Summary: When the world is saved, all her friends go on with their lives. They all have big plans and a feeling of purpose… but Colette's less sure. She never thought she'd live beyond the whole angel transformation thing and having to plan for a life she'd never thought she'd get to have is kind of… terrifying. Especially what with all the expectations people have of her that she's just not sure she can meet. But, maybe, if she takes things one day at a time, she'll get there on her own.
Or: Colette stumbles into public speaking as a way to help others, goes on a journey of self-discovery, and accidentally befriends an angel, formerly of Cruxis, along the way.
Notes: For Aromantic Awareness Week
So I actually wanted to tell this story immediately after writing '(I Hate) Sleeping Alone' but... I was having a much harder time coming to terms with myself as an aro than I was as an ace. Internalized amatanormativity sucks and also makes writing about aromanticism hard.
But it's finally here and I'm not going to wait nearly so long before getting to the agender!Presea story I also want to write.
While this story was in part an exploration of Colette's aromanticism, it's also about her finally growing up and taking charge of her life. A lot of the choices Colette makes in the game are bad for her - she's more likely to choose to suffer in silence than to seek help - and that's when she isn't asking Lloyd to make the choices for her. I wanted to show her learning how to speak up for herself, but still maintain her willingness to speak up for others. I wanted her to realize that she can empower herself and still use her privileges to empower others too. I also wanted her to learn that its okay to be angry on her own behalf and angry with people she loves... and that she doesn't have to be the first person to forgive in those situations either.
Unexpectedly Articulate (No More Tripping Over Words)
Colette was supposed to save the world. She'd been told that since before she was old enough to understand why the world even needed saving and what she would have to give up to achieve it. She'd been molded into the perfect sacrifice and she'd lived each day to the fullest, knowing that her life was too short for regrets.
But then her sixteenth birthday arrived and the abstract concept of saving the world became a reality.
No one had ever told her that she'd be afraid.
They'd told her to exult in being the Chosen One. That her presence would bring hope and joy to the people. The priests had promised her a procession across the land and prayers in every shrine.
What Colette felt instead was that she was a fraud. She couldn't save the priests; how could she save the world?
The answer was simple. She couldn't.
Lloyd did instead. He didn't just save the world, either. Lloyd changed the world.
Afterwards, when the new Great Tree was named, Lloyd turned to Colette with a smile that any other girl probably would have described as toe-curling. They'd have waxed poetic about butterflies and warm-fuzzies and might have even kissed him on impulse.
Colette, however, basked in the warm glow of their friendship. She hugged him tightly and then turned him loose, giving him a playful shove towards Zelos and laughing when he stumbled enough that the red head had to catch him. Lloyd blushed almost as red as his shirt – or Zelos' hair – and Colette couldn't help but think the interaction between the two was hilarious, and kind of adorable.
From there she coasted from friend to friend, buoyed by their shared joy and accomplishment. It was an amazingly happy end to a terrifying adventure... and a wonderful beginning for a new world. There was an entire life stretching out in front of Colette that she'd been so certain would be snatched away at the last second... until that last second came and she was left flying, alive and well, as the world finally, truly, regenerated.
It had been a beautiful moment, one she'd been grateful to share with her best friend. Colette doubted that she'd ever be able to forget the way the world itself had seemed glow and then to grow, the empty spaces in Tethe'alla filling in with the missing pieces that were Sylvarant... then the vision of the Great Tree growing from a sprout into an immense tree...
There just weren't words to explain just how much hope and joy for the future Colette felt. Even hours later, when the group arrived at Hima's Inn for the night, Colette couldn't stop smiling dizzily at the memory of what they'd accomplished that day.
It took forever that night for Colette to manage falling even half-asleep. But eventually she dozed off about half way, her mind too busy with the concept of living a long, normal life like everyone else to fall unconscious while her body craved sleep too much, making the idea of anything more strenuous than laying in bed with her eyes closed very unwelcome.
"Do you think Lloyd will ask Colette soon?" Sheena asked quietly.
Ask her what?
Raine made a sort of questioning humming noise, so Colette assumed that she wanted Sheena to elaborate as well.
"You know... do you think he'll ask to court her?" Sheena's voice remained low pitched, presumably so as not to wake the not-quite-slumbering Colette.
Frowning and wrinkling her nose, Colette wondered where Sheena had gotten that silly idea. Lloyd was her best friend, not her crush, and he felt the same way about her. Besides, she was pretty certain Lloyd was going to try to court Zelos. Those two were kind of infatuated with each other; Colette had thought that was obvious, what with all the staring they'd been doing. It was the googly-eyed sort of staring and Colette half expected to see hearts show up over their heads.
Maybe Sheena was just… oblivious.
"Oh..." Raine sighed. "I don't know. Those two are a bit oblivious about this sort of thing."
What?
"They'll have plenty of time to sort things out now that the world is stable and the threat Cruxis posed to Colette's life is over," Raine added.
"True," Sheena agreed.
"Lloyd's attention has been largely preoccupied by Zelos as of late," Presea observed. Colette felt relieved that someone had noticed at least that much.
"Zelos put himself in a lot of danger for Lloyd's sake," Raine asserted. "With that on top of learning about Zelos' previously split allegiances, it's only natural Lloyd would spend a great deal of time worrying about Zelos."
"It was pretty shocking that Zelos was willing to take Mithos' crystal like that," Sheena said quietly. "He may be the Chosen, but... he never struck me as someone willing to sacrifice himself like that before." There was something almost wistful about her tone. "I know I've said it before, but I feel like I really misjudged him."
