A/N:

This little Ficcy is using the setting of T R I A N G L E L O V E, so Kaito will be pretty much explaining how he feels about Miki (which means that it kinda now has some spoilers and stuff because I've actually now have been having ideas for it, pffft.)

Well, I hope it isn't too bad.

You know, this has been something that's been plaguing my mind for quite some time now, but. . . How do you know if you're in love? I mean, really, this is a serious question from me to you. I know that it's different from a crush, but still similar in some rights. But really, how are you supposed to know? I've heard so many different stories and theories on how to know if you're in love, but all of them only seem to leave me more confused than the next:

You're in love when you'll do anything to make them smile.

You're in love when a spark shoots through you when they touch you.

You're in love when you want to kill them and kiss them at the same time.

You're in love when you're willing to die for them.

You're in love when you feel complete when you're around them.

You're in love when you can't live without them.

You're in love when you're boiling with rage when they talk to someone of the opposite gender that's not you.

So many different stories, theories, facts. How do you know? I know love is complicated, because I have no idea how I feel. I don't know if I hate her, like her, or even love her. Honestly, all of these different theories are making me dizzy and if she knew I was thinking about this, if we still talked, she would have poked fun at me and maybe smile at my naivete before stripping me of my dignity with her sharp tongue.

Okay, so I know I don't hate her, even after every thing that's she's done to me, but. . . I sometimes feel like I do. I mean, I always feel so anxious around her. And sometimes I just want to hit her to knock some sense in that hard skull of hers, and other times I want to throw my arms around her and hold her close. My heart flutters just ever so slightly, and I always feel kinda queasy. I'm really jumpy around her and other times, I just stare at her, because I. . . I think she looks kind of. . . Oh gawd, dare I say it. . . cute.

I know that I dream about her a lot, and when I think about her I can't help but smile, when Miku isn't around of course.

I always get this excited rush going throughout me when she's near. And I'm afraid to talk to her again, because. . . what if I say something to hurt her feelings like I had callously done in the past? Or make her mad at me again?

She's usually the first thing to pop into my head when I wake up, and she's always the last thing I'm thinking about before I go to sleep. I know that I loved being around her when we were young, and when I'm not, I think about her a lot. . . maybe more than I should. . .

She may be one of the smartest people I know, but I always laughed at her fail verbal attempts called jokes, even when I don't really think that they were funny, because I just want to make her feel good about herself.

I'm always talking about her, even though I know it annoys my friends a lot. Or, used to, but that's not the case.

I always felt so comfortable around her, like I could truly be myself, once I got used to her sarcastic, rude, and impatient words. But sometimes, even after I knew, I was afraid to be myself because I was afraid that she wouldn't like who I truly am and then she might run back to Dell and his friends and instead talk to them again.

But how do I know if all that is love?

I mean, I don't know if I'd go to the ends of the earth to make her smile.

I know that I get this warm feeling going throughout me when our hands so much as brush against each other before looking away from her. She never seemed to notice, though.

I know that there are definitely times where I'd love to hurt her, but I never could, because then I'd never forgive myself. And I always want to kiss her for some reason, even when she's not distraught or in pain.

I don't think I'd be willing to die for her. But I know that life seems empty without me by her side now.

I don't know if I feel complete when she's near, but I do feel. . . calm and relaxed. . . yet still with that feeling like I had just gotten off of a roller coaster.

I know that I can live without her, because I've been doing it for about nine, maybe even ten years now. But I know that I'd never be able to spend a single day without her passing through my mind, and I'll never be able to date another girl without comparing them to her, and I know they'll always come up short. Just please don't tell you-know-who that.

And I'm not boiling with rage and jealousy when she's talking to some other guy. But I do feel all jumbled up inside and it's really hard to keep the scowl off of my face. And I feel kinda jittery, like I really want to just step forward and stop them from talking to each other. I guess that's the best I could explain it how I felt every time I saw her talking to Ron, Dell, Mikuo, Nero, and Leon. Even to Piko, sometimes, which is strange because they're family.

But how do I know if that's love?

I know that it's different from all the crushes I had before her, and it's definitely lasted longer than all the others. Heck, I was almost sure I'd been in love with her since we were, I don't know, maybe six years old, maybe seven. But even though I told myself that I did, I was never completely sure.

But I'm coming to see her again tomorrow, and I need to know how I feel and maybe even tell her.

But how do I know if all this is love?

Love is different for everyone, and no one can describe it. Though a lot of people write it out to be really extreme and whatnot. Like, for example, so much as even seeing them is enough to make you melt into a puddle of gooey, melodramatic mush. But I don't know if that's very accurate. I know a lot of people say it's the most beautiful thing you can feel in the world, but, uh, frankly. . . Eh heh heh. . .

Um, I'm not sure if I like it or not, because I feel really confused and I don't know what to do about it. . .

All I know is that, yes, I miss her, and I can't wait to see her again, even if she might brush me aside and tell me off, or maybe tell me that she doesn't want to see me. Or maybe not even talk to me at all. For some reason, that last one always hurts the most because she's refusing to acknowledge the fact that I'm there with her, trying and wanting to help her.

But whether I love Miki or not, I'm not sure I'll ever know. Maybe this time around will be different, I don't know. Maybe, the way things have turned out, maybe it's for the best if I don't know, if I don't ever know.

A/N:

Another short one. OTL Drabble, I guess?