Happy tapped his burner phone on the bar as he waited for his brothers to show up. They were late for church and he had somewhere he really needed to be. With each passing moment, his irritation was doubling. The prospect had already gotten the hint to steer clear of Happy if he wanted to keep his head facing the right way. He watched Happy from a distance, wondering what the man would do when the tardy brothers finally showed up. He knew for a fact that Happy had at least two fully loaded guns on him.
"Ready?" Tig asked as he walked into the clubhouse behind Juice. The prospect expected Happy to throw a barstool at least. Instead, he just grunted and walked into the room with the other two men. The prospect rolled his eyes and made his way behind the bar to clean up the shattered beer bottle that had been aimed at his head.
"Any other business?" Clay said, looking to each man that was seated around the table. Most stayed silent. Happy lifted his chin, silently asking to be heard. "Go ahead, Hap."
"Something is going on with my Ma. I have to get down to Bakersfield. Won't make it to the carnival thing tomorrow," Happy explained. Several men asked if his mother was okay but he could only shrug his shoulders. He didn't know. All he knew was that she needed him, she didn't need to say more.
"Of course, brother. Take whatever time you need." Clay knew nothing mattered more to Happy than his mother, not even the club. He respected that. With no other business, Clay adjourned the meeting. Happy bolted from his chair and made a beeline to his bike. He'd taken advantage of the delayed meeting to pack a couple changes of clothes and check his oil. His brothers watched as he peeled out of the parking lot, the front wheel of his motorcycle lifting a couple inches off the pavement.
The three hour ride to Bakersfield was some of the fastest miles Happy had ever ridden. Other cars on the road were flashes of color as he passed them on the left and right. He should have taken it slow, considering his history with local law enforcement, but they'd have to chase him to his mother's driveway before he stopped. The phone call from his mother was short. It started off like any other call with her asking him if he was having a good day and when he was going to come see her. He'd almost rushed off the phone, knowing he had a meeting to get to. There was something about her voice that bothered him. She sounded…off. His ma insisted everything was okay but he wasn't buying it. Finally, she'd asked him if he could come down next chance he got. He didn't ask any questions. He was going to be there if he had to pull the leather cut off his back and leave it in Charming.
When Happy pulled onto his mother's street, he saw an older, silver Honda with a busted taillight parked on the curb in front of her house. He didn't recognize the car. Happy parked his bike right behind the car and reached inside his cut as he approached the front door. His pistol's safety was off with a light click.
"Mijo, you scared me!" Anita said, pressing her palm into her chest. Happy flicked his safety back on and dropped his hand to his side. His mother didn't look worse than usual. If anything, she looked better. "What are you doing here?"
"Ma, you told me to come down here next chance I got. What's wrong?" Happy asked, hugging her carefully. She blinked with a small smile. "Ma."
"I just miss you, mijo. I didn't mean to scare you." She patted him on the arm and closed the front door. Happy wasn't buying it. He glanced around the living room, noticing the smell of fresh tamales coming from the kitchen. "Well, now that you're here you can stay for dinner and meet Charlie."
"Is that his car out front?" Happy growled. He'd been hearing about this Charlie guy for weeks. They'd met at some community center and his Ma couldn't stop going on about how sweet Charlie was to her. It irked him that some guy was spending so much time with her without being vetted by him first.
"His car?" His ma asked, pausing in the middle of the living room. Happy narrowed his eyes. She'd been sick for years and the doctors said there would be good days and bad but he'd never seen her like this. She seemed confused. Despite all the chemotherapy and shit, she'd always kept her mind sharp. He worried that was starting to slip.
"Charlie. The dude you just told me was here." Happy tried to keep his frustration out of his voice. He knew that if her mind was starting to go, she couldn't help it. He was exhausted and worried. His mother laughed loudly and shook her head.
"Mijo, follow me." She was still laughing. Happy wasn't sure who or what was going to be in the kitchen. If his mother was really this confused, she could have some massive cat in there or something. God, he hated cats. "Charlie, I want you to meet my son, Happy."
Happy felt like someone had punched him in the chest as soon as he stepped through the doorway. The kitchen door swung closed behind him, smacking the back of his head with a loud clap. He barely even noticed. His undivided attention was on his mother's friend, Charlie.
