Intro

The old carriage jostled and jumped as it raced down the dark and lonely road. The horses' sides heaved and threw their weight into their harnesses, and the coachman cracked his whip with increasing frequency. They did not wish to be on that road at night.

"So, uh, where's you guys from, around here?" Old Gil asked.

His fellow travelers remained silent, as they had been for the entire journey.

"Yeah, uh, I'm from America. Springfield, actually. Nice place. I've been travellin', sellin' stuff, buyin', tradin', borrowin'. I got a job at this…this way cool antique store. Look-" and he held up a shrunken head, "Got this in New Guinea. This, this gun, an old army pistol, Crimean War era, traded a box of antique china dolls and a gold chalice for it in Budapest. Oh, and this, this old book. Guy said it was some sorta' spellbook. I bought in Visaria."

One of the passengers, a young man with crazed eyes, looked at the book, his face bearing a mixture of disgust and longing. The older man who sat next to him set his hand on the man's shoulder.

"Oh, uh, you like it?"

No answer.

"I can let ya have it for two-hundred fifty euros."

The man made a strange grimace, as though he had become sick to his stomach.

"Er, one…seventy then?"

"Eh! Eh!" the man gasped, reaching for the book. Gil pulled back, keeping the book out of the man's reach. "G-g-give!"

"You'd better give him that book," the other passenger said.

"Fifty?"

They lunged forward and seized the book from his hands. Before he could utter a word, Gil was shoved out of the carriage. He rolled ears-over-heels before collapsing in a heap. He looked up, blinking out the tears and dust, and saw his bags of luggage and merchandise go flying out the back of the carriage. Getting to his feet, he dusted himself off and began to collect his things.

"Ol' Gil always get stuck with all the bad luck."

A wolf howled in the distance. Gil gulped, and began to wander about the woods. He was soon lost, and found himself looking up at a dark castle that stood in the distance. Curious, and hoping that he might find something of value to old Mr. Lee, he headed for the castle.

As he drew nearer, Gil heard the blast of gunfire and the howling of wolves. The icy mountain wind picked up, and he smelt blood.

He reached the castle wall. Inching along it, he crept up to the open gate. He heard a machine gun rattling, swords clashing, and the screams of the dieing and wounded. Taking a deep breathe to steady his nerves, he peered around the corner. What he saw scared him as he had never been scared before. Wolves as big as gorillas were devouring men. Bats with enormous, leathery wings like umbrellas and human faces were swooping here and there. A group of men and women were fighting them with swords and knives and crucifixes. Gil looked away, and sank down the wall in shock.

"This cannot be. This…isn't…this can't be real."

A scream, a sound like a soul being torn in two, shook him from his state of shock. He looked around the corner once more. He saw several people, two of whom he recognized as Marge and Homer Simpson, attacking a man in long, red robes. He watched as his broken, bloodied body sank to the ground. He then saw the body reform, as though by magic. He recognized the man as Mr. Burns…But he's been dead for fifteen years…hasn't he? Burns rose in the air, and seemed to be yelling something that Gil couldn't quite make out for the wind and the gunfire. He shot forward like a rocket, then froze, hovering in mid-air. He seemed to be stopped by something, but Gil couldn't see it, as the cluster of coaches and wagons in the centre of the courtyard blocked his view. Burns sank to the ground, his arms outstretched, then burst into flames. Several people in the furious fray dropped dead, and others exploded as Burns had done. The bear-like wolves squealed, and rolled about in the snow. Their fur fell from their skin, and their features became human. The stood, looked about confusedly, and then ran from the courtyard, and became wolves once more.

Gil inched into the courtyard, looking around. Small fires blazed here and there, castingt their flickering red light on the bullet-riddled walls. He came to the spot where Burns had been. Amongst the ashes, he found Burns' red cape. The felt around the snow and ashes, and found two rings. One was a gold ring with a red signet setting, the emblem of a dragon, the other was black, and shaped like a bat, with its spread rings forming the band. He pocketed the rings, and leaned back on his hand. He felt something warm and wet. He looked at his hand; it was stained with dark liquid.

"B-b…blood! The Blood of Mr. Burns!"

Fionn Whelan presents The Simpsons in 'Taste the Blood of Burnsula!'

It has been six years since Burns was last slain. The Springfield Nine, having made millions, received a Grammy, and suffering numerous lawsuits for unauthorized sampling, have retired. Eric is sixteen, and going out with Felicia DeGeorge. I'll say no more…except:

'The Simpsons', all names and places therein, and the plots and dialogue of the television episodes and authorized books and comics belong to Matt Groening/20th Century Fox. Eric, Felicia DeGeorge, and the DeGeorge family, as well as all other related characters and plot elements are the intellectual property of 'Simpsons Generations' and their author. All original characters, plot points, jokes, not from the aforementioned sources or other fan fictions Fionn Whelan, all rights reserved.

'Taste the Blood of Dracula' starring Christopher Lee, a Hammer Studios film, distributed by Warner Bros. Studios. Very good movie, see it if you can before reading this!