I just wanted to have a little Halloween fun so here is a short 'spoof' story for you.
I hope you enjoy it and have a gruesome Halloween.
- THE EXTRACTION -
In an old Victorian house lives Lord and Lady O'Neill with their daughter Alisana, they're a very wealthy and very well respected family in their little town, always good mannered and well dressed, they're a very active family, always out and about and attending charitable events and helping those in need and those less fortunate than themselves.
However, a few days ago after attending a charity auction their daughter began showing strange behaviour, outbursts of anger, disgust at those less fortunate and being extremely rude to all those around her, the O'Neill's haven't been seen in public for a number of days, something is wrong at the O'Neill house.
Late one night the O'Neill's stand in the hallway outside a closed bedroom door on the highest floor of their home.
"Thank you for coming, Father." says Sam (Lady, O'Neill).
"You only had to ask, my child." replies Father Mitchell.
"We didn't know where else to turn. We've had doctors, the best doctors in the world examine her, and none of them could help her. Her temper and outbursts of violence got so bad we had to lock her in her room." says Lord Jack O'Neill, leaning in and grasping Father Mitchell's arm, "Help her, Father, please." he pleads.
"I will do what I can. May I see her alone?." asks Father Mitchell.
"Of course." says Lord Jack.
Father Mitchell unlocks and opens the door and steps in to the bedroom, closing the door behind him, he turns around and sees Alisana laying in the bed, he steps up to the bottom of the bed, "Alisana?." he says, trying to get her attention.
After getting no response he slowly walks around the side of the bed and sits on the edge, "I'm Father Mitchell, I hear you're not feeling well." he says.
"Go away." says Alisana, her voice muffled by the pillow she has her head on facing away.
"I'm here to help you." says Father Mitchell.
"Leave me alone." says Alisana, sweeping her foot under the covers to lightly kick him.
"Is something troubling you, my child?, it helps to speak of your troubles. I'm certain if you talk about it and have faith in God then all your troubles will disappear." says Father Mitchell.
Alisana lifts her head, "God?...", she turns over and looks at him using her arms to perch her back up, "..I am a God." she says.
Father Mitchell smiles and gently laughs, "You are as beautiful as an angel, but you are not a God, my child. However, God is inside all of us and he will help you with your troubles." he replies.
"Yes, yes inside me..." says Alisana, wide eyed with a light grin and grasping her nightgown near her chest, "..do you find me attractive, Father?." she asks.
Father Mitchell looks a little shocked by the question, "Well I...yes, you're very beautiful." he replies.
"Then take me." says Alisana, lunging towards him.
Father Mitchell jumps to his feet and steps away from the bed, "That is highly inappropriate, why would you say such a thing." he says.
"Don't you want me, you said I was beautiful." says Alisana, on all fours and swaying provocatively on the bed.
"You are beautiful, but I..." says Father Mitchell, distracted by her swaying, "..stop that!." he shouts.
"Take me." says Alisana.
"No." firmly replies Father Mitchell.
"Take me." shouts Alisana.
"No." shouts Father Mitchell, turning and running towards the door.
"I will give you the greatest pleasure you've ever known." shouts Alisana as Father Mitchell leaves the room and slams the door and locks it behind him.
"What happened, Father?." asks Lord Jack.
"Is Alisana alright?." asks Lady Sam.
Father Mitchell stands with his back pressed against the door, sweating and breathing heavily, "She is...that girl is..." talking between breaths and wiping the sweat from his forehead, "...evil...she is...I need to make a phone call." he says.
Father Mitchell rushed down the stairs to the lobby and made an urgent phone call, then they wait.
A few hours later a taxi pulls up outside the house, a tall man steps out carrying a bag and wearing a long black raincoat and hat, as the taxi pulls away he stands in the poring rain and looks at the house for a few moments then heads to the door, he uses the knocker to announce his presence.
Jackson, the butler, comes and opens the door to see the back of a man standing on the porch, "Yes?." she asks.
The man turns around, "I am expected." he says.
"It is alright, I requested him." says Father Mitchell, exiting the living room and walking to the door, "Come in, Brother Teal'c." he says.
"May I take your coat, Sir?." asks Jackson as Brother Teal'c steps in to the house.
Brother Teal'c removes his coat and hands it to Jackson.
