Disclaimer: Castle and all of its characters belong to Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC Productions. "For You" belongs to Keith Urban.
So, I have a feeling that this is going to be written about a hundred times between now and next week, but it's something that just begs to be further explored.
SPOILERS for "47 Seconds" (I believe that's what next week's episode is called, but I'm not positive, so don't crucify me if I'm wrong).
All I saw was smoke and fire,
I didn't feel a thing, but suddenly I was rising higher,
And I felt like I'd just made the biggest mistake,
When I thought about my unborn child, when I thought about my wife.
And the answer rang out clear from somewhere up above,
No greater gift has man, then to lay down his life for love.
And I wonder, would I give my life? Could I make that sacrifice?
If it came down to it, could I take the bullet?
I would.
Yes, I would.
For you.
"Why did you put that bomb there?" Beckett snarled, and Castle had to admit that he was completely enthralled by the way that she slipped from calm and collected to intense and intimidating detective.
"I don't remember!" The man she was interviewing was young. He looked like he was quaking in his shoes simply having to sit in the interrogation room with Beckett, not that many people could blame him.
"I was shot in the chest," She barked, slamming her fists onto the table and leaning forward until she was directly in the man's face, making sure he fully understood the weight of the situation that he was in. "And I remember every second. So don't try to tell me that you 'don't remember'. I will ask you one. More. Time. Why did you put that bomb there?" Castle wasn't listening to the man's answer because he was too busy staring, mouth agape, at the woman who currently had fire burning in her eyes and looked like a wild animal.
'I remember every second.' That's what she'd said, right? He hadn't misheard that? His blood boiled and his stomach knotted viciously, threatening to turn itself inside out if he was lucky, and completely empty its contents if he wasn't so lucky. He stepped away from the one-way glass and leaned against the wall of the observation room, suddenly needing something to hold him upright. His mind was flooded with memories of what was, arguably, the worst day of his exsistance.
'Kate, I love you.' He stroked her hair softly and held her tightly in his arms, holding on to the little flicker of light that he still saw in her eyes. That little spark, the spark that was distinctively Katherine Beckett, was all he needed to hold out the hope that her lights weren't about to go out any time soon. Kate Beckett was nothing if not a fighter, and he'd be damned if he let her give up this one without the fight that he saw from her daily. 'I love you, Kate.' The smile that played on her lips before her eyes fluttered closed was enough to tell him that she heard, and that everything would be fine.
Baby, you don't understand. I don't understand it all myself,
But, there's a brother on my left and another on my right.
And in his pocket, just like mine, he's got a photograph,
They're waiting for him back home.
And it's weighing on my mind, I'm not trying to be a hero.
I don't wanna die, but right now in this moment, you don't think twice.
And I wonder, would I give my life? Could I make that sacrifice?
If it came down to it, could I take the bullet?
I would.
Yes, I would.
In the room next to him, the man had begun sobbing like a child, and cradled his head in his hands. Richard Castle had always been a compassionate man, but he was damned sick and tired of every murderer breaking down and crying. If you had the balls to kill someone, at least have the dignity to go to prison quietly and not sit in the interrogation room blubbering like an idiot.
He saw Beckett motion for the officers to come in and take him to booking as she stood, smoothing the slight wrinkle out of her pants and walking from the interrogation room to the observation room. The smile that she shot him when she opened the door was enough to have his heart stuttering, reguardless of how anry he was at her.
"Hey," She said, quietly enough that he could have imagined the greeting had he not seen her lips move. "Looks like you were right. Again. After I finish the paperwork, why don't I take you to Remy's and buy you dinner, so I can avoid the 'I told you so'?" She smirked, leaning against the door jamb and crossing her arms over her chest. He took a moment and searched for the words that he wanted to use. Apparently she saw the turmoil on his face and got a concerned look on his. "Everything okay, Rick?"
"You remember everything." He stated simply, crossing his arms over his chest as well and leaning back, waiting for the words to sink in.
"Oh." The word was simple enough. One syllable, two letters, one breath. However, it was enough to light the fuse that had been stomped out when she told him that she hadn't remembered anything about the shooting in the hospital what seemed like an eternity ago.
