like this was Alison came back to the show. I felt like I had to write this. Write Hanna's pain. Hope you liked this one shot. If you want this to be continued, say so in a review.
Song inspiration; I'm Not The Only One by Sam Smith. It's a really good song and you guys should check it out.