"Perhaps you should inform him of that." Presea paused and then added, "Lloyd's preoccupation with Zelos predates the events at the Tower of Salvation. The two of them are quite close. Additionally, though Colette's fondness for Lloyd is greater than her fondness for the rest of us, her behavior indicates no romantic inclinations. Their relationship bears more similarities to that of close siblings than of a potential courtship. It's unlikely that Lloyd will choose to initiate anything that would alter the state of their friendship."
There was a silence and then an amused sound from Sheena. "Trust me, Presea, the way Lloyd and Colette act towards each other is definitely headed towards courting."
"I have to agree with Sheena. One of my biggest worries about those two before we chose to protect Colette from Cruxis and prevent her sacrifice, was that his love for her would cause him to try and prevent the regeneration of the world to save her life. I wasn't exactly wrong," Raine chuckled. "Not completely, anyway. He saved her life and found a better way to save the world in the process."
"That's the stuff romantic novels are made of," Sheena agreed almost dreamily.
"Love comes in many forms," Presea replied cryptically. "At any rate, we do Colette a disservice by discussing this while she seems to sleep. Perhaps we should take this topic up at a later time."
Sheena and Raine agreed, reluctantly, and left for their own room, leaving Colette alone with Presea. "Should I have spoken up while they were still here?" She asked, rolling over to peer at the pink-haired girl.
"I assumed you were uncomfortable with the topic," Presea said, not really answering.
"I was. I'm not... You're right, about how Lloyd and I are. About Lloyd and Zelos too, really. I don't understand how they could both think..." Colette sighed to herself. "I was too embarrassed to speak up." Rolling back over and drifting off to sleep, Colette's last thoughts were of taking Raine and Sheena aside, separately, and correcting their weird assumptions.
Colette tried Sheena first, attempting to sort of slide sideways into the uncomfortable conversation by starting with a much tamer topic.
What were Sheena's plans now that the world was safe? Would she be returning to Mizuho to prepare for a move from Tethe'alla to Sylvarant?
Turns out the answer was yes. Sheena lit up and talked at length about all the ideas she had for making the move faster and more convenient for everyone and the sort of tasks she'd likely be assigned as the chief's successor. Colette was fascinated, nearly forgetting her reasons for asking in the first place.
But then Sheena turned the subject around on her.
"What about you, Colette? What are your plans now that the world is safe?"
Colette frowned and bit her lower lip thoughtfully. "I'm not sure, really," she finally answered. "I'm going home first, to spend time with Grandmother and Frank." She wasn't really ready to try calling him father again yet. She used to, as a child, but stopped when the rumors about her parentage grew more prevalent, though she'd lapsed from time to time… until Remiel's subterfuge had ruined the term for her entirely. Of course, she would not have been so quick to assume that Remiel was her true father if Frank had treated her more like a daughter than a religious symbol.
Colette cleared her thoughts and returned to the topic at hand. "I never thought I'd live to see the world saved," she added. "I guess… I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life, now that I actually have one. It'll be nice to have some down time to think it all over before I decide something."
Sheena's expression was almost pitying, but Colette chose to ignore it. The ninja meant well, after all.
"So… you're not going with Lloyd on his quest to gather all the exspheres?" Sheena sounded almost disappointed.
"Of course not," Colette fixed her best bewildered look on her face. "Zelos is going with him."
Sheena frowned and furrowed her eyebrows slightly. "Now that you can really live your life for yourself, don't you want to be with the guy who makes you happiest? I'm sure if you talk to Zelos..."
"I don't have those sort of feelings for Zelos," Colette interrupted, pretending to misunderstand. "He's a really sweet guy, under all his bluster, but..."
"I meant Lloyd," Sheena rushed out, blushing faintly.
"Oh." Colette went quiet, a quizzical frown on her face. "Really? That's... weird."
"Why would it be weird?" Sheena asked with a laugh, relaxing a little. "The feelings you two have for each other are obvious."
"We're best friends, but that doesn't mean I want to do everything with him," Colette corrected gently. "He's been protecting me all this time and, while I appreciate that, I need to start living my own life instead of letting others make decisions for me. That includes Lloyd."
Sheena just smiled indulgently. "I'm sure he'll be proud of whatever you end up deciding to do," she assured Colette.
"Why are you being so weird about Lloyd?" Colette asked, the question just slipping out. Well, there was no going back now, she might as well have a little fun making her point. "Are you..." she smiled broadly, "you have a crush on him, don't you?"
"W-what?" Sheena turned bright red. "N-no! Of course not."
"Oh," Colette shrugged, "I figured, what with your preoccupation with his opinion, that maybe… sorry for jumping to conclusions there."
"No, it's… it's okay..." Sheena responded faintly.
Breathing a quiet sigh of relief, Colette changed the subject. With any luck, Sheena would stop making assumptions about her and Lloyd. If not… well, maybe she'd figure it out on her own without Colette having to spell it out bluntly.
Talking to Raine was easier since she actually responded well to bluntness.
"I know you and Sheena think I've got a crush on Lloyd. I don't." Colette shrugged, adding, "I've always seen him as an older brother." She didn't bother to add that she used to argue with Genis over who had the better sibling. They hadn't done that in years and, regardless, Colette didn't want to inadvertently insult Raine, who was definitely an awesome older sister.
