Author: Jo Nelson (JSXFNelson@yahoo.com)
Category: Story, MSR, Angst
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Up to season 7, to be safe.
Summary: The X-Files are shut down for good and Mulder and Scully's relationship has grown for the better. But then something happens that ends up changing everything.
Feedback: Yes, of course! Please, I live for it.
Archive: Sure, just let me know where it's going.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, and I don't make any money using them. But those lucky bastards at Ten Thirteen and 20th Century Fox do.
Author's Notes: Special thanks to Maria Nicole for the great beta. And also to Keisha and Jennifer for being so helpful.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It Doesn't Have To End This Way
by Jo Nelson
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
CHAPTER 1
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
FBI HEADQUARTERS
Office of Professional Review
Washington DC
Friday, 10:14 AM
For once in my life, I'm truly surprised. The panel carefully observes my reaction as I sit here contemplating what I've just been told. I knew I was in trouble. What else is new? I had always stayed in trouble with the X-Files, but I never even saw this one coming. Assistant Director Cummings snaps me out of my reverie.
"Agent Mulder, you do understand how we've come to this decision?"
"Yes, I understand."
"We do realize the impact that this will have on your future with the FBI. However, since this is not our usual method of assignment, we'll need a response from you by the next hearing date. In the meantime, Assistant Director Skinner will be available to answer any further questions that you might have."
Skinner just looks on supportively.
"Well, if there are no other matters at hand, then this meeting is adjourned."
I sit staring at the wall until the room clears out. When I decide to head back to my office, Skinner is waiting for me just outside of the door.
"Agent," he says and begins to walk with me.
"Thanks for putting in a good word for me, Sir. You know, you didn't need to do that."
"Agent Mulder, despite whatever the Bureau thinks about you, in my eyes, you are an exceptional agent. Your work was outstanding during the X-Files, and it still is today. I know that you weren't prepared for the X-Files to close when they did, but you have to admit that they did serve their purpose. No one else wanted those cases, and if you and Agent Scully hadn't exposed the Consortium for what they were, things could have been a lot worse. You deserve another chance, Agent. It was the right thing to do."
When we arrive at my office door, I turn to him. "Well, I guess I have some decisions to make then."
"Good luck, Agent," he says and shakes my hand before walking away.
Now an hour has gone by and all I've managed to do is sit here in the dark. I still can't believe that it's come to this. I know it's been over 9 months now, but deep down inside, I was still hoping that the X-Files would somehow be reopened. After all, they were still allowing me to investigate the unusual cases that no one else wanted, so that hadn't changed. But it wasn't the same without Scully.
When the X-Files were shut down, the Bureau wanted to transfer Scully to New York. So, like I had done before, I urged her to go be a doctor. I didn't want them to split us up, but that seemed inevitable at the time since the Bureau hadn't given her a choice. After all, since we had exposed the Consortium, colonization was no longer a threat. She agreed with me and reluctantly left the Bureau behind. I think she's happy being an E.R. doctor now. But I've really missed having her around.
Sure, we've kept in touch, and we even see each other from time to time. But who am I kidding? It's not nearly enough. And for some reason, she has been rather distant towards me over the last few months. At first I chalked it up to her work at the hospital, which I know keeps her busy and tired most of the time. But then, it became obvious to me that something else was bothering her. I've even tried to get her to talk about it. But as usual, she just closed off to me.
I really need to talk to her right now though. Especially after the news that I just got. She's the only one that could make me feel better at a time like this. And even though I don't want to disturb her at work, I can't stop myself from calling her.
They put me on hold and I wait for about 10 minutes. I'm tempted to hang up, but I know I would never forgive myself if I did. And just when my mind starts to drift to the newspaper in front of me, she picks up.
XXXXXXXXXX
"This is Dr. Scully."
"Scully...hi," Mulder replies.
"Mulder?"
"Yeah...sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you."
I can already tell that something is wrong by the sound of his voice. He has never called me at the hospital before. And over the last month, we haven't even spoken for more than 5 minutes at a time. But that's another story.
"No, it's okay...sorry about the wait. I was just finishing up with a patient...how are you?"
"I'm doing okay...I, uh, I wanted to hear your voice."
Uh oh... "Is there something wrong?"
"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Can I come over tonight?"
I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. I don't want to lie, but... "Actually, Mulder, I have other plans. I promised my mom I'd..."
"...No, it's okay, I understand...how about tomorrow night then? I really do need to see you."
I know I can't avoid him forever so I may as well get it over with. "Okay, Mulder. Why don't you come over on Saturday then?"
"Good...how does 6 o' clock sound? I'll bring dinner."
