Her Monologue
Summary: A glooming peace shrouds above the funeral attendees. Haruhi writes somewhat of a monologue to appreciate a late cherished member of the host club.
A/N: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. Inspired by the song "Blue Eyes" by Carey Brothers. Written in Haruhi's perspective as a monologue/eulogy.
Perhaps I am the loneliest girl in the world. I have always wanted to look cool, reserved, and more importantly intelligent. I remain complaisant on terms of relationships, but never intimate. Long days of school, I remained lax, my nose dug deep inside a paperback classic. My problem? I lived, but I lived with no pulse, no passion. I lived by a steady, dull rhythm, uncouth and disinterested.
My life revolved around the realistic, selfish goals of mine; I allowed no one to enter my life, but a serendipitous day, a trespasser intruded my heart. Before, I hated, I loathed. I refused to share a bit of sympathy or empathy. I lived by selfish decrees and quite bitterly.
But all I needed was a friend. The six-letter word had a simple truffle to it, and whenever I hear it spoken, my mind rewinds to a crystallizing moment of chills and unease. And even today, the azure eyes pierce inside my heart, soul, psyche, if I may say so, though its owner is long gone. His eyes were warm and brilliant, but kept a cool and distant feel. To this day, I remain haunted, not by fear, but by regret.
The memory of meeting Tamaki Suoh replays in my mind again and again. I feel locked in and unsung. He reached out his hand to welcome me, and I haughtily rejected. But our rapport grew deeper, and pettiness soon melted away. Tamaki's silly antics always got to me. It is unusual then, to say that I almost felt enchanted by him.
I never expected Tamaki Suoh to take his life. He was the least likely to do so; Kyouya suffered from the oppressing demands of his father; the twins fought for individuality; and Hunny and Mori got stuck with condescending assumptions by ignorant colleagues. I, myself, suffered from a staunch melancholia and loneliness. But as for Tamaki, a vague veil shrouded us all from his history and problems. His smooth and glib remarks portrayed his honest, flamboyant nature; no one suspected other than that. No one knew how he lived through pain, yet managed to come up with a single smile in every situation.
Attending a grand private school, I soon learned the secret courts in the hearts of desperate men. Pupils cheated, patronized, and sneered to retain their position of power and glutton glory. I avoided such cults and rituals, yet somehow I got caught in the middle of it all.
But Suoh remained honest. His heart never judged and kept an open mind. But how can one compensate his death? He didn't cheat, smoke, drink, or gamble. He had no problems. He took every situation with kindness and optimism. He treated everyone with dignity and respect, though few kept a mutual relationship. His eyes lit a starry night and his smile erased a crappy day.
I did not understand his death. However, I have recently learned his mother took her life in front of her young child. No one knew, not even Kyouya, who owns remarkable research prowess.
The sun refuses to shine today. I can understand. The sun has taken away a cherished member of not only the host club, but one of the world's finest people. Death is never a comfortable topic; its masked figure remains in scared, low hushes and fearful stares. But I wrote this with a purpose.
Today, I do not stand on this podium to complain, or point out mistakes. I am here to acknowledge someone great, who unfortunately passed away.
I guess today, I would like to toast to the honor of a kind, unassuming young man. A glooming peace bleeds into the ambiance, and I cannot help but wonder, what if?
But we must all live under the glory, that even if a God does or does not exist, any meager amount of love can overcome hate. It certainly opened up my heart, and I'll keep this until my ship sails in. Farewell, Mr. Suoh.
A/N: So what did you guys think? I had to get back into my writing groove.