"Really?" Raine looked surprised as Colette nodded affirmatively. "I'm sorry. I suppose I was reading the wrong meanings out of how you and Lloyd act with one another. If I've done anything to make you uncomfortable..."
"Not really," Colette reassured her. "I just... wanted to make sure you knew before things did get awkward. I tried to explain things to Sheena, but I don't know if she got the message and… I was kind of worried that if I just out and said it, she'd try to argue that I'm somehow overlooking emotions I don't have."
"I know what you mean," Raine agreed ruefully. "Sheena seems a little fixated on the idea of something between myself and Regal as well. While I respect Regal as a friend, I... actually find him to be somewhat boring. Our fields of interest are simply too different."
Colette stifled a giggle with her right hand, looking over her fingers at Raine with mischievous glee. "Besides, he's responsible for all those old magi-tech mining tools being used instead of preserved and cataloged."
"Exactly. He doesn't care the slightest bit about their historical value or preserving them for scientific study," Raine grumbled, crossing her arms across her chest and giving a little harrumph of disapproval.
Another giggle escaped Colette and she breathed a little sigh of relief.
"Well... don't tell Lloyd this," Raine confided, cheeks turning bright pink, "but I did have something of a crush of Kratos at one point."
"WHAT?" Colette's eyes went wide.
"He's handsome, charming at unexpected moments, wise... has knowledge on a vast array of subjects that interest me..." Raine trailed off with a self-conscious laugh. "Finding out he worked for Cruxis killed off my interest at first and knowing he's Lloyd's father... well, it's a little too strange for me." There was something oddly wistful about her tone. As if, had things gone differently and Cruxis not been a sham then perhaps Raine might have shown her interest in the older man.
"What's having a crush even like?" Colette asked, deciding to leave aside the weirdness of Raine having a crush on Kratos. "I've never had one. Grandmother told me I would want to kiss boys one day, but I've never felt that way either."
"Well, wanting to kiss someone tends to be part of having a crush on that someone," Raine mused thoughtfully. "I suppose that having a crush is... when you have one you tend to get all warm and fuzzy about that person; you want to spend time with him, have his arm around your shoulders, talk with him or about him all the time... kiss him, of course," Raine shrugged. "There's usually just as much a desire for a physical connection as an emotional one."
"Huh." Colette nodded to herself. "Then I've definitely never had one."
"You will," Raine told her with a fond smile that she usually reserved just for Genis. "You've probably just been too preoccupied by saving the world and believing you'd have to sacrifice yourself. But now that you have your whole life ahead of you... you'll be able to let yourself plan for things you never thought you'd have before. A husband, children..." Raine trailed off for a moment and then added more somberly, "just don't rush into things with your first love, okay? I... I would have done things differently myself if I'd stopped long enough to think more clearly instead of letting myself be swept away with... well... he doesn't really matter anymore anyway."
Colette frowned and nodded, reaching over to briefly squeeze Raine's hand sympathetically. Whoever Raine was thinking of must have hurt her a great deal. Still, Raine was right. Colette had a chance for what she'd always daydreamed about. She could have a normal life now.
Certainly it was expected for girls her age to start courting. Perhaps not serious courtships, since the average marrying age was still a few years off, but Colette knew it was considered odd for a girl of sixteen not to have any prospects. The Church would probably want to vet candidates for her to consider... and children...
While Colette liked the idea of having children one day, the idea of having a husband seemed... less real. She couldn't conceive of needing someone other than her friends to support her. Imagining herself wanting to kiss someone didn't really work either. She'd never kissed anyone before, but it seemed… messy and unappealing. Anything more than kissing was completely unimaginable, not because she had no knowledge of what sex entailed – Grandmother had given her a basic understanding of the concept – but because the thought of someone else touching her that way seemed to shut her mind down with a distinct 'no.'
But maybe Raine was right. Maybe Colette just needed time to adjust to the fact that she wouldn't die before reaching the age of twenty and... eventually she'd meet someone she wanted to be courted by.
Maybe...
"Is something wrong?" Raine interrupted Colette's thoughts. "You just looked sad all of a sudden."
"No," Colette shook her head and plastered on a smile. "It's nothing. Just... you're right. I have my whole life ahead of me in a way I never thought I would. I guess I'm a little overwhelmed."
Unfortunately, Sheena and Raine weren't the only ones who had the wrong idea about Colette's relationship with Lloyd. To her frustration, the population of Iselia were convinced that it was only a matter of time before a courtship sprang up between the two. No amount of protesting their gossip was enough to convince them they were wrong. If anything, the condescending expressions and 'knowing' smiles of the adults betrayed their certainty that they knew better than Colette what she wanted from her life.
Colette felt as though she might scream if she had to endure another day of their attitudes. So she packed her things and then went to tell Phaidra her plans.
"Grandmother?"
"Yes, Colette?" Phaidra was sitting on the settee and she gestured for her granddaughter to settle beside her.
"I've decided to go traveling again," Colette told her, moving to the settee. "I… I've been glad to be home, but..."
"I know," Phaidra filled in when Colette faltered, "you've been troubled as of late. I've seen how when you speak to others, your… light diminishes."
"I feel as though I'm being smothered," Colette whispered softly. "Everyone has all these expectations about who I'm supposed to be and what path my life should take. But none of it is me. I don't…
"I don't want to be courted. Not by Lloyd, and not by anyone. But everyone talks as though marriage is all I'm good for now. With Lloyd gone with Zelos and Raine and Genis at Heimdall, I feel as though there's no one left but you who'll listen to what I have to say."
