BASEket Fantasy!!!
NOTE: This fiction contains unashamed references to the movie BASketball, it's also a homage to the world's greatest RPG, Final Fantasy VIII too!
Balamb stadium. Night. A packed crowd of approximately 100,000 people here to watch the final of the BASEketball tournament.
ANNOUNCER: GOOD EVENING LAYDEEZ AND GENTLEMEN!!! It's a beautiful night here in Balamb, and I hope you'll enjoy this incredibly tense match as much as we will!!
ANNOUNCER 2: Yeah, even though we know the good guys are going to win (Gets punched by Announcer) OW!!
ANNOUNCER: (With fixed, rictus grin) Anyway!! It's a pretty evenly matched night for both teams - The Good Guys vs. The Bad Guys!
(We get a shot of the 'Good Guys', there's a thunderous cheer and standing ovation)
ANNPUNCER: Here they are wearing their ridiculously uncomfortable strips!
(All the teams are scratching, itching like hell)
ANNOUNCER 2: The team captain is Squall Leonheart! Assisted by his able and gorgeous (whispering) What do you mean I can't say that?! Oh for chrissakes!! (back to normal voice) His 'wonderful' girlfriend, Rinoa Heartilly!! Also on this six man-
SELPHIE: PARDON??!!!
ANNOUNCER 2: Oh Jesus - Okay, six person team!!
SELPHIE: Thank you!!
ANNOUNCER 2: -On this team we've also got Selphie Tilmitt, who incidentally is back from injury after...an un-recorded incident...
(We get a shot of Irvine wincing as he rotates his hips)
ANNOUNCER 2:That we think happened in the night!
ANNOUNCER: Also we have Irvine Kinneas, Zell Dincht and Quistis Trepe, all in good form for tonight's BIG showdown!
ANNOUNCER 2: And here come their Cheerleaders!
(A legion of scantily clad women walk on and do a complicated dance - The girls roll their eyes, Squall puts his head in his hands but Irvine is practically drooling)
IRVINE: Wow!
SELPHIE: Hey! I thought I was the only one you loved!
IRVINE: I do...But if you were a guy what would you do in a situation like this?!
SELPHIE: Uh...
IRVINE: Ok. End of argument!
ANNOUNCER: It's difficult to believe that this game is actually happening here in the greatest Stadium on the planet!
ANNOUNCER 2: It's difficult to believe that those girls are only 17!
(Announcer gives announcer 2 a strange look - Who appears to be licking his lips hurriedly)
ANNOUNCER:...uh...And the Bad Guys!!
(Assorted boos, hisses and applause)
SEIFER: Shuddup! The lot of ya!
(Throws his hyperion into the crowd, neatly slicing off somebody's head and the end of their hotdog before catching it as it boomerangs back)
ANNOUNCER: Hmm...Looks like that guy's been given some serious head!
ANNOUNCER 2: (Groans)
ANNOUNCER: Also on their team is the legendary sorceress Ultimecia!!
ULTIMECIA: COWER INSECTS!! I WILL DESTROY YOUR-
(Seifer whispers something in her ear)
ULTIMECIA: (In a rather more normal voice) What?! What do you mean 'I lost the battle'?!....What?! I'm not allowed to make ANY overdramatic speeches?! Well...Can't I use some other kind of speech? I know! Here's a good one...YOUNG LUKE, THE FORCE IS WITH YOU-Uh...No, not quite right...
ANNOUNCER: And...Yeah, there's Raijin and Fuijin and finally those guys Wedge and Biggs-
WEDGE: Why do I only appear in part of the game anyway?
BIGGS: Because you're the bungling, disposable soldier who's got a thing with getting his Commander DEMOTED ALL THE TIME!!!
WEDGE: (The penny drops) Oh I see...
(Their cheerleaders, kind of gothic looking ladies, throw razor blades one by one into the audience, killing a small quantity of supporters)
ANNOUNCER: Don't let any of those girls anywhere near me whatever you do!
ANNOUNCER 2: Actually, I quite like dominant ladies-
ANNOUNCER: NO!! DON'T GO THERE!!
ANNOUNCER: And finally, before we cut all of that tedious pre-match chat that nobody listens to anyway because frankly who gives a shit about the formation of a team, here's word from our sponsors!
(Laguna runs on)
LAGUNA: Hey! I'm the President of Esthar!
ANNOUNCER: That's enough, get out of here.
LAGUNA: (mutters) Okay, I'll be down in the VIP box if anybody needs me...
