I know it's lengthy. I'm sorry. I've thought about it long and hard on whether or not I should cut this story into parts but I concluded that the general feeling of the story would be altered slightly if I did so. So yeah...
Disclaimer- I do not own any of the characters
Nick Miller can account for the 5 moments in his life that required the most courage.
- I -
It was quiet all around them. He knew that he should let her go, that she had someone there for her right behind her bedroom door. So many things could go wrong. He would ruin her relationship. He could destroy their friendship. He might not be able to stop. What if he wasn't enough for her? What if he sucked? What if she just didn't want him like that? What if she hates him after what he's about to do?
But he couldn't keep on fighting a losing battle. So he takes her elbow and pulls her towards him. She comes effortlessly, as if she feels the pull between them too.
Her body is soon fully molded against his and his hand doesn't seem to know where exactly they want to go. He could feel every inch of her body against him, her breasts full and pressed against his chest, every breath she takes matching his. Her arms wrapped around his neck and he tries to bring her closer and closer to him. Trying his hardest to eliminate the space between them, leaving room not even for air to pass.
The kiss was frantic and full of need, both of them taking what they can of each other as if they were each other's saving grace. His tongue exploring her mouth, her taste bringing every nerve inside of him to life. The feel of her lips igniting the dormant being inside of him, so soft yet forceful against his, while her tongue battled with his.
He took a deep breath and is engulfed in her smell, like a drug that keeps him going. He doesn't want to stop but eventually his lungs were screaming at him to take a break. He released her with a shaky breath and rested his forehead against hers. He doesn't want to let her go, but he knows that she's not his to keep. Not yet at least.
He skims his nose against hers and leans back down giving her a kiss; long, tender, and intimate, wholly different from what the two of them just shared. In that kiss he poured all of his feelings for her and the subtle promise that in time he will act on it. His lips pressed against hers firmly, sucking on her bottom lip and slowly tracing it with his tongue before he pulled away.
He wanted more, wanted to continue until he has consumed her. He leaned back in, giving in to the need to just taste her one last time keeping it brief before he succombed into temptation again.
He noted that her eyes that were usually bright blue were now darker with lust and want, making it stand out even more against her now flushed skin.
He knew that he had to let her go for now. He losened his arms around her waist and went into his room, his lips still searing from their kiss.
- II -
He couldn't remember a time where he felt more idiotic.
He spent all morning talking to Tran about it, rehearsed what he was going to say. He was confident about what he was about to do, but the second he saw her face he's not sure what came out of his mouth was english, let alone an actual human language.
He was a nervous wreck throughout the night, mostly because everything seemed to be going wrong. He received tickets upon tickets, over a thousand dollars in fines, they both run into Russel who make them think about the things that they haven't even touched base on, and they didn't even get a single bite of food.
But then he remembers all the things that happened that night that made him smile, like how beautiful she looked against the dim light, the sound of her laugh knowing that it was caused by him even if it were to the expense of their two other roommates, and when she tries to hide the fact that she was struggling with the jar.
The tension between them after that was so potent it was almost visible. He had to admit that it was partially his fault, purposely gargling his beer towards her but he was just a glutton for punishment, seeing her eyes go wide and start to darken with want and knowing that he can't do anything about it.
He leaned against his door, panting as if he'd just run a marathon. He was fighting the very fiber of his being not to go across the hall and kiss her right there and then. But he knew he couldn't. Not after she imposed the 'middle school dance rules' that he knew she put there for a good reason. He was starting to lose his grip on decorum and just throw caution into the wind. He couldn't help but blame the newly imposed rules on Russel, making them evaluate their relationship right then and there.
He thinks back to the answer that he scribbled on that piece of paper. He knew he lied, fearing that he was going to reveal their answers to the other. Maybe thats why the 'rules' are intact.
Deep down he knew that it wouldn't be fair to either of them to act on their feelings without being courageous enough to own up to what feelings they're acting up on in the first place. Doesn't mean he has to like it.
