AN: Everything is pretty self-explanatory… Takes place in season 4. Here you go Jasmine, this one's for you! Hope it does justice.
If You Only Knew
Lucas stirred around in his bed, muting his phone yet again. 23 times, she had called. He was beginning to wonder if she really was as crazy, as people said she was. The fight was mostly his fault, he knew what he was doing was bothering her, but he could not allow himself to open up to this girl that poured her heart and soul out to him before. Unsure of what his real problem was, he continued to go through the motions of a relationship ultimately burying himself further into misery. He was depressed there was no other explanation. Why hadn't he called her back? It must be semi-important for her to frequently call the way she had been. What was wrong with him? He loved her! Peyton was everything to him. They were so much alike it was scary, she was his soul mate he knew that. It had always been her. This on-going war of emotional distress running around his mind like a wild fire, spreading throughout his entire body. The phone on his table rang again, and now all he felt was complete rage. "24 times! Are you really that dumb Peyton?" He screamed into the phone. She had expected him to be angry, but yelling at her like this was not him. She paused for what seemed like eternity, to the hostile man on the other end of the line. "Don't call again!" He yelled to the emptiness occupying the phone. Catching her breath, pain evident in her voice. "Lucas wait." She said so softly he could hardly hear it, though the pounding in his ears was loud enough to make every word seem mute. They both continued in silence for a few moments. "It's Bro..o-k-e.." She barely stuttered out. The phone dropped to the ground, his hands shaking uncontrollably, he stopped breathing, thinking, he could not even move. His legs soon buckled, finding himself on the floor. "Are you ok?" A voice suddenly ripping him from the immobilization he was currently in. Reaching over he grabbed his phone. "Where is she?" His voice completely broken. "At the hospital, they are saying….." Before she could get out the entire sentence, her phone rang a busy signal.
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He drove in a daze, knowing he just needed to be there. Arriving at the hospital in 3 minutes, he ran to the front desk. "I'm looking for Brooke Davis." He forced, out of breath and shaking. Barely able to stand up, he placed one arm on the counter still trying to catch his breath. He hardly noticed an arm wrap around him. "Luke." The only thing she could say, hugging him for dear life. Turning his head, finally acknowledging the girl he considered his best friend. "Haley, how is she?" His eyes were completely glossed over, looking scared, lost, and heartbroken. "We don't know anything yet." She replied. Looking at him brought more tears to her eyes. "We've been trying to call you for hours."
"No, Peyton tried calling me for hours!" He said through gritted teeth.
"I'm just glad you're here. Why don't you come over, we have a private waiting room, for family and friends." Hoping to calm him down. He simply nodded dropping his head. They made their way over to the room. Lucas did not acknowledge anyone as they entered the room, instead taking a seat at a table in the corner. Haley stood there for a few minutes trying to figure out how he had gotten this way. Something was terribly wrong, she could almost pinpoint the exact day that he stopped being her Lucas. It was the day of the awards banquet, Nathan had accepted his MVP trophy, and Whitey had given a speech. She saw no significance in that particular day, but that is when everything changed. She now made her way over to her husband, and sat down quietly. Nathan's eyes looked worried; she could read him like a book. Giving him a simple look, grabbing his hand and placing it in hers, they sat there in silence.
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A doctor soon entered the room after another two hours of waiting. "Mr. and Mrs. Davis?" He spoke clearly. All eyes darting around the room, the silence seeming to echo throughout the walls. "They're not here, and I'm sure they won't be coming at least for a few days." Lucas spoke first. "Ok, any other immediate family member's present?" The doctor asked looking around the room. "Well…. I'm her husband." Causing the other guest's to look at him confusion written in all there expressions. "I think its best we speak alone." The doctor motioned them outside the room, shutting the door behind him. Lucas looked back at the doctor horrified. "Brooke's been in accident. One of her legs is broken, along with several ribs. She also has bruising and gashes along her face. There is severe swelling along her midsection, caused by seatbelt impact. We made a small incision in her stomach, to release any built up pressure. Overall, I have no reason to believe she will not make a full recovery. She's really lucky, it could have been a lot worse."