(Laguna storms out)
ANNOUNCER: LET THE GAME BEGIN!!!
(Down in the Good Guys dugout, Squall and his team have a team talk)
SQUALL: Okay, all we gotta do is take a good shot when we're in the right place (after all, this is Basketball played to Baseball rules if you haven't seen the film!) And just scare the hell out of them!!
RINOA: Sounds good!
SQUALL: Irvine, providing you had that curry last night, I think we got every chance of winning - And clean yourself up!
IRVINE: Oh? Have I got stains or something?
SQUALL: No, your waistband's crooked.
IRVINE: Hmm...I got to cut back on the viagra...
(The game begins)
Squall steps up for the shot. Seifer steps up for the Psyche out*
SEIFER: Hey, Squall...Got a real lousy girlfriend, huh?
SQUALL: Uh-huh...Nice-(Takes the shot, scores) -Psyche-Out, dingleberry!
SEIFER: What the...? You mean he scored?
SQUALL: Yep.
(Crowd goes wild. Zell steps up for the shot)
ULTIMECIA: THE FORCE IS WITH YOU!!!!
ZELL: Huh? (Shoots - but misses!) Oh shit!
ULTIMECIA: WAHEY! Cower Mortals!!!
SEIFER: (Through gritted teeth) Ultimecia...
ULTIMECIA: Okay, okay!
Selphie steps up for her shot, while Wedge tries to Psyche her out.
WEDGE: Hey! Your mom can't cook!
SELPHIE: (smiles sweetly) I know! (Shoots and scores)
WEDGE: That always works on the captain!!
SQUALL: (Mutters) I wonder why!
Next up is Irvine.
BIGGS: Hey, you-
IRVINE: (Farts - Biggs passes out, as do 20,000 spectators) Pardon? (Shoots and scores)
Squall and Rinoa 'celebrate' (don't think details are required!)
SQUALL: Yeah! Knew that Curry would make ALL the difference!
NEXT BIT - The second innings, Squall is up for the psyche out, while Ultimecia is up to take the shot.
SQUALL: Yo, Ulti! (she ignores him) I hear that your sister's going out with ZELL!
ULTIMECIA: WHOA! (Misses by about a mile, scared shitless by his exclamation)
ZELL: (Turns to Quistis) Wait a sec - I'm not going out with his sister!
QUISTIS: Of course not! We're just saying all of this totally fucked up shit to make them lose!
ZELL: Oh..right...(suddenly gets it) HEY! WAIT A SEC! WHY'S ME GOING OUT WITH HER SISTER TOTALLY FUCKED UP?!
SQUALL: (Coming back) Because it is.
ZELL: Jeez...
SQUALL: You're up next!
Zell goes for the Psyche-out, Seifer is taking the shot.
ZELL: Uh...BOO!
Seifer shakes his head, and scores perfectly.
SEIFER: Yeah baby!
ZELL: Damn!
Biggs takes his shot, Zell on Psyche-out again
ZELL: BWAAAAAARGH!!"
BIGGS: Yeah, later...
Takes the shot - Scores.
ZELL: Ugh!
RINOA: Can I try next?
ZELL: I can think of something really good for next time...(Walks back to dugout)
Wedge is ready for his shot, Rinoa pulls out a cassette player. She puts a tape into it.
TAPE:...It was a cold day in Trabia...Real cold...The golden leaves were drifting, slowly, SLOWLY, SLOW-LEEE down from the trees...their follicles being dusted with an icy breeze...the lady asked 'Can you help me?' the man, slightly shifted his hat, then his belt, then his shoes and pants...
(During all this, Rinoa places the tape player beside Wedges head...Wedge blinks, and then falls asleep, Rinoa putting a pillow on the other side of his head as he crashes on the ground)
RINOA: Yeah!
ANNOUNCER: Psyche-Out to RINOA!
(Rinoa does a little dance, and then stretches, 'amplifying' herself. About fifteen men pass out in the front row of the stadium)
ANNOUNCER: Mmm...No need for any viagra tonight!
ANNOUNCER 2: Man, you need to take a COLD shower!
ANNOUNCR: And it's here at the most unbelievably inconvenient moment in the game we take a commercial break!
AUDIENCE: Oh...DAMN!!!
COMMERCIAL BREAK - AND ALSO END OF PART 1
* - Psyche-outs: Basically doing whatever you want to distract your opponent from getting their shot.
NOTE: I know this isn't brilliant, and I may or may not follow it up with part 2 - It just depends what U think!
