I don't own Naruto which is a given, but... you know... better safe than sorry.
This is just something I came up with after too much sugar and sleep deprivation.
The first thing Shizune saw when her eyes peered open was Tsunade's face, and the older woman didn't look happy one bit if the scowl marring her perpetually young face was any indication. Shizune propped herself on her elbows, making herself sit up in the hospital bed and looking around in confusion. The last thing she remembered was being in the Sixth Hokage's office… blackness.
"W-what happened?" Shizune asked.
Instead of answering her question, Tsunade merely placed her hands on her hips and let out an angry sigh before answering with a question. "And you were going to tell me, when?"
Shizune furrowed an eyebrow, "What are you talking about?"
Tsunade laughed bitterly. "You passed out in the Hokage's office." Her face then became concerned as she walked closer to Shizune's bed. "He was worried about you and brought you to me and Sakura."
"Oh, well that was nice of him, but I feel a lot-" Shizune was about to get up from the bed until Tsunade grasped her arm, keeping her from moving any further.
"Sakura had her suspicions, but it wasn't until I conducted the examination that we knew the truth…"
"W-what's that, Tsunade?"
"You're pregnant!" Tsunade squealed and pulled Shizune into a bone crushing hug. "Tell me who the father is and I just might forgive you for keeping this from me!"
Shizune should have been in pain from the hug, but her brain seemed to be stuck on the fact that she was indeed pregnant. She didn't want to halt her ninja life as so many kunoichi mothers did after having children, and what about the father? What if he wouldn't help her at all? Well, he probably would, being an honorable man, but what if that responsibility was more a burden to him than something he was proud to do selflessly. He wasn't exactly the type to welcome added responsibility.
"So, Shizune… who is it?"
"Um…" Shizune looked down and smoothed her skirt nonchalantly. "...ka...ha…"
"What was that?"
Shizune sighed but still refused to look Tsunade in her eye. It's not that she was ashamed of who the father was - no, he was an admirable ninja and his abilities gained him quite a bit of success - however his other… hobbies were quite questionable.
The door suddenly creaked open, revealing the Sixth Hokage in his robes and a bag of takeout from a local restaurant..
"I brought Ramune and some food for -."
Shizune's eyes immediately followed his voice and a hungry Tsunade snatched up the bag.
"Finally, I haven't eaten since this morning," she rummaged through the bag and grabbed one of the three boxes of takeout. "Hmmm… Chin-jao Rosu?"
"That's for Shizune, there's some Subuta and Mabo-nasu you can pick from. She doesn't like pork."
Tsunade froze as soon as those words left his mouth and set Shizune's box aside. She calmly set the bag of take out on the floor and closed her eyes as she sighed deeply. "So…"
In a flash, she had closed the gap between them and delivered an earth shattering punch to his face, making his Hokage hat fly across the room and land on the floor. "It's you, you worthless piece of shit!"
Shizune gasped and jumped out of the hospital bed, running to Tsunade's side and trying to pry her off of her baby's father.
"Tsunade, stop!"
"Absolutely not! This pervert knocked you up!"
He took the diversion to disappear in a poof of smoke and reappear behind Tsunade, who comically fell over once her second punch hit air.
"Tsunade, please calm down."
"I will not, you deviant!" She turned around, about to lunge at him, but was held back by Shizune.
"Please, Tsunade… if not for me, then for the unborn baby," Shizune implored.
That seemed to calm Tsunade down a bit. She couldn't help it that she was protective of Shizune - they had, after all spent so much time together after leaving Konoha so many years ago. She also felt it her duty to Dan's memory to take care of his niece. Now, she would love the unborn child like her own grandchild.
"Fine… for the baby." She sat down once again and plucked a takeout box out of the bag, resigned to eat and try and be civil. "I suppose it won't do to kill her father."
"Her?" he asked before grabbing his hat from off the floor.
Tsunade regarded him with a cold look. Yes, he was her Hokage, and yes, he was a damn fine ninja, but how could she not make judgements on his love life when - she just didn't want Shizune to get hurt.
"Yes… her… is there a problem with that?"
"Please you two… just stop." Shizune grabbed her food, she opened the lid, took on whiff of it and ultimately felt like she had to retch. "E-excuse me…" She ran out of the room toward the bathroom, leaving the two in the room together.
"Tell me, Hatake." The way she spat his name was akin to her eating something that left a sour taste in her mouth. "Is she just another notch on your bedpost?"
Kakashi was taken aback by the question, but didn't let his shock show. So this was the real reason as to why she was so against finding out he was the father. She thought he was just using Shizune - that she was a fling. Why did everyone make snap judgements on his personal life? Especially when he was a guarded fellow. Or perhaps that was the problem.
"Tsunade, with all due respect, there probably aren't as many notches as you suspect on my bedpost, and Shizune isn't just another one… she's the last one… if she'll have me."
Tsunade blinked once, twice, then let out a cackle that almost had her choke on her food. "That wasn't exactly romantic, Hokage."
Kakashi shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't trying to make it sound romantic, really. He never was one of those types.
"Well," Tsunade grinned. "I suppose that'll do."
"What will do?"
Kakashi and Tsunade both looked up at the woman they cared for - each in their different way. She held a hand to her stomach and gave them a shy smile returning to the hospital bed to try her hand at her food once again.
"Hey, you two have your secrets and now I have one with your baby daddy," she threw her head back and cackled yet again.
Shizune and Kakashi exchanged a glance. Both weren't strangers to Tsunade's apparent mood swings, but they never cease to amaze - or frighten - them.