As previously stated in my bio, I changed my name to CSINewYorker, just another heads up :)
Also this is a oneshot based off the song by Outlaws, sung by David Lambert. You may have heard this on the ABC T.V show The Fosters...
(Annabel's POV)
Is it possible to entirely give up on men, or the entire male species except for the gay ones? So I guess my actual question can I avoid any possible male that may be interested in me for some sort of relationship in life, or can I not? I would REALLY like to try to do so though because let's face it, I have just about HAD IT with men. Most men (with the exception of a certain few) can fucking kiss my ass for all I care. I guess I should probably explain what made me want to banish men to a deserted island.
There's this guy, or was this guy (he just doesn't know that he will be soon referred to in the past tense. The reason why he soon will be that is because he's stood me up three times, IN THE PAST DAMN WEEK. How is that even somewhat possible to accomplish? The first time he had said, I want to meet you at this local bar. Got there, and you know he wasn't there which wasn't a big deal. I ended up waiting there for about an hour before I was like screw it obviously he's not coming. When I got home, I gotten a simple text saying 'reschedule for tomorrow night, same time; same place'. I went along with it, showed up the next night and after waiting an hour again, I went home and as of it was freaking clockwork, I got the same text at almost the same exact time. I was going, but boyyyy was he going to pay.
I searched at the Prescient and he wasn't there, and at the crime lab where I work and where he usually is if he isn't at the prescient. That's when I had been told by one of my fellow co-workers Danny who is also Don's (the man who can honestly go to hell) good if not best friend that he was out working a case and he wouldn't be back until later that night. I was content with hearing that, for now. That night I did the same thing I had done the past two nights; shown up at the same place at the same time. Again he had not shown up and instead of waiting an hour, I waited 45 minutes before I left and when I did…. I'm pretty sure steam was coming out of my ears.
What sucks is not that he hadn't shown up (it does but that's not the major part) is that when I had first met him and when I first started to I guess 'like' him, he said he would steal my heart. I took his word on that and now I'm kind of starting to feel that he's just stringing me along and he no longer wants me. I know this is going to sound really crazy but I just want to him… to I guess love me? What I mean by that is, I want him to take every single part of me and combine it with him.
I took you at your word
When you said you would steal my heart
Yeah this may sound absurd,
But would you be my thief take all of me, every part?
I know the truth when I see it and the truth is…. I've fallen in love with him. The thing is, now I'm mad at myself for being in love with him, like it was something I did wrong yet at the same time I want him to feel the same. Yeah, I know I sound insane at the moment but honestly that's the way my brain's working, at this capacity. I guess this is what being in love does to you.
Love, Love, Love is my crime
So baby, come catch me and let's do the time.
I think we might be outlaws
I think I might be in love.
I arrived at the Crime Lab the next day with my blood still boiling. I honestly don't think I have been this mad since I found out my Senior Prom date had ditched me to go get wasted. I was determined to not let the situation with Don get the best of me.
As I exit the elevator, I pass by the same Danny I had mentioned earlier before.
"Morning there Stevens…" And that's all it took…
"Can men just go burn in hell?!" I know I had confused the hell out of him because his eyes had gotten extremely wide.
"Uhhhh… I don't know. You doing ok Annabel?" And this is when I realize I blew up on a completely innocent person.
"Yeah my bad Danny, had a rough past couple of nights…" I wasn't in the mood to go into details so that's all I had giving him as I started walking off to where my work area.
"Can't sleep?" If he means can't sleep because anger is pumping through my veins because of a certain blue eyed, black haired devil then yes. Somehow though, I don't think he means in that case.
"Yeahh… something like that." He stopped following me as I had gotten half way down the hall. As soon as I get Danny off my tail, I manage to get Stella following me.
"I couldn't help but over hear your 'men should go to hell comment' hilarious but somehow I don't think Flack would approve." Well right now, I couldn't care less of what he thought on this whole situation.
I didn't say anything in response as I just continued walking with her beside me. My silence was all she needed apparently as she spoke instead.
"This is all about him isn't? Is this why you were looking for him yesterday?" All I did was shake my head as she eventually let up and had stopped following me as well. Eventually I had made it to my desk without catching anybody else's attention.
I hate to say this but ever since this whole thing had started I've been very… mixed up inside with my emotions just all over the place. It's like I've run out of reason, or common sense in this case or situation.
Cause I'm all out of reasons, like seasons
Winter, Summer, Fall; They're all washed up
I was so engrossed into my work that I almost didn't notice Flack start approaching my desk. Great, he's going to come up here and then I'm going to say something and World War Three is going to be started.
I kept my eyes on the papers in front of me as I saw him walk up to the desk, and then walk around to stand behind me. His hands were on the desk, almost as if he were 'trapping me in'.
