A/N: This will be a one-shot until further notice… I just re-finished HBP and love the idea of being in Tonks' head during the year, knowing she's in love with someone who completely refuses to be with her. I don't know if it will continue any, I hope that this story does. Anyway, like my other stories, this one has a strong tie to country music (this time it'll be "You Don't Know Her Like I Do" by Brantley Gilbert). Hope you enjoy, please review and let me know if I should add more. XOX (Starts after Tonks runs into Harry after trying to go see Dumbledore)
"I can't forget, I'm drowning in these memories
It fills my soul with all the little things
And I can't cope, it's like a death inside the family
It's like she stole my way to breathe
So don't try to tell me I'll stop hurting
And don't try to tell me she ain't worth it"
Dumbledore wasn't there. What was I expecting? For the greatest wizard who has ever lived to be sitting around waiting to give me news I shouldn't be after anyway? I should be working, watching, and staying vigilant. Stay alert to stay alive…
Those words burn, like many others. He said them; he's said many things that have kept me alive during these past few months. All I want to know is that he's as safe as I am right now. I burn to hear of his whereabouts, to know of his safety in these times.
This job, this post, this endless amount of time to just let my thoughts flow and eat away at me isn't what I need right now.
I need him. I need his reassuring words; I need his touch that makes everything else in my life melt away. I need his ability to find the strengths in my flaws, Merlin I could use that right now.
"You may well be the most clumsy witch that's ever been, Nymphadora. Dead useless while trying to stay undercover, dead useful while trying to make me smile."
He said that the first time I touched him, lifting my hand into his and being pulled onto my feet. Electricity shot through me, it was the first time I started really noticing him. I haven't stopped since. He pulled me up that day and didn't realize how high my spirits lifted with that single gesture.
I know he's older, I know the dangers of being with him; I know that his lifestyle isn't the most stable thing that could ever be but none of that matters to me. He doesn't understand that. He thinks I deserve better, that I shouldn't be mixed in with his unfortunate conditions.
I hoped, I prayed… After losing Sirius, wouldn't he realize that our time in this war might be short? Why wouldn't we spend it together? Molly can try to comfort me with tea; she can try to push me onto the younger, healthier, better off man. It would never matter; no one could pale into comparison of the man with whom my heart already belongs.
He changes during a couple nights of the month, but that doesn't change my feelings. His robes are shabby and his image scarred, but his intelligence has an attraction like no other. He isn't swimming in galleons and sickles, but a life with him would make me feel richer than any witch in England.
If I don't hear of him soon, hear that he's safe; I know I will drown in my own thoughts and worries. I don't feel safe without knowing he's somewhere out there, somewhere that I can find my way to if need be. If one more person tells me to move on, that I'm turning into a depressed version of myself and that I will end up risking lives, I will resign.
I'd rather be stuck in my head, stuck in love, than ever have a soul speak the words, "You'll find better than Remus Lupin," to me ever, ever, again.
A/N: So, there it is… Review and let me know what you think? XO