NOTE: This fiction contains unashamed references to the movie BASketball, it's also a homage to the world's greatest RPG, Final Fantasy VIII too!
Balamb stadium. Night. A packed crowd of approximately 100,000 people here to watch the final of the BASEketball tournament.
ANNOUNCER: GOOD EVENING LAYDEEZ AND GENTLEMEN!!! It's a beautiful night here in Balamb, and I hope you'll enjoy this incredibly tense match as much as we will!!
ANNOUNCER 2: Yeah, even though we know the good guys are going to win (Gets punched by Announcer) OW!!
ANNOUNCER: (With fixed, rictus grin) Anyway!! It's a pretty evenly matched night for both teams - The Good Guys vs. The Bad Guys!
(We get a shot of the 'Good Guys', there's a thunderous cheer and standing ovation)
ANNPUNCER: Here they are wearing their ridiculously uncomfortable strips!
(All the teams are scratching, itching like hell)
ANNOUNCER 2: The team captain is Squall Leonheart! Assisted by his able and gorgeous (whispering) What do you mean I can't say that?! Oh for chrissakes!! (back to normal voice) His 'wonderful' girlfriend, Rinoa Heartilly!! Also on this six man-
SELPHIE: PARDON??!!!
ANNOUNCER 2: Oh Jesus - Okay, six person team!!
SELPHIE: Thank you!!
ANNOUNCER 2: -On this team we've also got Selphie Tilmitt, who incidentally is back from injury after...an un-recorded incident...
(We get a shot of Irvine wincing as he rotates his hips)
ANNOUNCER 2:That we think happened in the night!
ANNOUNCER: Also we have Irvine Kinneas, Zell Dincht and Quistis Trepe, all in good form for tonight's BIG showdown!
ANNOUNCER 2: And here come their Cheerleaders!
(A legion of scantily clad women walk on and do a complicated dance - The girls roll their eyes, Squall puts his head in his hands but Irvine is practically drooling)
IRVINE: Wow!
SELPHIE: Hey! I thought I was the only one you loved!
IRVINE: I do...But if you were a guy what would you do in a situation like this?!
SELPHIE: Uh...
IRVINE: Ok. End of argument!
ANNOUNCER: It's difficult to believe that this game is actually happening here in the greatest Stadium on the planet!
ANNOUNCER 2: It's difficult to believe that those girls are only 17!
(Announcer gives announcer 2 a strange look - Who appears to be licking his lips hurriedly)
ANNOUNCER:...uh...And the Bad Guys!!
(Assorted boos, hisses and applause)
SEIFER: Shuddup! The lot of ya!
(Throws his hyperion into the crowd, neatly slicing off somebody's head and the end of their hotdog before catching it as it boomerangs back)
ANNOUNCER: Hmm...Looks like that guy's been given some serious head!
ANNOUNCER 2: (Groans)
ANNOUNCER: Also on their team is the legendary sorceress Ultimecia!!
ULTIMECIA: COWER INSECTS!! I WILL DESTROY YOUR-
(Seifer whispers something in her ear)
ULTIMECIA: (In a rather more normal voice) What?! What do you mean 'I lost the battle'?!....What?! I'm not allowed to make ANY overdramatic speeches?! Well...Can't I use some other kind of speech? I know! Here's a good one...YOUNG LUKE, THE FORCE IS WITH YOU-Uh...No, not quite right...
ANNOUNCER: And...Yeah, there's Raijin and Fuijin and finally those guys Wedge and Biggs-
WEDGE: Why do I only appear in part of the game anyway?
BIGGS: Because you're the bungling, disposable soldier who's got a thing with getting his Commander DEMOTED ALL THE TIME!!!
WEDGE: (The penny drops) Oh I see...
(Their cheerleaders, kind of gothic looking ladies, throw razor blades one by one into the audience, killing a small quantity of supporters)
ANNOUNCER: Don't let any of those girls anywhere near me whatever you do!
ANNOUNCER 2: Actually, I quite like dominant ladies-
ANNOUNCER: NO!! DON'T GO THERE!!
ANNOUNCER: And finally, before we cut all of that tedious pre-match chat that nobody listens to anyway because frankly who gives a shit about the formation of a team, here's word from our sponsors!
(Laguna runs on)
LAGUNA: Hey! I'm the President of Esthar!
ANNOUNCER: That's enough, get out of here.
LAGUNA: (mutters) Okay, I'll be down in the VIP box if anybody needs me...
