I'LL BE FINE
A Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney fanfiction by PowerZone
Author's Note: This is my first one-shot for Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney and takes place two years since the end of Dual Destinies. Justicykes pairing is also involved in this fanfic. As a short summary: Two years since Clay's death, Apollo decides to go to the cemetery and pay his respects to his fallen best friend.
Apollo knelt on his grave. As he looked at his name on the gravestone, he could remember every detail of the circumstances surrounding his death. Even though he was not a witness to his demise, Apollo could imagine how it would be like if his best friend was stabbed in front of his eyes. He would always regret that he couldn't protect him, but he would make it up by giving justice – and living up to his name – to find his killer.
"Clay Terran," the gravestone read. "A passionate man whose spirit would rise farther than the moon."
But sending the killer off with the death penalty couldn't satisfy Apollo. He would never see him again. He would deliver that heart-gripping eulogy that brought buckets of tears to his superior. He would say his messages that even Athena sobbed all the way to the end of the funeral procession. "If there's something that he would say to me if ever he appeared in front of us for the last time, he would say, 'I'm sure you'll do fine.'" This was his last line in the eulogy. Even Simon Blackquill was close to tears, though he wouldn't want to admit shedding them in front of his professional adversaries.
Two years was a hard transition. Apollo would have dreams of flashbacks, of memories that he would never share to him again – those that he would never bare his soul to anyone else because they shared and kept secrets and promised to bring with them to their graves. Apollo would also dream of the moment they first met. Scientifically, people would forget almost ninety percent of their dreams when they woke up. But for Apollo, every image of that dream would always be vivid in his mind – for these were images of events that actually happened.
How he wished that Clay would watch over him while he performed in the courtroom. How he wished that Clay would see his best friend attend his party and send him well wishes even while he was seated on his grave.
"Happy two years," Apollo started. "Wherever you are, the party's probably nice there, huh?" Apollo expected that his spirit would give a reassuring pat on his shoulder. He also expected that Clay was still alive and standing behind him. "Angels up there are throwing you a nice party to celebrate your life. How is it there, man?"
His knees ached from kneeling so he sat down on the nicely mowed grave. "If you were still alive, I think I'd be looking at the moon rather than the sky. The moon is really pleasant to see at night. It's as if it wants you to come and visit, like you're a tourist who would be fascinated in what the moon offered."
Apollo sighed. "I always hoped that you'd give me a sample of a moon rock," he continued his monologue, speaking with such conviction as if he were there seated across from him on the other side of the gravestone. "Maybe if I were just as fascinated as you when we watched the Space Program, I'd go sightseeing in space along with you."
The clouds crept overhead as the velvet shroud veiled over the city. There was little chance of rain so Apollo decided he would stay a little longer. He needed the chance to unload a few things out from his mind and from his heart.
A tribute to his best friend for many years who suffered in the hands of miserable luck and unforgivable circumstances didn't feel enough to relieve him. Every minute he stayed there at his grave, Apollo could feel the stigma building up inside him. He would always betray himself for not being there to avert the disaster. For the past two years, he always coped at the recovery – to move forward, not to mourn his death, but to celebrate his life.
Ever since the burial, Apollo felt as if he entered into hibernation. People who knew him back then said that he wasn't the same anymore. Even Athena had a difficult time reading his emotions as he was hiding his thoughts on a multitude of them. Phoenix was deeply concerned that it may affect his health in the future. A book about optimism in career given to him during his birthday went unread. Psychological sessions didn't go very well.
"I wished I could tell you how much I cared for you deeply," he admitted. "You were the brother I never had… my partner-in-crime… my confidante."
He looked off in the distance. The lampposts were glowing with a comfortable nightly light. Two other people were praying on one of the graves. They left a few minutes later, leaving Apollo the only person in the cemetery.
"How's the music there? Are they playing your favorite hits from the Gavinners?" He chuckled softly at this thought. "Scratch that. How's the food like? Are they serving that bouillabaisse we got to taste in that four-star restaurant once? We've got to try it again for old times' sake!"
His monologue felt robotic, he was talking as if he and his best friend were being hung on booze. Apollo had been drunk once to the point of not remembering most of the things that happened the night before.
He sighed. "Maybe I've got to stop doing this," he said. "I just want you to know that… I'm not fine."