- III -
He can't let her go back into that man's arms. The arms where she was carried before she lost her virginity. The arms of a fucking fireman for god's sake.
So he sticks his hand out to stop the elevator doors from closing. Not wanting to think about what was about to happen and instead just let what will happen happen, he bends down and picks her up and tells her just so. She was so light in his arms and fit against him just right. He walked back into the apartment, not willing to let her go but at the same time not knowing what to do next. He's made his big move...now what.
He looked at her, still in his arms. Her eyes wide and anticipating behind her glasses. He followed what his instincts told him to do and went for it, leaning down and kissing her. He knew that this was going to change everything. But he couldn't find it in him to care about the consequences.
He walked the rest of the way towards his room, closing the door softly behind him. He took a deep breath and walked towards the bed, not able to look away from her eyes. Thanking god that he didn't trip on the way there and embarassed himself. He laid her down in the middle and slowly lowered himself on top of her, making sure that he wasn't crushing her with his weight. He leaned down and gave her a tentative kiss, not really knowing how to start. He pulled back a little and looked at her again, seeing her in his bed waiting for his next move, her eyes dark with lust and want, made all the pent up passion similar to that of their first kiss out.
Her arms wrapped themselves around his neck and he pushed his groin into her center making them both groan into the kiss from the friction. The need to be as close as possible to her suddenly became as important to him as air was to his lungs.
He trailed down kisses her cheek and neck until he got to the hollow of her neck and her shoulder. There he started sucking, licking, and biting. He could taste the sweat on her skin and smell her need, making him ache for her more. He let his arms wander down the sides of her body, caressing the sides of her breasts, down her slender figure until his hands reached the hem of her shirt. He placed his palm underneath and shuddered at the heat of her bare skin against his palms. He gripped the end of her shirt and pulled it off of her in one swift motion needing to feel more of her skin.
He licked a trail from her collarbone to her cleavage then blew cool air into the path his tongue just took, making Jess gasped audibly. His hands were massaging the underside of her breasts as his mouth started to make its way back up her neck. He licked her earlobe languidly as one of his hands unclasps her bra. He didn't move his hand from her back, keeping the bra in place and supporting her back as he sat up, taking her with him.
With her on his lap and their centers still connected, he pulled away far enough to see the bra fall off of her chest as his hand let it go. His eyes took her in greedily, his hands, making its now familiar circuit up her sides into her breasts, kneading them into his palms. Jess wrapped her arms around his neck and arched more into his hands at the sensation, a soft moan coming from her lips.
Nick lowered his mouth to the crook of her neck and started to leave open mouthed kisses down to her chest until it reached Jess' taut pink nipple, his tongue flicking the hardened nub. Jess' arms tightened around him as she started to grind into his dick and even though they were both still fully covered in layers down there he could still feel her warmth searing into him. The friction she created felt so good that his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he let out a groan.
His hands wandered down to Jess' stocking covered ankles and started to inch its way up her leg as she reached for the hem of his shirt and tugged upward. He pulled back and let her take his shirt off. He didn't resist when she placed her arms back around his neck and kissed him passionately, the feeling of their bare chests together made all plans of foreplay fly through Nick's head.
His hands Finished their journey up until they reached the waistband of her skirt, stockings, and underwear. He laid the two of them down on the bed and used both his hands to yank all three down with as much strength as he could muster. There was a slight ripping sound from one or more of the garments but he wasn't in the proper mindset to worry about that right now. He grunted a half hearted apology to Jess who just kicked off the garments towards the floor. She started to yank on his pants, feeling the same urgency as he was.
Nick reached towards the side table where he kept the condoms and glanced towards Jess. She was panting heavily, her skin shining from a light sheen of sweat, her eyes dark with lust, her hair a wild mess, her body fully exposed to him. She reached out towards him, probably wondering why he stopped.
