Kyoya leaned against a wall, thinking about what he had to do on his last day at Ouran Academy. Tamaki was his best friend, and it pained him that he would have to walk away from him. He loved him dearly, but had rationalized his next actions by believing that their relationship wasn't healthy for either of them. He hurt when Tamaki hurt, and visa versa. Their codependency was too much, and neither of them could have a full experience of life if they always were with each other, at least that's what he had convinced himself the reason was.
Footsteps were fast approaching, pulling him from his thoughts momentarily. Haruhi was rushing towards the school at a feverish pace. Something had her in a hurry, and he could guess what that reason was.
"Hey," he called, hoping she would hear him, "do you have a minute?"
She stopped and looked around. In her haste she hadn't even noticed that she had gone past him. There was a frazzled look in her eyes. He was waiting, and she didn't want to be late.
"Sure," she replied, "but only a minute. I've got to find Tamaki."
Just hearing his name hurt. He was going to be crushed, but it was for a good reason. It's for the best, right?
"Good. He was suppose to meet me, and I really need to talk to him alone. He said he would be here, could you remind him that we are suppose to meet?"
She looked concerned, but nodded. "Yeah, I could do that."
"Thanks," he said, returning to his thoughts.
He was shrouded in the shadow that the school cast over the grounds. The wind blew, sending a shiver down his spine. Something about the whole day seemed off. There was an eerie vibe in the air. Electricity seemed to be arching from the trees to his body causing his skin to vibrate. All he could do was stand rooted to the spot, fearing that even the slightest movement might cause the world to come to a catastrophic end.
I have to do this. We are going to go our separate ways eventually anyways, and we wont be seeing as much of each other now that we're going to be attending different universities. It's for the best, it has to be.
Kyoya began to think about all the adventures that him and Tamaki had been on through the years. It had all started because it would be a mutually beneficial friendship to each family, but had become so much more. He loved him dearly the way he love his very own family, possibly more if that was at all possible. They had a bond that he would always cherish, and it was going to pain him to walk away. Tamaki needed a better friend, someone who could care for him in all the ways he needed, and he had found that in Haruhi. She would take care of him.
Tamaki was one of the best people he had ever had the chance to met, and he had become a better person for it. It seemed like everyone was a better person because of Tamaki. Part of his charm was being able to make people feel good when they were at their lowest. Actually, that was most of his charm. The other part was his ability to be a smooth talker and always say exactly what the people around him wanted to hear the most. His way with words was a true gift.
It had been Tamaki's boredom that had created his most memorable times at Ouran. He had suggested that they create the club together. While he thought that it would be a mundane activity, it had brought a joy to his friends eyes. Begrudgingly, he had a agreed, and had could not have been happier about it.
He knew that he would have met all of the people from the Club in passing at some point. Their families would have come together, and they would have been forced to make small talk with each other. It wouldn't be anything more than a superficial conversation for their families sake, then nothing more. They would see each other in passing, and might say "hello," then move their separate ways. That was just the way wealthy families tended to be with one another. There was no need for it to be more than for business.
Tamaki was different. He didn't want those fake relationships with no meaning behind it. His desire was to find people that he could help and get along with well. Family connections didn't mean as much to him as personal connections did. Somehow, he had managed to find people who didn't even know they needed him in their lives, and was able to change them for the better. He truly admired him for it.
Time was slowing down as he rehearsed what he wanted to say in his head. "Tamaki, I am so sorry, but I think it might be better if we go our separate ways now. I don't want to see our friendship fade out later. "
No, that was no good at all. "Tamaki, you know I want to be here for you, but you should lean more on Haruhi. She is the one you should go to when you have any issues."
That still didn't feel right. Maybe he should go with something else. Tamaki, I think we might be too close, and we rely on each other too much. We cant do this to each other anymore.
"It's not fair to Haruhi, or us, if we keep this relationship up. I feel like we might be standing in the way of you two becoming more, and I need to step away."
"When you spend time with Haruhi, I get..."
No, none of that was right. He would just have to try and come up with something on the spot. It couldn't be that hard to explain to his best friend why they needed to part ways. But in all honesty, was his reasoning sound?
Deep down, Kyoya knew that him and Tamaki needed to step away from each other. "We are growing older" he said out loud. "Nothing could stay the same forever. Friends drift apart anyways. It would be better to get it over with now."
