Afternoon everyone, yes I know that I have yet to update I'll Be Better When I'm Older but I'm trying! HONESTLY! I'm trying to make it very good and interesting and well written so give me sometime. Anyway I just finished watching a soap opera where EVERYONE is giving birth and it gave me this funny idea! It's only going to be one chapter but it is funny and cute and I hope you enjoy it. Please review!

Never Leave Your Doors Unlocked

He inspected his hair in the rearview mirror while waiting for the light to change and scowled at a flyaway piece of hair. He smoothly retrieved his signature gel Slick from his suit jacket and fixed the problem within seconds. There he thought perfect.

The light changed and he shifted his beautiful black Mercedes into gear and glided through the intersection in the direction of his friend Blaise Zabini's house. He slowed down as he reached another intersection with yet another red light. He felt annoyed; in the world of Draco Malfoy a red light produced a significant amount of displeasure because everything had always worked in his favour. He was rich and had never worked a day in his life, he had well groomed good looks which were the product of good genetics, he had an elite social status due to his family name, and he had a reputation that proceeded him which, he loved to brag, was all his own doing.

Yes, Draco was what some people liked to call spoiled but which he preferred to call lucky. He flicked a miniscule speck of dust from his shoulder and smiled smugly; life was good. The light was about to change and he started revving his engine. He flashed a smile at the driver next to him who was an attractive blonde girl and she winked in approval. He was about to roll down his window when somebody wrenched open his back door and flung themselves' into his back seat.

Draco was extremely alarmed; he had been so sure he had locked the doors! "To the hospital!" the intruder, a woman, shrieked, "ON THE DOUBLE!" Malfoy's features fixed into their characteristic smirk and he turned around to face the woman now treating his prized automobile as a common taxi.

Again he was taken aback. The woman was dressed in a loose fitting peasant dress; she was extremely red in the face and was taking loud, deep breaths. "Hee hee hoooo hee hee hoooo," she breathed while he continued to stare. She was also fat; well at the least her stomach fat; as big as a beach ball! And her face was so very very red, much too red, and she was sweating on his leather seats! How dare she behave so rudely?

"Excuse me but who do you think you are?" The woman's eyes connected sharply with his and she truly looked at him for the first time. Her jaw hung open. He knew he was good looking but come on, she was practically drooling. "This cannot be happening," she whispered desperately to herself, "I am not going into labor unexpectedly and I did not just barge into Draco Malfoy's car because that would be far far too cruel a thing to happen to a woman in my position. This is simply an acutely realistic dream," she closed her eyes and knocked on her head, "Hello? Yes, I'd very much like to wake up. Now!"

He vaguely wondered how she knew him and then made a disgruntled noise, "Earth to car-breaker-inner, what are you on about? You hopped into my expensive ride," she rolled her eyes, "And now you are babbling like a loon! What do you mean 'going unexpectedly into labor'?"

"I'm having a baby," she replied dryly.

Draco had never driven so fast in his life.

As he pulled up to St. Mungo's the woman started screaming bloody murder, "Ohhhhh, owwwww, oh I want to go home! I want vodka on the rocks! I want my mummy!"

He jumped out of the car and threw open her door, she didn't look in any state to stand up and he moved to pick her up but hesitated. She was far too distracted with her pain to notice. Truthfully, he was dreadfully bad at dealing with all that…biological nonsense like having babies; he was terribly squeamish. But his car! His beautiful car! It was a one of a kind, custom made beauty and he couldn't very well have her…leaking on it. He cringed at the thought; babies are absolutely vile.

She started to yell at him again, "Where the bloody hell have you taken me?"

"To er..St. Mungo's?"

Her eyes bulged from her head, "St. Mungo's! Are you insane? I haven't been injured by a blast-ended skrewt you IDIOT! Take me to a proper muggle hospital!"

He stared at her hopelessly, "I haven't a clue where or what a muggle hospital is," he croaked.

She sobbed and grabbed her head, "Ohh y-you wouldn't! This is just m-m-my luck!" she wiped her nose, "What am I going to do?" she whispered to herself.

All Draco knew was that he had to get her out of his car and quickly. "Look, maybe if we sit you down outside, on the ground, it won't hurt so much." She grabbed her massive tummy again and writhed in pain, "Ohhhh oh my GOD! This reallly huuuurrrts!"

