Undoubtedly The Toughest Job

CO-WRITTEN WITH: Errol's Feather

Emotions simmered; thoughts collided. Ellie was really just fine, Jo Danville continued to tell herself. She couldn't ignore the urge to see her, hug her and never let go of her somehow now, though. Well, she definitely knew the reason. As a crime scene investigator, it was quite natural of course –– some cases just hit lots closer to home than other ones, with everyone. She knew this one wouldn't leave her for some time. It had definitely hit close to her as a mother. Wasn't that who and what she was first and foremost then?

She could never be grateful enough, she felt, to have a person as Mac Taylor be her superior there. Grey eyes had passed over Jo only once at her earlier arrival back at the thirty-fourth floor, had caught her state of mind. She hadn't really been sure what to make of how easily he had at that –– had it been that obvious then? However, she was too grateful to doubt for long –– too motherly, maybe. Maternal instinct had rushed through her when Mac suggested to let her off early, when she smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek fleetingly before turning to go get her stuff in the locker room and let work be low priority for now. The urge to see her daughter had pushed past all of that already in her mind if she where honest to herself anyhow.

.

"Mom, what are you doing here? Aren't you really supposed to be working until––? Mom, you're crushing me. Mom!"

Jo slowly released her hold on her adopted daughter, keeping her, however, close. She was having a hard time hiding tears at seeing her little girl –– her not-so-little-girl-anymore in fact. Still, she would give her entire life for her and Tyler within a single heartbeat. No one ever would replace them as her number ones. With Tyler at college, Ellie was who she came home to, though; the person she knew depended the most on her right now, maybe needed her most as she too needed her, like it always had been.

"Mom, what's the matter?"

"Tough case, honey," Jo barely managed through impending tears. "Mac let me off early. I thought maybe it would be nice to come get you here like I used to when you were smaller. Maybe we could just have a burger somewhere and go to the movies, you and I again like…?" Jo trailed off. Ellie hadn't really been interested in cinema trips with her mom anymore as of late. She had reached the age where her schoolmates were of more importance to fill her social life, where she didn't share everything anymore with Josephine. Truth told, Jo regretted that very much. She seemed to have a lot more difficulty with Ellie becoming more autonomous than she had been when Tyler had. Maybe because he was a boy. Maybe because Ellie had always been her little girl, her youngest. She couldn't rightly say.

"Sure," Ellie replied, before pushing away a little bit more again. "Eh, Mom, you kind of gotta let go of me then, though."

"Of course," Jo whispered and then let go of Ellie at last, trying to gather herself. Oh dear, though woman she was. They slowly began walking, just following each other without truly knowing where to, somehow just going into the same direction, and Jo spoke again. "You know that you can talk to me about everything, right?" she whispered. "No matter what it is, how bad it is…" She stopped.

Ellie looked to her mom. That must have been one Hell of a case indeed then. She had never actually seen her mother so shaken. Suddenly, Ellie threw her no-hugging-in-public rule to the wind and calmly put her arm about her mother's waist, leaning close as they walked ahead. It had been a rather long while since they had done this, but she hadn't forgotten about it yet. It still felt perfect; felt safe. Especially when Ellie felt her mom's left arm encircle her in return.

Jo's gaze turned to her fleetingly. She smiled meaningfully for a small moment before redirecting her gaze so as not to bump into anything or anyone –– just like they used to when she had been smaller. She had forgotten how nice it was. "I know," she whispered, although she knew that the words weren't really necessary.

"Alright," Jo said, her voice a little bit less hoarse now. "I hope you never feel you have to hide anything from me, that you can't come to me with whatever it is…"

"Mom, give me a little credit," Ellie interrupted, slightly shaking her head. Overprotective much?

Jo looked at her adopted daughter. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I reckon your emotional mom needs something sweet."

"When don't cha then?"

Both mother and daughter laughed at that as they stepped inside.

.

It had always been her little evening ritual since Ellie and Tyler had been small still to go and check on them before retreating to bed herself. It wasn't an exception. She usually didn't stay and gaze at Ellie for quite so long, though. Warm hazel eyes rested upon her daughter, the small moves she made in her sleep, as she stood leaning against the twelve-year-old's doorway. She looked so very peaceful, so untroubled. Jo momentarily wondered whether she would still be once she reached the same age Miguel had had. She could really only hope with all she had that should, heavens forbid, Ellie ever remotely feel the same as he must have had, she would feel she could at least confide in her … She bit down on her lower lip and shook her head. She was fine right now –– don't worry until you've gotta, Jo.

"I love you," she whispered and gently pulled the door to a crack once again. Of course, it only was a mother's job to always worry about her children. She had to believe for now that all would be fine, though. She just had to believe in Ellie –– and herself as a mom.