So I realized a few of the one-shots I've been developing have gotten more, well, mature. Whether it's due to Danny-bashing, or language, or even sexual references, it's gotten more teen-ish. This story is for all of those one-shots. WARNING: The following one-shots will contain abuse, language, substance abuse, and sexual references. Not all in one chapter though (hopefully). Hey, you gotta get older eventually! I will still try to keep most of my one-shots PG though, and in Here's to the Hero.
Disclaimer: I don't own Danny. I don't own Danny Phantom. I don't even own this computer! *sobs*
Because the minute it popped into my head, I just couldn't help myself. I'm sowwy!
That Boy Would Do Anything
Danny and Danny stood side by side, eying each other with a sudden animosity. Tucker was off to the side, clutching his stomach and laughing. Sam was sighing.
First things first, she was not happy with there being two Dannys, because that either meant he was duplicating himself with evil intentions again, or he had fallen through the Ghost Catcher. Again.
It turned out to be the latter. Though, his ghost half had pointed out, how were they supposed to know? They had visited Clockwork and were making their way out of the portal when they went through. It was clean and fast, and their mother hadn't mentioned placing that stupid invention in front of the portal again. Not to mention she had taken it away just as quickly for a tweaking before they could join together again.
His mother, Human Danny had pointed out with a snap. Ghost Danny raised an eyebrow while Human Danny growled. Sam's eye had twitched and Tucker had gotten concerned. At first it seemed Danny had just split into his ghost and human half. Now it appeared while the Ghost Danny was calm and collected, his Human half was possessive and angry. Unexpected, but not yet comical.
And then Sam had made that clicking noise with her tongue that signified she was worried about something, and both boys had reached out for her in an attempt to sooth her. Both had touched her arm at the same moment in the same place, and then they were both glaring at each other. It seemed if anything could get on Ghost Danny's nerves, it was the possession of Sam.
At this moment Tucker had excused himself and walked over to the corner, waiting until he had curled into a ball to shake with laughter. Sam, not seeing the humor of the situation, ordered both boys to sit down.
She eyed both of them, startled when Human!Danny met her eyes with an undisguised hunger, and equally as shocked when Ghost!Danny gave a gentle, proper smile, which seemed just as wrong to her.
"Sam," Both started, then broke off, staring at each other so intensely you could see the lightning bolts coming from their gazes.
"Stop that!" Sam said shortly, and their heads snapped to her almost instantly. She jumped despite herself. Taking a few steady breaths, she crossed her arms.
"Look, I came here to talk to you about something, so I might as well talk to you about it." No matter how powerful it made her feel, it was still slightly unnerving to watch both Dannys listen to her with such attention. She would have to learn to better appreciate Danny's listening skills when this mess got sorted out.
"How many times have I gotten nearly trampled to death because of your fangirls?" Both Dannys blinked at her. Sam scowled in return. Then, in a strange moment of absolute understanding, both Dannys turned to each other and smirked.
"Wait, what?" Sam didn't like the looks on either of their faces.
"What's the matter Sammy?" Human!Danny purred, standing up and wrapping an arm around her waist. Sam jumped, surprised, and bit back a scream when gloved hands caught her wrists, holding her arms in the air. Ghost!Danny slid his mouth dangerously near her ear, suddenly behind her.
"Jealous?" He asked, his husky tone perfectly matching his counterpart. Sam looked at them both with wide eyes, taking in their glinting eyes and evil smiles. She glanced at Tucker, but he was too far out of the game, instead taking photos with his PDA and biting on his hand to restrain the giggles from escaping.
And then Sam glared with them both, and they drew back, smirking, but knowing they were close to crossing the line. Even if Sam was stunned speechless, she could manage a thousand horrifying words with her eyes alone.
"No! I'm not jealous, just…" She bit her lip, then steeled herself and gestured for them to sit on the bed. Once they were seated again, she sighed.