He tried to pick her up but she swatted him away, "NO! Get your filthy hands away from me you BASTARD! MEN ARE PIGS! MEN ARE PIGS FOR DOING THIS TO WOMEN AND MAKING US HURT!" she started pounding him hysterically on the chest, "YOU ARE A DISPICABLE, DIRTY, ROTTEN MAN WITH DISPICABLE, DIRTY, ROTTEN MOTIVES! ALL YOU WANT IS SEX! AND NOW LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENED! I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED!"

His mouth began to twitch, if she hadn't been stuck in his car he would have been laughing his guts out; the woman was certifiable.

"Alright, alright calm down, it's going to be OK. I'll get back in the car and we'll find you a nice, proper muggle hospital."

She shook her head, "No, not happening."

He began to panic; what exactly was she saying?

"Don't look at me like that buster! It's now or never!"

He felt the bile rise in his throat, "NO! Oh no you can't do… do THAT NOW! Suck it up! Hold it in!"

She got a wild look and stared at him incredulously, "Suck it up? Hold it in?" she said dangerously,

"I hate you."

She spat; with much more resolve then he would have expected from a woman giving birth. Besides, why did she have reason to hate him? He had driven her to the hospital; he had let her stay in his car. He was the Good Samaritan here! He would not take this abuse!

"LOOK woman, I have been nothing but nice to you since you so rudely burst into my car so do not take that tone with me! And I have just purchased this very fine automobile and if you get anything…gross on it I will personally make sure you purchase me another one, which is impossible since this is one of a kind," he added.

But she wasn't listening, her head had drooped to the side and her eyes had closed.

He waved a hand in front of her face, "Hello? Hello there? Wake up! I command you to wake up!"

Crap. As much as he did not like this woman he did not want her to…get seriously injured. So, Draco Malfoy picked her up; holding her the same way you hold an infant, (noting that she was surprisingly light) and jogged with her towards St. Mungo's.

He spoke to the manikin and ran through the wall, past the coughing and sneezing wizards, and to the reception desk. He scanned the directory but there didn't seem to be a maternity ward mentioned. (A.N. OK so I don't really remember all the wards in St. Mungo's so if there is a maternity one listed forgive me but in this story there is not.)

A middle age witch donned in white looked at him dryly, "Yes?"

"It's" he motioned to the woman, "Well-she-labor-car-SHE'S HAVING A BABY!" The woman in his arms stirred a little but became still again. The receptionist picked at her nails, "Have you checked the directory?" "YES I CHECKED THE BLOODY DIRECTORY! THERE'S NOTHING ABOUT MATERNITY ON IT!" She studied him with raised eyebrows, "Calm down," the receptionist smiled, "It's your first isn't it?"

Draco gaped at her. To think that she was implying that he was the father of this woman's child! They had just met! "Just tell me where the hell to take her," She fiddled with her pen, "How far along is she?" He gritted his teeth; "I don't KNOW how bloody far along she is!" The receptionist stared pointedly at the woman he was holding, "Well she can't be too serious since she is sleeping."

Malfoy nearly dropped her in his rage; "SHE'S NOT SLEEPING YOU COMPLETE FOOL! SHE'S OUT COLD! SHE PASSED OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE OF THOSE…BABY SPASM THINGIES!"

The receptionist suddenly became alive with alarm, "Oh my…" she faltered, "I had no idea," she scribbled something on a scrap of parchment and sent it flying down a hall towards the lifts, "Alright, someone will be here immediately. In the meantime remain calm and do not drop her," the witch ordered sternly.

Within seconds two healers burst into the waiting room and pulled the woman from his arms onto a floating stretcher and dragged him along with them giving him no time to explain the situation.

"Name?" one inquired looking at Draco, but he merely shrugged, so they dug into the purse he just noticed she was wearing. They pulled out a wand and an ID,

"Hermione Granger, age 28, librarian of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," one read and Malfoy blanched. Hermione Granger?

They turned into a room that was blindingly white where a whole crowd of healers looked eager to work. "Alright everybody," one of the healers that transported Granger said, "She's only a week early and the baby seems to be in fine condition but the mother seems to be under extreme stress. I'll need the Promoveo potion and some chocolate stat. Don't bother getting the Ortus potionshe's too far along, this one's going to be natural boys."