He ripped the condom wrapper and started to roll the condom on his member. He positioned himself over her and looked her straight in her eyes, asking for the reassurance that he desperately needed, because he didn't know how much longer he could hold out without thrusting himself inside of her.
She gave a minute nod and he entered her slowly, getting her accustomed to his girth. Both of them released a shaky breath as he kept pushing his way inside of her. His mind went blank, just savoring the feeling of her surrounding him. He kissed her deeply, trying to convey to her how she was feeling. When he was fully sheathed inside of her his mind
He began to thrust into her, keeping a quick and steady pace. He could feel her walls tightening around him and he didn't know how much longer he could hold off. He rotated his hips, giving himself a different angle, and his thrust made her release a loud moan. Soon enough she started to tremble against him, and she started to squeeze him so tight that he couldn't hold off any longer. He let go, trembling with her.
He pulled out of her and quickly disposed of the condom wanting very badly to be next to her again. He lay down next to her and pulled the blanket over them. He gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead and another next to her ear before moving back into his side of the bed.
He wondered then what was going to happen next.
- IV -
Her dad warned him that it was ultimately her choice, whether or not he gives him his blessing wouldn't matter because it would be rendered invalid if she says no. He wanted to believe that her father just told him that to mess with his head.
Nick has been stressing over this night for weeks now, Schmidt and Winston often times threatened to sedate him whenever he would start to freak out that something terrible was going to go wrong. They both assured him that everything was going to be okay. She loved him and he loved her, that was all that mattered.
He stood inside the living room in the suit he wore on their first date, the place where they first met on that fated interview to be one of their roommates, only it's been fully transformed into something Schmidt calls his masterpiece. Every flat surface was covered with candles of different shapes and sizes and red rose petals were scattered all over the floor. Nick had to put the limit on bringing the bathtub out and place some swans on it. He was never much of a romantic but he wanted that night to be as special for her as it was for him, so he was glad when his friends willingly agreed to help him.
He could hear the sound of her laughter coming from outside the door so he straightened up, tugging on the tie that suddenly seemed way too tight on him. He maintained the mantra that he could do it and that she was nice enough to let him down easy if that was the case.
He wiped his now sweaty palms on his pants and hurriedly stood within eyesight as the doorknob started to jiggle. When the door finally opened he felt like he was in a movie, or at least high on something because the sight in front of him had to be from a fantasy. Jess was being pushed into the apartment by Cece wearing a blindfold and a simple blue dress that hung onto every curve of her body in a way that doesn't look trashy. The light from the hallways illuminated her figure as if she was glowing and the sound of her laughter made her face shine with happiness. He felt his heart swell, making it hard to breath for a split second as his hands started to itch to reach out and touch her.
She called out to Cece again who didn't respond but simply gave him a supportive nod and closed the door behind her. He approached her and gently ran a finger through her cheek, confusing her even more as to what exactly was happening. He took pity on her and removed the blindfold from her eyes. Her grin replaced her confused pout, which was immediately replaced with a look of awe and astonishment, taking in their surroundings.
He didn't know if it was just her sheer beauty overpowering him or the fact that he simply couldn't wait any longer without having a panic attack, but he pulled out the ring in his pocket and held it out to her.
He doesn't think that he'll ever be any happier or thankful for anything in the world when she said yes, tears in her eyes.
He tells her that when she tells everyone else to mention to Schmidt that they ate the food that he prepared for the evening before he proposed.
- V -
She was shouting at him with so much hatred in her voice that it sliced through his heart, yelling profanities that would make any sailor proud, tears pouring uncontrollably from her eyes.
He tried to reach out to her but all she did was slap his hand away, refusing to hear any pleading from him. He begged and begged for her to listen, to understand that he loves her more than anything, but she threw it all back to his face, stating that if he indeed loved her then he wouldn't have let her go through that much pain in the first place.