But was that the actual reason? Was there more to the emotions he felt? He knew that when the three of them were out together, he would get mildly jealous. There would be times that he would glance at them, lovingly together, and feel a burning and longing in him. He wanted to feel that way with someone, and it hurt to see them happy.
I can't say that, now can I? What would I do? "Tamaki, I can't stand seeing you in love and me not having it. I need space and time to think. And to be honest, I just don't think I can do this anymore."
It all seemed ridiculous to him. He knew that he needed the space, and Tamaki would accept it. That was just the way he was. Even if it hurt, he would put his feelings aside to make sure Kyoya had what he needed. It would end up hurting him more than Tamaki anyways. He cared for him so much more than he could explain. He saw his friend like he was family, and he would die for family, but he need this.
Kyoya's mind began to wonder to thoughts that were a little happier. Mentally, he walked down the halls of the school, enjoying the view and worrying less about the finances of the club. It was actually what he had done earlier in the day. He had been able to hone his business prowess within the walls and show his father just what he was capable of doing. But just this once, he looked at his surroundings without internally running numbers. The establishment was astounding with it's stunning features and intricate architecture. It was truly awe inspiring.
He could see his friends, laughing as they created new events for their female guests to enjoy. Tamaki always believed that the more lavish and extravagant the event, the happier everyone would be. Kyoya would just see the cost of it all, and how much the Host's would have to make to be able to afford the events. It was a good thing that so many woman wanted Tamaki's attention, otherwise they would never make the money they needed.
There was voices in the distance, coming closer. Laughter and joy floated in the unnatural static of the air. It was a sound that would never leave these grounds for most, yet here he stood, about to ruin that for someone. It was about to be his duty to take the smile off of one of the best people in the world. It's for the best. You need to do this for you.
Every justification he came up with was weaker and weaker. It was coming to the point that he didn't even remember the real reason he was about to do this. The only thing he knew for sure was that he hurt emotionally, and knew that Tamaki was part of it. It had been happening for awhile, and if he didn't find his happy again, he didn't know what he would do.
He heard the light motion of Tamaki's clothing rubbing together as he moved. Why is that a noise I recognize? Do friends typically know how their other friends clothes sound when they move? They must, or at least those that have spent as much time together as they had, right?
Kyoya had been so involved in whether or not close friends knew little quirks of their friends that he didn't hear Haruhi and Tamaki stop. If he had, he probably would have run. He was having second thoughts, then third thoughts about doing this, but he knew he couldn't. Now that he was here, he had to stick to it. Resolve, he had to be resolved, and he couldn't go back on it once it was done. That wouldn't be fair to either of them.
"Hey buddy!" Tamaki said across the space between us, hopeful and lightheartedly. "You wanted to talk to me?"
"Tamaki," he began, his voice sounding cold to even to him. He couldn't bring himself to look into his friend's eyes, or even in his general direction. Instead, he looked over Tamaki's shoulder at the building behind him. Resolve. "This friendship is something I cannot carry on." Liar, this isn't what you had planned! What are you saying! "You drain me and I wont put up with it anymore." What the hell Kyoya! Stop! "All these years, it is just too much." This is not the tactic that we went over! "This is the last time I will be talking to you."
He watched Tamaki laugh, feeling a knife rip through him. Apparently, after all his careful thinking, his mind decided to hurt his friend instead. He supposed that was actually a good way to go about this. If his friend hated him for the things he said, then maybe, just maybe, it would be easier for him to be okay with Kyoya leaving.
Tears formed in his friends eyes, crushing his soul a little. Resolve, Kyoya, resolve. "Kyoya, you can't be serious, right?"
He said nothing, knowing that if he opened his mouth it would be a cry of pain. Instead, he tried to keep his eyes blank so that Tamaki would believe the words he was saying. Hate me Tamaki. Hate me as much as I hate myself right now.
"Please, don't do this to me!" Tamaki cried, the pain in his voice so evident. He sounded thoroughly broken "I need you in my life. You've been my one constant. You've been there for me at my lowest. You cant leave me now, you just can't."
He turned away, not saying a word. All he wanted to do was comfort his friend. His feet began to move his reluctant body away from the mess he created. The sound of Tamaki's voice saying "please" was breaking him to bits. It's been done. It will hurt more now if you turn back. Resolve. He did, however, force his feet to stop long enough to put his head down, eyes closed trying not to picture the scene he was walking from, and softly say, "I'm sorry."