Disclaimer: We do not own the Twilight series, although we wish we owned Edward…..and Jasper.

My friend and I just finished reading Eclipse, and we are extremely angry with Bella! Those of you who have read Eclipse probably feel the same way. Either way, we don't appreciate flames. So if you don't like, don't read. Thank you.

Countless Ways To Kill Bella

Gets eaten by Jacob.

Falls off a cliff.

Gets beaten to death by a dead fish.

Dies of starvation.

Gets hit by a truck.

Gets killed by the Volturi.

Edward gets fed up with her and sucks all the life out of her…hehehe.

Edward accidentally breaks her in half……the head's rolling on the floor….

Falls off a cliff while riding a motorcycle.

Runs into Jacob's house while riding a motorcycle.

Gets killed by a meteor.

Chokes on Jacob's saliva.

Steps on a land mine.

Freezes to death.

Gets hit in the head with a pinecone and suffers from internal bleeding.

Edward finally realizes that Bella is a bitch, he leaves her, and then she runs to Jacob's house screaming for Jacob when he accidentally crushes her while giving her a hug. (well that's a mouthful)

Gets eaten by all the werewolves….one limb being torn off at a time….hehehe…

Falls out of a plane and gets hit by a blimp.

Throws off engagement ring and it lands in the gutter. Tries to get it back and gets shoulder stuck while raining, then drowns….haha sucker.

Gets attacked by crows.

Slips in the shower and breaks her neck.

Gets head stuck in washer and drowns.

Tries to fix TV wires and gets electrocuted.

Gets hit by lightning.

Gets head stuck in oven.

Falls off a boat in the middle of the ocean and gets attacked by sharks……CHOMP!

Is deprived from a bathroom and bladder explodes.

Gets rabies from Jacob.

Edward leaves for someone MUCH better and Bella goes insane and falls off a building because only then can she hear Edward's voice.

Claims she can hear voices and is sent to a mental hospital where she goes insane and gnaws off her tongue, choking on her own blood…………stupid Bella.

End of…..first page.

Whenever we are inspired, we will update. Once again negativity is a no no, and those of you who have read Eclipse may understand our pain.

Ra Ra: FLYING POTATOES!

Ely: WTF? What's your problem?

Ra Ra: Golf balls…

Ely:……..maybe we should lock you up with Bella.

Ra Ra: Maybe we should lock you up….grabs Ely and locks her up with Bella

Bella: I wish I would die.

Ely: Ya I wish you would too.

Ra-Ra: barges in AVALANCHE! RAIN DOWN ON THIS CURSED WITCH! Err….BITCH!

Ely: I agree with Ra-Ra!

Bella: blinks

And on and on they went……until another time!