"You're aware of the situation as I described it to you on the phone?." asks Father Mitchell.
"Indeed." replies Brother Teal'c, "You are the girls parents?." he asks.
"We are." replies Lord Jack.
"Where is the girl?." asks Brother Teal'c.
"This way." replies Lord Jack, pointing at the stairs and then leading him up.
They stop and gather by the bedroom door, Brother Teal'c then opens the door and goes inside, he closes the door behind him without saying a word.
"Who is this guy?." asks Lord Jack.
"Hopefully exactly what we need, trust me, if anyone can help your daughter, he can." replies Father Mitchell.
Lord Jack and Lady Sam hook their arms together to comfort each other as they wait in worry by the door.
"I knew you would come back." says Alisana, turning around from facing the wall, "Oh, you're not Father Mitchell." she says.
"No, I am not." says Brother Teal'c.
"Do you want to play with me." asks Alisana, in a flirty manner.
"What is your name?." asks Brother Teal'c.
Alisana slides off the edge of the bed to her feet, she walks around the bed and over to him, she tickles his shirt with her finger tips, "What's your name?." she asks.
"Brother Teal'c."
"Don't you want to play, Teal'c. " says Alisana, she glances around him towards the door, "If you let me out we can have some fun." she says.
Brother Teal'c grabs her arms as she tries to bolt for the door, he pulls her back and throws her back on to the bed, "What is your name?!" he asks firmly.
"F**k you." says Alisana.
Brother Teal'c silently turns around and leaves the room, Alisana runs up behind him but he closes and locks the door just as she reaches it, he stands in the hallway as Alisana punches and kicks at the door, "Let me out!" she screams.
"I believe your daughter is possessed by a demon." says Brother Teal'c.
"A demon?." says a shocked Lord Jack.
Lady Sam gasps and begins to sob in the arm of Lord Jack.
"What can we do?." asks Lord Jack.
"Do you trust me to help you daughter?." asks Brother Teal'c.
"We do." says Lady Sam.
"Then you must do everything I say and not question me in my methods." replies Brother Teal'c.
"Anything, whatever you need, just help our daughter." says Lord Jack.
"I require some assistance from strong individuals." says Brother Teal'c.
Lord Jack leans over the bannister and shouts down, "Jackson...Jackson."
"Sir?." replies Jackson, stepping in to view on the ground floor and looking up.
"Fetch the maid and come upstairs at once." shouts Lord Jack.
"Yes, Sir." replies Jackson.
Jackson and Maid Vala join the others upstairs in the hallway and Brother Teal'c tells them his plan and prepares them, "Are you ready?." asks Brother Teal'c.
"Lets go." says Father Mitchell as they all hunch down ready.
Brother Teal'c opens the door and they all rush in to the bedroom to opposite sides of the bed, Maid Vala leaps like a crazed monkey on to the bed and on top of Alisana pinning her down, "Get off of me!." screams Alisana as the others use a thick rope to tie her arms to the corners of the bed frame, Alisana continues to shout abusive comments to them all as she struggles.
"Its done, come on." says Father Mitchell.
Maid Vala continuously slaps Alisana across the face, "Do your laundry, fetch your coffee, wipe your feet, you spoilt little b*tch, I'll..." she moans.
"Vala...VALA." shouts Jackson to get her attention as he and the others stand back by the door, "Its done, you can get off her now." he says.
"Oh." says Maid Vala, slapping Alisana in the face one more time before climbing off of her and joining the others by the door.
"I'll kill you all for this, you hear me." shouts Alisana.
Everyone except Brother Teal'c and Father Mitchell leave the room.
"You will wait outside until we're finished, you may hear screams but do not be alarmed, this will be over very soon." says Brother Teal'c, slowly closing and locking the bedroom door.
Brother Teal'c and Father Mitchell turn and look at Alisana as she lays motionless bound to the bed and glaring back at them.
"So, you finally decided you want to play." says Alisana.
"We do not." replies Brother Teal'c.
"Then what did you tie me up for?." asks Alisana.
"For your safety." replies Brother Teal'c.
"And you're, you know, nuts." adds Father Mitchell.
"When I am free I will make you kneel before me and I will kill you all." says Alisana.
Father Mitchell leans towards Brother Teal'c, "She thinks she's a God." he whispers.
"She is not a God." says Brother Teal'c, bending down and opening his bag.
