A/N: I wrote this fic almost 2 years ago. This isn't meant to take place in S5 when Zach actually graduates. Also the Alicia in this fic, is pre season S4/S5, I image this would be more of a S2 Alicia. So don't think of the shows timeline when you read this.
I finally posted this because of some awesome ladies on twitter who pushed me until I finally gave in LOL. Thanks ladies for encouraging me! Special thanks to Sab for editing and making this story actually readable lolz 3
Probably my last and only TGW fic. Hope you all enjoy it :)
The sun was shining and it felt like a hundred or so degrees out in that big green open field. The students' selected graduate was up on stage going on and on about what college would be like to the whole graduating class sitting in the front rows. Behind them, the overenthusiastic parents were trying to snap as many pictures as possible.
Alicia was not paying much attention to the speaker; she was searching the crowd of students to see if she could snap a photo of Zach in his cap and gown. Her little boy was graduating High School, she could barely believe it. Peter was sitting to her right and Grace was right next to him.
When the black caps stopped flying and the applauses started to fade, Peter turned to her and placed his hand on hers. "We did it," he said, leaning in a little closer with a smile and whispering to her, "only one more to go." Alicia laughed, he was right, all she had to do was make sure Grace graduated as well, which she was certain was going to happen. Once the joke wore off though, she did wonder how it would feel to have both of her babies off to college.
After the ceremony they all headed to the house, Peter's house. Alicia and Peter had decided to throw Zach a small graduation party with a few of his friends. Alicia was across the room socializing with one of the parents when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Zach and Peter embrace in a father-son hug. It made her smile; Zach was almost as tall as his father now. She wondered what the hug was all about, but she was sure she would eventually find out later.
After a few rounds around the room, mingling with some parents and graduates, Alicia got some time alone with her son who was refreshing his drink in the kitchen.
"How are you enjoying your party?" Alicia asked.
"It's great mom, I really appreciate you and Dad doing this for me."
"Of course. We are so proud of you, you are one of the best things to happen in our life." Alicia chocked a little.
Zach noticed she was holding back tears, so he leaned in and hugged her mom. "I love you Mom."
"I love you too, sweetheart," Alicia told Zach as she pulled back from the hug and looked at her son with tears rolling down her face. "I should pull myself together before all your friends notice," she said, wiping away a tear.
"Don't worry about it. Dad hugged me earlier in the middle of the room as well," Zach shrugged and joked to his mother.
"Yeah, I saw that. What was that all about?"
"Not much, the same thing you said. He congratulated me for graduating. Also promised to be a more active presence in my life, I think he feels he hasn't been there enough for me."
"Ah I see. Well I am glad to hear that," Alicia said to her son. "Now go and enjoy the rest of your party."
"Thanks Mom," Zach told her.
And she watched him walk away.
By the end of the night Alicia and Peter were left alone to clean up, as the kids and their friends had decided to go out and celebrate with other friends. Alicia sat at the kitchen table, she couldn't stop thinking about Zach going away to school, and getting all sentimental about losing her little boy. She was so proud, but part of her just wasn't ready for the idea of not seeing him everyday. She knew college was still two months away and wasn't sure why she was dwelling about that now.
"Alicia," Peter said, trying to get her attention. "You seem to be in another world, day dreaming away."
She looked up at him and gave him a half smile. "Sorry. I was just thinking about taking Zach to college in two months." She then paused and thought about something else. "Have you ever thought about what it would have been like to have another child?... Why didn't we?"
Peter looked surprised by her question, probably wondering if that was what she was thinking about. "Sometimes I do think about it. I could have seen us having more children. Not sure why we never did, two just seemed like a good number at the time and we just sort of stuck with that."
"Yeah, I guess," she nodded, then fell quiet for a minute, just lost thinking. "Remember when Zach was six and fell off the playhouse? I don't recall ever running so fast to reach him. Thankfully he just had a broken arm, it could have been so much worse," she contemplated.
"Oh yes, I remember that so well. You called me, all hysterical; I couldn't even understand what you were telling me. Thankfully he was fine. At least most of our memories are happy ones and not as scary as that one."
