OK, so this is slightly strange. It's my English Coursework. In the beginning of 'A simple Twist of Fate' Susan wakes up, so I was wondering what she was dreaming and wrote it. It's actually supposed to the beginning of a novel.
Anyway I need feedback as part of the Coursework so it'd be great if you guys could tell me what you think. Thanks.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything and I never will….if I did, Carter and Abby would have children by now…
Chicago, mid-winter. Gentle white flakes of snow floated through the air, falling to the ground, blending with the blanket already covering the busy street. A small child ran through it, squealing with delight as the speck melted on her freckled nose, but the scene was lost on the rest of the crowd, to whom this everyday occurrence held no magic or splendour.
It seemed everybody had a place to be, parents kept an eye on the time as they watched their children amble along on their way to school, businessmen talked loudly into their cell phones and Dr Susan Lewis was late.
Her wavy blond locks were haphazardly thrown into a ponytail, her clothes creased, a coffee cup in hand as she made her way through the crowd. The street was very crowded for seven in the morning but Susan thought nothing of it. Everything else seemed perfectly normal.
As she rounded the corner into the familiar ambulance bay of County General Hospital, one of the gloves she was removing from her numb fingers fell to the ground, as she stooped to pick it up she sighed. It was too early for this kind of thing.
'DR LEWIS' came an urgent cry from the other side of the bay. She looked up suddenly, a little dizzy, from the head rush, she assumed, and saw the distant figure of one of the long serving nurses, Lydia, a little blurry to her vision, waving her hands wildly in an attempt to hurry her up, clearly the ER was busy.
As she walked towards the nurse she couldn't help but noticed her scrubs were slightly torn, revealing the long sleeved shirt underneath. She broke into a jog, concerned with the health of her colleague
'What the hell is going on' she mumbled to herself. Concentrating so much on her destination that she didn't hear the sirens blaring as an ambulance swerved into the bay at full speed.
'DR LEWIS', Lydia screamed 'watch out!'
Susan turned around, spying the approaching vehicle, ran full pelt get to out of the path of the ambulance, she could feel her heart beat ringing in her ears, taking deep breaths as the adrenaline pumped through her veins.
She reached Lydia, whose previous flustered expression had been replaced by one of fear and anxiety.
'God, are you okay?' she asked, cheeks flushed.
Susan opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted by the EMT, who was wheeling the gurney from the Ambulance.
'33 year old male, GSW to the chest, brief LOC, BP's 90 over 60' he rattled off fluently, not noticing the shocked expressions on the faces he was talking to, one which turned to disbelief.
'We're closed to trauma' said Lydia annoyed, 'you guys keep showing up but there's no where to go'
'You guys are just standing here, if you're so busy why aren't you inside working?'
'Well we could be inside working right now if you would take your patients where they have enough doctors to see them!'
Their voices grew louder while Susan, realising they had a critical patient thought it very unusual for two members of the medical profession to argue, while a patient bled through a hole in his heart.
'Um, guys' she interrupted 'lets focus here please'
As they entered through the double doors, Susan realised just why they were closed to trauma. The ER was a mess, every single one the chairs had somebody sitting in it, most were bleeding, some were unconscious, or asleep, she hoped for the latter.
Dr Susan Lewis was no stranger to stressful situations; she worked in a hospital after all. People placed their very lives in her hands everyday, she had to tell distraught relatives their hope was futile, hold a parents hand as a their child left this world. But this she wasn't prepared for; she'd never seen a hospital this busy.
She helped push the gurney through the mass, searching for a place to put the patient and a doctor to help her treat him.
The halls were swarming with people, but she recognised none of them. As a friendly-looking nurse rushed past, she moved into her path, attempting to block her way and ask her to help her with the patient.
'Excuse m…' she attempted to say as the nurse gave her a look of disgust and pushed past, shoving Susan into a shelf of medical supplies, which promptly collided with the checked tile floor, creating ear-splitting thunder, which silenced the room for mere moments before everyone went on their way.
Frank, an angry cynical desk clerk, gave her a stern look from the front desk, as he chewed on a cream cheese covered bagel. He was the first person she recognised, apart from Lydia, of course, and she rushed towards him, quite forgetting her critical patient, in an attempt to find out what the hell was going on.
'DR LEWIS!'
She turned around again, not quite sure who was calling her, it sounded like Lydia, Susan could see through the transparent doors threatening to punch the paramedic who had bought in their previous patient.