"Um, hi." The woman's voice sounded just like he thought it would, silky and warm. Where he'd expected to find some wrinkly old man or oversized house cat stood a beautiful, smiling redhead with his mother's apron on over a tight tank top and black jeans. She was short, barely taller than his elderly mother who'd lost a couple inches to old age, with curves that reminded him of some of his favorite roads. He swallowed as her eyelashes closed over her rich, blue eyes. She'd only blinked but he swore it was in slow motion.
"Happy! Where are your manners." His mother smacked his arm, jolting him out of the trance the younger woman seemed to cast over him. He furrowed his brow and looked from his mother to the redhead.
"Hi." He watched her for recoil or a little shudder. Women only reacted to him in one of two ways. Either they avoided and feared him or they longed for him. Charlie didn't seem to do either. He watched her offer him a polite smile before turning her attention back to the tamales. His ma was standing to the side with a grin. It all clicked. She was fine, there was no sudden downturn with her health or harassing neighbors to deal with. She was trying to play matchmaker. While he appreciated her big heart and her taste in women for him, he didn't appreciate worrying or being pulled away from club business. He pulled his pack of cigarettes from his inner pocket and turned to the sliding back door. "I'm smoking."
"Really?" Charlie said, blinking at him and folding her arms across her chest. She motioned towards Happy's mother. "Your mother has cancer and you're just going to light up on the back porch?"
"It's a joint, doc." Happy snarled at her. She pursed her lips disapprovingly but didn't argue. He tried to ignore the way her full lips made his pants feel a little too tight between the legs. Once he'd taken a couple pulls from the joint, he started to relax. The last five hours had been absolute torture on his mind. He'd gone through almost every terrible scenario in his head since the phone call. His ma was okay, relatively speaking. That was what mattered.
After finishing his joint, Happy joined the two women in the kitchen and opened the refrigerator for a beer. His mother always kept a few of his favorites for when he would visit. He pulled the cap off with on of his rings and watched as the sly woman showed Charlie how to take the tamales out of the husk. It reminded him of when she'd tried to teach him.
"These are delicious, Charlie. Very good." Anita exclaimed after taking a couple bites of her dinner. The younger woman beamed and Happy noticed her cheeks starting to turn pink.
"I only followed your directions, Anita." Charlie's blush deepened as she noticed Happy staring at her.
"Happy?" He looked over at his ma and exaggerated his chewing. She scowled at him just like she did when he wasn't polite as a teenager.
"Thanks for the dinner that you cooked in my mother's house with groceries I paid for." Happy said, finishing his beer. Anita swatted his arm and pointed towards the kitchen. Charlie twisted her mouth and watched as the two stormed out of the dining room. She had told Anita it probably wasn't a good idea for her to try and set them up. Obviously, she'd been correct.
"Have you crashed that motorcycle and hit your head, son? That is no way to talk to my guest." Anita said, hitting Happy in the chest with an oven mitt. He opened the fridge and pulled out another beer. "She has been nothing but kind to me and you are being an ass."
"Ma, I doubled almost every speed limit getting down here after maybe two hours of sleep last night. I'm not in the mood to play nice with some stranger. Where did you even meet her?" Happy was irritated and sleep deprived, the effects of the joint long worn off. "She could be robbing you blind and you wouldn't even know it."
"Stop it. She is an angel." Anita put her hands on her hips and glared at her son. "She teaches yoga at the community center and volunteers her time helping the ladies in the neighborhood. Don't you start accusing anyone of being a criminal."
"Ma." Happy frowned, feeling the little stab she'd made at him. She scoffed and dropped her arms down to her side. "I'm sorry, alright? I need to get some sleep."
"Do I need to make the bed or are you taking the couch?" Anita asked. It was her own way of asking him how long he'd be staying. He stepped over to her and kissed the top of her forehead.
"I've got it, Ma. I know where the bed sheets are." He was going to stick around for a couple days and get more information on the redhead before leaving his mother alone with her again. She might trust her but he certainly had no reason to. Happy found Charlie still sitting at the table. Knowing his mother was probably listening from the kitchen, he sighed and apologized. "Sorry. The tamales were good."
"Are you taking Anita to her appointment tomorrow or can I plan on being here?" Charlie didn't accept his apology. He was an ass.