"'Oh'? 'Oh'? You just told that kid that you remembered everything about your shooting, everything that you told me that you couldn't remember when I came to visit you, which means that you remember me telling you that I am in love with you, and all you have to say for yourself is 'oh'?" He snapped, moving across the small room so that he was directly in front of her. "Tell me, Detective Beckett, when excatly did you plan on telling me that you've been avoiding this conversation for almost a year because you're afraid that, if you admit to having heard what I said, you'd have to make a decision and, God forbid, have to admit that there is more between us than just being partners?"
Her jaw almost hit the floor at his outburst. Sure, she'd expected him to be angry when he found out that she'd lied to him, but she hadn't expected it to be of this caliber. Deep, in depth, emotion laden conversations weren't something that they did every day. It wasn't to say that they never had them, they'd had plenty of them in fact. They just all seemed to come up when they were faced with a near death experience or one of them needed reassurance that they would never be alone due to some tragic personal experience. Other than that, they just weren't commonground. Especially not in the observation room at the precinct. That was totally new.
"I...Castle, I'm sorry that I lied to you. But, you have to understand, it was a really confusing time for me, and I was with Josh, and the whole thing with Montgomery had just happened and I-."
"And you, and you, and you. Kate, this isn't all about you!" He growled, stepping even closer. She took a step back instinctively. She'd never seen Castle this mad, and frankly, it wasn't a sight that she hoped to see again any time soon. "We were all there for the shooting, we all watched you parading Josh around like he was some prized hog, and we were all went through losing Montogomery. I understand that it was a connection to your mother's murder that you didn't want to have to make, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. But, do not belittle what everyone else had to go through because you want to make yourself the center of attention. And don't think that you can use that as an excuse to flat out lie to me about something as important as this."
"Castle, I wasn't ready to talk about it. I didn't know what I wanted, and I didn't want to lead you on if you weren't the one that I wanted to dive into things with."
"Nah ah. I get that, trust me I do, but how dare you toy with my emotion and make me go through every day, watching you and wondering how the hell I was going to make you see how much I love you. I have known since the moment I met you that you were it for me. And we both know good and well that you knew that too, so don't try to pull that bull shit with me. I'm not buying it." He pushed past her and stepped out into the bullpen, totally disreguarding the crowd that had discreetly formed to watch the inevitable break down of the partnership.
"Castle!" She barked after him as he made his way to the elevator. When he didn't stop she tried a different tactic. "Rick!" He spun on his heels and was instantly in her face once again.
"When you stop hiding behind anything you can find to avoid being happy because you don't think you deserve it, and are willing to admit everything that you've been hiding from me, you know where I am. But, don't think that I'm going to be there forever, Kate. I'm not going to sit around waiting for you to show up on my doorstep like a stupid dog. I'm loyal, Kate, but I'm not an idiot." His eyes flamed as he looked at her and waited for her to say something. Anything. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, but she found no words to say what he wanted to hear. He gave a sad, defeated chuckle and shook his head before turning back to the elevator and climbing in. "We're done here, Beckett. You've said everything I need to hear."
"Wait, but I didn't say anything!" She called after him, quirking an eyebrow curiously. Castle pressed a button in the elevator and, just before the doors closed, he gave her a response that shattered her willpower and had tears streaming down her face, not even giving a damn that the precinct was full of people still.
"Exactly." The doors finally slid closed and she watch the numbers tick down as the elevator neared the parking garage. Somehow, she knew that was the last time she'd see his face in that elevator, and the sheer thought of never seeing him again made her realize something that she'd been running from for three years. She was head over heels in love with Rick Castle. Unfortunately, it seemed that her revelation came eleven months too late, and part of her knew that there was no way to fix this mistake. He was gone, and she couldn't get him back.
You don't think about right. You don't think about wrong.
You just do what you gotta do to defend your own.
And I'd do the same for you,
Yes, I would.
Yes, I would.
And I would give my life.
I would make that sacrifice.
Cause if it came down to it, could I take the bullet?
I would, yes I would.
I'd do it for you.
I'd take the bullet, yeah.
Yes, I would.
The call came in less than an hour later. A man had been gunned down in a parking garage across town from the precinct. They didn't give her a name. They didn't give her a description. They just gave her an address. She didn't need the rest of the information, though. She knew what was waiting at the crime scene for them. They all did.
