Dear Edward,

Thank you so much for being so wonderful to me. I am so deeply grateful to you for giving me so much, and being with me for so long. Which is why I hate to say this, because I know that there's a chance that I'm hurting you terribly. Edward, I don't think that I ever truly loved you. I most certainly cared deeply about you, but I could say the same about a friend. I thought that I was in love with you, which is why I married you. But it wasn't until we discovered that I was pregnant that I realized what love truly was. Because I felt such an overwhelming adoration to this child that I hadn't even met before that it erased any other devotion I thought was love. Now, looking back and realizing what love truly is, I can honestly say that I didn't love you…and I don't think that you loved me. If you aren't sure what I'm talking about now, just wait until you see the baby. Once you see, you'll understand, and I hope you won't hate me.

Edward, our baby is the most important thing to me. It's a boy, Edward, it's a boy! God, I'm so blissfully happy right now, I wish that I could tell you now. But you don't want to know, you want to be surprised, so I'll just let you be surprised. I'm writing this letter now because I've had a funny feeling for a while now, and it won't go away. It's like a premonition…but I have this crazy feeling that I'm not going to survive this child. And honestly, if our baby survives, that's fine with me. But Edward? I want you to promise me that you'll take care of him, because he's the most important thing to me now, or ever. Name him something beautiful, take care of him, love him. Be the perfect father I know you can be, and move on for me. Find the one that's right for you, because I know she's out there Edward, I just know it. Move on knowing that I will be happiest if you do. Please?

Tanya

With shaking hands, I smoothed out the creases of the cream-colored letter and threw it onto the desk. I could hear my mother bustling around in the other room, helping my infant son get ready for his first night home from the hospital. I could hear my brothers talking quietly with their wives about how they'd all have to return back home soon and leave me in inconsequential Forks, Washington alone. I could hear my father pacing on the floor above me, making funeral arrangements. I laid my head in my hands, still trying to comprehend the contents of the letter.

So Tanya had felt it too. I had felt so awful, holding my son for the first time and realizing that if this was love, I must not love my wife. I had felt even more horrible when a doctor came morosely out of the room and quietly informed me that my wife had not survived the complications of childbirth. I felt a tear slip down my cheek for the first time, full of regret and sorrow for Tanya, but none for myself. I felt so guilty, knowing how happy and free I felt because of this one letter.

"Edward dear, EJ's asleep." My mother, Esme, murmured gently as she walked into the room. I noticed her surprise and sympathy as she realized that I was crying, and before she could say anything, I held up the letter.

"Oh, Edward." She whispered a few moments later as she finished. She pulled me into a tight embrace, not caring that I was sitting down and she was standing up. "Oh, sweetheart, don't feel guilty. Honey, it's what she wanted."

"I…I know. It's just…hard…realizing how you really feel after a while." I confessed quietly, knowing that nothing I told her would leave this room.

She pulled back to look me in the eyes, through her teary green ones. "Edward, I want to see you happy again. Move on. It's what she wanted."

"I will." I promised halfheartedly. Deep down inside, I knew that it would be a while before I was truly back to normal. "Can you…show everyone else? The letter, I mean. I just want them to understand…"

She shushed me quietly, placing her finger over my mouth. "Of course. Why don't you go wish your son a good night?"

I agreed, giving her another hug as I got up. Padding softly to his room, I could hear Esme calling everyone down to read the letter. Sighing softly, I finally reached his door…and froze. I was nervous, so afraid that I'd wake him again. Deciding after a minute that I'd much rather be with him at this moment than downstairs with my family and that letter, I pushed open to door and slipped inside. I smiled when I realized that Esme had left on some recordings of my piano playing and continued to creep over to his tiny bassinet.

"Hey there, little boy." I whispered quietly as I pulled over a chair. I gently stroked his face, reveling in the soft feel. I marveled at how tiny he was, his little hand curling around the finger of my other hand. "Daddy loves you, little Eric James."