"Your taillight is busted." Happy stated. She blinked, still waiting on an answer to her question. When she didn't respond, he finally continued, "you don't need to drive my ma around with a busted light."
"You are something else. You apologize and then berate me for helping your mother? It's a shame you are nothing like the man she thinks you are." Charlie snapped. She knew the stupid taillight was out. If she had the money, she would have fixed it long ago. Charlie had too much going on to let some asshole knock her down even further.
"It's late." Happy growled. He considered telling her to see herself out of his mother's house but decided not to provoke his ma any further. Instead, he walked down the hall to his bedroom to put some distance between he and the infuriating woman.
"I'm sorry, dear. He isn't usually like that." Anita whispered to Charlie after joining her at the table for a glass of wine. The younger woman frowned, wishing she didn't have to disappoint the woman she'd come to care a great deal about. "He's just tired."
"Anita, I know you wanted to try and set us up but I just don't think we are a good match." Charlie crinkled her nose with a smile to try and soften the blow. Anita set her glass down and sighed.
"Maybe you are right. I just worry about him being alone once I'm gone." Charlie's shoulders sank, hating the idea of saying goodbye to a woman that reminded her so much of her own, late grandmother.
"He is pretty hot." Charlie admitted despite disliking everything that came out of his mouth. She always had a thing for tattoos and bad boys, even though her ex-husband was the exact opposite. Anita smiled and put her hand on top of Charlie's. "You need to get some sleep. Your appointment is early."
Once Charlie had finished cleaning up, against Anita's objections, she headed home and drew a hot bath. There was a good chance of rain the next day and she could already feel it in her knee and hip. Luckily, she didn't have a yoga class until the following day. While her bath bomb fizzed and filled the small bathroom with lavender, Charlie stepped out of her jeans and pulled off her tank top. The harsh light of the bathroom seemed to highlight her scars. She could almost ignore the one on her knee. It was the longer scar stretching from her under arm to the center of her abdomen that brought up the memories and regrets.
With a sigh, she lowered herself into the hot bath water. The lavender started to relax her and she stopped thinking about the scar. Before she could stop herself, she started thinking about Anita's son, Happy. She scoffed at his name, wondering if he'd ever lived up to it. He was so… harsh. The man Anita talked about sounded anything but. She bragged about how caring and kind he was. Maybe it was true once but the man Charlie had met seemed cold and callous. She couldn't understand why she had any interest in seeing him again, but she did. Maybe Anita had been right, maybe he was just tired from the trip from Charming.
"Ugh," she groaned, sliding down so her head was under the water.
Happy heard his mother's alarm clock going off and snuffed out the cigarette on the porch railing. Even though he'd barely slept the night before in Charming, he only managed to sleep about five hours. Once he finally felt like he could go back to sleep, it was almost time to get ready for his Ma's appointment. He hated going to appointments with her. The doctors never had anything decent to say, they just commented on how little time she had left. Happy had almost killed the doctor that first diagnosed her with cancer. His mother had no idea how long he had sat in the wood line behind the man's house, loaded pistol in hand.
"Mijo, do you want coffee?" Anita asked, poking her head outside. Happy nodded and she disappeared back into the kitchen. He followed with a large yawn. "Did you even sleep?"
"Yeah, ma. I got a few hours." He smiled. She pursed her lips and shook her head as she filled the coffee maker with water. "What's wrong?"
"I worry about you. Who is going to take care of you next year?" Happy clinched his teeth together and closed his eyes.
"You ain't going anywhere that soon. I don't care what some doctor says. I know you." He growled. Anita sighed and pulled him into a hug. Happy relaxed a little. "That why you're trying to set me up with the ginger? Think she'll do my laundry and cook for me?"
"No, sweetheart. She's a terrible cook. I had to fix the tamales twice while she wasn't looking." Anita said with a laugh. Happy chuckled and let a smile spread. "I do think she's a good match for you, mijo. She's tough but kind. She's also very beautiful."
"She's not bad." Happy teased. Anita rolled her eyes. "Go get ready. I'll take care of the coffee and bring the car out of the garage."
Happy waited for the coffee to finish brewing and turned the machine off. On his way to the garage, he lit up another cigarette. He couldn't get what his ma said out of his head. The doctors had given her a year to live almost two years ago. It was only a matter of time and there was nothing more he could do about it. The treatments had stopped doing their job. The cancer was starting to grow again.