Phaidra studied her granddaughter closely for a moment and then sighed softly, putting an arm about her shoulders and drawing her close. "When I was your age, I had no desire to be courted either. When the other girls dreamed of romance and weddings, I dreamed of becoming a priestess devoted only to our goddess. The announcement of my arranged marriage to the brother of the Chosen was… it wasn't what I had wanted for myself.
"I came to love him in time. I wouldn't have been able to get over the death of our first daughter, who was the Chosen before you, if not for his support. But I never wholly felt the desires described by others." Stroking her granddaughter's hair, she murmured, "you have much of me in you, my dear."
"So, I'm not… I'm not abnormal?" Colette asked softly.
"Not in the least. Or, no more than I am anyway. Perhaps one day, you'll find someone. Perhaps you won't." Phaidra kissed Colette's forehead. "What is important is that you find happiness. If that eludes you here, then search it out elsewhere."
Colette only got as far as Triet before tripping over what she wanted to do with her life next. Metaphorically, anyway.
There was a crowd at the city's main church angrily shouting at the priests. Everyone was angry and scared and the maelstrom of noise was so intense that Colette couldn't discern what anyone was saying because their voices blended together.
So she waded into the crowd, people who recognized her drawing back into silence. And when she reached the middle and everyone had subsided to stare at her, she asked what was going on. They, naturally, erupted into a loud, discordant mess again.
"I'm sorry everyone, but I can't really understand what you're saying when you all talk at the same time like that." Colette smiled sweetly as everyone shut up again.
Then, one man, came forward and explained that the sudden changes to the world had frightened everyone and the church wasn't doing anything to help anyone. They didn't even know what had happened or where that 'other world' that had merged with theirs came from. Everyone was scared and the priests were expecting everyone to simply take it on faith that it would all be alright. But after all the awful things that happened in the last year – like that tree that half demolished Palmacosta – no one could do that anymore.
"Well..." Colette looked around at the sea of trusting faces. People who just wanted answers… answers she happened to have. "If you'll all listen and hold your questions until I'm done, I think I can tell you all what you want to know. But its a very long and difficult story to tell. Maybe we could head into the church so everyone can sit comfortably and I can use the acoustics to my advantage because, well, my voice is kind of quiet normally."
From Triet Colette went pretty much everywhere. Visiting cities and towns she'd visited on her journey of regeneration… and also places she'd missed. Places she'd never heard of before. Each one she would tell her story again and again. A story that began four thousand years ago. The true story of the siblings Mithos and Martel and the cost of the Kharlan War. Of the true purpose of the Chosen. Of the connections between Cruxis and the Desians and the Great Seed. Of how a young hero saw the unfairness of the world and sought to prove that if we all tried hard enough, the world could become a better place.
Colette told a story about hope and a world where prejudice and forced sacrifices had no place.
A lot of people did not like Colette's stories. The church in particular did not appreciate Colette telling people their beloved goddess was a half-elven woman reincarnated as the spirit of the new Kharlan tree. But she continued to travel and speak and enough people believed and were relieved to have the events that led to their world being reunited explained to them that Colette was so very happy.
She'd found a way to help others find peace.
But sometimes she'd be shouted down and run out of town. Which was annoying. Colette was still an angel; there wasn't much the average person could really do to her these days. That didn't make it less aggravating.
It was in Palmacosta, nearly a year later, that Colette tripped over the next big thing in her life. (Still metaphorical, though. She was growing out of her klutzy faze, thank the goddess.)
"Evidence, evidence, evidence," the man said, walking up to Colette as she exited the cathedral and acting for all the world as though they were long lost friends. "Honestly, Tethe'alla is right there for them to go visit. People from there have already been visiting over here. What more evidence do they need?"
"Well, it's more than just the worlds being reunited I'm telling everyone about. The true origin and motives of Cruxis are a bit much to take in," Colette responded blandly, eyeing the stranger with quite a bit more suspicion than she would have on her sixteenth birthday.
"I keep thinking, I bet if I showed off my wings those people quibbling in there would shut up and listen," the man said, idly leaning against the wall.
She understood the sentiment. Some people welcomed Colette's explanation of how the world had been changed. How the world restoration had saved the world in a way the previous Chosens never could. Others... did not welcome change and they blamed Colette for not saving them in a familiar way. Sometimes she wondered if she were to bring out her wings, if the people who blamed her would shut up and actually listen to the sense of what Lloyd had ultimately done.
Maybe they'd stop telling her that she should have died like a good little Chosen. It was hard to remember sometimes, but Colette knew that what they were saying made them selfish, not her.
"Are you an angel too, then?" Colette asked him.
He nodded and, for a moment, pale white wings flickered into view behind his shoulders. "My name is Gabriel, the messenger." Though his wings reminded her of Remiel, his clothing was contemporary and his hair a short, messy black. Had he not spoken of his wings, Colette might have walked by him without ever thinking him remarkable at all. "Though, I suppose I'm not really a messenger of anything anymore. The Church may continue or fade, regardless of its fate the angels are cutting all ties to it."
"Then... why are you here?"
Gabriel shrugged. "I'm curious about this world without prejudice your friend claims he's going to build."
"We're all going to work towards that goal. Even if it takes all our lives, if we can set an example of overturning prejudice then others will see how much better that is for everyone, including themselves, and follow our example... so the changes will continue even long after we're gone." Colette paused and the blushed in embarrassment. "Sorry, I seem to have picked up a habit of making speeches."