"Danny, your fans are going nuts." Ghost!Danny raised an eyebrow.
"Isn't that going a little far Sam? We know they can get excited easily but-"
"No dude, she means they're insane." A composed Tucker returned to them, pocketing his PDA. He adjusted his glasses, and addressed them both.
"There's been reports of these girls trying to do all sorts of things. Séances, psychics, even throwing themselves into ghost fights, just to meet you guys. Sooner or later someone's gonna get hurt."
"And ten to one says the blame will somehow shift to you both." Sam said grimly. Human!Danny scowled.
"Well what are we supposed to do about it? I mean, even if we tell them to back off they come back like vultures. They're practically worse than the reporters!" He punched a pillow in frustration. Ghost!Danny rubbed the back of his neck in a tired gesture instead of a nervous one.
"Yeah, I can't think of anyway to get them turned off of me. The whole 'dead' thing should've kept them away in the first place."
Sam nodded, and then for the first time grinned. Danny and Danny instantly perked, happy with her happiness. Tucker suppressed a chuckle at their reaction, and instead shot Sam a quizzical glance.
"I had a rough idea, but now this makes it easier…" Sam grinned. She then grabbed Ghost!Danny and pulled him away, much to the utter jealousy of Human!Danny and joy of Ghost!Danny.
"I have a plan!" She called, then she tugged Ghost!Danny out the door to converse with him privately. Human!Danny sulked on the bed, pouting angrily until Tucker took pity on him, scooted over and showed him the pics of their daring stunt less than a few minutes ago. Human!Danny smiled then, and they scrolled over them (zooming on Sam's face more than a few times) until they both jumped a foot in the air as Ghost!Danny's voice yelled,
"YOU WANT ME TO WHAAAAAAAAAAT?" Human!Danny glared in the general direction of the door, and Tucker wondered what in the world Sam was up to. They both were relieved Maddie had gone out shopping with Jack a little earlier. Unfortunately she had taken the ghost catcher with her for some direct measurements.
"NO! I'M NOT GONNA-! BUT THAT'S DISGUSTING!"
Both boys got intensely curious, but stopped thinking about it, heads hurting.
A little while later Ghost!Danny walked in a little red-faced but otherwise subdued, Sam at his heel. Both refused to tell them the plan, but Sam insisted that Human!Danny be present at the next battle.
They split up into groups then, Sam and Human!Danny searching up interesting random stuff on his computer (after a quick fight on who would get to spend time with Sam) and Ghost!Danny and Tucker looking over the pictures.
Maybe an hour passed before Ghost!Danny's mouth opened and a puff of blue smoke came out. Tucker and Human!Danny were confused about his sudden distraught, pale face. He was never this upset over a ghost attack.
Sam smiled then, and without another word they were running down the street, following the faint outline of Ghost!Danny's body.
Tucker and Human!Danny ran to catch up with her, Tucker full out panting with exertion.
"Sam, what exactly is this plan of yours anyway?" Human!Danny snapped, having been perfectly content to let his counterpart take care of business himself.
"It's simple actually. We're gonna get those girls turned off of you for life." She grinned then, and Human!Danny stared at her nervously as her words sunk in.
"What? But-how!" Something came crashing down into the concrete in front of them. A muffle groan arose and Danny and Danny blinked at each other.
"Geez, if you're gonna do this, at least do it right!" Human!Danny growled. Ghost!Danny rubbed his head, slowly arising from the crater and made to retort. But before he could, Human!Danny, Sam and Tucker were pushed back by a mob of women and guys, all crowding around the dizzy superhero.
Ghost!Danny escaped before they could catch and pull him down, and he nodded at Sam with a grim determination before shooting back into the sky to fight whatever foe was waiting. Human!Danny scowled again, mad at being out of the loop.
Reporters were arriving fast, and for once Sam seemed excited about it. As the cameras followed Ghost!Danny's fight and eventual win, she grabbed Tucker by the arm and they melted into the crowd before Human!Danny could so much as blink.