"Put that thing out." Anita fussed. Happy did as she said and hurried to take the travel mugs from her. She only let him take one. "Stop fussing."
The doctor appointment didn't go well and Happy started to wonder if he'd been wrong about his mother's intentions with the phone call. Unbeknown to him, she had a full body scan the week before. The appointment was to go over the results. His knuckles paled as he gripped the steering wheel tighter. She didn't even seem surprised that the cancer had grown almost 25% in the last six months. On the other hand, Happy had excused himself to go puke in the bathroom as soon as the doctor explained the results
"You don't have to be scared, mijo. We knew this was coming." Anita said, pulling her son's hand from the steering wheel and holding it in her lap. He wouldn't look at her. He hadn't even turned her head in his direction since getting back in the car. "You've done everything you could."
"I know." He snapped, immediately regretting it. "I can't fix it, Ma."
"Oh, Happy. I know. I'm sorry." She squeezed his hand. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and pulled into the driveway. "When do you need to go back?"
"I'll stay through the weekend." Happy said, skirting the question. He knew Clay had wanted him to take care of something but it would have to wait. When he helped Anita out of the car, he started noticing small signs that she wasn't feeling well. Her steps were slower and seemed more deliberate, like she had to concentrate on walking. The dress she wore wasn't more than a couple months old and it was already a size or two too big on her. She refused his help inside, despite her shaking hands that struggled with the door key.
"Oh no." She sighed and held up a black wallet with silver studs along the edges. Happy raised his brow, waiting for an explanation. "Charlie must have left this last night. I hope she doesn't get pulled over on her way to get it. Poor girl can't afford to replace that light right now."
"I'll take it by her place." Happy wanted to go ride for a bit to clear his mind and he still needed to know more about the woman. Anita shook her head and waved his suggestion off. "Ma, it's fine. I need some air."
"Okay, mijo. You be nice this time." She warned. Happy rolled his eyes and took the wallet. "Happy."
"I'll be nice."
Charlie looked towards the door and groaned. She had just entered the middle of her yoga sequence and was in a super soldier pose. Against her better judgement, she called for whoever was at the door to come in. She assumed it was Anita's son after hearing a motorcycle approaching, but she couldn't be sure.
"Are you stuck?" Happy asked.
Instead of answering, Charlie moved on to her next pose. She could feel his eyes watching her closely. After four more poses, she crossed the room to turn off the Nirvana discography that she had been playing louder than her neighbors probably appreciated. When she turned back, Happy had walked a couple steps closer and was holding a black, studded wallet.
"My mom was worried you'd drive without your license and get busted for that taillight." Happy explained. Charlie blinked and took the wallet slowly. "I didn't go through it."
"Okay." Charlie doubted there was anything in it. Anita had won the wallet several weeks ago during a bingo game. "How did the appointment go?"
"You shouldn't keep your door unlocked. This neighborhood is shit." Happy deflected quickly, pushing a toothpick to the side of his mouth. Charlie put the wallet on her coffee table and motioned towards the kitchen.
"Do you want a beer?" She had been in enough group therapy to recognize the look that was written all over his face. Despite disliking him, she felt a need to make him feel better. "I have liquor."
"I'll take a beer." Happy shrugged. Charlie nodded and picked up a hooded sweater on her way into the kitchen. She hated that he was probably wondering what her scar was from. Had she expected company, she would have worn something more than a sports bra and leggings. Happy was sitting on her couch when she returned to the living room. He took the beer and downed half of it quickly. Charlie took a sip from her water bottle and studied his face. "Her treatments aren't slowing it down anymore."
"Oh." Charlie's shoulders fell and she looked up towards the cracked ceiling light. "How bad is it?"
"Stage 4. Wouldn't even give a timeframe this time." Happy finished his beer as tears started to fall down Charlie's cheeks. She felt like she was losing her own grandmother all over again. A sob escaped her chest and drew his attention to her.
"I'm sorry."