"Hey, heard you were asking around for me yesterday." He slightly kissed the top of my head which made me want to a) melt at his feet and 2) deck him in the fucking face.
"Heard the comment about men burning in hell also, so is there something I'm missing?" He had asked me. YES, YES THERE IS! I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of him knowing what's wrong so I just kept my mouth shut. In fact, I think the silent treatment is in order….
"Did I do something wrong? Come on Annabel talk to me here…" I kept my mouth shut as he had come to gently lay his chin on top of my shoulder. Do I have to mention how hard this is for me NOT to say anything?
"Don't give me the silent treatment…. Please." HE had lifted his chin off my shoulder. I had breathed a sigh of relief as I had thought that he was leaving but all he did was turn my chair so I was facing him directly.
"Just say something…. Anything…" His voice was getting on the verge of begging when I heard Danny's voice. "Don, elevators now." He groaned as he made sure my eyes were level with his before he spoke again.
"Just because your not speaking to me, doesn't mean I don't know what's wrong." He then quickly got up, kissed the side of my head then practically ran towards the elevators. Once I knew the coast was clear, I let out a breath then I slightly started banging my head on the desk.
The way he acted…. It's like he didn't care, or more along the lines didn't even know. You know, maybe that's it, he didn't know he stood me up! Ohh wait, that can't be fucking possible because he sent those god damn texts. And now what else is starting to eirk me is the fact that he didn't even apologize for practically standing me up three nights in a row.
The difficult part is battling with myself on the inside, debating whether or not I should let him in on what the hell is going on, or just keep on going with the silent treatment. The thing is, if I don't let him in on it, he'll never know and what I want would never happen; I just want him to be by my side no matter what. Then this whole situation had to come in and screw everything up.
If your still way over there
Maybe slide on in, by my side
Cause I'm just an outlaw, wanted, if you want me
I'll love you every day and every night
The rest of the day had passed without any further aggravation which was good, yet bad because of the anxiousness that had somehow settled into the pit of my stomach. The anxiousness was only caused because I didn't know when, and if he would be coming back here. Since he hasn't come back and it's the end of the day, I think the anxiousness will go away.
I was packing away my stuff at the end of the day when my phone went off. I glanced at it quickly to see it was Don but I completely ignored it as I all but threw it into my purse. As I hauled it over my shoulder, I could both hear and feel it going off in their but I ignored it as I walked towards the elevator with my head held high. As I was walking, Hawkes had decided to join me in walking to the elevator.
I glanced over at Hawkes and noticed he was staring at my bag slightly.
"You going to answer it?"
"Nope." I looked over and saw him mouth 'ok' before continuing to walk beside me. Eventually, my phone had stopped going off and I could feel my shoulders relax slightly. We stopped in front of the elevators as we had to wait for it to come to the floor. As we waiting, Danny and Flack came from around the corner.
"Shit." I muttered under my breath as I had lowered my eyes to the ground. I couldn't see them, but I knew they had gotten near us because the shadows of their feet had stopped.
"Hey Stevens, you didn't hear your phone go off did you?" Danny asked me. Before I had the chance to answer, Don had jumped in.
"Good luck with getting her to talk, she doesn't want to."
"Doesn't want to, bullshit. She just said something to me not more then 2 minutes ago." I swallowed hard enough to be pretty sure that everyone else heard me. Thanks for nothing Sheldon!
"Ohh really now?" I didn't have to be a physic to know that Flack was looking at me when he said that.
"You know, I just realized that I have this…. Thing to go take care of." Hawkes was suddenly very eager to get out of this conversation.
"Sheldon, I'll help you with you that thing…" Danny added. Then they both very quickly had walked in other direction as if their asses had been lit on fire. The minute they were out of sight, Don had set a hard look on me. I wasn't quite sure if it was a glare or a look he used in interrogations.
"Care to explain why your not speaking? Let me rephrase that, why your not speaking to me?" I'm not quite sure whether to speak or not. You know what, I'm just going to trust my instincts and not speak. So, I didn't respond and he just nodded his head.
"Figured that would be your reaction." There was a slight chiming sound as the elevators doors opened. He motioned me into the elevator then he had stepped in himself. He said nothing as he hit a button and the doors closed. Another button was pressed, and the elevator started moving downwards.
As the elevator kept going down, we both said nothing as we just stood beside each other. I was hoping there would be some random elevator music to break up the silence but there was no such thing in this case. There was a sudden stop as the elevator doors had opened up to the lobby. Before they could fully open themselves, Don had reached over and hit a button, making the doors close.
He had moved to stand in front of me. I kept my eyes focused on the ground, but I could tell that he had crossed his arms over his chest.