When they slid out of their cruisers, everything moved in slow motion as they ducked under the crime tape and walked towards his body. Bullet holes riddled the chest of a man that she couldn't imagine living everyday without. A sob clawed at the back of her throat, but she would not let it come out. There was no way in hell she'd let them see her cry again.
Lanie threw herself into Esposito's arms and he turned her away from the body, stroking her hair softly and muttering words of comfort in her ear, even though hot tears burned at the edges of his own eyes. Ryan stared, unable to tear his gaze away, the tears freely flowing over his freckled, ivory cheeks. His hands shook as he pulled his gloves on and pried a slip of paper out of Castle's hand, unfolding it slowly, as if the paper may disinegrate into nothing if he moved it too harshly. He scanned it quickly before extending it to her, not saying a word.
Beckett slipped her gloves on and took the paper from his quivering fingers carefully. Her heart nearly stopped as she read the familiar scrawl.
Beckett,
I know I never mentioned this to you, but I've been investigating your mother's murder. Everything that I've found is on the murder board at the loft. Alexis will give you the password to access it. I've been in contact with a man, I'm not sure of his name, but he asked me to keep you out of investigating any further after the shooting. He said that your life would be in danger if you kept digging. I couldn't let that happen. I can't lose you. So, I've been doing to snooping for you. I wrote this letter before going to a meeting with the man that's been giving me information, because I have a feeling that this meeting is going to go a little bit differently than any of the others. He said that if I come and help him with something, he'll give you a name of someone that can tell you who was responsible for her being murdered. It sounds like a long shot, but if it has the oppourtunity for me to help you find out who was behind the tragedy that led you to become a cop, and led me to meeting you, it's a risk I'm willing to take.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I truly do love you, Kate. I just wish I'd had the guts to say it before I thought you were dying. You know what they say about hindsight being 20/20, though. Anyway, I have to end this letter here or I'm going to be late for my meeting with him. Fingers crossed that this works out for the better, Kate. But, if it doesn't, remember your promise about Alexis. Look after her. She'll need it. It's always the quiet ones you have to look out for. Hopefully, you never have to read this letter, and instead this stupid fight we had today will be something that we can laugh about when we tell the story to our grandchildren. But, if it turns out that I don't come back from this meeting, you look out for the boys. They need you, and I know that, deep down, you need them too. Never forget what's important in life, Katie. Never take it for granted, and never let the moment to say something that can change everything pass you by. Trust me, I learned that one the hard way. I love you.
Rick
The letter was quivering in her own grasp by the time she finished reading it. His bloodstained finger print on the bottom of the paper taunted her. A haunting reminder that there was a reason that she got to read the letter that was never meant to be delivered.
She looked down at his limp, unmoving figure, surrounded by a halo of blood around his head and felt her stomach turn over rebelliously. She would find out who the man that he'd been meeting with was. And then, she would see to it that the prison rotted to the ground around him before he was released. Then, amidst the crumbling brick and steel of the prison, she would build a new one with her bare hands. If she had anything to say about it, this man wouldn't see the light of day again before he died once she was finished with him.
She folded the letter carefully, slipped it into an evidence bag and tucked it into her pocket for safe keeping. She took a deep breath and allowed herself to slip into detective mode. There would be a time for grieving behind the closed doors of her apartment, but at that moment she had a murderer to catch. It was the least that she could do. Castle had given his life so that she could live hers knowing who killed her mother. She'd be damned if he did that in vain. She turned to the boys, her body spewing anger.
"We're going to find him. And we're going to arrest him." She turned back to her cruiser and opened the door, set to head back to the precinct and start looking for some damned answers, but before she got in she directed on last statement at Ryan and Espostio. "Get to work, boys."
And I wonder, would I give my life? Could I make that sacrifice?
If it came down to it, could I take the bullet?
I would.
Yes, I would.
And I would do it for you.
I'd do it for you,
Oh, I'd take the bullet, yes, I would.
For you.
So, I'm not sure if I want to make this a multichapter, or leave it as a one shot. I like it as a one shot, but I feel like it ended rather abruptly and leaves a lot of questions. I know that the show won't go like this, but this was something that popped into my head when I saw the preview, and it wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. So...now I'm tired and going to bed. Hope you guys enjoyed it, drop me a review and let me know.
Much love, J. Rook