(Laguna storms out)
ANNOUNCER: LET THE GAME BEGIN!!!
(Down in the Good Guys dugout, Squall and his team have a team talk)
SQUALL: Okay, all we gotta do is take a good shot when we're in the right place (after all, this is Basketball played to Baseball rules if you haven't seen the film!) And just scare the hell out of them!!
RINOA: Sounds good!
SQUALL: Irvine, providing you had that curry last night, I think we got every chance of winning - And clean yourself up!
IRVINE: Oh? Have I got stains or something?
SQUALL: No, your waistband's crooked.
IRVINE: Hmm...I got to cut back on the viagra...
(The game begins)
Squall steps up for the shot. Seifer steps up for the Psyche out*
SEIFER: Hey, Squall...Got a real lousy girlfriend, huh?
SQUALL: Uh-huh...Nice-(Takes the shot, scores) -Psyche-Out, dingleberry!
SEIFER: What the...? You mean he scored?
SQUALL: Yep.
(Crowd goes wild. Zell steps up for the shot)
ULTIMECIA: THE FORCE IS WITH YOU!!!!
ZELL: Huh? (Shoots - but misses!) Oh shit!
ULTIMECIA: WAHEY! Cower Mortals!!!
SEIFER: (Through gritted teeth) Ultimecia...
ULTIMECIA: Okay, okay!
Selphie steps up for her shot, while Wedge tries to Psyche her out.
WEDGE: Hey! Your mom can't cook!
SELPHIE: (smiles sweetly) I know! (Shoots and scores)
WEDGE: That always works on the captain!!
SQUALL: (Mutters) I wonder why!
Next up is Irvine.
BIGGS: Hey, you-
IRVINE: (Farts - Biggs passes out, as do 20,000 spectators) Pardon? (Shoots and scores)
Squall and Rinoa 'celebrate' (don't think details are required!)
SQUALL: Yeah! Knew that Curry would make ALL the difference!
NEXT BIT - The second innings, Squall is up for the psyche out, while Ultimecia is up to take the shot.
SQUALL: Yo, Ulti! (she ignores him) I hear that your sister's going out with ZELL!
ULTIMECIA: WHOA! (Misses by about a mile, scared shitless by his exclamation)
ZELL: (Turns to Quistis) Wait a sec - I'm not going out with his sister!
QUISTIS: Of course not! We're just saying all of this totally fucked up shit to make them lose!
ZELL: Oh..right...(suddenly gets it) HEY! WAIT A SEC! WHY'S ME GOING OUT WITH HER SISTER TOTALLY FUCKED UP?!
SQUALL: (Coming back) Because it is.
ZELL: Jeez...
SQUALL: You're up next!
Zell goes for the Psyche-out, Seifer is taking the shot.
ZELL: Uh...BOO!
Seifer shakes his head, and scores perfectly.
SEIFER: Yeah baby!
ZELL: Damn!
Biggs takes his shot, Zell on Psyche-out again
ZELL: BWAAAAAARGH!!"
BIGGS: Yeah, later...
Takes the shot - Scores.
ZELL: Ugh!
RINOA: Can I try next?
ZELL: I can think of something really good for next time...(Walks back to dugout)
Wedge is ready for his shot, Rinoa pulls out a cassette player. She puts a tape into it.
TAPE:...It was a cold day in Trabia...Real cold...The golden leaves were drifting, slowly, SLOWLY, SLOW-LEEE down from the trees...their follicles being dusted with an icy breeze...the lady asked 'Can you help me?' the man, slightly shifted his hat, then his belt, then his shoes and pants...
(During all this, Rinoa places the tape player beside Wedges head...Wedge blinks, and then falls asleep, Rinoa putting a pillow on the other side of his head as he crashes on the ground)
RINOA: Yeah!
ANNOUNCER: Psyche-Out to RINOA!
(Rinoa does a little dance, and then stretches, 'amplifying' herself. About fifteen men pass out in the front row of the stadium)
ANNOUNCER: Mmm...No need for any viagra tonight!
ANNOUNCER 2: Man, you need to take a COLD shower!
ANNOUNCR: And it's here at the most unbelievably inconvenient moment in the game we take a commercial break!
AUDIENCE: Oh...DAMN!!!
COMMERCIAL BREAK - AND ALSO END OF PART 1
* - Psyche-outs: Basically doing whatever you want to distract your opponent from getting their shot.
NOTE: I know this isn't brilliant, and I may or may not follow it up with part 2 - It just depends what U think!