"That sounds good. Well, I guess I'll see you Saturday night then."
"It's a date."
As I hang up the phone, I have to take a moment to breathe. Now that was an unexpected call. Even when we were still talking on a regular basis, he had never called me here before. I wonder what's really going on. I doubt that this is about a case. When I quit the FBI, I made it clear to Mulder that I didn't want to get involved in any more cases. I wanted to concentrate on being a doctor for once. That still didn't stop him from consulting me from time to time during his freelance investigations though. But even that's rare these days.
It's been about 3 months since we've drifted from one another. I'm not even sure how it happened exactly, but something just changed between us. We were both trying to get used to this new thing of being apart. I had plenty to do here at the hospital to keep me busy, and Mulder seemed to be adjusting well. We tried to spend some time together when we could, which ended up being about once a week, on the weekend. It was nice actually. We would do fun things, like going to movies, baseball games and concerts. We were enjoying ourselves for once.
My mother was pleased about the change in our relationship too. She didn't tell me, but I could tell by her reaction when I told her about our little outings together. She told me I deserved some happiness. And truthfully, I hadn't been able to see myself with anybody else but Mulder for a long time. So deep down inside I was hoping that our relationship could become even more. But we were still only friends, although best friends. And I wasn't going to fool myself into believing anything more than that until I was certain of his feelings.
I've always had strong feelings for Mulder. My excuse for not pursuing anything more than friendship when we were partners originally stemmed from my need to keep our partnership professional. Then, as we became closer, I think I was more afraid to ruin the good thing we already had. However, once we shared that kiss back on New Years Day, things started looking up. I began to believe that maybe there was a chance that Mulder and I could be together. But, once again fate stepped in and Mulder lost his mother. And then we were just so involved in our work that it just didn't seem right anymore to think of ourselves. So, with more silent promises, we decided to let it go at that time. But we knew that we would be together some day.
That day seemed to be approaching soon after the X-Files closed and I left the Bureau. And I welcomed it, as it seemed that I really didn't have any more excuses left. And if that wasn't enough, in my head, I could just hear my mother saying, "You're not getting any younger, Dana. Do you really want to be alone the rest of your life?"
So with that, I consciously made a decision to pursue this unresolved thing between us, and it was working, too. We were becoming closer and spending almost all of our free time together. I even learned some things about Mulder that I never knew... about his childhood with Sam, his love for horses and my favorite, his love for soul music.
Mulder has a huge passion for classic soul and r&b. I've always been eclectic when it comes to music, but since I wasn't blessed with a singing voice, which this genre seems to require, I had never really admitted to anyone my secret love for this type of music. But listening to Mulder sing along to classic songs like Al Green's "Tired of Being Alone" and Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On", changed all that. And once Mulder found out that I liked it as much as he did, concert going became one of our favorite pastimes. We had some of our best times together at concerts. Our second kiss happened one night after a Barry White concert. But, I think we both wanted to take things slowly then, so that was about as far as we had gotten.
Then, as my schedule at the hospital picked up and free time became a rare occurrence, Mulder started getting involved in more and more outside cases. I should have seen it coming. What else could he have found to keep him content?
He even consulted with me a few times. And I willfully broke the promise that I made to myself. I guess I felt bad because I hadn't been around and I knew he missed our new relationship as much as I did. I had hoped that my work would be able to help me keep my mind off of him, but I was having no such luck.
After several weeks apart, we finally found some time and decided to spend one Friday evening with each other. We didn't know what we were going to do, but that was okay. I told Mulder that it didn't matter what we did, just as long as we were together. Since I really missed him, I was looking forward to just being with him. He assured me that we would have a good time, and I had no doubt. I was even hoping that we could, at least, kiss again.
As luck would have it, I ended up having to call and cancel on him because we were understaffed when the victims of a multi-car and injury accident started pouring into emergency. I could tell that he was disappointed, but he seemed to be okay with it. Anyway, surprisingly enough, I got off earlier than expected. So I decided to surprise Mulder and pay him a visit for once. It was only a little after 10 and that was still early for him.
When I pulled up to next to Mulder's apartment building, I noticed that his car was parked outside, and I saw his light on through the window. I was just glad that I had caught him at home. I halfway expected him to be at the Gunmen's place or on some impromptu investigation. He hardly ever stayed home on Friday nights if he could avoid it.
As I approached Mulder's door, I heard something that I never expected to hear. The sounds of a woman's voice, or moans rather. And I had no doubt that she was enjoying herself. I guess I didn't want to believe my ears, so I chalked it up to Mulder's favorite video collection. I took a moment to gather myself before I knocked. I wanted to give him fair warning. When he didn't answer right away, I knocked louder. After I still got no response, I figured that he must have been asleep and decided to use my key. The least I could do was to turn it off and save him some embarrassment.
