The fic name and chapter title are both song titles, from Keaton Henson. I love that man's music to death. Anyways, I just really love angsty fics that make my heart twist in pain, so I have tortured myself and wrote this. I hope it makes you feel how I felt when i wrote this.
Disclaimer: I do not own lotr or the characters, only the plot of this fic. much thanks.
Lindir paced to and fro the reception area. Lord Elrond was due to return this morning. The Lord of Imladris had taken a host of elves with him to visit Lothlórien, and what was supposed to be a month-long visit had been extended to a year. Imladris was a safe haven, the residents there never needed much governing so a year under the Chief Counsellor's guidance in the absence of the lord was not much problem.
The realm and its inhabitants might have missed the lord but no one's longing could stand against that of Lindir's, Lord Elrond's lover. Lindir understood the extended stay, being a Lord's lover has its downside. 'They must have plenty of diplomatic things to discuss.' He had thought when Erestor received a letter from Lord Elrond about his extended stay and another letter to Lindir personally with a lengthy apology and a promise to spend as much time as he can spare with Lindir when he got back.
When he could hear the sound of hoofs against pavement Lindir stopped pacing as a wide smile graced his face, 'Finally.' He thought to himself. The horses neighed as they circled the reception while slowing to trot then stopping. "Welcome back my Lord." Lindir put his hand to his chest then towards Elrond while bowing his head. Elrond smiled as he got off his horse, letting the stable boy tend to it, he enveloped Lindir in a hug, "It has been too long, meleth nin." Lindir melted into his embrace.
When the door to their chambers were closed, Lindir pulled himself towards his lover, planting soft lips against slightly chapped ones, tongues were introduced at one point. When the need for air couldn't possibly be ignored anymore, he pulled back, panting. They laid their foreheads together, breathing in and out in unison. "I missed you." Lindir whispered to his love. "As did I." Elrond smiled. With another peck to his lover's lips, Lindir pulled back, "You must be tired after such a long journey, I had a bath drawn for you, go and cleanse yourself then you may rest while I reacquaint myself with your body." Elrond chuckled as Lindir ushered him into the bathing chambers attached to their sleeping quarters.
The lord removed his robes with tired fingers, placing them on a stool beside the door. He let out a pleased sigh as his sore body met with warm water, he got himself comfortable in the tub. As he lathered up his hair, he thought of how happy he was to see his beloved again. His beautiful, understanding and caring lover. He felt his heart sink, he could ask for no better love in his life, yet he had got it. When he had went to Lothlórien, he had thought only of diplomatic relations and meeting his old friends again. But during his one month stay, he had met someone. She shined like the sun in darkness, her warm smile could thaw frozen lakes, her laughter like a ray of sunshine on the gloomiest days. Despite his reluctance and vehement denial, he had fallen in love with her. He had raged at himself, angry, hating himself for betraying Lindir, his sweet, caring Lindir who was waiting for him at home, how could he?
He had wanted to leave before the month was even up, wanted to go back to his beloved and remind himself of the wonderful lover he already had. But Lady Galadriel had stopped him. She felt his anguish, she felt sorry for him, but she had also seen something that could only be had if Elrond stayed. So she had stopped him, and told him to see. He did not understand what she had said at first, but by the next morning he did. The lady had wanted him to see not what was in front of him, but what was in the time to come. And after he had seen, he had wept. He had seen something that he could not have with Lindir, something that would pull him and Celebrían closer, he had seen his children. His cheery, playful twins, and his sweet lovable daughter. Oh how he had wept and grieved over his choice. He had known there was not a choice anymore when children were involved. He wanted a family, he had lost his long ago when Elros had passed, he longed for another, and Celebrían could give him one.
And so with the guilty conscience in his heart, he sent a letter explaining his prolonged stay as a diplomatic importance, and another letter of apology to Lindir, he hadn't told him what he felt and his choice, or the fact that there was even a choice to be made to begin with. He thought that he wasn't that cruel that he would break his love's heart over a letter, but was he not already cruel in betraying Lindir? He spent his stay getting to know Celebrían, falling in love with her more, all the while having Lindir at the back of his mind. He had an agreement with Galadriel that Celebrían would not know of the relationship he and Lindir had, it would break her sweet little heart, Galadriel had said, and so he spent a year betraying his love. When the time to return to Imladris came, he fretted. When he got back, he would have to break it off with Lindir, and he would have to tell him of the engagement. His heart twisted at the thought of the pain he would bring Lindir, he hated himself for that.
He dried himself off with a heavy heart, dressed himself with the fresh robes Lindir had put aside for him and walked back out. Lindir had placed scented candles around the room, the drapes were pulled to block out the sun to make the room cool and relaxing. He had prepared a vial of peach-scented oil, his favourite scent. He himself uses peach scented lotion, you could call him possessive but he wanted his lover to smell like him, sweet relaxing peach. Elrond had a distressed look on his face when he came out of the bathing chambers, "Is something wrong?" Lindir was suddenly concerned. "Nay my love." Elrond tried to give a reassuring smile to Lindir. The younger elf could see there was something bothering his lover, but he wouldn't push him if he didn't wish to tell. "I do have something to tell you though, about Lothlórien." Elrond strode nervously to his lover.
"Nay Elrond, you can recount your journey to the Golden Woods to me tomorrow, for now, lay down and relax while I work my magic fingers on your travel-worn muscles. Come." Lindir led Elrond by his hand towards the bed. Elrond sighed, 'Mayhaps, he would take it better tomorrow.' He lied to himself, for he knew the answer to that, and all other excuses that he would make. But for now, he drifted off to sleep with his sweet little bird's voice in his ears, singing of love and happiness, not knowing what was to come tomorrow.
Lindir had taken the day off, it seemed that the lord was really tired, for when he woke, it was the day after he had returned. Erestor had threatened the lord to take the day off and spend it with his lover, a year was too long a time to stay away from one's lover, and Erestor would not let him stay away a day more. Elrond was grateful for his friend, but when he had thanked his friend, he could see Glorfindel giving him hard stares from behind Erestor. Glorfindel was with him in the Golden Woods, Glorfindel knew, and he hated his friend for doing something that would destroy Lindir.
"Tell me the tales of your journey while we walk the gardens, my lord." After breaking fast, they walked hand in hand in the gardens, enjoying the smell of flowers and sun on their skin. Elrond told him of how the lady and lord of Lothlórien was doing, and of Haldir and his brothers, friends of Lindir. He briefly described Celebrían to Lindir, for he had never met her, then he quickly passed on to other aspects of his journey, he would leave his confession for last. "And what of the diplomatic problems my lord?"
"It went smoothly, Imladris and Lothlórien remain friends and allies in the darkness to come." Elrond ran out of things to tell Lindir, the impending conversation looming over his mind. "Would you accompany me back to our room?" with Lindir's nod, he led his lover into the room and locked the doors, these were for his and Lindir's ears only. When Elrond turned back around, he was pounced on, eager lips met his and he was stunned at first, before he returned the eagerness, he would miss this so dearly. So instead of having the much dreaded talk, he had made love to Lindir, and when Lindir professed his love for Elrond again and again, all Elrond could do was plant kisses along his lips and jaw in reassurance of the love he could no longer say aloud for Lindir was not the only one he loved anymore.
How is it? Feeling it? I never liked how when others write about one lover betraying the other they always make one of them so heartless, elves are very emotional. And I'm going to write Lindir as the understanding lover, who forgives way too much and is selfless and kind to a fault. i suppose that might be OOC in a sense. Please tell me how you think in a comment, i was very excited for this fic and i would cry if no ones comments on it.
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