Name: Curse Words

Pairing: Prumano (Main) & GerIta

Warnings: Profanity

Summary: Lovino had always wondered who his soulmate would would be. He also wondered what sort of idiot his true love must be for their first words to him to be so vulgar. / Human AU / Soulmate AU / Oneshot /

AN: The world needs more Prumano!

The whole "soulmate" thing was honestly something that Lovino Vargas didn't much like. Going through life with another person's handwriting on one's body was not some adorable romantic thing. Some people, like his brother for example, had a very sweet, sentimental phrase on their body. Feliciano's lower leg read, "It's a pleasure to meet you; you're quite handsome." — a phrase that Feli had grown up cherishing until his soulmate revealed himself. Yeah, Lovino thought that some people were just gifted with kindhearted markings. Lovino, however, was stuck with first words so vulgar, that he'd been forced to wear long sleeves or wrap his lower arm in ace bandaging.

"Holy mother fucking shit balls."

While Lovino didn't think the phrase was that inappropriate, mothers of children and the entire Vargas family thought otherwise. The Italian's family, when they first saw the profanity inscribed on Lovino's skin, wondering what kind of uncultured idiot their precious Lovi would be forced into love with.

"She doesn't sound very lady like,"

"Boy does she have a mouth on her!"

Often, Lovino wanted to remind his family that his soulmate might not be a female- (Not that he would mind a woman who cursed like a sailor, since he himself was quite the potty mouth)- as Feliciano's soulmate had ended up being a six foot tall muscly German guy who looked, in Lovino's opinion, like he should be starring in BDSM pornography. Lovino never said that out loud of course.

"Holy mother fucking shit balls." was written in dark black ink, with neat yet legible handwriting.

Lovino had given much thought to these words. To him, they sounded like a response. Most likely, he would be the one to initiate conversation with his soulmate, and the mystery woman, or man, would utter "Holy mother fucking shit balls." in shock. He wondered what his soulmate would look like. Would they be attractive at least? Have a great personality?

When he met this mystery person, he was going to kick their fucking ass for making him walk around with that on his arm. (Unless they were a beautiful woman, then that's another story.)

Feliciano had a habit of intentionally rubbing Ludwig Beilschmidt, his macho soulmate, in Lovino's face. The younger brother would often try and convince Lovino to go on dates with them or invite him over to the Beilschmidt household for dinner. After hanging out with the lovebirds twice, Lovino had enough. He was sick to his stomach from watching everyone around him be happy and in love when he was still alone and depraved of any sort of intimacy.

Naturally, when Feliciano had invited Lovino to go out to dinner with he, Ludwig, and the German's older brother, he had declined. This was now the fourth invite he'd gotten since the pair had gotten together. "But Lovi, if Ludwig's family is going to be part of my family one day, you should really meet them…" Feliciano frowned, pouting, "Gilbert's only a year older than you! Ludwig thinks you two will get along great, and I agree!"

Lovino scoffed, "Look, I'm happy for you being with Ludwig and all, but seeing you together…. Well it just reminds me of how alone I am." He turned away from his brother; he didn't like having heartfelt conversations at all. "And I don't have any interests in making new friends."

"It'll be fun though… we're going to that nice Italian place with the breadsticks you love so much…"Feliciano put on his best puppy dog face, "and best of all," he paused, "Ludwig and Gilbert said they'd pay for it all."

Lovino sighed at Feliciano, knowing the younger had won this battle with the promise of free pasta and breadsticks. "Fucking fine. What time should I be ready?"

Feliciano grinned. "They're going to meet us there at 6."

—

Lovino walked through the doors of the not-so-fancy Italian restaurant. It wasn't the type of place you'd bring a date; it was the type of place you go to spend time with the entire family. He figured thats why Feliciano and Ludwig had chosen this place to introduce their older brothers to each other.

He'd been in a bad mood all that afternoon. After agreeing to go on this stupid dinner, Feliciano would not stop talking about Ludwig and how perfect and amazing his soulmate was. He'd been looking forward to getting free food at first, but Feliciano's antics had made his mood turn sour. The last thing he wanted to do was go eat dinner with his annoying brother, his annoying brother's equally as annoying boyfriend, and some German stranger who was probably just as annoying.