When I entered Mulder's apartment, what I saw there broke my heart. Clothes were scattered about carelessly and his TV wasn't on after all. I realized that the erotic noises were actually coming from his bedroom. And this time not only did I hear the woman's voice, but I heard Mulder's too. After that I think I was in shock because the only thing that I can remember is that woman referring to Mulder as G-Man, and then getting out of there as fast as I could.
I never told Mulder that I came by that night, but I think that somehow he must have known. But neither one of us ever mentioned it. When we did finally get together a couple of weeks later, it just wasn't the same between us. And when he asked me what was wrong, I denied that anything was bothering me. I made myself believe that I had no right to be jealous of him in the first place. And it wasn't like we ever committed ourselves to each other. Maybe that was our mistake. Anyway, before I knew it, we had drifted away from one another.
So it's been over 3 months, and now he wants to talk. I'm not sure what to think anymore. Maybe I should have told him about my date with John tonight. I hope he didn't expect me to put my life on hold. I was hurt by his actions. And I think I might have still been moping around today if my mom hadn't stepped in when she did.
See, I never told her what happened between us, but she soon sensed something was wrong. When she asked me about it, I chalked it up to being tired because of work. Then she told me that I just needed to find some time for fun and suggested that I start going out again. And before I knew it, she was trying to fix me up with some eligible bachelors.
Normally I would have turned her down. But since I knew she meant well, and I did want to get Mulder off of my mind, I went along with it and actually accepted a few dates. The first two gentlemen, of course, were very nice, but they just weren't my type. And I think I was still too wrapped up in thinking about Mulder then to appreciate them anyway.
Then I met John Kilker over a month ago, and surprisingly enough, I actually liked him. He was just as reluctant as I was at first, which is one of the reasons that I think we hit it off so well. He's a nice, successful attorney, and he's fun to be around. He's an average looking guy, tall and blonde. And he has these wonderful green eyes that remind me of Mulder so much.
His mother, Irene, and my mother are good friends. They met in church 3 years ago after she moved here from California to be near her son's law firm. I had met her before, and she and my mom had seemed to have a lot in common. They're both Irish widows, and that alone seemed to be enough. Apparently, Irene had been trying to get her son to talk to me on the few times we had both been at Mass at the same time, but John was just too shy around women.
So when my mom stepped in to play matchmaker, it made Irene's day. He told me that he had wanted to say something to me before, but he didn't feel that church was the proper place. And then, as he was always so busy with work, he figured it would be too hard to be in a relationship anyway. And I know all too well how that is. So anyway, to his mother's dismay, he had given up dating for a while, that is, until they introduced us.
Tonight is going to be our 6th date. No, I'm not the one actually keeping count, he is. He's romantic in that way. He remembers everything. Especially dates, and other things like what I was wearing when he first noticed me in church, or when we met or went out. Whatever I tell him about my childhood. What I said and did in any situation, and all the other fine details that usually slip by me. He never seems to forget. That's another thing about him that reminds me of Mulder.
In a way John has helped me to get over Mulder, but at the same time, when I'm with John, I can't help thinking about Mulder. And after hearing his voice again today, I'm realizing that I miss him more than ever now. It will be good to see him. We need to talk.
Speaking of Mulder. As I never mentioned John to Mulder, I haven't told John much about him either. Just that we were really good friends and that we used to be partners. He doesn't ask a lot of questions about him, so I don't think he suspects anything more than that. I guess I never thought that John and I would make it to a 2nd date, let alone a 6th one.
My mistake was to let John kiss me after our 3rd date, when Mulder was the one who was heavily on my mind. I guess I was hoping that he would make me forget about him, but I had no such luck. On the last 2 times that we went out, it was kind of awkward when he dropped me off, and I didn't invite him in. He seemed disappointed, but I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. I care about John, but what he doesn't know is that I still haven't gotten over Mulder, and now I don't know if I ever will.
XXXXXXXXXX
Once I get off the phone with Scully, I leave the Hoover building and go over to the Gunmen's place. I waste no time telling them the news. They have always had this strange way of helping me feel optimistic at some of the worst times of my life. And I hope that this time will be no different.
"Man, Mulder, what are you going to do?" asks Langley.
"I'm not sure yet."
"Did you tell Scully yet?" Frohike asks.
"No, not yet. I'm gonna see her tomorrow though," I answer.
Byers tries to look on the bright side. "Maybe this will turn out to be a good thing after all, Mulder. I mean, you never know."