Lucas stood there; jaw wide open processing the information the doctor just gave him. Running a hand along the back of his neck, letting the severity of the situation hit him head on. "But, she's going to be ok?" He had to ask again.
"Yes, she's going to need plenty of rest. A week or two in our care and she should be ready to go home." "Thank you doctor. Can I see her?"
"Yes, only one person at a time to start with. She may not be awake, and you have to allow her to rest. Follow me.""Thanks."
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Opening the door, he felt his entire body shake, unsure of he was going to go through with just seeing her again, let alone seeing her like this. Talking to her, would be impossible. Luckily, she made it easy for him, as she was asleep. Walking over to the bed quietly he just watched her for a moment. Even with a cuts and bruises covering her face, she still looked like an angel. He stood there just taking in the feeling of being around her again. All the rage seemed to evaporate as he looked down at her. With a shaky hand, he pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear softly. She stirred a bit, causing him to step back not wanting to scare her. Her eyes fluttered, finally opening, her hazel eyes brightening up the entire room. "Hey pretty girl." He said calmly. "Lucas? What are you doing here?" the sleep in her voice apparent, making it raspier than ever. "I'm here for you, why else?" Looking at her with eyes that bore straight into her soul. Her cheeks became instantly flushed; trying to hide it, she turned her head. "Thanks." She muttered out.
"Do you mind if I just hang out here?" Lucas asked hopefully.
"Well if you want to." Turning her head back around to look at him. "Shouldn't you be getting back to Peyton soon though?" She could never just leave it alone, always having to push the subject. Sometimes she did it out of insecurity, other times just to get a feel for where he was. The smile that he was wearing instantly fell. He could never understand what she was so worried about, his feelings towards Peyton were completely different for the ones he felt he would always have for her. He would never admit that he was broken without her. He continued putting on that face that he thought everyone else wanted to see. Dismissing any thought of Peyton now, before he became angry again. "No, I am here for you." He said again trying to reassure her, that this was in fact what he wanted, and nothing else.
She looked at him again, reading his eyes that she could never really figure out. Which was a lie, she constantly lied to herself it was something that she couldn't help. She could read everything about him, with just a look. She always pleaded that he would express himself in words. That was all she ever asked, knowing the answer's already; just wanting them spoken. "Ok." She whispered to him, allowing sleep to take over her body, closing her eyes.
Deciding it was probably time to let the rest of his friends know what was going on, he made his way out the door, back to the waiting room. As soon as he entered, they all stood up and walked towards him. He told them what was happening, as they stood there silent. He explained about the accident, and her injuries. "She needs rest though, you guys should go home, come back tomorrow."
"Can we see her?" Haley asked.
"She's going to be fine, she is sleeping and the doctor said its best everyone goes home for the night, you can see her tomorrow." He lied.
"Ok, call us if there are any changes." Nathan said, wrapping an arm around his brother.
"I will." He said with a nod, as they made their way to the door. "Where's Peyton?" He asked before the exited.
"She left right after you got here. Don't you remember?" Haley's confusing causing her eyebrows to come together. "Oh, yeah." He lied again. "Could you call her, and let her know?"
"Uh, sure Luke." She shook her head. "Do you want me to tell her that you're Brooke's husband too?"
Before he could reply, she was out the door. Lucas stood there slightly embarrassed, he hadn't thought about any consequences to his actions from earlier. He was on a mission, and he did what he had to do. That was the way he seen it at least. He was starting to figure everything out; he just needed to put everything to words now. Seeing her made everything clear. Call it a moment of 'clarity'. He'd always known. This had nothing to do with soul mates; nothing could ever change the way he felt. If you only knew. That's it! Perfect. He grabbed a piece of paper and started scribbling down viciously. He put the pen down, and folded the paper. Finishing up, he made his way back towards Brooke's room. She was still sleeping. He walked over to her bed, just watching her sleep for a few minutes. Wrapping her blankets around her tight, he kissed her on the forehead, setting the note down on the table next to her bed. Getting to the door, he looked back at her again, hoping everything would turn out right. He opened the door, walking out slowly.