Happy could only watch as she bolted from the living room with tears streaming down her face. He usually hated when women cried but he was barely keeping it together himself. A door slammed and he rose from the couch. His mom would want him to go talk to her but he didn't know what to say. He barely knew the woman and didn't fully understand why she was so upset. It wasn't her mother. So, instead of following her down the hall, he went into the kitchen and helped himself to another beer. Looking for something else to think about as he started on the second bottle, he started walking around the living room. He noticed a few pictures of Charlie in a military uniform. There was one of her in a fighter jet and one of her with several other chicks in camo. He wondered if that scar on her stomach was the reason she wasn't still in the military.
"You're still here." Charlie said. Happy looked up and nodded. She sighed and sat down on the couch cushion next to him. "Anita won that wallet in bingo last month. It isn't mine."
"Of course it isn't." Happy sighed. "How did you two meet?"
"At the community center. She came to a senior yoga class." Charlie laughed at Happy's automatic look of disgust. "What? You don't think Anita can still do yoga?"
"I don't want to think about my ma twisted up like you were when I walked in." Happy greatly appreciated the show he'd gotten but thinking of his mother bending like that almost ruined the memory. Charlie laughed with a wide smile.
"It's senior yoga. Most of the poses were seated, don't worry." Charlie giggled as he shook his head. "Anyways, she was waiting for the bus after class and we started talking. She reminds me a lot of my grandmother."
"Your grandmother was a hardheaded Spanish woman?" Happy didn't believe that for a minute. Her skin was practically porcelain. She shook her head.
"No, Gran was Dutch but she was still hardheaded. She talks about you a lot." Charlie made eye contact with Happy just as his phone started vibrating. He checked the screen and stood up.
"Hey brother," He walked out the front door and lit a cigarette, "did you get my message?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry, Hap. Clay said not to worry about it and to take as much time as you need. You alright?" Jax asked. Happy blew out a long line of smoke and shook his head.
"Nah, it's bad. I'm gonna try and set some home health shit up before I come back." Happy knew it wasn't going to be cheap but he didn't care. He was going to make sure she had everything he could give her. "I'll call you when I know more."
"Alright, bro." Jax said before Happy closed the phone. He was already tired of talking about his mom's cancer and it was just the beginning. Charlie was smoking pot from a water pipe when Happy walked back inside. He shook his head.
"Weren't you bitching at me for smoking?" He asked. She offered him a hit but he shook his head. He wasn't going to mix pot and beer when he still wanted to get some miles in on the bike. As she stood up and set the pipe on the table, he looked her body over again. She was short and more muscular than he usually liked but something kept her from looking bulky, probably the yoga. "Give me your phone."
"What? Why?" Charlie coughed.
"I'm putting my number in it so you can call me if something happens with my mom." Happy explained, hand held out for the phone. She pursed her lips and handed it over. "I'm going to get a nurse or something to stay with her but I don't trust paid help."
"She's not going to like that." Charlie said. Happy nodded, knowing she was right. He called his phone and saved her phone number. "I've been taking her to appointments and stuff."
"Yeah?" Happy was actually starting to like his mother's friend. "She's gonna need a nurse or something though."
"Maybe just talk to her about it before you start making calls, okay?" Charlie swallowed hard when he scowled. "She's very proud, Happy. I just don't think she'd want to be surprised with that."
"She'll have to get over it. I'm not putting her in some home." He snapped. Charlie frowned and slowly approached him. "What are you doing?"
"Deciding if hugging you would get me stabbed." Charlie admitted, looking at the large knife hanging off his belt. He grunted as she wrapped her arms around his torso. The top of her head barely came up to his shoulder. The way her petite body pressed against him almost took his mind off the dark cloud hanging over him. He considered pushing his luck."You're hating this, aren't you?"
"Wouldn't be so bad without clothes, girl." Happy smirked as she dropped her arms and stepped back with a scowl. It looked like the open road would have to do instead. "What? Ma thinks we'd be good together. You can show me some more yoga."
"You're an ass." Charlie laughed. He shrugged and straightened his leather cut. "Be careful out there, it's going to rain later."
"I'll be fine." Happy took his key out of his front pocket and paused. "If I don't see you before I leave, thanks."
"Sorry, what? Did you just say something nice?" Charlie teased. Happy rolled his eyes and walked out to his bike.
**Thank you for reading and giving this a chance! It's been a while since I've written but rewatching the show and some personal things have drawn me back in. Let me know what you think. The title is inspired by the song Lost by Dermot Kennedey**