I sat in the Meadow, the sheeting rain drenching me and the already-damp earth around me. My hands had transformed into hard, rigid claws that turned the soil into mounds at my side. The pain of it all was literally ripping me apart. My heart was a cold organ with a giant fissure in the middle. No use for it other than keeping me alive—a burden it didn't have to do. It was passing by just barely.
My wet hair was matted to my forehead, clingy and uncomfortable. I slicked it back with a trembling, mud-covered hand.
The Meadow was once a place of beauty of wonder, qualities making up the very essence of it. Now it was just a jail cell for my tortured soul, caging me in my broken memories.
Many times, I had heard people saying that time would heal all wounds. I knew that much to be a lie. For me, at least. In my case, time passing only increased the bittersweet memories, bringing them into sharp clarity. They didn't fade in the slightest bit. Instead, it was like a movie of myself—I could see all the mistakes I had made.
Mistakes I could never fix.
Because he was gone.
An agonized wail escaped my pale lips, and I fell back into the bed of soaked ferns. I shivered in violent spasms, my teeth chattering. I ignored this and remembered just what my mind was trying so hard to forget.
He left me. He didn't want me. He was never coming back.
What was I thinking, coming here? This was the most idiotic thing I could do. But I thought that if I came here, I could relive all the times we had shared here.
I was terribly wrong.
The hole in my chest split open further, the emotional anguish forcing my hands around my waist to keep myself together. I was bursting at the imaginary seams that held me together. Why couldn't it end?
Tears streamed down my pale, white face, blending in with the raindrops falling with them. "I'm sorry," I choked out, to no one in particular. "I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you."
The chirping of a mother bird returning to her nest, buried safe in the trees, was the only response that sliced through the cold air.
Why couldn't I be a vampire? Then I would maybe be enough for him. I had tried—so hard—to be the best I could.
Yet it wasn't enough. I was so foolish to think it was.
I was a plain girl, with alabaster skin and big brown eyes blending in with my brown hair. I was clumsy and shy. Some part of me had tricked itself that I was beautiful, because he thought I was.
But he left me, so that meant both of us were lying. Lies were a terrible thing, nevertheless, I was gullible to believe them. So the whole thing was my fault.
The clues were right in front of me. How could I have missed them? Why couldn't someone have opened my eyes wide open long enough for me to see what was bound to happen in the end? It would ease the pain a little.
No solace was brought in my empty questions. No sense of comfort. Not even a sign that my pain would be over soon.
I already knew the answer.
It would never be over.
So would I have to go on with the rest of my life like this? I didn't think I would be able to bear it—the torture was the worst of its kind.
I already had the insight I would never marry. Not after this. I didn't think I could. Only more men would come, pretending they loved me. Then leave.
Biting my lip, I made a decision. I would refuse to believe anyone, not even myself. The world was a cruel place, full of people just waiting to play with my feelings. And that was a wicked thing to do.
If he was truly my soul mate, then why did he leave? Soul mates didn't leave each other. They were too caught up in love to see the flaws in their significant other. It just didn't happen.
I bowed my head as one answer popped into it. This was the reason why he left when soul mates didn't leave. He wasn't my soul mate.
My mind had deceived me—I truly thought my world revolved around Edward. I simply could not live without him.
Was I proving the impossible, then?
I shivered into my coat, forcing myself to suck it up. Maybe I would just die here.
After all, this was our secret meadow. Nobody would come shuffling along in hopes to find a secret place to unleash their burning passion. Never again would lovers come here to a secret world that was magical in every way.
Our paradise was lost among the fallen leaves and the rainy weather and the muddy ground. It was a place of sorrow. Not of love.
I certainly wouldn't have found it by myself for the first time. Only hikers would be around this area, and besides, it was so far from the road. Campers wouldn't venture here.
Like an impulse reaction, I had the urge to come here. To let out my pain? I had no idea. I assumed I was naturally crazy—this was just another example.
I forced myself out of the ferns, the water weighing down my thin jacket. This just went to show that I was a wimp. Even though I had made myself lie down, the lack of heat had become too much for me. Just like everything else.
I shook my waterlogged hair, not noticing when water droplets flew out in every direction. I walked over to a dry spot under a thick tree, leaning against its sturdy trunk for support. It was not exactly warm, but it was a start. My body would have a chance to recuperate, to resupply itself with heat.
The falling rain became harder, so hard that it ricocheted off every surface it touched. It blocked out every other sound to my weak, human ears.
And I wasn't weak just physically, but in every other possible way as well.
Thunder cracked unexpectedly, close enough nearby it made my hearing all fuzzy and black spots danced across my vision. I swayed slightly to my side, feeling woozy. Lightening followed soon after, flashing across the sky in threatening streaks as it broke through the dark-gray clouds. It illuminated them for a second before disappearing.
This cycle continued until I could barely hear the rain. I closed my eyes in an effort to regain my balance and stop the throbbing ache that had appeared in my head. The tears continued to fall down my frozen cheeks, though they lessened up a bit.
I didn't hear it when soft footsteps approached me. I only recognized others' presence when a hand—cold to the touch—put itself against my face.
My eyes shot open, but all I could see was the falling rain in the clearing. I gasped, whirling around to come face-to-face with a pair of glowing red eyes. They stood out, painfully clear from the gloomy forest scene.