"No." Gabriel looked amused. "If you're all really going to succeed, then that's the attitude you're going to need. You'll have to convince people you're right and that they should want to change themselves for the better. You'll need to convince people like me. But... I'd like to be convinced. I wanted to meet you and... see for myself whether or not you have the conviction necessary to achieve your goals."
"What do you think?" Colette felt genuinely curious.
"The first time I saw you was when you were captured in Dherris Kharlan, along with the rest of your friends. I wasn't impressed then. But you've changed; you've a fire now you lacked then. If nothing else, you've convinced me that the possibility of change exists. Whether it will actually happen... I've got plenty of time to wait and see." Gabriel paused and then added, "a small group of angels have opted to remain on the planet instead of returning to Dherris Kharlan. So, you'll probably see me from time to time. I'll be curious about your progress."
"Will I meet any of the others?"
"Perhaps. If they're curious about you like I am. They're more interested in that friend of yours, though." Standing up away from the wall, Gabriel favored her with an amused bow and then sauntered off, tossing an 'until next time' over his shoulder as he did.
"Mithos may not have been willing to try things our way, but... I'm glad at least some of the angels will stay," Colette murmured before heading off to the Inn. She was planning to travel to Luin next and would need to get plenty of sleep before she departed in the morning. Still, she had a feeling that Gabriel's words would weigh on her that night.
"So, whose this guy I keep hearing about?" Sheena asked.
Colette had only arrived in New Mizuho a few minutes earlier, but Sheena had seemed to know the second Colette arrived at the village border. The busy successor had immediately rushed from her home to greet Colette and pull her inside for privacy, presumably to grill her with questions about her travels.
"What guy?" Colette asked blankly.
"Some dark haired guy that you've apparently had lunch with in some of the towns and cities you've visited," Sheena clarified, pouting slightly. "No one has been able to bring me a name."
"Oh, you mean Gabriel." Colette relaxed and smiled. "He's... he's one of a few angels who decided to stay here instead of Dherris Kharlan. He likes debating random subjects with me and I've gotten him to teach me about things that were edited out of the history books."
"An... angel," Sheena repeated flatly. "Colette, that's dangerous. You shouldn't be alone with him."
"Why not?" Colette frowned, crossing her arms defiantly. "I'm an angel too, you know. I am capable of taking care of myself. He doesn't mean me any harm; Gabriel just wants to see for himself whether we're capable of combating prejudice in such a way that society will genuinely improve for the better. He's a friend now."
"Ugh... you make friends too easily, sometimes Colette."
"Love thy enemy as you love thy friends, for love can transform hate and fear. Love can beget beauty and spread joy equally far and wide. Hate and fear can only beget hate and fear, harming most of all the souls of those who cleave to these feelings at the expense of the truth," Colette quoted from the book of Spiritua. Then, with a smile, Colette added, "choosing to treat you as a friend instead of a crazy anti-Martelist assassin like Raine, Kratos, and Genis thought I should certainly worked out for the best for both of us."
Sheena blushed. "But I wasn't a crazy anti-Martelist. Just..."
"Just an assassin," Colette agreed pointedly. "Trust my judgment on this, Sheena. Gabriel is a very nice man and I don't want to find your spies peering over my shoulder in your stead."
"Does Lloyd know about Gabriel?" Sheena pressed determinedly.
"I have no idea. I haven't seen Lloyd since I left Iselia." Colette shrugged. "I'm sure they'd like each other."
"You... haven't seen him at all?" Sheena looked surprised. "Then... have you... that is... I've heard some odd rumors about Lloyd and Zelos lately..."
"I can't imagine people are happy he wants to put an end to exsphere use. They're likely about as popular as I am, what with how half of the people listen to me and the rest tell me I should have died like I was raised to. I'm sure Raine and Genis are having a difficult time with the elves too. Change takes time and, for now, I wouldn't believe any rumors. If there's something other than friendship between Lloyd and Zelos then I'll wait to hear about it from them before congratulating them on finally getting together." Colette tried very hard not to laugh at the shocked look on Sheena's face.
"W-what? Congratulations? But... the rumors are... you'd congratulate them on doing something as sinful as..."
"As finding happiness with the one they love?" Colette gave Sheena a stern look. "There's nothing sinful about that sort of relationship, Sheena. I'm pretty sure those two feel that way about each other, but I don't want to presume things about them either. After all, I don't like it when people assume things about me that aren't true. I could be wrong after all and I'd hate to say something that might make things awkward with them. A strong friendship like what I have with Lloyd is a pretty rewarding thing all in itself and certainly I get annoyed when people mistakenly imply that I should desire something other than what I have."
Sheena scowled and shifted uncomfortably. "Whether or not Lloyd and Zelos are..." she crossed her arms defensively, "it's immoral for two men to carry on that way."
"How, exactly, is it immoral for two consenting adults to involve themselves in a romantic relationship?" Colette demanded, utterly shocked that she was hearing this from Sheena of all people.
"They... they can't have a family! That sort of relationship can't go anywhere."
"Then what your saying is that an infertile woman can't have romance either. After all, she can't bear children," Colette countered.
Eyes wide, Sheena shook her head. "In that case, the couple could just adopt."
"Why shouldn't two men be able to adopt a child together? Or two women?"
"Because children need a stable mother and father figure to grow up okay."