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Brooke,
I've never been able to put anything into words for you. Sure, I wrote letters, hell I plan to write professionally. I've always had a problem expressing my feelings, and I know that I hurt you the most. I can't continue to put my feeling aside, unsure of exactly how you feel. I want you to know that you are the one Brooke! Flashbacks pop in and out of my head every single day. Date night… I was out with Rachel at the river court; she was trying to convince me that you were not the one for me, that nobody finds the one in high school… She blindfolded me and asked me to call upon the gods, destiny, and make the shot. If I made it then I'd know… You we're the one. You can probably guess from that long speech, that I made the shot. I will never forget that day; because that's the day, I realized it too. No one on this earth comes close to you; I've never regretted a day more than the day I let you go. You are my everything, that will never change. I love you and always will. My embarrassing speeches that only you and I have shared are still true. EVERY WORD, this one included. There is nothing that I want more. If these words are still not explaining everything, maybe these lyrics will help.
If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The wave is thin for you
If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating heart
Before I lose you
I still hold on to letters
You returned
I swear I lived and learned
Its 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me
I toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight
Bring me back to life
Breath your breath in me The only thing I still believe in is you
If you only knew
If you only knew
How many times I counted
All the words that went wrong
If you only knew
How I refused to let you go
Even when your gone
I don't regret any days I spent
Night's we shared
Or letter's that I sent
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me
I toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight
Bring me back to life
Breath your breath into me
The only thing I still believe in is you
If you only knew
If you only knew
I still hold on to the letters
You returned
You helped me live and learn
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to meI toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight
Bring me back to life
Breath your breath in me
The only thing I still believe in you
I still believe in you
If you only knew
Now you know.
Love,
Lucas
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Brooke read the letter over and over again, unsure of actual consciousness, tears streaming down her face. She had to set it down, unable to actually see the piece of paper through blurry eyes. The ink became spotted as the tears blotched the entire letter. Even if she tried reading it again, she was sure it was no longer readable. It didn't matter; she had the entire thing memorized after the 10th time reading it. Sitting in her hospital bed alone she never felt more lost in her entire life.
A loud banging on the door caused Peyton to flinch. She knew who it was, even knew he was coming, but what was to happen when he got there made her shiver. Getting up from her desk, she walked to the door. She took in a deep breath and opened the door. "Hey." He said softly, looking straight into her eyes. "Hey yourself." His tone causing a slight smile to curl at end of her lips. "Come in." Before he entered inside dropping the smile, he was wearing. "I'm sorry." Looking defeated, he entered the house. "Can I get you anything?" She asked hopeful. "Peyton, we need to talk." He looked at everything in the house, but her reaction. "Now, I am going to say something, but I don't want you to say anything until I'm finished, ok?" She stared back at him, nodding speechless. "Ok." Still looking around the house, trying to find the right words. "I've been thinking a lot these past few weeks." Finally finding her eyes. "The only real thing I can come up with is... I'm sorry. I've been impossible at times, and I know I've put you through hell that you don't deserve. Therefore, I'm sorry for that. This thing between you and me, it's always going to be there. I love you Peyton, and I want to be that person for you, saving you when needed, listening to any problems, and just being there for you. I've just found that the word love can come in many different meanings, shapes, and sizes. I can't keep going through the motions with you it's not fair. I'm sorry, but that's never going to change. Someone else will always have my heart, and it's something that I just cannot let go. We are great friends, I hope that someday we can get that back. I can't lie to myself anymore. I need to quit taking the easy route, and fight for what I want. I'm sorry." She stood there for a few minutes just looking back into his eyes, reading him, and understanding. "Oh." The only thing coming to her mind. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to be feeling. "Are you sure?" She sat down on a chair and let out a loud breath. "I've never been surer of anything in my life." He said with determination. "It's ok…" Her voice trailing off while she tried to get out the whole sentence. "Or.. It will be, I think." Cocking her head to the side, finally understanding that nothing had been right since the day they got together. She realized that she didn't want this boy, unless she had his heart. Now knowing that may never happen she took a deep breath. "Be happy Luke." She tried to hold back tears. "I'm sorry, I should've known. Maybe I always did, I don't know. Just…" Taking in another breath trying to finish. "Take care of her Luke, she deserves to be happy." She now stood up and wrapped her arms around him tight. Loosing her grip, she leaned into his ear. "I'll be seeing ya." With that, she let go and started up the stairs, not looking back because tears were now welling in her eyes.