Apollo listened to the rustling leaves of the nearby tree. The rustling leaves seemed to be asking the question, "Why?" to which Apollo really had no definite answer. He wanted to be a little less melancholic. But the two years of holding himself down not to accept reality made him overwhelmed with sadness.
"You remember Athena, right?" he continued, talking to no one in particular but speaking to his heart which he kept in his chamber, making him sane for the past two years. "Daughter of Metis? Yeah, that one." Apollo sighed, growing weary of the monologue. "If there was one secret I'd like to share, I guess it would be that I had a crush on her ever since she stepped into the office… not that I would admit in front of Mr. Wright."
He half-expected that Athena would be listening all this time. He wheeled around and found nothing out of the ordinary. Continuing his monologue, Apollo put a little more feelings in his words that no one would hear but only he would listen. "You probably knew how much I was head-over-heels for that detective I told you about… that science-obsessed one. Let's just say that my heart skipped a beat when I saw Athena. My feelings do tend to shift."
He paused again as if he were being asked the next question. "I'll tell her someday. Maybe not now. Maybe not tomorrow. Just… someday, I'll tell her how I feel."
For the hundredth time it seemed, Apollo paused. "Sorry, man. We could be drinking our butts off right now. We could be watching that Space Program you love so much. We could be there on clubs looking for suitable dates for you. I guess I'll never experience those feelings, now that you're gone."
He smiled and directed his attention to the gravestone. "But don't worry about me. Just… have fun up there. I'll follow soon."
Before Apollo could continue, he could feel someone walk to his direction.
"There you are," Apollo heard a gentle voice from behind him. He turned around and saw Athena standing over him. "Two years off, right?"
Apollo nodded then turned his attention back to the grave.
"Apollo," Athena said. "Mr. Wright is looking for you. He… he wants to talk to you about something."
Apollo nodded again, not keeping his eyes off the grave.
"I know you miss him," she continued, the melancholy of her co-worker and friend seeping into her heart. "I might not have been close to him as much as you were to him, but I can feel… that overwhelming level of grief."
"It's more than just grief," he told her as he stood up, his buttocks aching this time for sitting down too long. "Two years is not enough for me to move forward… and I don't think I'll be moving on for some time."
Athena gently slid her arm around his and they joined hands. "I understand. I won't talk of your emotions any further." To make sure that her actions meant better than her words, she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I remember how you doubted me during that trial. I remember how you were enraged… very angry, very furious over his death. I could sense it Apollo, though I didn't want to let Mr. Wright know. You would do everything to get his killer get the sentence they deserved."
Apollo's head hung low. "I'm sorry" was all he could say. He could have said something a little more, something that would ease the misery a little.
"When you implicated me, I felt devastated. It was the first time I felt truly alone. It was also the first time I felt as if the world was really against me. I could feel a hundred pairs of eyes staring at me all with the peering voices of 'Guilty.'"
"You never felt how it is to be truly alone," Apollo cut her off.
"What do you mean?"
Apollo took a deep breath. "The moment when you're truly alone… that moment is when you're experiencing a dilemma in which every alternate route would have no happy ending. No matter who it is you want to face or seek for advice, you'll always come to that inevitable conclusion." He paused. "Perhaps it was that reason why I left the office to search for those routes, even if I would not like it from the very beginning."
"Are you saying you've been alone… for the past two years?"
Apollo did not want to answer, but his silence already meant everything to Athena. "You're not alone, Apollo. He'll always be with you, watching over you. Maybe if my third eye opened, he'd be standing right there on that tree watching us watching you."
Apollo chuckled. "Probably…"
"And you've got Mr. Wright who's watching over us as we work," Athena said merrily, injecting some hope and optimism. "And… you've got me. I know we haven't met for long, but… I trust you, Apollo. It will never be the same if you would leave the office."
Her optimism seemed to be working because Apollo managed to smile.
Athena's cellphone rang a short soft beep indicating a message alert. She picked her cellphone from her pocket and read the message. "It's from Mr. Wright," she said, putting her phone back. "He wants us to return to the office immediately."
Night had fallen minutes ago. Two years of nighttime for Apollo felt more than enough. He was about to experience the dawn.
"Let's return to the office, then," he said to her.
"Apollo?"
He smiled – Athena could detect sadness in every wrinkle of that smile. "I guess it's time for me to wake up. All this time… I felt as if I fell asleep, submerged to the dreams of regret that I couldn't save him. These two years… I lived with regrets. I lived with an agonized heart and a memory that tried desperately to block him out."
