...Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was dying since the day they were born...
It's odd. I find myself surprised by the very fact that I'm already surprised. Does that make sense? Probably not. I guess I should explain…
You left today.
You didn't say goodbye. You didn't tell me where you were going, or if you were coming back. And I really don't know if you will…
I try to tell myself that you will. You have unfinished business here on Earth. If not with me, then with Goku. With the androids you've vowed to destroy. Maybe even… with your son. You'll be back. Eventually.
You know… I did a lot of thinking when I offered you a place to stay for the next three years. I thought about why I did it, when I knew you'd be fine living in the wilderness or the mountains. It's what Goku did when he was a boy, and Gohan was left in the wild to train as well. I knew you could take care of yourself.
But… I kind of didn't want you to have to.
It just seemed so wrong. Maybe you're intentions weren't always admirable. They weren't pure, because, let's face it, you're not. You're evil. You're a killer, a murderer… and I don't want to imagine anything else you might have done. But you were under Freeza's rule at the time.
But you're still a Saiyan. You would have been the same cold, ruthless killing machine even if you hadn't been taken as a hostage, a slave.
That didn't stop me seeing through you though. I think that's why you were always so hard on the outside. You put up those walls everyday for the time you spent here. I wonder sometimes, if it was the same when I saw you on Namek. When you killed and threatened my friends. Was all of that an act? Or did you enjoy it?
Part of me knows you did. But the other part doesn't seem to care.
You see, we're the same, me and you. Oh yes, you'd deny it. How could the Saiyan Prince be the same as a lowly earthling woman who can't even open a stuck jar of pickles? But we are. Because… we're both lonely.
That's why I asked you stay, I think. It never felt right, you were always on the outside, just out of everybody's reach. I suppose I wanted to show you that not everybody was like that. Some people would reach out to you, no matter how many times you slapped them away. I was determined to be that person.
"You can't go around on your own forever. The loneliness will kill you, if nothing else."
You hated it when I told you that. Probably because you already knew.
But it's how I felt too, have always felt. Since I was a little girl. I was always different. Too smart. Too loudmouthed. Too opinionated. The other kids avoided me. The ones I did make friends with were only interested because I was rich. I had to buy people's affection. I felt so pitiable. I thought I'd never be good enough for anyone. Not real friends. Not a real boyfriend, so I set out to find the dragonballs and wish for one instead. Then 'poof', problem solved. Bulma Briefs. Scientist, millionaire, lover…
Loved.
It's pathetic isn't it. Wishing for what you don't have. You wanted power, you wanted to feel strong again. But it was snatched away from you at every turn.
I can understand how frustrating that must be.
Even when I found Yamcha… I was still alone. I thought he'd solve all my problems, you know? I'd be… I don't know. Whole? Complete? This was what I was supposed to want, supposed to have. Just like you were supposed to have the power of the Super Saiyan. Just like you were supposed to avenge your people, and yourself, for all your suffering.
But it runs deeper then that, doesn't it. You killed your own kind. You killed Nappa, you didn't care about Goku's brother when he died. I think you lost yourself in your anger, in your need for revenge and power. I think it all bled together, and you forgot your way. The only light you could see, the only way out was to reach Super Saiyan and prove that you were the one with the power.
But that didn't stop the loneliness, did it.
I could feel it in you, in the way you touched me, like you weren't sure I was even there with you. Have you ever had someone willingly touch you like that? Like I did? I didn't recoil, I didn't quiver in fear. I saw you. And I didn't use what I saw to mock or control you.
I bet you got confused.
I bet… that's why you left. You must be confused.
Because it's not just about power anymore, is it. It's about what you're going to do afterwards, after you reach your goal.
What will you have to show for it Vegeta?
Another crumbled planet. Another Saiyan child left behind. Your child.
It stung when you were left with Freeza, at his mercy, forced to fight and kill. I don't know much about Saiyans, but I know how Gohan looks to his father. I see the admiration in his eyes. Did you feel like that about you're father? Did you love him? Did you feel betrayed when you were left behind?
What do you feel now you're the one doing the leaving? Trunks is barely a month old. You've never held him. You weren't there for the birth. But you stayed… for a while. You could have left when I told you I was pregnant, but you didn't. I don't believe you felt nothing. I don't know if you love me, or your son. I could readily believe you're not capable of that any more. After all, how can a person love another when they've never been loved themselves.
... but I loved, love, you. I do. Even when it hurts, even when it confuses me. Even when I don't want to, I still love you.
So what do you say to that, Vegeta?
… Vegeta…
Disclaimer: I own no rights to Dragonballz nor the lyrics (Lisa Loeb - Stay)