"I am a God, I am your God." shouts Alisana, angrily as she thrashes around and pulls at the ropes.
The ropes snap and break around Alisana's wrists and she springs to her knees and launches herself forward on the bed.
"Brother Teal'c, Brother Teal'c!" shouts Father Mitchell in panic as he turns and makes a grab for the door handle and pulls at the locked door, he turns and cowers to the floor as Alisana jumps through the air towards them.
Brother Teal'c stands and outstretches his arm as Alisana is within inches of him, he's wearing a metallic golden glove on his hand and bright light beams out from his palm and suspends her in mid air in front of him.
Meanwhile, Lady Sam and Lord Jack stand anxiously on the landing outside the bedroom door, holding each other tightly and awaiting news of their daughter.
Downstairs in the kitchen, Jackson and Maid Vala and standing leaned up against the table and staring at the ceiling and listening to the commotion coming from upstairs.
"What do you think they're doing up there?." asks Maid Vala.
"Not a clue, trying to make her better I guess." says Jackson.
"Those guys are creepy and Alisana did you see her, she was freakishly strong." says Maid Vala.
"Well you did a good job of holding her down." says Jackson, "I don't think you needed to slap her so much though." he adds.
"Felt like the right thing to do at the time." says Vala, "Did you hear the foul depraved things she was shouting." she asks.
"Yeah." says Jackson, shaking his head.
"It was disgusting." says Maid Vala.
"Disgusting." says Jackson, agreeing with her.
"She ripped my apron." says Maid Vala, pointing out the large tear in her apron strap and shirt.
"She did?!." says Jackson, looking at her uncovered shoulder and collar bone.
Maid Vala shakes her shoulders a little, "I feel all...energised. My heart is racing." she says, then she grabs Jacksons hand and places it on her chest, "Can you feel it?." she asks.
Jackson feels a little uncomfortable, "Uhm, ahum, yeah that's...that's really beating." he says.
They look at each other a little awkwardly and blush slightly, then suddenly grab each other in a fit of passion and begin kissing wildly as Jackson lifts Maid Vala up on to the table, pots and pans are pushed off the side and crash on the floor.
"What was that?." asks Lady Sam, hearing the crash downstairs.
Lord Jack was going to investigate but got distracted by a loud thud on the other side of the bedroom door.
Back in the bedroom Brother Teal'c has Alisana suspended in mid air high up near the ceiling, "What is your name?." he asks as he walks around beneath her.
Alisana looks down at him and her eyes glow a bright yellow.
Father Mitchell stands in shock and points at her, "Did her eyes jus...did you see...what was that, what just happened?." he asks.
"Those were the eyes of the demon within her. What is your name, demon?." says Brother Teal'c.
"I am your God. We are Pazuzu." replies Alisana, in a much deeper voice.
"OK..." says Father Mitchell, "..why does she sound like a man now, and what's a Pazulu?" he asks.
"Pazuzu. A demon God who once ruled in the land of Assyria I believe." says Brother Teal'c.
"Release me and I will kill only one of you." says Alisana, "The other may live to serve me." she adds.
"Father Mitchell, would you be so kind and pass me my bag." asks Brother Teal'c.
As Father Mitchell reaches for the bag, Alisana breaks through the hold that Brother Teal'c has her in and falls to the floor between them, she jumps to her feet and screams like a banshee at Brother Teal'c, he scream is so strong that it knocks Brother Teal'c back against the wall like a sudden gust of strong wind, she turns and runs at Father Mitchell, grabbing the sides of his robe and pushes him firmly against the other wall.
As Alisana appears to begin kissing Father Mitchell as he cries and sobs against the wall, Brother Teal'c crawls over the floor behind them to his bag, he quietly pulls it towards him and reaches inside, he pulls out a small metal tennis ball sized object and slowly gets to his feet, holding the object out in front of him he tip toes towards them, but Alisana sharply turns her head and sees him approaching, with a large amount of drool pouring down the sides of her mouth she growls and then jumps up placing her feet on Father Mitchell's knees and then pushes herself off using him like a trampoline.
Alisana runs around the walls and ceilings, sticking to them like a spider, Brother Teal'c keeps his eyes on her and stretches out his other arm with the metallic glove attached, pulses of energy fire from his palm towards Alisana as he continues to fire at her as she darts around, bricks and plaster fall to the ground as the room is slowly being turned to rubble.