"They're already here. They saved us a seat by the windows!" Feliciano cheered, dragging Lovino to the back of the restaurant. "Thank you for coming with this time, Gilbert was starting to feel awkward as the third wheel."

"Then maybe he should have stopped tagging along." Lovino retorted quietly. It didn't seem that his brother had heard him. Feliciano was too busy running up to the table where Ludwig was sitting.

Feliciano squealed as Ludwig gave him a hug. Lovino looked away from the embracing couple and saw another man at the table. This man looked nothing like his younger brother. He was smaller, paler (which Lovino hadn't thought possible), and his hair was so blond that it appeared white. He was clad in a ugly-as-fuck turtle neck sweater and black jeans. Lovino had to do a double-take to make sure, but this guy had red eyes, not blue like the typical German.

Great, of course Feliciano would bring him to dinner with two German freak shows. Now he really wanted to go home. Stuck at this loud Italian restaurant with 3 annoying fuckheads was not on Lovino's list of ideal circumstances.

Feliciano smiled, "Ve, Lovi, this is Ludwig's brother, Gilbert!" He extended his arm towards the strange-looking German. "And Gilbert, this is my brother, Lovi."

Lovino didnt bother to remind Feliciano that he didn't want to be introduced by his nickname. Instead, Lovino stared, practically glaring, at Gilbert. And as the Italian had a tendency to do, he snapped the first thing that came to mind. "Fuck you, I don't want to be here."

At that, Gilbert's eyes went wide and his mouth fell slack. He was frozen, staring at Lovino for a good ten seconds. "Holy mother fucking shit balls." he finally whispered.

"...What the fuck?" Lovino took a step. "Really, what the fuck? Feli, did you pay him to say this to me?"

Feliciano and Ludwig were beyond shocked as well. Probably because it was very unlikely for two sets of siblings to be gay soulmates with each other.

Gilbert was frozen in place yet again, starring at Lovino while said Italian was still causing a scene in the restaurant. Once Lovino was sure that his brother hadn't set this up as a joke, his attention turned to his newly discovered soulmate. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Gilbert stood up, "I…" Gilbert attempted to reply to the question but was almost immediately cut off.

"Holy mother fucking shit balls?" Lovino growled, "What kind of first words are those? That shit is tattooed on my arm." He held up his bandaged arm. "With your shitty ass handwriting. Jesus fucking christ."

"Oh yeah? Well how do you think it's like to have "Fuck you, I don't want to be here." on your neck? It fucking sucks that's how it feels." He pulled on the collar of his turtleneck to reveal part of the tattoo. "People always felt sorry for me having this tattooed on my neck."

Lovino frowned, "At least my handwriting is fucking gorgeous. It's the type of handwriting you pay money to get tattooed on you. Your handwriting looks like it was written by a 5 year old." His heart was beating far too fast. He remembered his promise to kick his soulmate's ass. This was close enough.

Feliciano piped up, "Lovi, stop this! You should be happy you found your soulmate! You're not single anymore!"

"You don't think I'm happy?" Lovino yelled, "I'm fucking thrilled; this is the best day of my fucking life." He rubbed the back of his hand under his eye to prevent any happy tears from escaping. "I'm just… emotional. I wasn't expecting my soulmate to be this guy, that's all. Of course I'm happy."

Lovino couldn't deny his attraction for Gilbert. Despite how weird this guy was, the Italian knew there was something there. He could feel it in his chest. So this is what love feels like? It felt weird.

Gilbert smiled at Lovino, walked over to him, and pulled him into a hug. "I'm so glad I found you! Isn't this awesome? It's so awesome!" He wiped away one of Lovino's tears and planted a gentle kiss to the other's forehead.

"I'm still fucking pissed about my tattoo, bastard." Lovino scowled as he relaxed into the hug. "But I'm happy I found you too."

AN: This is one of the only things I've written since 2013, so it would mean a lot if you tell me what you think!