Malfoy watched transfixed as the eight healers dashed around getting Granger into the bed, pumping her with potions, and raising their wands to perform spells. Having babies really was an elaborate process. After taking what Draco guessed was the Promoveo potion she began to stir and moved her head from side to side moaning. He moved towards her but a healer stopped him, "Put these on," he said and shoved white robes at Draco, "For hygiene." He slipped on the robes and pulled on the shower-cap-like hat feeling extremely foolish and upset over ruining his hair. Then, he approached Hermione again.

She was now fully awake and looked overwhelmingly nervous. "Hi," he said and she stared back in response, "So I've brought you here and I suppose now you're going to be alright with all of these professionals so I'll just be…um…going then." He was feeling incredibly awkward now that he knew who the woman was, they had her legs in stirrups for Christ's sake!

He turned away to leave but she grabbed his wrist, apparently modesty mattered little to Hermione Granger. "NO! Malfoy don't leave me!" His brow furrowed in confusion and he turned to look at her for an explanation, "I-I…Malfoy I'm scared," she said in a barely audible voice. "I can't do this."

He looked around at the fast working healers; what on Earth was she worried about? With all these people she wouldn't have to do anything! "Be sensible Granger, you will be fine." Her lips quivered and she started crying, "No! N-no I won't! I don't know the first thing about having a baby!" He almost laughed; did she think he had a better idea? "Please stay! You…you're all I've got."

He had no idea what to say. He watched the healers again and although they were very good at the biological things they didn't seem to be giving Hermione any support or comfort. And even though he would never admit it to you, Draco had feelings and he couldn't leave a damsel in distress, even if the damsel was Granger.

He gripped her shoulders and looked deep into her eyes, "Focus here Granger," he pointed to his eyes, "Look here and nowhere else," she nodded in a childlike manner, "Women have been doing this for thousands of years! And they've all gotten through it! Well, maybe not all but-"

"Malfoy!"

"Right. And you are not just a woman but a strong woman! So show me what you're made of Granger! Pop this baby right out!"

"Yeah!" she screamed, "Yeah I'm strong! I can do this!"

He chuckled and patted her sweaty hair as her features fixed in strong determination. Another contraction gripped her and she squeezed his hand, "OK, OK just relax, it's almost over, you're doing beautifully, you're a star," he egged her on and with his help she continued rising to the occasion .She did not shed another tear…well not until the baby was born anyways.

And one hour later the moment arrived and a cry rang out through the white room and Malfoy felt relieved. Now he could go back to his perfect, problem free existence. That reminded him, he'd better call Blaise and blame him for not turning up at the right spot or something because Malfoy's were never wrong, they never missed a social event, and they never apologized.

He watched Granger holding her new son as tears of joy slid down her cheeks. She kept counting his fingers and toes and shouting, "There's ten! Did you hear everybody? He's got ten fingers and ten toes!" Then the staff would all mumble their congratulations while she went back to counting again. Women were so strange.

Suddenly a very tall, red headed blur raced past him. "Oh my God Hermione I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! Is the baby alright? Are you alright?" Hermione smiled beatifically and kissed Ronald Weasley on the cheek. "We're perfect." She caught Draco's eye and gave him the tiniest of smiles, he rolled his eyes good naturedly as if to 'Weasley?' and waved goodbye. He made himself scarce so as not to intrude on this family moment. He found his car in the same spot (which was a miracle because he had left two doors wide open and no one had stolen it) and carefully inspected the back seat; he was pleased to find it clean and dry.

Hermione Granger showed up on his doorstep a week later looking sheepish and he had the grace to invite her in for tea. It turns out that sharing something like the birth of her first child had formed an unbreakable bond between himself and the muggle born, but what gave him supreme satisfaction was the way her husband (and one of his old enemies) Weasley had taken it. How he must have felt to learn that his worst enemy witnessed one of the most important moments of his life and that he had missed it. Malfoy grinned evilly just thinking about it.

Draco inevitably became close friends with Hermione and her son Lucas and is happy about it way deep down in the depths of his black heart. But, to this day, he never forgets to lock his car doors, or any door for that matter. Because, you just never know who might barge in.

THE END! Hopefully you'll hear from me soon when I update I'll Be Better When I'm Older! Until then, don't get stuck in any elevator doors! Oh, and REVIEW!