Brother Teal'c finally gets off a lucky shot at the ceiling and a large chunk of it breaks and falls to the floor with Alisana attached, the plaster crushes and breaks on top of her as they impact the floor, Brother Teal'c rushes over and jumps on her back, pinning her to the floor with his arm around her neck.
"Release me!." shouts Alisana, "I am your God." she shouts.
Brother Teal'c raises his arm back with the metallic object held in his hand, hen he sweeps his arm forward and hits Alisana in the back of the head with the object, as he holds it in place on her head, the object glows and Alisana screams for what feels like an eternity, then the glows fades and as Brother Teal'c removes the object from against her head she falls unconscious to the floor.
"You are no God." says Brother Teal'c, holding and staring at the object in his hand.
"Hey, what's going on in there?!" shouts Lord Jack, banging repeatedly on the bedroom door, worried sick by the violent sounds and screaming in the room.
Brother Teal'c hears him and walks to the door, "Are you injured, Father Mitchell?" he asks, stopping momentarily to check on him.
Father Mitchell's robe and the lower half of his face is covered in drool, "Ugh, I'm fine I think." he says, trying to shake the drool off his hands.
Brother Teal'c helps him up and then unlocks and opens the door.
"What's going on in here?" says Lord Jack as the door opens.
"Alisana." shouts Lady Sam, seeing her on the floor and rushing over to her daughter.
"What..." says Lord Jack, looking at the mess that was once a bedroom, "..what happened?" he asks.
"We have freed her from the demon." says Brother Teal'c, smiling lightly, "She will be fine." he adds.
They hear a groan coming from Alisana as she awakes, "..ugh...Mum?" she mumbles.
As Lord and Lady O'Neill sit hugging their daughter happily on the dusty dirty floor, Brother Teal'c and Father Mitchell stand in the doorway watching on.
"I don't understand, what did you do?." asks Father Mitchell, "..and what is that thing?." he adds.
"It is a mystical device, entrusted to the brotherhood by the Sacred Order of the Tok'ra. It is designed to extract and contain the demon without harming those which they possess." says Brother Teal'c.
"How does it work?." asks Father Mitchell.
"We do not know, we do not ask. The demon is now contained and it will never harm anyone again." says Brother Teal'c.
So Alisana was saved from the demon calling itself Pazuzu, it wasn't an easy or simple task, but they did it, it took a couple of hours and a nice cup of tea before she fully came around but she seems fine now and the O'Neill's are just happy to have their daughter back, without all the swearing and repulsive behaviour.
Everyone gathers at the front door as Brother Teal'c gets on his way.
"Are you sure you can't stay a little longer, we were going to pop open a bottle of wine?." asks Lord Jack.
"I cannot, I must get the demon to the Tok'ra." says Brother Teal'c.
"Well..." says Lord Jack, reaching out and shaking his hand, "..we can't thank you enough." he says.
"Safe journey." says Lady Sam, leaning in for a hug as thanks.
Brother Teal'c walks down the front steps towards the waiting taxi, he turns and gives a farewell nod before putting on his hat as everyone stands at the door to wave him off, he gets in to the taxi and it pulls away.
"Oh, Vala." says Alisana, as they all move away from the door heading towards to lounge, "..could you clean my room please, take the vacuum with you." she asks.
Maid Vala gets the crazed monkey look in her eye but manages to hold it back, "Of course, little miss, I'll get right on it." she says, grinding it out through her teeth.
Jackson stands at the foot of the stairs watching Maid Vala walk heavy footed up the steps, he looks love struck, his hair in a mess and lipstick all around his collar and lips.
"Jackson, could you get us some wine from the cellar please?." asks Lord Jack.
"Right away Sir." says Jackson, in a very cheerful tone as he turns as whistles as he walks in to the kitchen.
Father Mitchell closes the front door of the house when he sees the taxi disappear from view, "Ouh!" he says suddenly feeling something pinch his bottom, as he turns he sees Alisana just entering the lounge, she leans her head back out of the lounge doorway and smiles back at him.
Father Mitchell quickly turns his head away flinching in horror and screaming when he sees Alisana's eyes glow yellow.
Wuhuhahaha.
Happy Halloween :)