I had named him carefully, putting a great deal of thought into it. We would call him EJ for short, for Emmett and Jasper, my two brothers who meant so much to me. They were my best friends, and already loved their nephew nearly as much as I did. Eric for Tanya's father, who had died along with her mother in a fire when she was younger. James, for my father's father. Carlisle had always looked up to his father, but he had been a harsh man, looking down on Carlisle for not becoming a priest as he was, but a doctor.

"I have a secret to tell you." I whispered, not feeling foolish at all as I told my son of everything that had happened since the moment he was born. "I don't really think that I ever loved your mother."

I stopped talking when he stirred slightly in his sleep, fidgeting on his back. When he yawned slightly, I smiled at the way his tiny little nose crinkled. "But I do love you. So much."

After kissing him lightly on the forehead, I realized how tired I was. Not even caring that I was still wearing my shoes, I slumped down onto the rocking chair and fell asleep.

I was woken up at 2:30 that morning, when EJ started crying. I jumped up, still woozy from sleep. Frantically, I stumbled over to the light on switched it on. I ran over to his crib and picked him up, supporting his head carefully. I cradled him like a football in my arms and gently bounced him up and down, murmuring soothing words. A moment later, I was surprised to see Rosalie, Emmett's wife, walk into the room. I saw her stomach first, as she was pregnant with twins. Even though she was only 5 months along, she was getting bigger than Tanya ever was.

"Hey Edward." She said shyly. Rosalie and I knew each other well, but we weren't as close as I was with my other sister-in-law, Alice.

I smiled at her and went back to my frantic walk-bounce-whisper routine. I stopped when I heard a giggle, and looked up to see Rosalie laughing quietly at me. I glared at her furiously, and she smiled apologetically.

"Can…can I try?" she asked, no louder than a whisper. Luckily I heard her over my son's crying and hesitated for a second, not sure if I wanted help. My mind was made up when EJ wailed loudly a half-second later. Nodding, I watched her smile in delight and walk over to me. She gently scooped him out of my arms and made her way over to the rocking chair.

"Shh, Eric, it's okay. Shh…." She murmured softly as she started rocking him gently. "Shh…your daddy's very worried about you, you know."

I couldn't help but stand there with my mouth wide open. She had already started calming him down, and his eyes were starting to close already. Five minutes later, he was almost completely asleep.

"How did you do that?" I asked.

"You weren't using enough motion with that bouncing thing. What was that, by the way?" she asked amusedly in a whisper, too afraid to wake my son to talk any louder.

"God, what am I going to do?" I moaned as I sank down in the chair next to his bassinet, running a hand through my hair.

"Edward." She said in a demanding voice. When I didn't look up, she got up and brought him over to where I was. Without another word, she set him gently in my arms. He yawned again and snuggled closer to my chest. I marveled again at his tiny size, and felt a swelling pride. This was my son, my tiny, beautiful, perfect baby boy.

"You're going to be an amazing father Edward." She told me. "It's only your first day."

"Thanks Rosalie." I said appreciatively.

"It was my pleasure. Think of it as helping me practice for later." She said good-naturedly as she walked out of the room. With a sigh, I sank back further into the chair, slowly falling asleep.

I awoke the next morning to hear murmuring voices and a brilliant flash of light. Deciding that I'd ignore the first flash, I tried to go back to sleep. I woke again when there was another flash. I opened my eyes to the third flash, which I realized was a camera, to find my entire family standing in my son's room. I heard Alice cooing at me, and I realized that I had fallen asleep with EJ in my arms.

"Aww, Edward, you two are so adorable!" she squealed. Jasper wound his arm tightly around her, trying in vain to calm her down. Alice and Jasper were the perfect pair, being complete opposites in everything. Jasper was very tall, with blonde hair and my father's blue eyes, while Alice was tiny with short black hair and brown eyes. Jasper was a very calm man, and Alice seemed to get over-excited about everything.

"Morning." I mumbled, still rather tired. I looked down to see my son open his eyes. I realized again that Eric shared my mother's and my green eyes. It startled me to see such a similar pair reflected back at me.

