ok, so really, this is more of an original story that my friends and I wrote, but there's going to be plenty of spoofs based off of tv shows, movies, cartoons, etc. hope you like it!
Opening Scene
On the highest peak of the tallest mountain, in the darkest part of the land, sat a castle in the darkest shades of hot pink and sunshine yellow. But this was no ordinary castle. Oh no. This castle belonged to Lucifer, the Dark Lord. Or, as random gay club-goer would usually add "And world renown gay stripper!". Everything within the castle walls were adorned with hot pink and sunshine yellow. Except, of course, for Oniri's room, since she's the dark kind of baddie with goth themes (yuck!).
Everything includes the throne room, where Lucifer was currently sitting, watching Grymm, the Evil Mascot, dancing around and singing at the top of his lungs (though it was so far off key that it could make your ears bleed). Lucifer held a smile and bobbed his head in time to the song. He stopped when his right hand man...er, woman...entered the throne room with an angry scowl.
"Lord Lucifer, the soldiers are ready," she said.
"Excellent!" Lucifer said, rising from the throne and grinning like...well...a total friggin moron. "Come, Grymm! It's time for us to take over the world!"
"Here we go," Oniri muttered sarcastically, rolling her eyes as Lucifer went into an all together too well prepared (and often repeated) world domination speech. She looked at him after a moment, an anime vein forming on her forehead. "We get it, you loser! Let's go already!"
Lucifer stopped speaking and stared at the Fairy for a moment, blinking. Then he grinned at her. "Ok!"
Oniri rolled her eyes again and turned to leave. "Idiot."
Moments later, the trio arrived in the training grounds where Lucifer's army stood, awaiting orders. Upon seeing row after row of his troops, Lucifer grinned.
"You're all just so adorable! But now is the time to fight and take over the lands! We must cause chaos and destruction! We shall bring every civilization that dares to defy us to their knees!" Lucifer said. "Now go, my pets! Go and spread terror throughout the lands of Candi Roxxx!"
Lucifer's army just stood there, squeaking and staring at him. Lucifer stared back at the squirrel army and began to wonder why they weren't following orders. Oniri got an anime vein again and growled.
"Get moving or you little rats are going to be my dinner!" she shouted.
The squirrels squeaked in terror and ran out of the gates to carry out their orders before angering the fairy any further. Lucifer looked at Oniri.
"Don't threaten the squirrels! They didn't do anything to you!" he whine.
Oniri looked at him, her eye twitching. "I got them moving, didn't I?"
"Yes," Lucifer said.
"Then shut up and let's get moving!"
Lucifer stared at her for a moment. "Are you on your period? You're really grouchy."
"Ooh! Butterfly!" Grymm yelled and chased after the butterfly.
Oniri growled. Why was she working with these idiots again?
(insert theme song here: Oh Oh Oh Sexy Vampire)
Chapter 1: BAM!...Wait...What?
"Raynor, it's time to get up!"
Raynor groaned and mumbled incoherently as he buried his head in his pillow.
"Raynor, get up!"
"Five more minutes," he replied, voice muffled by his pillow.
"Raynor, get your lazy ass out of bed, or so help me, I will drag you out and down the stairs feet first!"
Instantly, Raynor tumbled out of bed, tangled in the blankets so badly that he couldn't stand. His mother, Relena rolled her eyes at him.
"Breakfast in ten. Be on time today," she told him and walked out of his room.
Raynor untangled himself from his blankets and got up. He grabbed some clothes and went to bathe and dress. He went down the stairs of the small house he lived in with his mother, father, and little sister. He sat at the table next to his sister and remained silent.
"King Ooga Boo is coming with the Master Wizard to find an apprentice to take over," Raynor's father, Armando informed the room, still looking at the local news on his iPad.
"Who do you suppose they'll choose?" Relena asked.
"I don't know. Perhaps they'll choose Victoria's boy. He's good with magic," Armando replied.
"Or maybe Cassie's brother! He's really, really good with magic!" Raynor's sister, Sandra, added.
Raynor paid little attention to his family's guessing game. He was slipping into another daydream about being the High Wizard. That was his dream. He wanted so badly to be the best High Wizard that history had ever seen. His parents? Not so much. That didn't stop him from dreaming though, or even from practicing magic in secret.
Raynor's daydream was brutally shattered when he got hit in the face with a wooden plate. He looked up at Relena, startled.
"What?"
"Pay attention and eat your damn breakfast already, child!" she shrieked.
Sandra giggled. "You got in trouble again!"
"Sandra, don't tease your brother," Armando said, not looking up from the iPad as he ate.
"Dad, how do you even have one of those when they haven't even been invented yet?" Raynor asked.
"I DIDN'T INVENT A TIME MACHINE AND TRAVEL TO THE FUTURE!" Armando shouted.