She let out a scream of pure agony that pierced through his very being. Her words of hatred towards him now accentuated with sobs that raked her whole body. He could feel the tears starting to prickle at the corners of his eyes knowing that he's never felt so helpless.
Every time he would try to touch her she would just push him away, her voice so hurt and pleading, pleading that something would end the pain. He tried to wrap her in his arms around her but she just slapped him in the face, asking him with spite what made him think that he still had any right to touch her after what he's done.
His breathing started to become labored, overwhelmed with all of the things that's happening. He tried to tell her how much he loved her but she'd just throw it back to his face. He kept trying to tell her but she would cut him off each time, telling him that if he did truly love her he'd make it stop. Soon all he could her is her agony filling the room.
She started to try to remove the ring from her left hand but she was shaking too hard from her sobbing to be successful. Each tug at her hand echoed deep within Nick's heart. He didn't know how much longer he could hold off on seeing her in that much pain.
Jess was about to successfully remove the ring when the doctor reached out and stopped her, telling her that she only needed a few more pushes and it will all be over.
Everything from that moment became a rush to him; from Jess' screaming, to the loud piercing cries that suddenly filled the room. He and Jess locked eyes, both wet with emotion. The doctor placed the squirming baby on Jess' arms still bloody and covered in bodily fluids because he was still in too much shock from what just happened to move.
The sight in front of him made his heart swell multiple times larger, ultimately erasing the pain from the last couple of hours. Her eyes filled with tears again as a large smile filled her tired face. She cooed at the little child and he couldn't help but wonder at how natural she seemed with the baby. Her eyes started to droop so the doctor took their child from her arms and went off to get the baby cleaned up.
He sat at the bed next to her, still in the scrubs that they made him wear. She looked at him adoringly, a complete reverse of her earlier behavior. She mumbled about how thankful she is and how sorry she was for all the things she's been saying for the last couple of hours.
The doctor called to him and said that he was now free to remove his scrubs and since the baby came on time and seemed healthy that they'll just clean the baby up and he was free to accompany them or to simply stay with his wife and have the baby taken back to them.
He nodded at the doctor in understanding, opting for the second choice. He kept an eye on his child until they were all out of sight.
He averted his gaze to his exhausted wife who seemed to be fighting her eyelids to stay awake. He chuckled lightly at her stubbornness and kissed her forehead gently, telling her to rest and that he loved her.
It wasn't long before the baby was wheeled back in. He motions for them to be quiet for Jess finally succumbed to sleep and the doctor nodded in understanding. He stood and followed them as the makeshift crib wad placed at the side of the bed closer to the window. The second the doctor moved out of the way, he felt his throat close up with the sudden emotion that he was feeling. She then asked him if he wanted to pick her up and suddenly the uncertainty started to creep through him. He didn't know the first thing to being a parent. He would mess it up or hurt her somehow.
The doctor sensed his wariness and picked up the child in her arms then motioned for Nick to align his arms like hers and then placed the child there.
The emotions that were stuck on the back of his throat became unleashed as tears started to silently fall from his face. In his arms was his child. His and Jess'. Their dark hair and possibly Jess' blue eyes. Hands and feet so small they could probably all fit in his mouth. Someone so soft and fragile and small that it seems that the slightest touch could hurt. Their daughter.
He promised the little girl in his arms that he will always be there to take care of her. He wouldn't let anybody hurt her. He knew then that from that moment on he needed to be brave, not just for him but for her, too. He touched her cheek gently with one finger causing her to stir. She opened her eyes, and started to squirm in his arms. He bounced up and down a bit, mumbling his apolofiez, not knowing exactlg what to do. He contemplated waking Jess or calling a nurse, starting to freak out but his internal musings were disrupted when a small but firm grasp tightened around his index finger that was still inches from the baby's face.
He once thought that he could never love anybody more than his wife, Jessica Day, now Miller, and that he couldnt have been any happier than the day that she accepted his proposal. Once again the world has proven him wrong. And he couldn't have been happier.
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-A