"Morning Ed." Emmett greeted me as he padded over and ruffled my messy bronze hair with his gigantic hand. Emmett was enormous and muscled, looking more like a bear than a man, while Rosalie was beautiful and blonde. They seemed to fit so well together that it was like they had known each other their whole life, rather than a few years.

"Don't call me Ed." I told him crossly as I got up, making sure that I still had EJ's head supported. Alice danced over and reached out her arms for him, and I placed him carefully in her arms so that I could stretch. Alice walked over to the rocking chair and resumed her cooing with Jasper at her side. Jasper shot me a thankful look. Obviously, I had calmed Alice down in allowing her to hold him. I was surprised when Alice had informed us that she didn't want a child for a while. Jasper had seemed surprised too, until a few minutes later when Rosalie announced her pregnancy. Alice tended to have some kind of freakish talent to see into the future, and I suppose that she decided she would spoil nieces and nephew's before having any children of her own.

"Edward?" my mother said softly. "I'm afraid that after the funeral tomorrow, we're going to have to leave. Carlisle needs to go back to the hospital, and Rosalie needs to be near her doctor, and Alice needs to get back so she can get started on that gown…"

I held up a hand, stopping her. "I'll be fine. Thanks for staying this long."

I felt bad for having them over here so long. Tanya had thought she was going into labor a week ago, so they had all made their way to Forks, only to find that it was a false alarm. They decided to stay here until the baby was born, since Alice was determined that it would happen within the next couple of days.

"Goodbye, son. If you need anything, your mother and I are only two hours away." Carlisle told me as he hugged me. I hugged him back, assuring him that nothing would go wrong.

"You're going to be a wonderful father." He told me kindly. My heart swelled with pride and love. Carlisle was so important to me that it meant the world when he told me things like this.

With a few last hugs and last reminders ("Don't forget to feed him, Eddie!"), they were all off back home. My parents lived only two hours or so away in Washington, in the house I'd lived in ever since I was a child. Alice and Jasper lived in LA, for Alice was an up and coming fashion designer and Jasper was a successful psychologist. Emmett and Rosalie were headed back to Oregon to their co-owned car shop. Rosalie was also a model, and planned on quitting for good after her pregnancy. Apparently, there was a huge demand for models that were beautiful and actually pregnant.

"Well, I guess it's just you and me now, champ." I told my son as I picked him up again and made my way into my house that now felt too large. Tanya and I had bought this three story secluded Victorian house in hopes of having a big family, but it looked as if that would never happen.

He looked up at me with his big green eyes, seeming confused. I chuckled at the look on his face, and I lightly poked his nose.

"I'll bet you're hungry." I said as we made our way into the kitchen to find some formula and a bottle. He seemed to realize that it was time to eat, and started fussing. I had soon realized in these past hours that he was very anxious when it came to food, and didn't like to wait.

I dug through my cabinets for a bottle, and upon finding one, began looking for the matching lid. After a five minute search, I remembered that Alice had set them in a bag, and realized that someone had probably accidentally taken them as they left. With a groan, I grabbed my car keys and EJ's baby carrier and made my way over to the car. Remembering that we had run out of formula as well, I groaned again and grabbed my wallet.

After a while, I finally managed to get him securely fastened into his carrier, despite his crying and flailing of limbs. I sped to the one grocery store in town, trying to drive and quiet my son at the same time. I sighed in relief as we pulled into the store, and I quickly grabbed EJ and rushed into the store. As I grabbed a cart and set the carrier with my very upset son in the front, I got many a curious look. This was a very small town, so everyone knew everyone, but no one quite knew why I was doing the shopping all of a sudden instead of my mother or sister-in-law's.

After a glare from a man who couldn't seem to understand that I was trying to find the baby aisle as fast as possible and didn't intentionally run the cart into his display of soup, I finally arrived in the proper aisle. I quickly stopped and froze, realizing for the first time how over my head I was.

There must have been sixty different sorts of bottles and matching lids, and many of them didn't fit the tops of the ones I already had. At long last, I found one brand that managed to fit perfectly, and I threw five or six packages into the cart, not caring that one package held enough tops, or how expensive they might have been. Growing more frantic as my sons cries grew to wails, I pushed the cart further down the aisle and found myself in the formulas again.