"He's right, Mulder. Maybe if you and Scully, well, you know, at least you could start a new life together," Frohike adds.
"And maybe Scully already has a new life." After all, she didn't sound too happy to hear from me.
"I bet she's just waiting for you," Frohike adds.
I have to laugh at that one. "I don't think so, Frohike...maybe at one point, but I told you, everything has changed now."
Langly butts in, "You still have no idea why?"
"No, but I do intend on finding out, once and for all." And it's about time that Scully and I finally put this silence between us to an end.
End of Chapter One
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
CHAPTER 2
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
DANA SCULLY'S APT
Annapolis, MD
Friday, 10:32pm
I made a decision tonight. I'm going to tell John the truth about Mulder. I know it's going to hurt his feelings but I can't stand lying to him any longer. It's just not right. Especially now that Mulder and I are going to talk tomorrow. And even though I have no idea what he plans on saying to me, I know this is something that we have to do.
John sits on my couch looking nervous as I make us some coffee. I know he wasn't expecting it when I invited him up tonight. He was probably thinking that this is it...the night that we would finally take our relationship one step further. But now I think he's starting to suspect something else altogether.
Oh well, I may as well get this over with. I hand him the mug. "Here you go."
"Thanks," he says, in false excitement.
I sit down in the chair across from him and sip my coffee. "I really had a wonderful time tonight, John."
"And so did I...but that's to be expected when you're in the company of a beautiful woman like yourself," he says, and smiles hopefully.
That gets a small blush from me. "Thank you...you're very nice."
"Is that all?"
I want to get back to my mission. "I asked you up here tonight because I wanted to talk to you about something."
Now he really looks worried. "Okay."
I put my mug down on the coffee table. "Look, John, I haven't been completely honest with you."
"What do you mean?"
"I told you that there was nothing going on between my ex-partner and I."
"Right. Agent Mulder?"
"Yes."
John's mood starts to change for the worse. "But there is...oh boy."
"Well, no there isn't...but what I didn't tell you is that we were getting there."
"You mean you were dating?"
"Well, yes and no...we were best friends, so we did things together anyway. But before we stopped seeing each other, we were...exploring a romantic relationship."
"Exploring?"
"Yes...I'm really sorry that I didn't tell you sooner, but I didn't even think that we would..."
"...Like each other? The night's still young." Okay, now he is upset.
"And then, we just seemed to be having such a good time. I guess I was trying not to think of Mulder so much, and I didn't want to bring up any memories, so I didn't tell you."
"So much for being a lawyer...I never even asked. So why tell me now?"
"Well, because I thought you should know. We've been going out for a while, and it's not fair for me to keep that from you. And, because I got a call from Mulder yesterday, and he wants to talk to me."
"About what?"
"I don't know...our relationship maybe. We didn't have the best break up, if you could call it that."
"I see...so you wanted to give me fair warning so that when he comes back, you could just dump me."
"No, John. It's not like that...it's just that Mulder and I have this history together. We've been through so much."
"Yeah, I've heard it all before."
"You have?" The last thing I want to do is remind him of a past relationship gone bad.
"Yes, this has happened to me before. You want to warn me just in case he decides to take you back. Don't worry, I understand. I guess I should be happy that I'm second in line."
"John..."
"...It's okay, Dana. But I do appreciate YOU telling me before we...wait, is that why?"
"No."
"Have you and he ever?"
Okay, now he's starting to make me angry. "I don't think that's any of your business, but no, we haven't!"
John takes a deep breath then. "Okay...so just tell me the truth now, Dana. Do you love this Mulder guy?"
And that's when I feel the tears starting. "Yes, I do. I have for a long time now. But I can't say for sure that he feels the same about me."
John reaches over from the couch, putting his hand on my leg. He's just supporting me, sort of like Mulder's famous back gesture. "Hasn't he ever told you?"
"Yes, but that was a long time ago, and so much has happened since then...it's a long story."
He begins to calm down now. "Well, it sounds to me like you two really do need to talk then. At least so that you know where you stand with one another."
All I can do is look at him. He caresses my face and wipes away a few of my tears.
John continues, "I hope I'm not going to regret saying this...but I'll step back if you need me to. God knows I want you, Dana Scully, but I don't think I can stand to see you unhappy. And with that I couldn't ask you to be with me knowing that you're in love with another man." He smiles sadly now.
"John...I'm so sorry."
"Don't be...I'm glad you told me."
"I really do care about you."
"And I care about you too, Dana. But you deserve to be happy. And if being with...what is his first name?"
"Fox," I answer with a slight smile.
"Fox?" His eyes question mine.