She smiled and agreed, "Yeah, very true, because I'm not sure I could have taken any more scary moments like that." Then she fell silent again, as her mind brought memories from the past, with Peter sitting there and watching her doze off into more memories.
He was the one who finally broke her train of thoughts. "What are you thinking about now?"
She looked up at him. "Where do you think we went wrong?" she asked.
Peter seemed taken aback; he definitely wasn't expecting that question from her. They had mostly skirted around the whole issue, never taking the time to really discuss what had happened. Finally he said, "Not we, it was me." He looked straight at her, then down at his hands. "I fucked it all up, I violated the trust and love you had in me. I think back about it now, and I honestly don't understand what or why I was doing… things. Besides the fact that I was selfish, that I wasn't thinking about anyone else but myself." He paused for a second, then looked back at her. "I am truly sorry about that. And I know that these words are not enough, but I do mean them."
She looked straight into his eyes; ever since the scandal broke out, they have never talked about it. Not really talked about it. Yes, they fought, and they both knew deep down the bigger issue was the scandal, but they truly never directly addressed what was holding her back from letting him in again. He had never said those words to her and she had never asked any questions, or even really demanded an explanation. She took her eyes off him and looked away, holding back tears and then she asked, "But… how did I not see it?"
Her question nudged at his heart, because she thought it was her fault when it wasn't, and he suddenly felt his throat grow dry. "There was nothing for you to see Alicia, I was good at hiding it, at lying to myself and to you that everything was okay, and thinking that I could get away with hiding it. I felt I was untouchable… I actively made myself forget the vow I took to you, because it was easier that way," he told her, as he looked straight into her eyes.
Tears started running down her face, there were so many pent up emotions in her. So many she never truly let out to anyone. "I loved you so much, you were everything to me," she confessed, almost in a whisper.
Peter reached out for her hands and covered them with his. "I am so sorry Alicia. I never once stopped loving you… I just lost myself. And I've been trying to find myself back ever since, to be the man you once loved and trusted. And even if we can never be together again, at least I can go back to being the honest and decent man I once was."
She pulled her hands away to quickly dry her tears, then looked at him and said, "I wish you luck. And for what it's worth, I think you are getting much closer to the man I felt in love with. This… right here, your openness, your honestly, I think is a sign enough that you do want to be different." She smiled at him, letting him know with her eyes that she truly did believe what he had just said.
"Thank you Alicia, that really means a lot to me," he told her, looking almost shocked as he paused to absorb her words.
Alicia stood up from the table and glanced around; there was still so much to clean up. "Alright, we should probably get back to business, this house won't clean itself," she joked.
Peter looked up at her and chuckled. "No, it won't, even as much as I wished it did." He then did something he probably wanted to do for a few minutes now; he stood up, stepped towards her and hugged her.
At first she stood there, stiff and a little surprised, but then she let her body go and embraced the hug. She needed it; it was sort of a peace treaty between them. A moment when she felt it was safe to let the wall fall for a moment, even if it meant nothing more than that. Just for one moment she no longer needed to be guarded. She felt at peace. After a few minutes she pulled away and smiled.
They started cleaning plates and cups, as they made light conversation about Zach going off to college and setting some early rules. Would he be allowed to take the car with him? Would they all drive down together to take him to school? It was always so easy to talk about the kids. It was a bound that could never be broken between them, because it connected them.
That was one of the main reasons she could never truly let him go; because they shared this common love for their kids, and deep down she knew she could always turn to him. There would probably never be another person in her life whom she could talk about her kids with, without having to worry.
"Alright, everything seems to be back to normal now, and it's getting late. I should head out. I have a long drive ahead of me," she apologized, as she looked around the kitchen.
"You can stay if you want, I can take the guest bedroom, it's not a problem, really," he offered.
"Oh no, that's okay. I need to do some work tomorrow morning, but thanks for the offer."
"Okay, as you please. Then let me walk you out."
When they got to the front door, Alicia turned and thanked him for the success of Zach's party. "Also thank you for the talk in the kitchen, thank you for the honesty," she said, as she grabbed one of his hands and suggested, "Let's do dinner sometime. It's worth a shot."
He looked at her and smiled. "Absolutely."