"An hour earlier I'd have said you were evidence that's not true," Colette replied hotly, moving towards the door and sliding her shoes back on, "but with all this prejudice you're spouting its clear something's wrong with you. I wouldn't say it's because the only parental influences you had were the Chief and then the Vice Chief, though. I'd say it's because you're choosing to be purposefully ignorant. I do hope you bring this up in front of Lloyd, though. I hope I'm there to see the look on your face when you realize just how badly this sort of attitude disappoints him.
"We fought to put a stop to all types of prejudice and it makes me sick to hear you talk this way." Grabbing her things and walking out on the stunned Sheena, Colette very nearly tripped as soon as the door shut. Her ears were ringing as the shock of her own words settled down on her.
Colette had never spoken to her friends like that. She'd never felt the need to before. But hearing someone she loved and respected spout that disgusting prejudice like it was normal, like Colette was the one being stupid... her hands clenched as anger fired through her again.
No one had the right to dictate to others whether or not they should pursue a romantic relationship. Then there was the fact that the ability to have children didn't mean that everyone who could should, or even wanted to. What did romantic relationships have to do with deciding to have children anyway? There were plenty of wonderful single parents out there, like Dirk.
Breathing out slowly, Colette began walking away, planning to leave the village quietly and just... go. She'd been invited to talk in Flanoir by the Tethe'allan Church. They wouldn't mind if she arrived early and it would be nice to see the snow again.
Though she could hear as the door to Sheena's house opened behind her, Colette didn't look back as she flew away.
"You look upset." Gabriel slid into the booth with Colette, on the opposite side of the table. He waved down a waitress for a menu, cheerfully flirting with her as he ordered a beer at the same time.
"I was supposed to spend a few days visiting with my friend, Sheena, but I decided to come here early instead. She... said some things I was shocked to hear from her and I was too upset to stay."
"She'd be the young lady with a village of ninjas at her beck and call, right?" Gabriel clarified, earning a nod from Colette.
The random meet ups for lunch had started shortly after Gabriel first introduced himself to Colette and, as she'd told Sheena, the two got into all kinds of debates. Colette had set the ground rules that when one or both felt like the debates got too personal – too painful – that they stop and either change topics or try to explain why the topic was personal. The point wasn't to attack each other or deliberately hurt one another's feelings after all, but for both of them to better understand different sides of an argument and each other. Certainly having her own personal Devil's Advocate to bounce ideas off of had already made Colette a better speaker and Gabriel seemed to enjoy the verbal sparing as much as she did.
Maybe it was just Colette, but she felt like they were both learning a lot from each other about privilege and power and the different ways oppression had manifested in their lives.
But today... Colette didn't need a debate partner. Maybe a shoulder to cry on...
"I never realized she was prejudiced against romantic couples where the people involved were of the same gender." Colette twisted her napkin nervously. She knew it was a common prejudice, more so in Tethe'alla than in Sylvarant. Maybe Gabriel shared it. Gabriel still had anti-human prejudices that he wasn't ready to let go of, after all. Not even their friendship had changed that. Well, not yet anyway.
"I used to have the same problem, though I did get over it eventually. But then, I'm around 2,000 years old. Took me a while to see that this world takes all kinds and that love, real love, is a rare quality. It should be celebrated no matter what form it takes. I guess you just have to hope that your respect is more important to her than maintaining her prejudices." Gabriel flipped open his menu.
Somehow, Colette felt a little more stable. There was a question on the tip of her tongue that she hadn't dared ask before, but she did now. "Why did you join Cruxis?"
Gabriel eyed her for a long moment and she wondered if he'd pass on the question. Then, sighing to himself, Gabriel set aside his menu. "That's a very complicated question. I didn't join Cruxis first, after all. I joined the Desians. I'm a first-gen half-elf and my mother, an elf, made it clear to me as a child that my father had abandoned her while she was pregnant with me and that I was to blame for all her problems. I ran away when I was... I don't know, ten, eleven? I'm really not sure how old I was, really. But I assumed that the way I was treated was the way all half-elves were treated. I was pretty much the ideal recruit for the Desians, who systematically reinforced everything I thought I knew. After all, if you're surrounded by people who hate the same things you do, you can't all be wrong... right?"
He gave a sly, self-deprecating smile. "I don't know why I was selected as a candidate to become an Angel. I never found out what happened, but something had wiped out a few hundred angels and Lord Yggdrasill was trying to get the ranks back up to match quotas or something. But I went from a young, twenty-something Desian to a newly minted angel practically overnight and continued to have all my prejudices reinforced. Cruxis was about equality for all, so long as we were more equal than everyone else." Gabriel laughed at the way Colette's nose scrunched up at the illogic of his 'more equal' comment.
"I used to have Remiel's job, swapping out every so often with the 'ground crew,' which is the job Lord Kratos had with you." Gabriel hesitated, as if gauging Colette's reaction, and then forged ahead. "Then, one day, I don't know what it was about the girl... but I thought it was a terrible waste for her to die. I started questioning, quietly, why things were the way they were. Cruxis Crystals didn't change minds, just bodies, so what really made us so damn superior anyway?
"I got reassigned to shut me up. But once I started questioning one preconceived notion... I started questioning all of them. Or at least I started questioning the ones I realized were based on fear and anger and arrogance, not facts." He went quiet and then added softly, "you remind me of her."
Colette wasn't really sure what to say about that, so she reached over and squeezed his hand briefly. He seemed to relax as she pulled away and smiled at him. After the waitress came back to take their food order, Colette steered their conversation to new subject entirely.
