This is my first fan fiction so be merciful!

I don't own any characters in Naruto the credit goes to Masashi Kishmoto.

xXx

It's been two years since the battle. I've led a semi complete life since then. My life hasn't really changed that much. At least not from the outside. I still go on missions, still eat ramen like it's the end of time, and I still goof off. To the outside world it seems I've made a complete recovery. Well I'm going to tell you this.

I haven't. There isn't a single part of me that's "healed".

I spent pretty much my entire life really with one person by my side. Sasuke Uchiha. He was my driving force. My everything. Even when he left to Orochimaru there wasn't a day he wasn't on my mind. I loved him. When he went insane I had to keep myself from falling with him. I told him if we fought we would die together. I meant it. I know he must have felt the same. His eyes betrayed any emotion he had tried to keep hidden.

-Flashback-

It was an exhilarating battle. Like the kind only my dear Uchiha could bring me. The way our souls connected with each clash of our weapons, in a flurry of emotions, no outsider could have possibly followed our attacks. It was a dance. Sasuke moved swiftly and gracefully like a skilled dancer. The way his hips moved and jerked. I found myself in a trance. Adrenaline pumping through my veins likes a drug. Then there was a blast. I had a startled, angry look on my face. 'Who the hell thinks it's perfectly fine to stop my dance with Sasuke'. Sasuke looks as pissed as I do. Sasuke and I shared a perplexed gaze. A bright flash. Afterwards I watched as Sasuke's form disappears in a blinding light. We both reach out trying to grasp each other's hand. 'No!' my mind screams, 'neither of us is supposed to die apart'.

By the time I come back to consciousness I'm laying down on a mat. I can see Sakura leaning over me she's trying not to cry. 'Sasuke. Where's Sasuke!' I look around and see everyone with happy grins plastered on their faces. 'SASUKE' I want to scream, tell everyone to stop smiling, but I can't speak. My throat burns but I still try my best to speak. A hoarse croak escapes my lips. Sakura gasps and tightly hold on to me, "oh! Naruto! I'm so glad you're alive. I thought your fight with…with...Him…was going to lead to you dying!"

By now everybody is huddled close around us. "I'm so happy you didn't die too" No. "Who knows what it would have been like if you had died with Sasuke!" No! You're all lying to me. I look up from Sakura's shoulder. Everybody looks worn out from the war. My heart goes out to my friends until I realize something. Their smiling. Not just about me being alive. Me being alive and Sasuke finally having died. They wanted him to die. My heart fills with an anger I have never known. All of my 'friends' are so happy. The happiness plastered on their faces is unbearable and unforgivable. None of them care that one of their closest friends is dead. Wait. No. only one person has a sad look on her face. Hinata. Even today the only person who understands my love for Sasuke and hatred for the people I used to call friends is Hinata.

I say nothing to the people around me. I am brought some water to clear my throat. They all look at me expectantly. I grin the fakest grin of my life, "I'm pretty happy to be here too! Heh!" they nodded excitedly at every piece of bullshit I feed them. The words I'm spewing tastes like bile. The next two years are a blur. I'm nothing inside. I'm dead and have to force my body to show any emotion. The only person I can cry to is Hinata who has distanced herself from everyone. We became close but I didn't fall in love with her. She's told me that she only sees me as her younger brother now. All romantic feelings behind her. I'm fine with that. All missions I go on are solo and if someone insists I be accompanied, namely Sakura, I go with Hinata.

Bottom line my heart has shattered and even though Hinata is beside me I can't put the pieces back together and move on. Sakura and Kakashi may have been able to move on but I can't. Moving on means forgetting and that is something I will never bring myself to do. No matter how much pain the memories cause me. I enjoy the pain. It tells me that everything that happened was real. Nothing fake could cause me so much pain.

All the nightmares that woke me in the dead of night. All the pain I've inflicted on myself. Every silent tear I've shed. It tells me team 7 actually did happen. The chunin exams actually happened. I did go to the academy. I did meet Sasuke Uchiha. We did have friends. I used to take pride in myself. I used to argue with Sasuke and he used to snap back. My smiles used to be real. My happiness was not an illusion. My soul used to be alive. I used to dream.

A/N Thanks for reading…I know it was really bad…but the next chapter is when things take off! I mean it! Please review! If you actually liked reading this you're my new favorite person! Anyways...Review!