The Fault in Our Deadpool – A Side Effect of Dying
"Whenever you read a cancer booklet or website or whatever, they always list depression among the side effects of cancer. But, in fact, depression is not a side effect of cancer. Depression is a side effect of dying."
"Those are some harshly terrible words, Hazel Grace," Wade whispered to himself, chuckling at the fun irony in his words as he sat in the – ehem – literal heart of Jesus. Around him sat other cancer patients, although none of them were dressed quite as fantastically as Mr. Wilson, dressed in his Deadpool garb and of course his, "today we will talk to cancer patients," underwear.
As he closed the beautiful love story by John Green, he stared up and across the room sat a young woman with short hair, styling a perfectly shiny breathing tanky thingy.
"Now that is a shiny tanky thingy," Wade thought to himself as he threw the book backwards across the room with a spiraling of pages and a satisfying thud.
"Try and keep it down, Mr. Wilson," Patrick said to Deadpool with his annoyingly quiet air, "After all we are in the literal heart of Jesus." This last word was said with that ridiculous awe-filled tone that drove Wade into a fit of laughter.
"I've seen real hearts, and trust me, this ain't it." As Deadpool voiced these words, he felt pride in himself at how fanfiction readers would cringe inwardly at the use of "ain't" in a sentence.
"I'm sure you have," voiced the girl with the shiny breathing tube, let's call her Hazel, from the other side of the sharing circle as she rolled her eyes.
"Got something to say, Darth Vader?" shot Deadpool with sass lined in every letter of the words he spoke. She couldn't see it, but a wide grin spread across his face under his mask.
"Oh, nice one Spider-man," she shot back with an equal amount of attitude, "I've never heard that one from every kid ever." She wouldn't say anything, but that was the first time Hazel had heard anyone call her that, due to both the fact that no one ever dared to hate on a girl with terminal cancer, and that she barely saw anyone other than her friend Kaitlynn on occasion and Isaac at support group. Ever since the death of the love of her tragically short life, Augustus Waters, Hazel had drifted into a prolonged state of intense depression.
"Hey, don't insult my sweetheart by saying he looks like me," Wade retorted with a shake of his finger.
"Your sweetheart?" Asked a boy wearing sunglasses who sat next to Hazel."
"Yes, Stevie Wonder, the ol' web crawler and I are madly in love."
The boy with the sunglasses, let's call him Isaac for sake of continuity, smiled darkly at his new nickname, while Hazel just cringed as her fists clenched around the handle of her oxygen tank.
"How dare you come here and just-" Hazel started, but she was cut off by Patrick as he raised his voice with a calming, "Ok, ok, boys and girls. Let's just take a deep breath and remember where we are…"
"IN THE LITERAL HEART OF JESUS!" Wade and Hazel both mockingly said in unison with Patrick, which made him cower slightly with a sad look of defeat on his face.
Just as Wade was about to let out a nice big dish of asshole on Ms. Heavy Breathe's across the circle, he was suddenly aware of a glowing figure standing behind Hazel. For continuity sake, we will call that figure Augustus Waters for the rest of this fanfiction.
"Perhaps a nice toning down might be in order, huh Deadpool?" Asked the tall glowing boy as he placed his hands comfortingly on Hazel's shoulders. She took no notice of this, and Wade realized it was Gus' ghost who was there talking to him.
"You know, you sure chose to love a little $#it right?" Asked Wade, setting his face in his hands as every eye in the room stared confusedly at the Merc with a Mouth.
"Who are you talking to, clown boy?" Asked Hazel in attempt of insult.
"Shush shush shush, Ms. Hazel Grace, your dead and gone is talking."
"DON'T YOU DARE!" Yelled Hazel, standing at the other side of the circle with rage practically pouring out of her skin. Her eyebrows were cross and her face growing bright red. Her chest heaved and her knuckled became white as they clenched into fists.
Just as Wade was about to go for his katanas out of irritation, the ghost of Gus stopped his hand, and Wade stared into the boy's pleading eyes. Moved, Deadpool stood up, without muttering even an utter of a letter, and walked out of the literal heart of Jesus.
On his way out, Gus's spirit stopped Wade at the door.
"Wait," he pleaded, "you are the only one who has heard me speak since-"
But before he could say another word, Deadpool's katana was at the neck of Augustus Waters. He pressed him up against the wall, with the blade somehow touching the pure spirit and rendering him useless.
"You don't get to plead without my permission," chimed Deadpool calmly, "or else the next deadly thing you put between your teeth will have the power to kill you. How's that medaphor ya?" And Wade intended the pun, proud of it regardless to its amount of lameness.
"Go ahead and kill me, Wade. I'm on a rollercoaster that only goes up. But you? You are spiraling down, my friend. You have always been spiraling down since you found out you had cancer, and although you will always keep healing and healing, that won't ever stop the true sickness that started with your diagnoses, the sickness that started in your head. That sickness that poisoned your heart."
Staring blankly at Gus and wanting to slit his throat so badly, Deadpool sheathed his katana and sat down, his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees.
"Go the hell away, August," Deadpool voiced quietly with the sound of true pain weighing on his soft tone.
"If you can help me, than you-" Gus started with sympathy, but a tear soaked mask stared back at him and rendered him silent.
"Dying truly has made you pathetic, Gus," Wade said as he stared directly into the literal spirit of Augustus Waters, "It would be better for Hazel to remember you as the Gus you were and not what the pains of mortality and oblivion have turned you into."
Standing there for only a few moments, staring blankly at the Merc, Augustus turned around and started to walk back into the church.
"And Gus?" Deadpool rang into the silence. Turning on his heels, Gus looked back at Wade with a look of depression.
"Yes?"
"My true sickness comes from my cancer. I die every second of every day. You fear oblivion? I defy it, and trust me, that is a lot more terrifying."
The ghost of the late Augustus Waters turned back around after a second, walked through the halls he once walked, and stood next to Hazel Grace, wondering what life could have been if it weren't for his disease and the sad cards fate had dealt him.
As Deadpool sat alone, outside of the literal heart of Jesus, contemplating to himself the events of the day, the only thing that materialized itself clearly in his mind was that yes, that John Green guy was right. Depression was a side effect of dying.