"You may think of this as cruel punishment or whatever the hell you can come up with, but were going to stay in here until you explain why you decided to become a silent film actor." Did he seriously just reference me to a silent film actor, really? Besides, that's not the point here. He honestly thinks I'm going to stay in this elevator until I tell him, Wow he must be a WIZ in interrogations.
I couldn't help but snicker slightly at that last part. My snickering though had gotten his attention.
"Care to explain what so funny?" This time, I decided to speak.
"Not really."
"You actually spoke to me. I feel so honored." I couldn't help but roll my eyes at that statement. "Annabel, what happened? I thought things were good between us, actually I thought they were pretty damn good." He's right they were, before he had stood me up three nights in a row. I didn't have anything to say so I just shut my mouth.
"Don't go silent on me now." He took a few steps towards me. I tried to continue looking down at the ground but he had foiled that plan by taking one of his fingers and tucking it under my chin. He had slightly nudged my chin up to meet his eyes.
"I just want to know what's going on, is that so hard to understand?" As I looked at him, I could tell he was silently pleading with his eyes that I would just tell him, that he needed to know what was going on.
All I did was forcefully remove his finger from under my chin by shaking my head slightly. I had moved from in front of him to closer to the elevator doors. He had tried to block me from getting any closer to the doors but I had beaten him to the punch for once.
"No, but if I told you why, you wouldn't understand."
"Maybe, but we can't assume things.."
"You definitely wouldn't understand because you're not me." I hit the button to open the elevator doors. I had managed to get out before Don reached over and re-shut the doors.
"Annabel!" He called my name several times after that, but I just kept my head held as high as I could and walked out of the lobby.
I've been at home for the past couple of hours, trying to get some sleep because sleep is the best way possible to avoid this entire situation but my mind just won't shut off. Everything with Don I guess is bothering me more then I have apparently known. I just keep replaying in my head I guess how things had kind of started between us. I had seen him one day out of the clear blue, and he kept coming around me more and more. At first when I met him, I honestly thought he was a prick. Obviously my opinion had changed of him otherwise I wouldn't be in this place. I guess a way to put this situation is he just kept coming wherever I was, and slowly broke me down with what he had to offer.
You've vandalized my neighborhood
With your piercing eyes,
And your devilish charm
At the thought of all that, I started to feel the tears come down my face. You know what, I have the right to cry. I have kept everything I have been feeling inside (minus the men can go to hell part) for the past couple of days and I have the right to express my emotions how ever which way I please.
So I laid down in bed, silently crying as the tears continued to go down my face. As they had started to slow down, my phone started ringing on the bedside table. With a deep breath (and a unwanted sniffle) I answered the phone.
"Yeah?" I said with a teary voice. The person on the other end with have to be a complete dumbass to not notice that I was crying.
"Annabel, are you… crying?" I heard the distinct voice of Don. Great just the person I wanted to talk to right now!
"I'm fine." I heard a sigh on the other end before he said "Just come open the door." Then he hung up. Wait, he's standing outside my door? Why in the hell is he doing that? Reluctantly, I got up out of bed and with a tear or two still coming down my cheek, I walked towards my front door. I opened the door and sure enough, he stood there looking like he's poised for anything. The minute he got a good look at me, a sad look came up on his face.
"Fine my ass." He muttered to himself before pushing me aside slightly to step inside. Behind him he had shut the door, then he turned towards me. He lightly pulled on my arm so I would be pulled towards him. His arms had slowly encircled me as he dropped a kiss onto the top of my head. His arms suddenly fell from around me, they moved to my upper arms where he pulled me away from him so he could get a better look at me.
"Now, what's got you like this?" I looked up into his eyes and all of a sudden, I had decided to tell him. Well, not directly anyways. I was thinking about beating around the bush on this one.
"Have you ever felt a certain way about somebody, but you have this deep, nagging feeling inside your stomach that they don't feel the same way about you?"
"Umm.. I don't think so." He raised an eyebrow. "What exactly brought that on?"
"A recent…. Situation I've been involved in." I turned away from him and I was pretty sure he started getting the hint because he asked "How recent is this situation we are talking?" You know what, maybe telling him won't be so bad.
"Within the past few days…."
"What are you talking about exactly?" Ok, maybe he doesn't know anything. Still I think telling him may finally get him out of my hair.
"The past three days Don, you haven't noticed? You asked me out, then stood me up on all three nights. You didn't even apologize for canceling, you just moved on like nothing had ever happened! I'm feeling like you just got me on the hook to toy with me then your going to let me go." The entire time I'm speaking, I'm facing away from him and gesturing with my hands. "I was actually starting to think that you cared about me, maybe even loved me just a smidge. I know that I wasn't too far away from that.." I took a deep breath of air because that rant had left me out of breath. Then I stopped completely, noticing that he hadn't said a word since I had gone on this rant.