I just nod.
"Well, if being with 'Fox' is going to make you happy, I don't want to be the one to stand in the way. Anyway, I'm sure I'll still be around if it doesn't work out. I'm anti-social, remember?"
"John, you're one of the sweetest guys I've ever met."
"Thank you. But why do I have a feeling that Fox is sweeter?"
I can't deny it. "Well, we've been through a lot together."
He nods this time. "I understand. Well, I wish you luck...or not."
We both smile at his joke and then he pulls me into a hug. I'm feeling really good right now, so I go willingly.
We let go and I walk him to the door.
"Goodnight, Dana."
"Goodnight," I reply, before closing the door.
I'm glad that's over with. I feel so much better. The only thing left to do now is talk to Mulder. Tomorrow night is the big night. I've never been so anxious in my entire life.
XXXXXXXXX
It was no surprise that I didn't get much sleep last night. So, I sleep in this morning, but not before calling my mom to cancel breakfast. We haven't gotten together in a while, so we planned this breakfast 2 weeks ago. Of course I feel bad about it, so I invite her over for brunch instead. She must have been worried about me because she accepts the offer without a fuss.
Just as I turn off the teapot, I hear her knock.
"I'll be right there, Mom," I shout from the kitchen, as I approach the door.
"Dana," She walks in and looks around curiously.
"Hi, Mom." I say, before giving her a hug. "Sorry about breakfast. I didn't sleep well last night."
"How are you feeling, dear?"
"I'm fine...sit down, Mom."
She complies and sits, and then begins to look over some magazines on my coffee table. "You were out with John last night, weren't you?"
"Yes." I head towards the kitchen. I don't want to talk about John right now. I know that conversation will lead straight into Mulder, and I don't want to tell her about that just yet either. But if I know my mother, she'll soon guess that I've spoken to 'Fox' before I even get around to telling her.
"Um, Mom, I made us some sandwiches, a salad, and I even baked some muffins. I hope you're as hungry as I am," I shout from the kitchen.
"That's sounds good to me," she says cheerfully. "I talked with Irene for a long time last night. She was telling me about some of John's old girlfriends..."
"...Oh, that's nice. So how's Charlie doing, Mom? I haven't heard from him in a while."
"Charlie? Oh he's good...Jennifer called me last week...Apparently C.J.'s the star of the pee-wee soccer team. She says your brother is just so proud of him that he's starting to get on all the rest of the parents' nerves now."
"That's great!" I was hoping she would forget about her conversation with Irene. And then, before I know it, she's followed me into the kitchen.
"Need any help?" she asks.
"No, Mom, relax, I got it."
"Are you sure everything's all right, Dana?"
"Yeah, Mom." I can't look her in the eye.
"It's not...what is it, Dana? Is it John? Did something happen between you two?" When I look up at her she has a worried look.
"No, no, Mom, it's nothing like that...John's a wonderful guy."
She seems relieved and then curious. "Then what's bothering you? Is it Fox? Did something happen to him?"
Great...it only took her about 10 minutes to figure it out this time. I think she may have broken a record.
"No, Mulder's fine. He called me at work yesterday."
"Oh?"
"Yeah...he wants to talk to me."
"About what?"
"I'm not sure. But he's coming by later." We sit down at my dining room table.
"So that's why you're worried."
"Yeah...he sounded kind of desperate. Maybe it's about a case. I just hope he hasn't gotten himself into any more trouble. The Bureau's always looking for any excuse to get rid of him."
"He's probably fine. You know how Fox likes to be mysterious."
"Probably," I said, smiling for her benefit. She must have taken it as a sign that I didn't want to talk about it.
"Well, be sure to say hello for me."
I just nod. After that, we're finally able to eat in peace. She stays for a few hours, and I'm surprised to find that Mulder doesn't come up again in our conversation.
After she leaves, I do some cleaning. Then I decide to try to get my mind off of him for a while, so I sit down to read a book. I must have fallen asleep, because when I awaken, I look at the clock and see that it's already 5:30. That means Mulder will be here in half an hour! I jump up in a hurry to go shower and change before he gets here.
XXXXXXXXXX
DANA SCULLY'S APT
5:43pm
Here I am, standing in front of Scully's door with a bag full of Chinese food, and I'm almost afraid to knock. At first I couldn't wait to get over here. I've been ready for this all day. But now that I'm here, I feel like running away. I need her so much. It's going to be hard not to just take her into my arms as soon she opens that door, but I'm going to restrain myself. At least until I know where I stand with her. Anyway, I'd drop Scully's favorite dish from Yeung's all over her floor, and that would definitely not be good.