"Sam! Sam?" He whirled around, and found himself face to face with his counterpart. He blinked, and then wondered why the girls weren't trampling over him, and why, despite the few gasps of surprise, it was oddly quiet.
He turned away from Ghost!Danny, and found he was surrounded by the fans and reporters. They made a tight circle around them, but Ghost!Danny held up a glowing green orb in his hand, daring anyone to come near. It made Human!Danny appear as the idiot who had gotten too close.
Human!Danny spun back around, staring in shock at his alter ego, who, looking very resigned, drew closer. Human!Danny stayed put, acting as if paralyzed, and waited until Ghost!Danny was close enough to hide both their faces.
Ghost!Danny lifted up a finger to his lips, making the shhhh sign. Human!Danny was about to say to hell to that, but then Ghost!Danny uttered the one word that could make him stop cold.
"Sam." Ahh, so this was it. The infamous 'plan'. He watched his other half tensely, wondering what it was she wanted from them both. What he could possibly do to disgust his fans so greatly…wait, what?
No way…
Ghost!Danny stepped back suddenly, and smirked, transforming into his smooth superhero persona. The girls swooned despite themselves.
"How cute. He's scared out of his wits!" Ghost!Danny exclaimed to the crowd. Human!Danny was about to lose his cool then and deny it when his chin was grabbed by Ghost!Danny, still smiling nonchalantly.
"And here I thought living boys couldn't be adorable!" Human!Danny shot him a look of disgust. What the hell was this nonsense he was spouting out?
"Why don't I give you a reward for being such a good Phantom Phan?" Ghost!Danny neared in, his tone downright flirtatious and Human!Danny found the grip on his chin was now unexpectedly tight. He tried to wiggle away as Phantom's face got closer and closer. Girls, guys, and reporters watched, equally all in shock. Danny could only let out a horrified squeak and heard his other persona also make a sound of discomfort before he crushed his lips to his.
The gasps and screams of terror could've made them both deaf.
Ghost!Danny and Human!Danny however could only think one thing.
"I think I'm gonna puke…"
Their only comfort was their knowledge that after this Sam would have her arms opened wide to comfort them, she'd be happy and proud and-
"I'm really gonna puke…"
Ghost!Danny released his hold quickly, and Human!Danny immediately wiped at his mouth, gagging and hacking. Ghost!Danny clung to that last bit of willpower and winked at his beyond-shocked twin before flying off, to his bathroom where hopefully he would find a plentiful amount of mouthwash.
The Red Huntress, who had came just in time to witness the scene, landed in front of Human!Danny. Even with the visor in the way, he could tell her mouth was open wide in shock. She was so stunned, in fact, that she had landed right in the middle of the mob, and equally as stupidly, no one made a move, still reeling from Ghost!Danny's move.
"Uh, errrr." Valerie stuttered. Human!Danny blinked out of his own little daze, rubbing at his mouth furiously. He could hear the pity in Valerie's voice, along with her amazement. Of course she of all people knew Human!Danny was straight, so he had just been a really unlucky guy used by Ghost!Danny.
No one had expected it, so everyone had witnessed it. And the kiss was just too blatant to ignore. And as an added bonus, even after the whole business with Danielle, Valerie would never think of Danny F. being Danny P. because she had just witnessed that—he hated even thinking of the word! Human!Danny bit back another growl.
Damn it.
Sam was a genius.
"You want a ride?" Val finally got out. Human!Danny took a deep breath before he could snarl at her that yes, of course he wanted a damn ride home.
"Yeah, thanks." He mumbled with picturesque Danny-style manners, and climbed onto her board, making sure to stumble a bit so he seemed out of it. Valerie steadied him and then took off, flying him off to FentonWorks. He didn't ask how she knew where he lived. Almost everyone in Amity knew who he was, so why wouldn't she? Of course, being his ex-girlfriend might've helped a bit, but she didn't know he knew that.
