Killian woke up to cold sheets and an empty bed devoid of his Swan. After getting accustomed to sleeping with her warmth pressed into him the past few weeks since he moved in with her, it felt strange without her, immediately alerting him, rousing him from his slumber.
He padded barefoot towards the living room, wearing only his sweatpants, sleep still keeping a hold of him. That's why when he saw Emma sitting on the window seat, her eyes on the ocean's horizon lost in thought, the moonlight shining through the large windows making her look like an ethereal being, all soft curves and blinding beauty, he flattered in his steps.
He sighed, moving to stand behind her. She hardly reacted, leaning into him when he snaked his arms around her waist and closing her eyes, sighing tiredly.
"I woke to find you missing, Swan," he mumbled against her hair, sleep clinging to his voice, coming out gruff.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to wake you," she admitted, settling more comfortably against him.
"You could always wake me, love," he said, smirk pressing into the skin of her neck, making her chuckle despite herself.
"Yeah," she nodded absently, her eyes and thoughts far away. He could see the pain in her eyes even in her reflection on the pane glass window. His brow furrowed in worry, he pulled her closer.
"What is it, love?" he queried, concern evident in his tone. She remained silent for a long moment, resting against him in silent contemplation. He allowed her her space, opting to remain quiet until she chose to share whatever it was that worrying her.
Drawing in a stuttering breath, "All she wanted was to be a part of a family," she said. When he voiced his confusion, she continued, "Sarah Fisher, Ingrid, whatever her name is…all she did, was because she wanted a family. To have someone love her, to be a part of something."
"Emma, where is this coming from?"
She finally turned to face him, and the look on her face made his heart lurch in his chest. Tears welled up in her red rimmed eyes as she tried her damnedest to keep her emotions in check. He immediately scooped her up in his arms.
"Emma…" he sighed, gently rubbing her back in soothing circles. "What is it?"
She pulled away from him, stubbornly refusing to cry as she met his eyes. "She wanted what I've always wanted, Killian. And what I have now. What she once gave me….Now that I have my memories back, I remember how cared for I was when I was with her. She treated me like, like a, I don't know, as an equal. And now, she's just gone. All she wanted was a family. Even though the way she went about it was wrong, I can understand where she was coming from." Her lower lip trembled.
"To be imprisoned by her own family for years, and to be rejected time and time again, it changes someone. She-she must have felt so alone all those years. Just like I did," she saw Killian's expression soften as he began to understand. "But she changed again, for the better this time. She was willing to patch things up with Elsa and Anna. Before-before she-" she broke off, unable to hold back her tears anymore.
Killian wordlessly pulled her closer, letting her cry on his chest, his own heart breaking more and more for each sob forced out her throat. "Before Gold murdered her!" she cried harder, clutching the pendants around his neck. "I'm the Saviour, I'm supposed to bring back the happy endings for everyone. But I failed. First I failed Regina and now I've failed her. I failed her when she'd been the only one who'd been kind to when I was a kid. Who let me go even though she didn't want to, because it had been the right thing to do."
"Emma, love," he sighed. "She risked her life for a good cause. She died a hero," he tried to console her.
"And that's what makes everything much worse. She sacrificed her magic and as a consequence, her life for me. To save me and my magic from getting into Gold's hands. She pushed me away, and she got sucked into the hat instead."
"Darling," he implored, thumb reaching up to trace her tear stained cheeks lovingly. "She did it to save you. So that you could live."
"But she died in the process. Just when I get my memories back, she died. It's like I'm a danger magnet, Killian. One day I'm going to blow up, and take everyone I love down with me. I'm just-I'm just so tired." she sighed, slumping against him. "I am so tired of being the Saviour. Of losing people I care about. I don't know how much more I can take," she whimpered, her throat raw from her sobs.
"Shh," he soothed, unable to say anything else. "Emma, my love, I promise you now, that I'll do everything in my power to make certain you never have to feel this way again. I can't bring back the ones who've lost, but I vow to you, darling, that you would not lose anyone else."
She sniffed, nodding feebly. "Hey, look at me," he said, lifting her head with his empty brace. "I promise."
"Okay. But Gold-"
"Will be taken care of, I assure you." his voice had taken a sudden edge, startling even Emma. "He has finally shown his true colours to everyone. And Dark One or not, he will answer for his crimes," he growled.
"But no more casualties?" she made certain.
"None," he assured her with such conviction, it made her smile.
"I love you," she mumbled, against his chest, right where his heart played a wild staccato. It had always been implied, her love for him, but to hear her verbally acknowledge it for the first time was…priceless. Precious.
"Say it again, Swan," he nuzzled her neck. He grinned against her skin as she whispered the words in his ear, softly but effectively stealing all breath from his lungs.
"Love you too," he murmured before he crushed his lips to hers in a deep kiss.