Relena, Sandra, and Raynor all just stared at him like he'd grown another head. What in the Underworld's nine layers was he talking about?
"Did you just say you built a time machine?" Sandra asked.
"Yes...wait! No I didn't!" he yelped when he saw Relena's eye twitching in irritation.
"You did what?" she growled at him.
"N-nothing, dear!" He laughed nervously.
*Screen goes black and you hear crashing in the background.*
(This scene is inappropriate for children under the age of sixteen, and for those above sixteen, the details will be available with generous donations.)
"Geeze, mom. Did you really have to do that?" Raynor asked, looking up at Armando as he dangled from the roof upside down.
Sandra, who was standing between he and Relena, started giggling. "Daddy got in trouble again!"
"Ray, help!" Armando called.
Raynor held his hands up, closing his eyes. "Sorry, dad. You're on your own, this time."
"You traitor! I outta-"
The sound of trumpets cut Armando's threat short and the family looked toward the sound. They saw the royal limousine and some of King Ooga Boo's ninjas, sorry knights, entering the village. Relena let go of the rope that Armando was dangling from and got a dreamy look in her eyes as the procession marched to the center of the village (which was no more than about fifteen buildings, most of them being houses). Armando hit the ground with a thud and Raynor moved to help him up, watching the scene unfold as well.
The trumpets shouted another announcement and the limo door opened. King Ooga Boo stepped out, followed by Alfredo, his Master Wizard. The two men looked around at everyone. King Ooga Boo's eyes lit up and he grinned like a maniac. Alfredo, on the other hand, shrunk back and coward with nerves that he knew he shouldn't have.
"Hello, everyone!" King Ooga Boo shouted, giving everyone in the village a start.
"Uh...welcome to our humble village, Lord Ooga Boo," one of the men greeted.
"Thank you! The village is so cute!" the king replied. "OMG, I love it! Who designed these houses? I'd love to hire him to redesign the castle!"
"My Lord, that's not why we're here," Alfredo reminded him. "We're here to pick someone to take my place when I die."
"Oh, right! Of course!" Ooga Boo said, remembering their mission. "I want every boy in the village to come front and center!"
Every male in the village looked at each other and stepped forward, though they were heavily weirded out by their king's behavior. Ooga Boo turned to Alfredo and grinned.
"Now get that cute butt of yours over there and do your thing!"
Alfredo blushed something awful and stepped forward. He looked each man over, looking to see how much magic potential they had. He stopped when he looked at Raynor.
"Him," Alfredo squeaked, pointing at Raynor. "I sense a great power in him."
"Step right up, kid!" Ooga Boo commanded cheerfully.
Raynor stepped forward, despite the fact that the king was starting to really freak him out, and he bowed in respect.
"What's your name?"
"Raynor, sir."
"Congratulations, Raynor! You're Alfredo's next apprentice!" Ooga Boo said, shaking his hand excitedly. "Grab your stuff, and lets go!"
"What?" Relena shouted in alarm. "He can't go! He has work to do here!"
"Honey, I don't think its such a great idea to argue with-"
"You can't take my baby away!"
"I'm sorry, miss, but we need someone to take over," Ooga Boo said. "If it's any consolation, I can send a couple of people to do his jobs. I'd offer to take you all with us, but for some reason, we're completely out of guest rooms. As soon as some open up, I'll send someone to come get you."
"But he doesn't even know magic! We forbade it!" Relena said.
"Actually, dear, you forbade it," Armando pointed out.
"Shut up, you! You're still in trouble for the time machine!" she growled at him.
"Mom, I do know magic. I taught myself in secret!" Raynor blurted out. When he realized what he'd just said, he clapped his hands over his mouth.
"You did what?"
"Nothing, mom!" Raynor turned to the Ooga Boo and Alfredo. "I'll be back." He raced inside to pack some clothes before his mother could make him suffer the same punishment as his father.
When he was ready, he ran back down the stairs and started to walk out the door. Just as he stepped through, he got hit in the face with a frying pan. Everyone got an anime sweat drop as he fell back and Relena started yelling at him about disobeying orders. He hardly heard her. All he was concentrated on was the pain in his face.
Suddenly, he found himself questioning whether this dream of his was really worth facing the wrath of his mother every time he'd see her. After a moment of debate, he decided that it was and he got up, dodging the frying pan when it was swung at his head again. He ran over the Ooga Boo and Alfredo.
"Are you ok?" Alfredo asked, wide-eyed.
Raynor smiled at him. "Yes, sir. She's like that all the time."
"Let's go!" Ooga Boo yelled cheerfully, grabbing Raynor and Alfredo and shoving them into the limo, climbing in after them.
Why did Raynor get the feeling that his life was going to suddenly be a roller coaster ride? A really, really weird and interesting one, at that?
Paste your document here...