My brother and I were being total idiots earlier today, and he thought it'd be funny if randomly in Potions class they stated singing the Mysterious Ticking Noise song from Potter Puppet Pals. So, I decided to write it. And, lo and behold,(I love saying that!) it turned into an entirely non believable, hilarious crackfic. I'd like to think it's just because my brother is like that most of the time, but it could be because I haven't slept since Sunday, and I just took my inhaler and I'm still all jumpy.(Seriously, my hands are shaking.)
Summary: Harry, Snape, Dumbledore, Voldemort and the rest of the golden trio are in Potions class, when someone's phone rings. And...Snape finds the ringtone kind of... catchy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Potter Puppet Pals. I'm just an insane girl who memorized lines from the books and movies, and some of the PPP videos. Yeah. I'm just that awesome.
Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting in Potions class, bored out of their minds. Well, Harry and Ron were, Hermione was sucking up every word Snape had to say. But Harry and Ron were bored out of their minds, literally. Ron was drooling absently as he looked at Hermione...oh wait. That's how he usually looks when looking at her, it has nothing to do with Potions class.
Anyway, point is they were sitting. Snape was handing out their textbooks the manual way, going up and down the rows. He paused at Harry's desk and sneered at him.
"10 points from Gryffindor, Mr. Potter." he said condescendingly.
"What? Why! I didn't even have any time to do anything, we just got in the classroom!" he shouted angrily.
"It was for the reaction I knew you were going to have when I took them. But, now that I have actually seen it, I think 10 points is not enough. let's make it 20 for yelling at a teacher, and a detention on Wednesday night." he said gloatingly.
Everyone gasped at the outrage of this.
"Now. Turn to page 394 and read it." Snape said as he billowed dramatically back to his seat.
Everyone turned to the page and started reading. Even Crabbe and Goyle, who, previously, no one thought they were able to read. They were able to, in fact, but during first through third year they had to have Draco read for them.
Suddenly there was a strange ticking noise.
"What is that mysterious ticking noise?" he asked.
He walked over to Harry's desk. "It's not over here."
He walked over to Draco's desk. "It's not over here."
He wet back to the front of the room. "It's kind of...catchy."
Then, much to the surprise of the students, he started singing. Rather well at that.
"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape. Snape, Snape, Severus Snape."
Then as he finished the last line, Dumbledore appeared with a crack of apparition crouched on the floor, leaped up and shouted; "Dumbledore!" then crouched back down.
Snape continued singing his part, as did Dumbledore. Then, as they each repeated their parts twice, Ron jumped up from his desk, and in a high voice that would put a boy who had been kicked in the balls to shame, sang his name too.
"Ron! Ron! Ron Weasley!"
Everyone else was staring at them, except Harry and Hermione. They were looking at them with appraisal in their eyes, and once again, after going two rounds, Hermione jumped up and started singing her name.
"Hermione. Hermione. Hermione, Hermione, Hermione." Just like her, her singing was practical and well grounded, non of that flashy stuff Dumbledore was doing, or that high stuff Ron was doing.
As they were starting to wonder what to do next, Harry jumped in. He started strutting, flexing and posing as he sang his part.
"Harry Potter, Harry Potter, ooh! Harry Potter, Harry Potter, yeah! Harry potter, Harry Potter, ooh! Harry Potter, Harry Potter, that's me!"
Then he sauntered up to Snape, and stared at him as they sang their...duet.
"Snape! Harry! Snape! Harry! Snape! Harry!" They went on, and on getting faster and faster each time until Dumbledore, who had been crouched and sneaking over to them, stood up between them and shouted; "Dumbledore!" at the top of his voice.
Everyone stared at them, except for Hermione, who walked behind them kind of eerily and said; "Herrrmioneee."
That was the cue for everyone to start sing their parts again. Then, they stopped, took a collective breath, and sang in unison.
"Singing our song, all day long, at Hogggggwartsss!" Ron, of course, went absurdly high. The, abruptly he ducked under Neville's desk, and came out with a timer that was counting down and ticking as it did so.
"I've found the source of the ticking! It's an alarm clock set to blow up the cauldron at 12:00!" Ron shouted, his voice triumphant.
The class said; "Yayyyy!"
Albus and Severus exchanged glances.
"Albus, isn't 12:00 in 30 seconds?" asked Snape.
Albus nodded gravely.
"Well, then, I guess I have to get this out now." said Snape. "harry, I am your father." he said while making heavy breathing sounds come out of his wand.
Harry looked at him aghast. "Nooooooo!"
The muggleborns in the room laughed, while the purebloods just looked confused.
Hermione addressed the purebloods. "It's a joke from a scifi movie." At their looks of confusion at the words scifi and movie, however she gave up.
Harry had finally collected himself enough to say something to Snape, when the explosion happened. It wasn't a lethal explosion, it was designed by Voldemort to knok everybody unconscious and make them switch genders for a week. Since they were all unconscious, none of them saw Voldemort apparate in, take out his wand and vanish the mess of potions that would inevitably boil over, tap it on the desk and start singing.
"Voldemort, Voldemort, ooh Voldie, Voldie, voldie, Voldemort!" he sang, then dissipated into pink smoke, and wafted under the door, where he would mystify students as he exited through the Great Hall.