A/N: An old fic I thought I'd drag back from the grave and post here. Part of a series with my muy buena amiga. The language was edited but that's about it. Basically this is about as old as my Donatello's Invention fic ^.^u I hope it still makes you laugh as intended.
Raphael first thought up the idea, though he would never admit it. He would rather blame it on Leonardo. It turned out to be the worst three days of their life and it all began on such a normal day.
The four turtles were busy training (or at least most of them) when Raph claimed he had enough.
"I'm tired of trainin'! Why can't we take a break some time?" Raph said, "Just a little vacation?"
"That's a good idea," Leo said, thoughtfully, "We can go on a road trip."
"A road trip?" Michelangelo said as he turned towards them from where he was 'stealthily' reading a comic book. "That sounds rockin'! We can see the sights and do whatever we want!"
"We can go to interesting places too!" Donatello said, "I've always wanted to see the Grand Canyon…"
"Who would be drivin'?" Raph said, "'Cuz I'm not…"
Leo ignored him and turned towards Master Splinter, "How about it, Sensei?"
"I think this will be a great learning opportunity for you…" He said, "I agree."
His sons smiled as they thought of what they will do.
Four days later, they arrived in Las Vegas, Nevada.
"Now we can gamble!" Raph said, full of excitement.
"Sorry Raph," Donny said, "First, we have no money and second, we're not 21 yet."
"Great! There goes my fun!" Raph said.
"Keep driving," Leo said, "Before the temptation gets too hard for him to resist."
"Already doing that."
Soon they had left civilization as Mikey so wisely put it and things went from bad to worse in seconds. The battle shell's engine stuttered and died. Donny quickly jumped out and opened the hood. His brothers followed him out.
"What's goin' on?" Mikey asked.
"The engine's dead." Donny said as he slammed it shut again. "I knew I should've checked it before we left."
"Are you sayin' we are stuck here in the middle a' nowhere?" Raph said. "In tha fuckin' desert?" He added as he looked around. A tumbleweed bumped into him and he kicked it away.
"I'm hot! I need water!" Mikey said.
"Well then get back in the van," Donny said as he rolled his eyes, "It's cooler in there."
"Can you fix it?" Leo asked Donny.
"If I had the tools…" Donny said.
"Great!" Raph said from the other side of the van. Donny and Leo walked over to him and asked what was wrong. "No signal!" He said, holding up his shell cell as another tumbleweed ran into him, "And this stupid tumbleweed won't leave me alone!" He said as he kicked it… and it bumped into him again as if to prove his point.
"It seems to like you, Raph," Leo said, trying hard not to laugh, but failing. Raph took out his sais and sliced the tumbleweed to bits in anger only to have the cut bits fly into his face. Leo burst out laughing.
"Ya think it's so funny, do ya?" Raph said, glaring at Leo as he removed the bits of tumbleweed from his face. Leo only laughed harder.
A few hours later, Donny began pulling out all the food from inside the van.
"Whatcha doin'?" Raph asked him.
"If we're goin' to be here fer a few days, we will need to use the food we have sparingly." He said, "I'm rationing the food we have so it can last."
"Are we going ta starve ta death?" Mikey said.
"No, Mikey," Donny said, warily.
"We are, aren't we?" He said, "We going to starve and we will have ta resort to cannibalism!"
"I'm surprised ya know that word…" Raph said.
"I heard it on television."
"Shoulda known…" Raph said.
"Leo, can you be in charge of the food?" Donny asked. "I have to find a way to get the shell cells working."
"I got it covered." Leo said.
Day 2:
The next day, the heat made them uncomfortable. Machinery and wires surrounded Donny as he fiddled with his shell cell. Leo was meditating by the van.
"Is that pizza?" Mikey asked as he pointed away from them.
"In the middle of the desert?" Raph said, "It can't be."
"It's over there." Mikey said, "Ya got to see it!"
"I don't see nuthin', Mikey." Raph said.
"It's probably a mirage." Donny said from where he was sitting.
"A mirage?" Mikey asked.
"A mirage! A trick of the light and the heat. Common to see in the desert." He explained.
"I'm positive that's a giant pizza, though!" Mikey said.
"Well, why don'tcha go and find out," Raph said, "If it'll make ya stop talkin' fer five minutes at least!"
"Pizza, here I come!" Mikey said as he ran off.
"Finally some peace and quiet." Raph said. He sat down, but after an hour of doing nothing, he stood back up, "Great! Now I'm bored!" He said, "I wish there were some ninjas or some punks I could fight right now!"
"You would," Donny said, "Now could ya find something to do so I can concentrate?"
"Hey, wait!" Raph said as he walked away from them, "If that isn't one of those punks right ova there!"
"Another mirage…" Donny said after he glanced up at where Raph was going. He looked back down five minutes before Raph screamed out in pain as he kicked a cactus. He started cursing as he limped back over to Donny.
"Couldja keep it down?" Leo called from the other side of the van. "I can't concentrate!"