I look at my watch. Great, I'm early. Well, I guess I better get this over with before her neighbors start to notice me. I knock lightly...no answer, so I knock harder. I know Scully wouldn't stand me up, so she must have just stepped out for a minute. She'll probably be right back. I pull out my key. I haven't used this in a long time, and I really don't think I should be using it right now. But when I see the old lady across the hall staring at me, I decide to take my chances and go on inside. The last thing I need right now is a run in with the Georgetown police.
As I step in the door, I can hear the shower running. So that's where she is. Usually I'm the one who's running late. It feels good to be the one who's early for once. I place the bag on the dining room table, and sit down in her chair. I look around her apartment for a minute. It hasn't changed much since the last time I was here. There are some new pictures of her nephews, I think. Wait, and there's a certificate on the wall...I get up to get a better view of it. It's from the hospital and it's for outstanding service. Way to go, Dr. Scully. At least she's leading a successful career after the Bureau.
Then I hear the shower turn off. I make my way back over to the couch, so that she won't be alarmed when she realizes she not alone when she comes out of there in all of her naked glory. Of course, in the back of mind, I am hoping that she'll walk out of that bathroom completely naked. I snap back to reality when I realize the bathroom door is opening, and out comes a towel-wrapped Scully, heading towards the bedroom.
I alarm her immediately. "Hello, beautiful!"
Scully turns around, no doubt startled.
"Mulder! What are you doing here?! I mean, you're early."
"Yeah, you seemed surprised. I hope you don't mind me using my key? I had a hand full of food, and you were having such a good time in the water. I didn't think you'd mind."
She makes sure that the towel is tight before continuing. "No, it's okay. I was just...well, I was napping, and then I overslept. I'll just be a few minutes."
"No problem, Scully. Take your time. I'll just take down some dishes for dinner then, okay?"
"Yeah...you know where everything is. I'll be right out."
And then she walks into her bedroom, closing the door behind her.
I go into the kitchen and take down some china that I know she likes to eat on. I also put the wine that I brought with me on some ice. That's when I notice the roses in the corner. I remember her mother gave her that vase, and then curiosity gets the better of me as I wander over to look at the small tag that's hanging over the glass. It reads, "To the best sweetheart there ever was... With all my love, John". A panic alarm goes off in my head. Could that mean what I think it means? Could Scully be seeing someone else? That would explain her distant behavior. No, there has to be another explanation.
I'm interrupted again by the sound of Scully's bedroom door opening. I play it off and walk back over to table.
Scully soon appears, looking as beautiful as ever. "So Mulder, what are we having?"
"Your favorite... vegetable chow mein with SOFT noodles, kung-pao chicken, cashew chicken, egg foo young, chop suey, egg rolls, mugu..."
Scully interrupts, "...You didn't?"
"Yes, I did...I got one of those family meals. You know, the ones with a little bit of everything? I didn't know what you had a taste for, but I know that Yeung's is one of the few places where you like almost everything on the menu... I even got chop sticks! I hope you're hungry."
She was at the table, smiling now. "Um-hmm. It smells good."
We sit down to eat and make a good effort to catch each other up with the events in our lives since we parted. She tells me about her work at the hospital. I tell her about some of the cases I've worked on. We're just finishing up when she asks me about my news.
"So, Mulder. What did you come here to talk about?"
This is just like Scully, straight and to the point. "That is the question, huh?" I smile at her. "A lot of things, Scully."
"I mean, on the phone it sounded like it was really urgent."
I get up and lead her over to the couch. "Let's sit over here, Scully."
We sit down, her curious eyes never leaving mine. "What happened?"
There's no way to avoid this any longer, so I take a deep breath. "Scully, I had a meeting with OPR yesterday. And, to make a long story short, my last adventure didn't go over too well with the big guys, so I've been given an ultimatum."
"What kind of ultimatum?"
"One that would decide my future in the FBI." She sits back and waits patiently for me to finish. "Apparently, they've decided that I've outlived my usefulness as a Special Agent."
"They're terminating you?"
"No, actually I'm getting a promotion. But I guess that depends on the way the way you look at it, of course...as I said, I've been given an ultimatum, a choice. I'll start with the good ones first... And I have to thank Skinner for this one...I get to relocate to the Dallas Field Office, and play head honcho to green agents as a new SAC. Or, you're gonna love this one...I can choose to take an early retirement/pension deal and leave the Bureau altogether."
"Mulder..."
"...And there's more. I could just stay here in D.C., which is my prerogative as stated in Article 55-F, and remain under a permanent restriction status, which would make work a joy for me. I'm sure you can remember all the fun we had, Scully...no X-Files, no unusual cases, no personal interests, just crap and background checks. They've really done it this time, Scully.