Several other crimson pairs floated behind it, and I squinted my eyes to make out ghostly white faces, difficult to see in the blanket of rain between us.
I practically sighed in relief, creating an odd reaction out of what appeared to be the coven's leader. The comfort of at least seeing a face with similar attributes as my vampires calmed my racing heart a bit.
It had been so long since I had been around these enchanted creatures. I forced myself to breath in deeply through my nose, taking in the alluring scent that seduced so many.
Yet these were the kind that were so different from the Cullens. They drank blood from humans.
Their shocking red eyes showed this feature well.
I had briefly had an unpleasant encounter with a coven that had a different diet preference from the Cullens. The leader, James, had forced me into hiding in Phoenix, Arizona, where he then convinced me to come directly to him in a cunning scenario.
And I would've died if...he...hadn't come at the last possible second to kill James.
The thought send another shot of pain rippling down my spine. I braced myself against the bark, momentarily forgetting the danger at hand.
But what was the difference, really?
I practically screamed out in happiness as a sudden burst of intuition came to me. These were vampires—not the Cullens—that wouldn't have an aversion to killing me. I could finally die.
It was quite pathetic that I didn't have the guts to do it myself.
I never was the suicidal type, nor could I conjure up the image of what would drive someone to that positively dreadful extreme. But now I finally understood.
All the puzzle pieces clicked together to form the final image.
When you had encountered a situation that was so painful that you simply could not go on, it was easy to understand. You couldn't carry the burden any longer. You had a better chance of a happy life if you were dead and if the agonized emotion had disappeared into thin air.
I met the leader's eyes, which were different than the others'. They were hidden behind a thin layer of film, and contained a milky-looking quality. Different than Laurent's or Victoria's.
"Please," I croaked, stunned momentarily at how hoarse my voice sounded. Was it really that bad? I shook my head, undeterred once I had cleared it. "You don't understand! You have to kill me!"
The nameless leader looked absolutely appalled. There was an intake of breath from behind him from one of the others in the coven, which I could not pinpoint.
He quickly recovered, taking on a regal appearance. "Why, whatever are you talking about young girl? I would not even dream of killing you," he said, trying to coax me in a smooth, silky voice.
My eyes hardened over and I stood up straighter, squaring my shoulders. "You don't have to try to restrain your urge. You can kill me now." There was uttermost truth in my words.
There was a glimmer of shock behind his glazed-over eyes. He said nothing.
"I've been told my blood tastes absolutely magnificent," I added solemnly, trying to jolt some other hint of emotion out of him. "You're a vampire. I know for a fact."
This time, his eyes bulged out of his sockets. He cleared his throat, trying to regain control over himself. "What do you mean?"
I laughed gleefully, knowing I had grasped their full attention. Finally! Someone who would think I wasn't crazy! "I know a vampire coven with the surname 'Cullen', and a vampire named James almost killed me last year. You don't have to hide your secret around me," I promised, the words spewing out of my mouth in a rush. I didn't want to lose their focus.
A vampire behind the leader growled. "It's fine, dear Jane. I can tell she is no harm. She is but a mere human," he said, addressing the vampire, but never taking his eyes off me. He was suddenly enchanted, captivated by my knowledge. "My name is Aro."
My head bobbed up and down, a silent way for me to say I understood.
"You are right," he continued. "We are the Volturi coven, and we were passing through to say hello to my dear friend Carlisle."
My voice got caught in my throat. The response that I had planned after listening to his confession was one I could no longer remember. I could only nod.
"So, dear one, why are you here, out in the rain? And where are the Cullens?"
"They left," I spluttered. "Apparently they went to California. But I know they're lying." The tears came back harder know, welling up in my eyes until they poured down in one, continuous stream.
Instead of appearing appalled at this new information, he looked fascinated. "Show me your hand," he commanded, unaffected by my sadness.
Silently, I slipped mine into his, wondering what he was doing.
The smile slowly faded from his face after the course of a few minutes, turning into a slight pout. "So curious," he muttered, talking mostly to himself.
"I can't hear a thing from her," he told his coven.
Shocked whispers ran through the crowd of vampires who were processing this information. He couldn't hear me? Did he have a gift?
He soon recovered. "Jane, lovely, come here, would you? Try yours on..." He turned to me. "What's your name, child?"
"Bella," I said.
"Bella," he continued his sentence to the one called 'Jane'. "What a simply marvelous name for a creature so bemusing," he said lightly, the statement directed towards me.
I was briefly flattered. "Thank you," I murmured, out of courtesy. I really didn't care whether he thought my name was beautiful or not.
"I'm curious to see what will happen." He lowered his voice so I couldn't hear him, talking the 'Volturi' again. The only way I knew he was talking was his lips moving. "Perhaps she will be of use to us."
A grin spread across her lips as she stepped forward. My mouth fell open; she was no more than a child! Fifteen, at the oldest.
She smiled a sickly, sweet smile at me, blinking for effect.
Nothing happened.
Her lower lip jutted out, and concentrated harder.
The leader began laughing. "This is...quite a surprise. Absolutely wonderful! We simply must have you, child," he told me, taking my hand.
A perplexed expression crossed my face. "What do you—?"
I didn't have a chance to finish my sentence before he sunk his teeth deep into my skin.