He murmured another soft thank you, acting nervous, got patted on the back (and wanted to yell out he didn't need her damn sympathy) and crashed back into the house, up the stairs and into his room.
Sam and Tucker were amazingly already seated on his bed. He opened his mouth to ask, then decided he didn't care. Tucker was giving him a pitying gaze, surprisingly not making fun. Gagging and hacking noises could be heard coming from the bathroom. Human!Danny's eye twitched, and he stomped towards the noise.
"You think that was bad! Think about how it felt being on the receiving end!" Human!Danny growled, grabbing his gurgling other half by the shirt. Ghost!Danny glared at him before holding up a peace offering he had been clutching tightly. Mouthwash.
Two seconds later both Dannys were crowding around the sink, elbowing each other and spitting and wiping and spitting some more.
Tucker and Sam watched with disgust, Sam walking over to Danny's computer and pulling up some news clips already put up. She flicked over them.
"Millions of girls weep at Super hero's 'coming out'"
"DP Comes Out! Many ask questions: What other super heroes lied about their sexuality?"
"Gay Pride Parade is planned early, new feature for Danny Phantom float to be introduced"
"DP Batting for the Other Team? Homosexuals rejoice!"
"'This isn't over!' Many Women step up to seduce the Gay Phantom into Straighthood once more"
"Tonight: Doctor Funter discusses possible reasons for DP's Bisexuality"
"Danny Fenton! The boy who 'got some'!"
Sam could hear Tucker gag behind her as he read the last title over her shoulder. The Dannys seemed to be finishing up their attempted vomiting.
Sam spun towards Tucker.
"Your diagnosis?" Tucker coughed.
"From what I can see, a great percentage of his female fans have dwindled, so he's good in that department, but his gay guy fanbase has increased. However, it's not enough to freak out about. Just dodge any incoming tackles next time you touch down on the ground." Both Danny's glared at him, hair and clothes soaked. Apparently they had resorted to trying to drown each other in order to forget and move on.
"And his straight guy fans?" Sam asked. Tucker scrolled down on the computer.
"Well, I think it's mostly evened out, give or take some. Some guys dropped out because of you announcing your sexuality-"
"I'm not gay!" Two voices yelled out and Tucker continued, ignoring them.
"-and others joined, I'm guessing because they don't have to be worried about you taking their girls now, so they can cheer for you without worrying about any threats since you can't get with a girl-"
"I am NOT gay!" Two voices yelled out again.
"So it basically evens itself out. And the number of girls who joined aren't enough to make up for the number that dropped out. You know, those girls who like watching homosexuals make out-"
"WE'RE NOT HOMOSEXUAL!"
"WE DIDN'T MAKE OUT!"
"-And those who want to either get you 'straight' again"
"I AM STRAIGHT!"
"Or those who just want to get you straight. Period. Who knows, you could've been gay all this time-"
"TUCKEEERRRR!"
"Okay, I'm shutting up now. Sheesh. I'm just stating some facts." He shrugged and spun away from the computer. He blanched however, when face with two menacing Phantoms, both wringing out their shirts and eying his neck thoughtfully.
"Tucker, shut up. Danny, be happy we fixed the problem, alright?" Tucker gulped and nodded.
Both Dannys glared at Tucker, then each other. They turned around and headed towards the bed, both increasing their pace when they see the other head for it. Ghost!Danny made it there first, but Human!Danny pushed him off, resulting in war.
Sam sighed, looking over the results herself while Ghost!Danny overshadowed Human!Danny and made him strangle himself. However, she quickly closed the window as unmistakable trampling footsteps made their way upstairs. Thinking fast, she grabbed one of Danny's bobbleheads and chucked it at his human self's head.
Tucker quickly put his PDA away, jumping at the bed while Human!Danny yelped and glared at Sam, Ghost!Danny getting a clue and disappearing just as the door slammed open.