After realizing that I could be there for a good five hours, I dug in my pocket for my cell phone, ready to call my mother, figure out what formula to buy and get out of there.

"Damn it!" I yelled in frustration as I absent-mindedly pushed the cart back and forth, trying to soothe EJ. My phone had died, and now I was stuck to figure out what kind of formula to buy all by myself. Ready to call it quits and just start feeding him milk as if he was a cat, I ran a hand through my hair in agitation. I decided to try and hold Eric to calm him down. Now stuck with the daunting task of getting him out of all those straps, I tried talking to him again.

"Shh, EJ, shush. Daddy is trying very hard to get you fed. I'm new at this, ok? Shh…" I coaxed him as I fumbled with the first buckle. Throwing up my arms in frustration, I huffed angrily.

"Eric James Cullen, I would really, really appreciate it if you would be still for a minute or two so that I could get you out of these straps. These god-damned straps!" I said angrily in my haste to get off the second buckle. He seemed to realize that I was angry, which seemed to make him cry even harder.

"I'm sorry for being cross baby, Daddy's just very, very lost." I told him as I tried in vain to unbuckle the third and final strap. Growling in frustration, I bit my tongue in attempts to not curse. I was so focused that I almost didn't notice when a soft hand gently pushed mine away and deftly undid the final buckle.

Triumphantly, I picked EJ up, freezing when I realized that the hand must have belonged to someone. I turned and found myself instantly lost in a pair of beautiful, deep chocolate brown eyes. The woman they belonged to was immensely beautiful, with long brown hair and incredibly pale skin that rivaled even my own. I had always been pale, and I was shocked to see this woman was even paler than I was, except in her cheeks, which were flushed a gorgeous red. She seemed to be about my age, and had a maturity about her, though she was incredibly shy. She seemed to muster up a bit of courage, for she stuck out her hand.

"I'm Bella Swan." She introduced herself in a low, shy voice.

"Edward Cullen," I told her as I shook her hand, ignoring the electric shock that seemed to flow through me at her touch. "Thank you so much."

"It was no problem." She replied, blushing again and looking down. "My friend Angela just had a baby, and I had to watch him a few nights ago."

"I haven't seen you around here before." I said as I rocked EJ.

"Oh. I just moved here to help my father. He's the police chief, and he broke his leg last week on a fishing trip. I needed a change anyways, so I moved back here." She explained as she looked up again, focusing her gaze on Eric. "Can I try?"

"Sure." I agreed, surprised. I passed him over to her, who took him in her soft hands. I stared at her for a moment longer, relishing in the beautiful glow that took over her smile. She would make a beautiful mother someday. Edward, stop now. You've had too many changes in the past week. I warned myself to stop as thoughts of this woman marrying me, holding our child in her arms took over me.

"What's his name?" she asked softly, still lost in his gaze.

"Eric James, but most of us call him EJ." I told her, not quite able to tear my eyes away from her.

"Wait." She said for a moment, seeming to realize something. "Oh god, you're Edward Cullen, aren't you?"

Confused, I nodded. We had already introduced ourselves, hadn't we?

"My father knew your…wife…quite well. He helped with that fire when she was younger." She explained, trying not to bring up what she thought were painful memories.

"Oh." I said lamely, still trying to take in all the new memories. "Yes, I think Tanya mentioned Chief Swan once or twice."

She seemed to smiled sadly at me, almost like she was apologetic at bringing up such memories. I couldn't have this angel being sad for me, not if I could help it.

"Please don't feel bad about bringing Tanya up. She and I both realized that we didn't really love each other before she died. She still holds a special place in my heart, but I don't think that I truly loved her." I explained, wondering why I was spilling this possibly distressing portion of my life to this random woman in the grocery store.

She seemed to realize the truth in my words, and smiled in response. I could tell that she truly understood both what I was saying and my embarrassment at being so open with a stranger, so she changed the subject."I think he's asleep."

"God, how did you do that?" I asked in wonderment. Not even Esme had been able to calm EJ down when he was having one of his food fits.