"Don?" I had asked. My only reply was from the opening and closing of my front door. Did he just leave? Oh my fucking god he just left. I don't know if that's a really good thing, or a really bad thing.
I got up the morning in a slightly better mood then the previous day, despite you know him just getting up and walking out. Getting to work was slightly easier as well because well…. I didn't blow up at anyone so that's always a good thing.
When I got five feet away from my desk, I could see Danny casually leaning against the side of my desk. As if someone might pop out of no where, I inched my way carefully to my desk.
"Danny….." His gaze fell on mine as he gave me a quick smile.
"Annabel, I'm here to give you a message from…" I interrupted him but sticking my hand up in the air slightly as I knew who this 'message' was from.
"I don't want to hear what he has to say. He doesn't have the guts to say it to my face? Too fucking bad." He looked shocked at what I said but he quickly recovered.
"And I thought things were all peaches and cream….." Danny looked down at the ground, then rose his head up seconds later. When he came up, he had a look in his eyes that I couldn't place. "Don't worry, I'll go tell him what you said." Before I had the chance to say anything, he went off down the hallway. I tried calling after him but he just continued on his way. There's something he's planning, I just don't know what, and it slightly worries me.
It was about 11 or so when I had gotten up from my desk to go on my lunch break. I hadn't heard anything from Danny since earlier that morning and I still hadn't heard anything from Flack since last night, which doesn't surprise me due to the way he practically ran out of my place yesterday. Just like the issue with those three nights, avoiding me. I just wish he would freaking man up and talk to me about it, yet him doing this is making me pin after him even more which is so not what I want in this situation.
I think we might be outlaws,
I think I might be in love
As I started walking towards the break room, a certain black-haired detective started coming down the hall and he had his sights set on me. I got about halfway down the hall before he had grabbed my elbow and spun me towards him. I got a good look into his eyes and saw a somewhat menacing glare that made it seem his blue eyes were two shades darker, yet mixed in with the glare was complete shock.
"Are you serious, is it true?" The grip on my elbow tightened slightly, then loosened. What the hell is he even talking about? Wait, he's gotta be talking about last night. Maybe what I said finally sunk into him. What else could he possibly be talking about?
"Yes, it's true." As soon as those words came out, he completely let go of my elbow. The look in his eyes changed from dark glare to more of a…. Sad look?
"Why… How." He was having a hard time forming a complete thought. One of his hands came up and started to run through his own hair.
"Why, simple. I just had to. As for how; how could I not?" I started feeling a little relived that I was finally saying something about it but at the same time I am scared out of my mind because I have no idea what he thinks about this whole situation.
"Am I missing something? Why would you have Danny tell me?" WAIT,WHAT? Shit, we're talking about two totally different.
"Wait what the hell did Danny tell you?"
"I thought you knew? Anyways he told me that you quit and put your two weeks notice in." Are you fucking serious, Danny did that? No wonder why he had a look in his eyes this morning.
"No, I'm not. I'm still working here." Now I'm pretty I had him thoroughly confused.
"Wait, so your not leaving?"
"Noooooo why would I be?" Don let out a breath as a small smile broke out on his face.
"Thank god, I thought you were leaving because of the whole situation between…. Well us. I didn't exactly handle last night like I should have." So, he admits that he screwed up last night? Well that's a shocker….
"What do you mean?" I asked because I was genially curious on his answer.
"Let's face it; when you were pointing out what I had done, I was doing ok. Then when you told me that you thought that I just thought of you as fish bait and that you didn't think I cared, I had lost it because those two statements are the furthest thing from the truth."
"Everything you said about me, is almost the same exact way for me." Wait a minute, did he just say what I think he just said? "So Annabel, I want to ask you a question."
I raised an eyebrow. "Ok, shoot away."
"I was wondering if you'd be willing to redo the past four nights despite my track record. I promise I will make you completely forget about how much of an ass I have been lately."
I just realized that in a way he said that he had felt the same way about me.
"And how exactly do you plan on doing that?" I asked, and I got my answer rather quickly as he grabbed my elbow lightly again, this time pulling me towards him. He bent down slightly to kiss me. I can't tell you how good it feels to know that he actually feels the same way. He pulled back up a few seconds later.
"There's more where that came from, and by the way…. What were you talking about earlier?" I couldn't suppress the grin.
"Nothing, absolutely nothing."
I think we might be outlaws,
I think I might be in love
Cause I'm all out of reasons,
Like seasons; winter, summer, fall
They're all washed up
If your still way over there,
Maybe slide on in, by my side
Cause I'm just an outlaw, wanted if you want me
I'll love you everyday and every night.