"I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."
"That's all you can say?"
"I mean, what did you want to hear? I don't see where the hard decision comes in here. I would think you would know which option is the best here."
"What, Dallas?"
"It is a promotion."
"Scully, you know I don't want that! My life is the X-Files!"
"Mulder, the X-Files are gone. And they're not coming back this time. I thought you had accepted that."
"I've been investigating X-Files, Scully. They may not call them that anymore, but that's what they are. And now that there's no official channels to go through, they're cutting me off. They've won this time."
"They didn't win, Mulder. Colonization is no longer a threat. And it's mainly because of the work that you did. We did. We won. It's just time to move on now. Take Skinner's offer and go to Dallas, or retire if you have too. You know it's not too late...you can still practice psychology."
"I know you're right. I should just take Skinner's offer and go to Dallas. But I'm afraid of what might happen if I do."
"What do you mean?"
"A SAC...probably profiling...you know what happens to me when I absorb myself into those cases."
"You'd just be in charge of the agents, Mulder. You don't have to do any profiling if you don't feel comfortable with it."
"Yeah, well, that's easier said than done. I just don't see myself holding back any skills that I have that might prove beneficial to save lives. And then there's you." I look into her eyes.
"Me?" Surely she can't be surprised.
"Yes, Scully. I don't think I can stand being so far away from you."
Now, Scully takes a long deep breath. "Mulder..."
I need to get this out. "...No, listen to me, Scully...I can't do it alone. I need you there with me. You're the only one who can keep me from going over the edge. You keep me balanced."
"Mulder, are you asking me to go to Dallas with you?"
"Yes, Scully. I'm tired of beating around the bush here...I need you."
"You haven't even been around me in months, don't you think that's asking a lot?" she says matter of factly.
"I know this. And that's the other thing that I wanted to talk about. What's happened to us?"
"Mulder, I think you know what happened."
I raise my voice in frustration. "If I did I wouldn't be asking."
"Mulder, I know I'm not the only woman in your life."
What is she talking about? "What?"
"I mean, I know I'm not the only woman that you're interested in romantically."
"What are you talking about?"
"I know you were with a woman on the night of that massive accident, on the Beltway, a few months ago. When I cancelled our date because I had to work late?"
Now she's throwing clues at me. Of course I remember that night, but what's she talking about? "Scully, whatever you're thinking, you're wrong."
"Mulder, you don't have to explain it to me, if you don't want to. But I don't expect for you to lie to me either. I was there!"
Now this is getting good. "Explain what?"
"Do I really need to tell you?"
"I think you better tell me if you want to get to the bottom of this."
"Okay, Mulder, if you insist on playing ignorant then. I got off earlier than I expected that night, and I came over to your apartment."
I think I know where this is going now. "You did?"
"Yeah, I did. Do I need to go on?"
"Please do."
"I came in and saw clothes everywhere. Then I heard the two of you having sex. So I left."
"I know what it must have looked like."
"Mulder, I heard her call you G-man!" she says.
I can see her tears starting. I hate seeing her like this. I try to calm her down. "Scully, at the risk of this sounding like everyone else...I can explain."
"I don't know if I want to hear it...and anyway, it's not like we ever committed ourselves to each other."
"Scully, I committed myself to you a long time ago. I swear to you, I haven't even so much as craved another woman since I fell in love with you."
She's looking speechless now... Okay, I did just admit to being in love with her. "Okay then, let's hear it," she whispers.
"I think you know what you heard...but I wasn't the G-man involved here." I can't believe we've wasted so much time apart because of a misunderstanding.
Always the skeptic, Scully replies, "Well, who was it exactly then?"
"Agent Bradford from Ballistics," I announce with a smile. "When you cancelled, Frohike convinced me to go to the bar with him. And that's where I ran into Bradford. He had had an argument with his wife and was in pretty bad shape. He told me that he needed a place to crash for the night, so I put him in a cab and sent him to my place. Apparently I missed the party. When I got home he was passed out on my bed. And the next day, he went back home. It never even occurred to me that he might have had someone over. But I guess that would explain the underwear that I found."
"The underwear?"
"Yeah...nevermind that. So you see? Just a misunderstanding. And this is why you've been avoiding me, Scully?"
"I wasn't avoiding you. I have been busy."
"I thought we were being honest now?"
She doesn't have a response for that.
"Scully, I love you. Can you tell me right now that you don't love me?"
"Mulder...I've loved you for so long."
"Then you understand why I want you with me. What do you say?"
"Mulder, I can't."
"Why not?"
