I don't know how long it has been, nor whether it is night or day
I don't feel where I am, nor if I am. I know nothing
Not hate, not love. Boredom? Melancholy
- Stopped Existence. Finished Existence.
He knew it would be so, but that didn't make it less painful. He was lost, he had sealed his own fate by deciding to save the world with his own hands.
There was a very high price to become God, and he had not noticed, had not noticed that his mission was stealing everything he had. Stealing his peace, his family, the one who was the closest to being a great friend, his future, his health, his life.
Some things are true whether you believe them or not. He didn't believe in the existence of a paradise, but now he regret having abdicated this place. He was in the "Nothing".
The "Nothing" was the absolute void, there was no sense of time, no feelings, there was almost no thoughts. The "Nothing" takes one to idleness, boredom, melancholy. If one would stop to think, the "Nothing " was very similar to the shinigami world. They also suffered the punishment for using the Death Note.
Neither can one know what once existed.
Blindness in the look. All quiet night
in the ear. Trapped voice. Meaningless gesture. Cold mouth.
The soul, a white desert: the sad moonlight on the frost...
Gradually he forgot the past, he has forgotten who he was and what he did. He even forgot the reason for his condemnation to this place and the design was far worse than hell itself.
In the "Nothing" senses has no value. The "Nothing" is so dark you can't see. The "Nothing" is so quiet, you can't hear. The "Nothing" is so empty, you can't touch. The "Nothing" is so so thick, you can't breath or smell. The "Nothing" is so monotonous that you can't think.
The "Nothing" is where the existence lose sense, but it makes those who are victims of such punishment not being able to think about it. To gradually become unable to think of anything. Become unable to do anything. Become completely incapable. The soul can't escape the eternal idleness which was doomed.
Silence. Eternity. Infinity. Secret.
Where, souls sisters? Where, God? The exile!
No... The Badlands in the Badlands: - is the landscape here.
There were no other souls around, he had run for days, months, years, the eternity. But he had not been able to find anyone. The "Nothing" was infinite, and perhaps personal. Perhaps the "Nothing" was unique to each being. Maybe being stuck in the "Nothing" means being stuck in the darkness of one's own heart.
Now he knew that there was darkness in his heart. For a long time he thought to be God, he thought it was his mission, he thought he had absolute power and couldn't be stopped. But in the end he was just a man duped by power, a man who abused his power and betrayed his mission.
Is it possible to save the world? Is it possible to do this without destroying all personal principles? Without being overcome by the lust for power?
And in time he even forgot his life, the moments that were most important to him, his own death. For those who are condemned to the "Nothing" are not entitled to an earlier existence, they gave up their lives, their feelings, their memories. And there is only the "Nothing".
All opaque... And without light... And without darkness... The air abstracted...
All in peace... All alone... All unreal... All dead...
Why I died? When I died?
The poetry is Panorama Além by Cecília Meireles.