She shrugged and motioned towards the formulas again. "I'm not sure, but you'd better use this time to your advantage."

Thanking her, I turned and began examining the bottles and boxes. I must've looked very lost, because a moment later, she was pulling a box off the shelf.

"Angela uses this brand for her baby." She explained meekly as she delicately set it in the cart. I grinned thankfully at her and threw a few more boxes into the cart.

"So how do you know Angela if you're new here?" I asked as she motioned for me to follow her.

"I lived here my junior and senior year of high school after my mom got re-married, to give them some time alone. I moved away to go to college, and now I'm writing for a couple of newspapers. I don't really need to be local for my job, so I was fine with moving back." She explained quietly as she absent-mindedly rubbed EJ's back, soothing him to sleep. I followed her with my cart down the medical aisle, where she picked up some pain-killers.

"Here," I said as I took the bottle. "Let me pay for this as thanks."

"No, I've got it." She argued, but the bottle was already hidden under the layer of formula and bottle tops. She rolled her eyes, but agreed and led the way to the front of the store.

"Crap." She said, her eyes growing wide as she saw a very tall, very tan man with a small woman with bronze curls. "I…let's…shit…here! Ice cream!"

Confused, I followed her down the frozen foods aisle and found her sitting on the floor, leaning against the doors to the massive freezer and cradling Eric in her arms. There were tears in her eyes, and she seemed to be holding on to her sanity by a string.

"Bella? What's wrong?" I asked softly as I slid down next to her. She stared off into space and started speaking. I'm not even sure if she realized that I was there.

"That's Jacob Black, the other reason I moved back home. He was my fiancé."

I furrowed my brow in confusion. Why would anyone end things with this amazing woman? She looked over and seemed to realize my confusion. She sighed and wiped a tear off her face before continuing.

"I…well, during high school, I met Jacob. We had been friends as children, and Charlie, my father, is good friends with his father. We started going out my senior year and were still going strong when I left for college. He graduated a year early and came with me. My last year of college, he proposed and I accepted. I thought I loved him, I really did, but there was this nagging feeling that something wasn't right. Last month, he came to me and told me that he had met someone else. He said that he was sorry, but that realized now that he had never loved me. I realized the same thing, but I was still incredibly hurt and lost. Jacob was my first and only boyfriend and I though I didn't love him, I cared deeply about him and it destroyed me. I gave him back his ring and moved back out here the first chance I got." She explained, nearly sobbing by the end. I hesitated, but put my arm around her shoulder. She froze for a second, but curled into my embrace. We were two peas in a pod, and both seemed to realize this at the same time.

"I just…I thought I was over it, but seeing him with her, just…" she explained.

"Shh. It's fine." I assured her calmly. I couldn't help but notice how right this felt, having her in my arms with little Eric in her arms.

"Thank you." She said warmly as she started to get up. I jumped up and helped her up without jostling EJ. "I needed someone to talk to."

"As did I." I assured her warmly, and we strolled to the checkout in silence. We exited the store in the same manner, only breaking the silence when we realized that as much as we felt like we had known each other for our whole lives, we hadn't arrived together.

"The silver Volvo." I told her as I towed the cart over.

"Here, let me show you how to do this." She ordered after I had finished setting the carrier in the car. The groceries were safely sitting in the backseat next to EJ's carrier.

She showed me how each strap connected and unconnected. I stared in awe as her fingers smoothly tightened the belt to fit around Eric's tiny baby belly.

"Let me cook you lunch right now." I blurted out. She looked up from EJ towards me in shock.

"Are you s-"

"Please?" I interrupted her, wanting so badly to talk to her longer.

She nodded, and I told her to follow me to my house. I watched her climb into an ancient truck and pulled out onto the main road. I found myself checking in the rearview mirror twice as much as I normally did, not able to take my eyes off this beautiful woman.

I couldn't help wondering why I was so nervous. After all, it was just lunch.

Well, what do you think? I couldn't get this idea out of my head, and this story has been the most fun to write. The hardest too, because it's my first in Edward's point of view. Let me know if I'm doing a good job?