As luck had it, Colette found herself in Meltokio at the same times as Lloyd and Zelos. She enjoyed their nervous looks when they, haltingly, came out to her as a couple. She especially enjoyed the shocked expressions they sported when she gleefully announced that she'd guessed already and was so very happy for them.
She also mentioned that Presea had thought there was the potential for courting there, so they might want to consider outing themselves to her next.
It was... more difficult to explain the argument she'd had with Sheena, admitting that she'd stormed out without giving Sheena a chance to process anything Colette had said... without giving Sheena the time to consider that the beliefs she held really were prejudices. Colette might have cried a little then and her friends hugged her.
She told them about Gabriel after that. Lloyd was concerned that someone from Cruxis was following Colette around, but he promised to trust her judgment until he had a chance to meet the guy himself and form his own opinions. Colette had absolutely lit up at his words. He wasn't second guessing her or questioning her decisions. Her best friend trusted her instincts.
Colette had forgotten how nice it felt when he did that.
Gabriel didn't show up again until Colette was back in Sylvarant. He wasn't there to see Colette either. Instead, Colette saw him having a rather heated conversation with a blonde woman with delicately pointed ears and a haughty sneer for anyone who got close enough to catch her notice.
Something told Colette that the woman was one of Gabriel's fellow angels.
Though the woman paid Colette no attention, Gabriel noticed her. His eyes flicked hesitantly towards the woman and then he shook his head subtly. Colette nodded in return and stayed away. She was pretty certain he wouldn't warn her off without good reason.
A few hours later, Colette settled into the common area of the Inn she was staying at, determined to learn cross stitching since making unexpected patterns sounded like fun. However, she did not get to start on her 'Beware of (Sarcastic) Dog' pattern right away. Gabriel slumped into the chair next to her, gaining Colette's immediate attention.
"I'm sorry about earlier," he started without preamble. "Jeannette isn't... she just... I don't think she should interact socially with people." He grimaced and dropped his face into his hands. "I should find a nicer way to phrase that."
"I take it then that she's an angel who wants to stay but is having trouble... adapting?" Colette asked.
"Yeah. That's one way of putting it." Gabriel looked up and smiled, albeit in a sort of pained way. "She's not a big fan of yours, or of your friends. She thinks that with Lord Yggdrasill gone, the world is doomed. I'm pretty sure she just wants to stick around because she's a pyromaniac and wants to watch the world burn."
"Is she a friend of yours?" Colette asked hesitantly.
"Goddess, no," Gabriel replied emphatically. "Unfortunately, she's decided to start stalking me... sort of. I call it stalking, she calls it 'friendly visits.' Since I'm not sure what she wants, I don't want to antagonize her when I don't know if I'm risking a fight or not." He paused and then added, "she's not exactly happy I've been attending your various sermons, that's for sure."
"If you'd like," Colette offered cautiously, "we could... travel together? That way you'll always know there's someone nearby to back you up, if she gets out of hand."
He stared at her for a long moment and then nodded thoughtfully. "I think I'd like that a lot, Colette."
Traveling with Gabriel reminded Colette a little of traveling with Zelos. He was an incorrigible flirt but thankfully didn't seem particularly interested in flirting with Colette. He'd spend the night with women he met in bars and taverns sometimes and only asked once if that bothered her. She'd been confused as to why it would, because it definitely didn't, and he'd looked very, very relieved at her response.
Jeannette showed up a few times as Colette and Gabriel zigzagged back and forth across Tethe'alla and Sylvarant. But Gabriel made damn well sure that she and Colette never spoke to each other. Which… was, admittedly, a bit frustrating. Colette would have liked to meet her and form her own opinions of the woman. Unfortunately, Jeannette's appearances were so brief and few that there was no point in complaining to Gabriel yet. He had introduced her to a few other angels who seemed nice enough, after all, and Colette's public speaking requests had picked up considerably since she'd started including Tethe'alla
Colette's speeches these days were less about explaining the way the world came to be as it is now and more about peace, fair trade, and ending prejudice. In order to illustrate just how harmful prejudice was, Colette looked for half-elves who were willing to stand with her and speak about the racism they'd suffered. While Colette understood how bad prejudices against half-elves were, her words lacked the impact born of the lived experiences of being half-elven. It was harder in Sylvarant; half-elves who spoke out against oppression were often called 'Desians' and cast out of their community, made all the more frustrating that half-elves were supposedly better treated in Sylvarant than Tethe'alla… as long as they didn't complain, anyway. They would call Colette a traitor to humanity in those places, but she knew better than to listen.
She did what she could to be a good ally to half-elves, though. Colette didn't want to speak over them when they were quite capable of speaking for themselves, of calling humans and elves alike on their rank hypocrisy and racism. And where half-elves couldn't speak for themselves because it wasn't safe, Colette did her best to speak for them. Though Colette had never truly believed herself special, other people did. She was the Chosen and her words carried weight. What better cause to lend that weight to than that of equality for all people regardless of their genetics?
If nothing else, when Raine and Genis showed up to one of her speaking arrangements, they'd been proud of her words and actions.
(Colette was pretty sure Raine and Genis also took Gabriel aside and read him the riot act for what would happen if he was not the utmost gentleman to Colette in their travels. Colette, on the other hand, took Raine aside and made it clear there was nothing besides friendship between her and Gabriel. Still no crushes for Colette and that was how she hoped it would always be. Raine didn't really understand, but she'd seemed respectful enough. Not about to go full social scientist on her, anyway.)