Athena looked at him wonderingly. For the two years she observed Apollo becoming very reserved in his work and in his thoughts, she was worried that he might be harming himself more than doing good for his work. She also held back the regret of not helping him when he was needed the most. Maybe these were feelings that wouldn't be put into words for now. She would tell him when she had the chance – just not now. All Athena could do was help him wake up to the dawn of realization, the dawn of reality, and the dawn of beginning that would make him free from his emotional restraints.
"Let's go back," he said to the office.
They were about to go back when Athena stopped him. "Apollo?"
"What is it?"
Athena looked away. "Forgive me… but I overheard what you said, especially that part when you said that you had a crush on me when I stepped into the office."
Apollo shifted his weight to the right. "Looks like I'm getting a screwing."
The female defense attorney still did not gaze at him in the eyes, but Apollo could tell even in her shadow from the night that she was blushing. "It's no big deal, Apollo. I know how people are making a fuss about Simon and me. But… if there's one person I'd like to know a little more, it would be you."
"A-Athena…" He could only look at her in awe.
"I'm sure Clay would love it if he found out that we would end up together," she said insistently yet quite jokingly. The twinkle in her eye returned, one that outshined even her fiery attitude in the courtroom. "Truth is, I really like you, Apollo. Ever since we found out who was responsible for his death, I've been trying to juggle my emotions. I know I was just a subordinate and I always feared that Mr. Wright would disapprove if I made some moves towards you. He always insisted professionalism in the office."
Apollo closed his eyes. He wondered how to let his emotions keep up with the struggle as he faced Athena's overwhelming level of joy. If this was to wake him up from his two-year hibernation, perhaps this was a step he would have to adapt and overcome.
"Thanks a lot, Athena," he said softly as he opened his eyes. "And…"
Without warning, Apollo pulled her and wrapped his other arm around her waist. Athena gasped and was trying to process the whirling emotions. When they settled down, a dreamy sensational feeling swirled in her, a warm and comforting emotion that she wanted to feel for a very long time. If those emotions weren't enough to put her on cloud nine, Apollo's next words would be enough to melt her heart.
"… I really like you too, Athena."
He let go of his tender embrace while they kept an arm intertwined on their partner's arm. It would not stay long to relieve him from his hibernation. While it lasted, Apollo would want to keep the warmth for as long as he could hold. The two attorneys gazed into each other's eyes… and Apollo found a connection wanting to link them.
"I hope you understand why I'm doing this," Athena said gently. "That's why I'm concerned about you. I… want to see you smile again."
"I'll try," he responded.
"W-We should really go back to the office," Athena replied, shaking off the semi-romantic mood.
"All right," Apollo complied.
Without letting go of her arm, Apollo turned around to lead her from the cemetery. But before they started walking, he told her that he wanted to give his final message. Athena complied and reminded Apollo that Mr. Wright wanted them at the office immediately.
For the last time, Apollo stared at the gravestone. Clay's name was engraved carefully and beautifully on the marble plate. Clay's life was engraved on his memory that would never fade. He was gone from the world, but never forgotten. Apollo accepted this fact – one step closer to his dawn.
Only in the end did he shed his tears, the tears he held back for the past two years while searching for answers in the deepest pits of his heart. Mr. Wright shared that "the only time a lawyer can cry is when it was all over."
"Goodbye Clay," he whispered as he bade his friend one last time and wiped the tears from his cheek. "Maybe I'll be back next year for your party." That was slightly awkward, Apollo thought. He always wanted his final message to be dramatic. What would be his final message? From out of the blue, he thought of one – a line that he always used whenever Clay was nervous about going to space. He would use that line to express his final moments. It was a line he would keep forever.
"I'm sure you'll do fine."
***END***
Final Note from the Author: First, I apologize if some parts were written hurriedly. I guess this is the effect of writing it by 10:30 PM and finishing it two hours later. Second, there might be some errors in story detail, so I hope you can point them out (if any). I finished Dual Destinies just three weeks ago, so I'm still not fully familiar with the story behind IS-7. Athena is supposed to be the energetic type of person, but I decided to let her cool some steam since the story focused on Clay's passing. I hope it would also clear some doubts regarding out-of-character issues.
Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed (and will review), your constructive criticisms are noted and highly appreciated. If there were any events that contradicted with the facts in the game, let me know so that I could update. Thanks once again, PW:AA fans and fanfic readers!
PowerZone