Maddie made her way for her boy, quickly grabbing him by the ears (which gained another yelp) and looking him over, hands moving down to his cheeks.
"Are you okay? What's hurt? Did that creeper do anything to you?" The woman was royally pissed off, anyone could tell. She had obviously used the term 'creeper' for both meanings, not just the spectral definition. In Maddie's eyes this was far worse than watching her baby boy be groped on a subway. She now had a more personal vendetta against the young hero.
"I tell you, I'm gonna take the Fenton Anti-Creepstick and bash his head in! Nobody attempts to rape a Fenton on my watch!" Jack shouted, putting his fist in his hand. Human!Danny jerked his face out of his mother's grip with a tad less patience than regular Danny. He rolled his eyes while Jack and Maddie ranted. They weren't even put off by the fact that Phantom was gay, no, they were mad because it had been nonconsensual. If it had been Jazz, it would've been just as bad.
Unfortunately she chose this moment to also dash in, looking more stunned and slightly grossed out. Danny knew she had no problem with gay guys, she was even friends with a few and a rights activist, but seeing her brother kissing his counterpart probably crossed the line of comfort.
She spared him a bewildered glance, then walked to Sam. She whispered some questions while Maddie and Jack continued their tirade, oblivious to her entrance. Sam whispered back and Jazz nodded in understanding, looking relieved. Both jumped when Jack suddenly stopped pounding and yelled out
"Wait Mads! First we need to decontaminate Danny-boy!" Human!Danny's jaw dropped. What?
"Of course Jack! And we can see if we can get any samples of DNA while we're at it! A quick swab inside his mouth and we're in business!" She clapped, an evil glint in her eye. Both Fenton children and friends eyed the two parents with incredulity, Human!Danny mostly in disgust. It looked like he had given him tongue? Crap!
He didn't have anytime to think about it more deeply however, for Jack grabbed his son's arm and yanked him out of the room. He stumbled with a glare in Sam's direction.
"This can only be forgiven with make-up sex." He muttered as he got pulled out.
"Not gonna happen." Sam muttered back. Danny grinned at her with that hungry smile again before he went out the door that simply stated "We'll see."
Ghost!Danny was back on the bed with a look of boredom. He raised his hand and said simply.
"I agree with the Hothead. Make-up sex nomination." Then he disappeared, color flooding Sam's cheek.
"I don't owe him anything! I don't! Right?" She snapped at Jazz. Jazz looked at her with horror.
"He's my baby brother! I refuse to answer that!" She said, putting her hands up. Tucker scrolled down on his PDA, then answered.
"Well you did force him to act bent in order to save your ass-"
"Not just mine!"
"-not to mention he didn't just have to act it, he had to kiss the guy-"
"It was himself anyway!" Tucker paused, then shuddered.
"All the worse." He pushed his glasses up. Let it be said that Tucker Foley was, in fact, not a cock-blocker. Even if it was his two best friends.
Sam scowled.
"It was a joke. He's not getting make up sex, and Jazz uncover your ears. We haven't even done it yet!" Crap. Sam covered her mouth while Tucker and Jazz's dropped open. Tucker whistled.
"Dude! You made him act the color of the rainbow without even confirming his sexuality? He must have a lot of faith in you." Tucker raised his eyebrows, doing a funny dance with them. Jazz was simply speechless.
Sam turned crimson and ran out of the room. Tucker kept doing his eyebrow dance, then paused.
"Wait, then that means he's still a virgin!" Jazz gave him a weird look while Tucker jumped up and down.
"Sweet! I'm not the only one!"
So this was complete crack. I want you to know NONE of that was supposed to be offensive to gay people. Please do not take ANYTHING that was said seriously. Danny said it was disgusting because at least in this fic, he's straight. And no, he's not going to go gay for his other self just because they shared a kiss. It was supposed to be funny and something that popped into my head.