"Ya think it's hard now what till afta I shove a cactus up yer ass!" Raph began as he pulled cactus needles out of his foot.
"Don't start fighting now!" Donny said in annoyance, "I'll never get this done and we'll be trapped here forever if ya start with this again!"
"Bad news dudes," Mikey said solemnly as he walked over and sat down, "That wasn't a pizza."
"Like we eva thought it was…" Raph said.
"Hey!" Leo said as he began pulling out all the food, "Where'd all the chocolate go?"
"I'll give ya one guess…" Raph said as he looked over at Mikey hiding in the distance.
"Mikey again?" Leo asked. "Will you get him for me?"
"Mikey!" Raph said as he walked over to him. Mikey turned around and quickly stood.
"What?" He asked innocently.
"Ya stole all the chocolate didn't you and don't lie."
"I don't know whatcha talking about…"
"Yeah, that's why you have chocolate all ova yer face, Mikey…"
"What?" Mikey wiped his mouth and saw that he did indeed have chocolate all over his face. He smiled guiltily and said, "Hehe, guess I'm busted…" Then he turned and ran as Raph chased him.
"Give me the rest of that chocolate!" Raph yelled.
"Ya gotta catch me first!" Mikey yelled back as he held the package over his head.
Donny smiled as he finally got a single on the shell cell and he contacted April, giving her their coordinates. The connection was kind of fuzzy, but he did get the message through. How long will it take her to get here…?
Day 3:
"Good morning, Giant Pizza God in the Sky!" Mikey said somewhat randomly. All three of his brothers turned to look at him.
"Mikey…?" Raph asked slowly.
"I think the heat has finally gotten to him…" Donny said as he shook his head and continued tinkering with something in his hand.
"I thought you contacted April already…" Leo asked Donny.
"Yeah I did, but I decided I had time to work on something else while we're here." He answered. Leo went back to mediating after that.
"I'm still hungry!" Mikey said, "Please, Giant Pizza God in the Sky, give me something ta eat!"
"That's it," Leo said, "I can't concentrate anymore." He stood and leaned against the van. He looked inside it and his eyes widened. "Ah, Don?" He said.
"Yeah?" Donny asked.
"There's a fire in the van…"
"What?" Donny ran over and looked inside. "Terrific!" He said, "I think it's gonna blow!" Donny and Leo ran just in time as the van blew up behind them. Donny looked back and ran back over. "Can this day get any worse?" He said just as what he had been tinkering with blew up also.
"Maybe ya shouldn't a' said that," Raph said.
"Now what am I gonna do?" Donny complained, "I'm stuck doing nothing until April gets here! This just isn't my day!"
"Could someone help me?" Leo called from where he was slowly sinking in quicksand. "I'm sinking!"
"What am I gonna do?" Donny said, not hearing Leo.
"Give me food, Giant Pizza God in the Sky," Mikey said, oblivious of everything around him.
"Why is there nu'in' ta do?" Raph said.
"Guys! Help me!" Leo shouted. Raph turned to him then and ran towards him. "Well it's about time!"
"Well ya coulda said sum'thin' earlier!" He said.
"I did!" Leo said. Raph held out his hand and pulled Leo to safety. "Thanks," He said.
"No prob'em." He said. "Now if there were sum'thin' ta fight 'round 'ere…"
"Can you think of something else to do other then fighting?" Leo said, "Hearing you talk about it is getting really annoying."
"Do ya want me ta throw ya back in tha quicksand, Leo?" Raph said.
"I'm just saying-" But before he could finish, Raph started chasing him. "Are you crazy?" Leo asked as he ran.
"Get back 'ere!" Raph said.
"The Giant Pizza God in the Sky has chosen." Mikey said, "Food has made itself available." He pointed towards the still running Leonardo. "Stop, my dinner!" Mikey said and began chasing him too.
"What's wrong with you, Mikey?" Leo said, now running from two people. "Don! Help me!"
"My van's destroyed!" Donny mumbled frantically, "My equipment's destroyed! What am I gonna do…"
"Don, snap out of it!" Leo yelled as the sound of a helicopter drew near. Leo stopped to look towards the sound and almost got sandwiched between Raph and Mikey. As soon as the helicopter touched the ground, Leo ran inside. "Help!" He screamed.
"What's goin' on?" April asked from the cockpit.
"My brothers are trying to kill me!" Leo said just as Donny leaned against the helicopter almost lovingly mumbling, "Technology," and Mikey and Raph ran in to the helicopter after Leo.
"Guys! Snap out of it!" April said.
"Can I drive?" Donny asked as he sat down next to April.
"Yeah, go ahead," April said. Then she turned back towards Raph and Mikey. "You two stop trying to kill Leo."
"But the Great- is that pizza?" Mikey asked as he got a whiff from the box next to April.
"Yeah," April said, "I thought you guys might be hungry." She opened the box and Mikey immediately grabbed three slices. She past the rest of it around and the end of their road trip finally ended.
A/N: Be nice as this IS old. Leave reviews. Please O.O