I'm really sorry about this one guys. Just had to get it out of my head after watching the finale (also wow, that was…something…) but I hope I captured Glenn's mindset in the 30 seconds of screen time he had. Major kudos to all the actors for an amazing performance, not sure how I'm gonna make it to October though. So I apologize for the major angst ahead, I just couldn't resist delving deeper into Glenn's thoughts here. I promise I'll make it up to you guys with some fluff in the next installment of "Fire" which you should be on the lookout for soon.
Without further ado, have ~1000 words of Glenn worrying about Maggie's safety!
There was one perfect moment when he was shoved from the van that he scanned the lineup of his family, all on their knees, and didn't see Maggie. A wonderful wave of relief crashed over him; finally, something had gone right. Well, not right, exactly. He and the rest of his family were in one of their worst spots yet, wait, no, definitely their worst spot yet. But Maggie wasn't. Whatever prompted their group to leave the relative safety of Alexandria (possibly looking for him and the others, he groaned to himself) she hadn't gone with them.
She was at home, perfectly safe because everyone who threatened them was in this strange, sick circle gathered around him and the rest of their family. Whatever happened to him and them, she was alright (for the time being, but, God, he'd take it). Oh, he knew she was worried sick about him, just like he would be if the roles were reversed. They hated being separated, and always said they'd rather be together, even if they were in danger. But he was always lying; he'd much rather be in danger and know she was safe. Practically from the day they met, he couldn't ever stand to see her vulnerable.
Because it was just so unlike Maggie to be scared. She was the girl who swooped out of nowhere on a horse and saved Andrea with a baseball bat, of all things; she stabbed walkers through riot gear; she killed humans with a mask of fury and walkers with a smile. Lately she'd been scared far too often, all because they kept making the wrong decisions, not through any fault of their own.
They'd had crappy luck, but had always managed to scrape and claw and fight their way to safety, if not victory. And finally, it seemed (for one perfect moment) that they'd made the right decision. Almost everybody he cared about most in the world was with him in those woods, lined up in a sickeningly methodical row, except for Maggie and, by extension, their unborn baby.
And he hated himself for being so relieved, when the rest of the group was so incredibly fucked, but they were what mattered most to him.
(They had been for a while now.)
Thanks to the blinding lights, Glenn got that perfect moment of thinking they were fine, they were home, they were asleep in bed or having a late-night snack with Enid or doing anything other than waiting for death in the middle of a goddamn forest –
- But it was just a moment, and it ended when his stubborn eyes stopped protecting him from the truth: She was there, sandwiched between Rick and Abraham, and something was really wrong with her.
He asked, "Maggie?" like it was an answer he was just begging to have gotten wrong, but before his brain could make sense of it, he was being shoved into line, though thankfully in a place where he could see her.
Although that was probably a bad thing after all, because looking at her for longer than two seconds quashed any thought that maybe her trembling and sweating could attributed to fear.
(If he wasn't operating solely on adrenaline and terror, he would've known Maggie, his Maggie, didn't show fear like that, especially not in front of the enemy.)
As it was, Glenn paid little to no attention to that asshole's speech when he came out of the RV, about how they'd brought this on themselves, and what their lives were gonna be like from then on. He just was trying to understand why she was there, what they'd done wrong to bring on so many consecutive disasters. And fuck, why was this guy still talking, couldn't he see how sick she was? What kind of person could just see someone, friend, stranger, or enemy, in that much pain and just do nothing?
Or worse. One second he started talking about punishment and then – "Jesuuuus, you look shitty. I should just put you out of your misery –"
If he'd planned it, it would've gone differently. He would have come up behind him more smoothly, been more aggressive and less desperate and actually taken the bastard down and probably gotten everyone killed in the process. So maybe it was for the best that he didn't have time to plan anything, because what came out, the frantic pleading and choking sobs, that was the kind of shit Negan got off on.
And he didn't want to kill anyone who entertained him like that anytime soon.
Glenn thought a second later that he wasn't even gonna do anything to Maggie, because he liked watching someone in pain. Not that that hunch would've stopped Glenn's instinct to protect her (because nothing could) but he felt bad for using up their group's one outburst on what was likely an empty threat. But then, Glenn couldn't trust himself to reach logical conclusions right then; assessing Negan's threat against Maggie as empty was probably just denial or wishful thinking.
That was going through his head, even as he was forcibly dragged back to his place in line, and as half-formed pleas fell desperately from his lips. He didn't know what he was pleading for: her life; their baby's; their group's? Maybe even just a place beside her in line would've been good enough for the moment, because he couldn't stand not being able to comfort her through whatever was happening to her.
He didn't know what miscarriages looked like, but surely even that wouldn't cause that amount of pain.
He thought he might throw up.
It just hurt, because for a little while there, he'd really thought they'd made it. That they'd come out the other side, and could finally start to build on something instead of just fight keep it from being destroyed.
As Negan started the childish choosing game, Glenn tried to formulate a plan, a strategy for if he landed on Maggie.
For the first time since they'd been taken to Woodbury, he realized he might not be able to save her.
No. No. Not an option.
Glenn closed his eyes, took a breath, and thought harder.
Thanks for reading! Feel free to reach out at my tumblr, rosy-doze or leave a review!