'Must be something in the water' she thought out loud, as she turned back to the desk only to see Dr Weaver distractedly walk into the back of Frank, who in turn started to choke on his bagel.
Dr Weaver looked pretty stressed out. Her shocking red hair stuck out at all angles creating what Susan would describe one of her more witty and humorous moments as a porcupine on speed. As Weaver realised what she had done she desperately performed the Heimlich manoeuvre as a nurse who was passing by rolled her eyes..
'What the hell is going on' was all she could think. The desk was piled with 100's of charts, the lab basket was over flowing, meaning that no one had collected them for hours. The patients in chairs were screaming at a number of confused and bemused looking medical students, who were waiting for somebody to start them off on their ER rotation. This was definitely not the best way to be introduced to emergency medicine.
By now Frank was sitting in a chair, recovering from his near death experience, while Dr Weaver walked towards the doctor's lounge in shock.
Susan followed, she needed to drop off her things in her locker, and ask Weaver just how the ER had come to be in this state. As she pushed through the swinging doors, she expected a reprieve from the deafening noise of the lobby, but it seemed to penetrate the thick walls, or maybe it was just ringing in her ears, she couldn't tell.
She was surprised that she and Dr Weaver were not the only ones to have made a getaway from the pandemonium outside. Dr Luka Kovac ('wasn't he in Bosnia' thought Lewis') stood; forehead creased with worry, over an injured Abby Lockhart who was sitting on the couch, an ice pack over her right eye.
'God what happened?' Susan quizzed, concerned.
'Just a slight disagreement with a psycho' Abby sighed, clearly exhausted, falling back and resting her head on the back of the leather couch.
'You OK?' Susan prodded
'Just dandy' Abby was the queen of sarcasm after all.
'How did it get so crazy outside?' Susan asked turning to Luka.
'Buz Crash' he slurred in a thick Croatian accent 'followed by a collapsed walkway accompanied by flu season and a lot of waste timers'
'Time wasters' Abby corrected, from her slouched position, half asleep.
'Right' Luka turned his attention to her injured eye.
Susan wondered where Weaver had gone; she had followed her in here after all. Dumping her belongings in her locker and adorning her lab coat, listened to the doctor and nurse behind her.
'…I'm just saying that that man could have shot you, you need to be more careful about getting into these things Abby…' Luka was saying sternly to Abby as he walked over the coffee pot.
'Gun shots…' Susan strained to remember why this gave a strange feeling she was forgetting something. 'Oh God, my patient' she turned and sprinted out of lounge without a second glance.
It was like the world had been put on mute, or the hospital had been abandoned. As Susan stepped from the lounge, her heeled feet snapped harshly on the hard ground, creating a million echoes as the sound bounced off the walls.
The ER was empty, no patient and no staff, not even the stack of charts that had taken up residence at the desk or the spilled contents of the shelf she had knocked over were evident.
She seemed to walk in slow motion, striving to walk faster and find out what was going on. She moved in a circle, taking in her surroundings. The walls were bare, no stains, no advertisements or announcements. The sunlight streaming through the windows was brighter than it had been when she had entered the ER, it was hard to look at, blinding even. The fluorescent beams above her flickered rhythmically, hurting her eyes further.
Continuing to walk down the hall, the sound of her heart beating was the only thing breaking the eerie silence.
'DR LEWIS' a voice sounded behind her, making her jump. She turned; facing a janitor, mop in hand, calm expression on his face. 'You need to get up'
'I'm sorry' she replied, confused, scared and most of all annoyed.
' I need to finish my cleaning'
Susan looked around; the place was still deserted, spotless.
'Where did everybody go?' she asked indignantly, stepping towards the stranger, who had started to walk away, only to lose her grip on the polished flooring, an plummet towards the earth. Her head slammed to the ground, causing a sharp pain to resonate through out her body. Her eyesight began to swim, as she stared up at the scene in front of her she heard saw the man fade…
'DR LEWIS! You need to wake up!'
Susan sat up startled, and took in her surroundings.
'What?' she looked up at Lydia, who with an amused expression muttered
'You need to get up'…
Susan groaned, rubbing her eyes with her hands
'What time is it?'
'Almost seven' said Lydia, eyebrows raised.
'Oh my God' Susan groaned 'I was just gonna lay down for a second'
'When was that?' Lydia asked bemused
'One thirty'….
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