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Lucas found himself back at the hospital, but this time he was in no rush to get in there. He left a letter, a flipping letter. If he knew one thing about Brooke Davis, he knew he would have to have some kind of explanation for his earlier actions. She always wanted to know exactly what was going on. He stayed in his car, trying to run everything through his head, finding the words he thought he would need. Composing himself, he made his way into the hospital. Finding that familiar room, he looked through the window. Haley was sitting on the bed next to Brooke, holding her head in her arms. He was sure she was crying. He hated when she cried, it always broke him more than she would ever now. Opening the door slightly he cleared his throat, allowing them to know he was there. Haley spun her head around shooting him a look. She spoke to Brooke quietly, telling her she would be right back. Standing over the bed, she kissed her friend on the forehead making her way towards the intruder. "Can we talk outside?"
"Uh, yeah." He looked at her confused.
Closing the door behind her. "What are you doing? Brooke is a mess. The only thing she can get out between sobs is letter, Lucas, and date night. Care to explain?" He looked down at the ground as he spoke. "Hales, I love her."
"What?" She was getting more confused by the minute.
"This is all my fault, I need to fix it." Speaking so softly, she could hardly hear him. "I'll explain later. I have to see her." Placing both hands on her shoulders, looking into her eyes. "Everything's going to be ok. It has to be." He gave her a look, which she understood. Dropping his hands down, he opened the door and entered the room. "Hey pretty girl."
"What is this?" She asked icily, with a searing glance that went right through him.
"Brooke." He said calmly. All the words that he had been thinking about seemed to evaporate from his mind. "I love you." "Oh really? I think your letter here explains that rather well." The pain breaking her voice. "What's going on?" Without saying anything, he leaned down, crashing his lips on hers. She wasn't sure if she was in shock, or if she was dreaming, whatever it was she didn't pull away. She allowed him to kiss her, growing passion causing her stomach to flip flop. He deepened the kiss placing a hand behind her neck, kissing her with everything he had in him. His lungs began burning intensely, but he didn't care, he continued to kiss her until his head began to spin. After a few more seconds he pulled away to catch his breath. Looking back down at her, she was completely flushed, yet she was absolutely glowing. They stared at each other for a while just taking in the situation around them, nothing else seemed to exist. "I have to ask." She looked at him, confusion wrestling in her eyes. "Don't." He said before she could say anything. He looked deep into her hazel eyes. "It's never been about her. Every day that I wake up, I see your face, you're in my dreams, and you're the one that I think about. Not her. When I got the call that you were here, I stopped breathing. I realized that if I lost you my world would be gone. I know this isn't fair to you, you broke up with me, but I know you Brooke. I wake up every morning on autopilot; nothing makes sense in my life without you in it. You're it for me, and if that's not enough, I understand. It was something you needed to know." Never letting his eyes move from hers, he bent down and kissed her forehead. "I love you Brooke, with everything that I am. I've been stupid thinking I could have it all. Pushing you away is something I may never get over, regretting it every single day. Knowing that I just let you go is torture, plaguing all my thoughts. I'm not asking for anything, the last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable. Just know, I'll wait for you forever Brooke Davis." He slowly stood back erect, taking in one last look at the beautiful girl in front of him. He turned towards the door. "Wait." She said, grabbing his arm. "Stay."