"I...I just. You can't expect me to just pack up and leave like that."
"You never had a problem with it before."
"You know that was different. Mulder, I need some time to get used to us being together. If that's what we're going to do. I'm sorry, I can't make any decisions until I know for sure that this is going to even work between us. Besides, I've settled into my job now, and I'm comfortable with my life the way it is. If I leave now, I'll have to start over. I don't know, I just have to be sure that this is right."
"I can understand that."
She glances over at the roses. "And then there are other things too."
Then it hits me. "There's someone else, isn't there?"
End of Chapter Two
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
CHAPTER 3
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
So tonight is turning into a night of confessions. I guess I knew it would come to this. Now, how can I explain my relationship with John to Mulder without destroying us completely?
"Well, yes, Mulder. I have been seeing someone."
I can see the hurt in his eyes now. "I see."
"Were you expecting me to wait for you? I've waited almost 7 years for us to get it together."
"And I've waited even longer. But I guess after all we've been through, waiting a few more months would have been asking too much."
"It's not what you think."
"What exactly am I thinking, Scully?"
"I don't know, that I'm doing this in order to get back at you?"
He doesn't deny it. So I take a deep breath and get ready to do some explaining. "Mulder, one of the reasons that I agreed to go out with John in the first place is because I missed you so much."
"Agreed?"
"Yeah...it was my mother's idea. He's the son of one of her good friends."
"Your mother set you up on a blind date?"
"Yeah, pretty much. I didn't think it would hurt. She just wants me to be happy.
"So I guess it worked? I mean, you've continued to see him."
"I never expected that we would actually like each other, but he's been great, Mulder. We've become good friends."
"Are you in love with him?"
"I care for him."
"Do you love him, Scully? I need to know."
"Mulder...I don't know...maybe."
Of course he can't resist a moment of sarcasm. "Great."
"John's really special. I know he cares for me. And umm...I could see myself having a future with him."
"Well, I don't know what to say. What do you want me to do, Scully? Wish you good luck?"
"No, I think maybe I just need some time to think about all of this."
"Okay, I can respect that. But, where does that leave us?"
"I don't know."
And I really don't know. I mean, I want to start seeing him again. But first I need to be sure that we can, in fact, do this. I know that we worked well together as partners, but this is different. It means so much more. He interrupts my thoughts.
"Scully, why don't we just start over?"
"You mean you actually want to start dating?"
"Weren't we doing that all along?"
"Well, yes, in a way. But we've never committed ourselves, Mulder."
"I don't have a problem with that. Do you?"
"You mean a problem with commitment?"
"Yeah."
"No, no I don't, Mulder, but as of now I'm not even sure if I want to. I don't want to be hurt."
"And neither do I. Help me out here, Scully. We've already waited so long for this. You might care about John, but I know you love me, and know that I'm in love with you. I know you're afraid. So am I...but are you, at least, willing to give us another try? You don't have to make any commitments until you're ready. Come on, Scully...it doesn't have to end this way."
He's right. How can I refuse this?
"Okay, Mulder...let's give it a try then." I give him one of those smiles that I know he loves.
He seems surprised. He gets up, pulling me with him. Then he brushes a strand of hair out of my face.
"Really?"
"Yeah," I whisper to him.
And then we embrace. I can't believe how good it feels to have Mulder's strong arms around me again.
We loosen our embrace enough to look into each other's eyes. It feels so right, as his lips approach mine. All I can think about now is how much I want this. And before I know it, I'm raising my lips to meet his. And then I close my eyes and it happens.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
I can't believe that I just kissed Scully again. It's been so long, I had almost forgotten how good it feels.
"Wow, that was...that was great." That's all I can manage to say.
Scully just smiles back at me. I love that smile and she knows it. But it doesn't last long enough.
"It's getting kind of late, Mulder," Scully says and licks her lips in that way she does that drives me crazy.
I know she's not really ready for me to go yet. But I also know how important it is to her for us to take it slowly.
"Yeah, I guess it is. I better go." I give her another quick peck on the lips, and turn to walk away. She stops me when I near the door.
"So Mulder, since we're courting now...when is our first date?"
Things are definitely looking up.
I smile before I ask her, "Are you available Friday night?"
"Yeah, I think I am," she says and smiles back.
"Good...I'll pick you up at 7 then."
And then I leave. See, I knew Scully would make me feel better. She always does. And even though I still haven't made a decision about my future with the FBI, I have no doubt that as long as I have Scully by my side, it'll be all right...no matter what my decision.
The End
Patiently awaiting feedback!
JSXFNelson@yahoo.com Back to Jo's Page Back to LA-X-Files