Presea and Regal were proud of her work too. And she was proud of them as well. Regal was finally healing from Alicia's death. He no longer bound his hands in irons but instead had cleaned himself up and retaken control of his family's company. Presea was finally getting to grow up physically and emotionally. While she'd never be a demonstrative or effusive person, Presea's laughter was all the more precious to Colette for its rarity.
"You were awesome, Colette," Lloyd said, sweeping her into a hug. "I don't know how you do it. Speaking to crowds like that… I don't even want to imagine doing that myself."
"Eh, you'd get used to it," Zelos opined. "Though our dear little Colette has become a master at manipulating the crowds. I'm so proud." He mock wiped away a tear.
Colette responded by hugging Zelos next. "It's not what I ever expected from myself, either," she admitted. "But I've grown to really enjoy it. And its helped a lot of people too."
"Have you heard that Asgard is going to enact anti-discrimination laws?" Lloyd grinned. "We were there last week and it was all Harley, Aisha, and Linar could talk about."
"Harley was getting to have input on how the laws were written, but he credited the fact that they were listening to him to the fact that you'd given him the platform to start speaking from." Zelos grinned in amusement, adding, "I think he's got a bit of a crush."
"Oh, no," Colette shook her head, a bit panicked in her dismay. "I hope I didn't give him the wrong impression."
"Nah. Sorry, I was just messing with you," Zelos assured her, ruffling her hair slightly.
Colette ducked her head and straightened her hair, poking her tongue out at Zelos playfully even as she relaxed in relief. Sobering, she told her friends, "the idea of anyone liking me that way is just… alarming, really. I don't ever want to be in a romantic relationship, but having to reject someone's feelings is just..." she shivered anxiously.
"So then you and Gabriel aren't..." Lloyd trailed off uncertainly.
"Oh, no, not at all. Come on, you two should meet him." Colette led the way to where she'd promised to meet Gabriel.
Unfortunately this was one of those times when Jeannette was there. The two of them were arguing in low tones. This time, Colette went forward anyway.
"Hello, Jeannette, right?" Colette smiled brightly and held out a hand in greeting. "Gabriel's told me all about you."
Jeannette froze, stared at Colette's hand for a long moment, and then slowly – but not necessarily reluctant, just confused – took her hand. "You're the Chosen. One of them, anyway," Jeannette responded, nodding towards Zelos.
"Please, call me Colette." She turned and introduced Zelos and Lloyd to both Gabriel and Jeannette. The former looked bemused and the latter completely lost. "None of us have had dinner yet, right?" She grinned when everyone agreed that dinner had not been a thing yet that day. "Then we should all eat together."
And so they did.
Jeannette was Colette's newest friend by the end of the night. But friend in the same sense that Sheena had been Colette's friend after Sheena's first failed assassination attempt. Colette liked Jeannette well enough; Jeannette was still on the fence.
Colette understood why Gabriel was wary of her. Jeannette was the sort of person who argued for the sake of arguing and there was anger and rage towards humans simmering just below the surface that Colette could easily see turning violent quickly. Certainly Colette wouldn't want to have to fight her. But… she seemed sad too, and lonely though she hid it well. The older woman had a dry wit that was fiercely entertaining; she'd manged to confound even Zelos a few times during dinner.
Colette was confident that, given time, their friendship would be mutual. After all, Colette had yet to meet someone who'd failed to succumb to her honest friendliness.
"So…" Gabriel trailed off. "Jeannette's being less threatening to me these days. Because of you and your rays of pure sunshine and daisies. I… really didn't see that coming, to be honest. Maybe I misjudged her a little too."
Colette cocked her head to the side, waiting for Gabriel to get to the point.
"So if you want us to stop traveling together, that's fine."
"I like traveling with you," Colette told him. She cocked her head to the side thoughtfully, not certain if she was right or not about what was really troubling him. "I mean… ideally one day I'll settle down somewhere next door to wherever Zelos and Lloyd end up. Or if they don't mind me living with them, I'd have a room of my own and their house would be my house too. So if you're concerned I might… catch feelings for you, that's really not a problem. I like our friendship the way it is."
There were rumors lately, about the two of them. Colette's detractors saying they lived in sin; others claimed they must be courting to travel alone together. Colette never once got the impression that Gabriel wanted anything like that - courtship or bed sharing - from her, however. But the implication from others that one or both of those things transpired between them? Never ceased to make Gabriel nervous and uncomfortable. Perhaps he simply needed reassurance of their friendship.
"Really, that's… that's good." Gabriel did indeed look relieved. "I don't do romance."
"Neither do I." Colette paused a beat, then added quickly, flushing slightly in embarrassment, "I don't do sex either, though it doesn't bother me that you do so with others."
"Then we're cool to keep doing what we've been doing?" Gabriel asked, for confirmation's sake. He looked quite pleased by the outcome of their conversation and Colette felt that way as well.
She nodded. "We're cool," she agreed with a laugh.
Notes: While I don't get to it here, Colette and Sheena do eventually make up. Sheena's got a lot of growing to do before she ready to start apologizing, though.
Also, at the time of the fight, Colette was also still working through her own feelings regarding whether she wants to have kids of her own (she does) and what that would mean for her when she doesn't want to be married. So a lot of what Sheena was saying felt very threatening to Colette personally even though she wasn't entirely aware of why she felt that way at the time.
Eventually Colette retires from her public speaking work so that she can adopt and raise kids. She might un-retire when her children (two? maybe two) are old enough to travel with her.