Note: I do not own Harry P. Suggesting listening: Breaking Hearts, by Elton John… Enjoy…
Breaking of Hearts
They used to say that boys are tough as nails
In every way he keeps his heart as guarded as a jail
Now things have changed, I feel so old
I always had the heart of every woman on a string
It's just that breaking hearts ain't what it used to be
Elton John
He remembered how it used to be, in earlier years… before her. It had been heaven. Different girl every day, the promise of no bitter-sweet pain of love lost. He had kept them all at a distance, watching all through the lust, the want… through the eyes. Never through the heart.
But, now… he felt so open…
It was the strangest feeling… so uncommon… So un-Malfoy like.
He just wasn't used to feeling like anyone could bruise or batter him, like the smallest word would tear him apart.
Rip up his heart… and leave him defenseless, alone and aching for someone to come along and just pick up the broken pieces of his heart and reunite them… Is this what everyone felt like when they were so confused about which way to go? What road does one walk down when each choice is a complete 180 from the other?
He had always been the one in control. Always been the one to lead the girl around, to let her go and draw her back as he felt fit. Whenever he needed them… that's all females had been back then…
Toys… things to use and dispose as needed, wanted.
Draco sighed, resting his head against the cool glass of the window pane. He had been so far ahead back then. Every girl wanted him, every guy was jealous and secretly wanted to be him. He had everyone in the palm of his hand...
That had been then, he thought with a melancholy sigh. This was now…
The night outside seemed so morose. Depressing, Draco realized. Like you could wander out into the shadows and become lost… lost in the darkness of your own heart. Lost in the mazes of ones own mind.
But, these miserable shadows weren't what caused the pain in his heart and he knew it. Knew it with every part of his being.
The only heart he could hear breaking was his own…
It was cracked…
Torn…
Ripped…
All from where she had slashed her bitter words through his very essence. Why did the only girl he ever truly felt something for have to be an archenemy, a Mudblood, and a know-it-all snob who would rather die than ever date him…
Over the years of longing, and wanting and feeling that age-old pain of breaking… he had matured. No longer did using a woman as he desired appeal to him. No longer did a different one every night still hold its effect over his mind.
He wanted one woman…
Needed one woman…
And she didn't even care if he lived…
How the tables have turned… When so long ago he was on the other side of this battle… the winning side, look at him now! Worthless and moping…
Draco pulled away from his window, moving towards his bed. He collapsed onto the downy comforter, tired and weary of not only the pain, but also his useless analyzing of the whole subject. What good would it do to sit by the window and mourn over such a useless fact?
Mourning over the fact that no matter how many friends he ever had to surround him, with out her presence he felt bare.
As if he was alone…
As if no one cared…
He had been king…
Of course, there was no point really remembering times so long past…
And it only rubbed it in his present day sorrows…
How lost he was… how desperate… how…
Needy…
Now, that he had experienced what he had put each and every one of those girls through… he couldn't say he blamed them for turning him down… and leaving him alone.
After all, the pain of love lost is far greater than one could bear…
How it singes the soul…
Each having to shovel through all those false promises… to dig out the truth…
How tiny it was… how little truth he offered each one of them…
And how could one ever want some one who never loves them…
They all left, but that never bothered him…
It was that she left… leaving him open for each girl to only dig the knives deeper, twisting and ripping.
How he hated himself for mourning so…
He figured it would be better, when this wound healed, to never leave himself open to another wound like that. It made him feel weak, used…
And he never wanted to feel that again…
I face the facts and lock myself into a life alone…
Note: I know, I know… random… but I just wanted to get out of that hole of no writing… so I go and force this… sounds like a plan… anyway… here's something… it might be changed later on… but until then… tell me what you thought of this one… Be kind… I'm in the rut of author's block… as it seems I always am…
BUT, I thought this song matched Draco perfectly! A more mature Draco discovers that breaking hearts just isn't what it used to be… and he realizes what every girl he ever destroyed the heart of feels like…
Oh, the pain of young love lost… how it tears into the heart… leaving scars no one can heal…