So I don't know where I am going with this, but I feel the need to write something depressing again. I'm always writing something depressing, I think though I may base it off something, anyways, here ya go!

Warnings: yaoi, suicide attempts, ALTERNATE UNIVERSE!

Pairings: GaaNaru, SasuNaru, and more

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Chapter one

Naruto watched the blood come from his arms as he brought the razor down a few more times, well 12 more times to be exact, they were swallow cuts this time that's why there so many. Jumping from the sound of his alarm, he sighed. The numbness over came him as he wrapped his arms. It comforted him as he made his way through his morning routine.

He stopped wearing orange in middle school, it brought attention to him, and he didn't want attention anymore. He pulled on ripped up blue jeans, a tight black sleeveless shirt, and a thin hoddie, which was black as well.

He walked slowly to the front door, he was starting to get dizzy. Holding himself up with help from the wall, he cleared his head and bent down to pick up his back pack. It slipped from his hand back to the ground, he frowned. Picking it up again he got it over his shoulder this time.

Naruto made it down stairs just in time for Sasuke to pick him up, he slide into the passenger seat and not even seconds later, Sasuke was roughly kissing him. It didn't feel like love at all, he felt owned. He made himself believe that he felt loved by Sasuke, cause Sasuke wouldn't do this if he didn't love him right?

"hn" is all that came from Sasuke and he turned back to the wheel. Naruto used to be happy and smile all the time, that was at the beginning. Now he was just tired, he just couldn't figure out what he was tired of. Leaning back in the seat he dozed for a second, dreaming of a face he couldn't ever remember, all he knew was that it had blazing crimson colored hair. He couldn't ever remember who he knew that had that color hair.

"Wake up Dobe! We're here!" yelled Sasuke in the car.

"I'm awake Teme!" Yeah the fought, and it could be brutal. Most people stayed away when they were fighting unless it got physical, which is never did on school grounds, but it has gotten physical before.

Naruto got out of the car and swung his bag over his shoulder, and followed Sasuke to the building, where their friends would be, well Sasuke would broad with his friends, while they stood next to Naruto and his friends.

The groups never mingled over than that, well as far as Sasuke and Naruto knew. Naruto opened his locker and shoved in the books he didn't need until later and pulled out the ones he need for the morning.

Sasuke snaked his arms around Naruto's waist, the halls were pretty empty, "You should apologize, you yelled at me in the car. I'm hurt." the words fell from Sasuke's mouth and for some reason Naruto felt a little dirty inside.

Naruto sighed and turned around, he wrapped his arms around Sasuke's neck and kissed him, "sorry" he didn't mean it, and both if them knew it, it was just for show. To make them look like the perfect couple, or some shit, Naruto didn't care.

Sasuke smirked and then pulled Naruto's arms off of him and walked over to his friends and Naruto to his, and so began the morning.

-SasuNaru-

Naruto was exhausted and he still had another class after this, but first lunch. Walking to his locker for a moment alone, he emptied the stuff from the morning and grabbed a book for the afternoon, math. He smiled, he liked math, it made sense, he wanted to be a math teacher. After staring at the book for a moment, with a smile, he shoved it in his bag, and shut his locker.

Making his way to the Sac, also known as the cafeteria, he stood in line. He got a standard lunch with chicken nuggets, mash potatoes and gravy, and two rolls. He grabbed some fruit and milk on his way to pay for it.

Walking to the back he sat next to Sasuke, he set his tray in his lap and nibbled on the food. Sasuke made them sit together, which was away from their friends because they didn't like sitting on the floor.

Naruto turned to see his friends laughing at something Kiba did. Frowning he turned back to his food, "I'm going to go sit with my friends"

"So you're leaving me?"

Sasuke did this, he was an fake insecure prick. Always making everything his fault, putting the blame on him.

"No, never mind I'll just stay. It's okay," Naruto poked at his food.

Sasuke pulled Naruto to his chest. Naruto was facing his friends, with his back to Sasuke, that's when he felt something.

"Don't any noise," the threatening voice frighten him, Sasuke had his left arm draped across his abdomen and his right hand was making their way down the back of his pants and to his entrance. Naruto relaxed as best as he could cause it would hurt no matter what he did, because he knew Sasuke didn't lube his fingers.

"Look at your friends," Naruto did, Kiba was doing something again, must be telling a joke. A finger entered him and he bit his lip at the pain, "watch your friends as I finger fuck you." Sasuke pulled the finger out and added another one, it burned some much, he knew it would bleed a little.

Sasuke started to finger fuck him right in the middle of lunch, he bit back a moan. He wasn't hard, not at all, it hurt. He was moaning in pain, but Sasuke couldn't tell the difference, at least, not anymore.

The bell finally rang and Sasuke pulled his hand out and cleaned his hand on a napkin he brought. Standing, he left Naruto on the floor.

Pain was different when it was given to you by someone else. When you cut yourself, you can control how much you want to feel or not, how much pain you want to inflict. This was different, this was unwanted.

The lunch room was empty, well Naruto thought it was empty, foot steps came towards him. He looked up and saw Kiba looking down at him. Kiba was his best friend and understood everything Naruto was going through, and the reasons he stayed with Sasuke.

Kiba helped Naruto up, Naruto flinched, but it was bearable. He bent down slowly to get his bag and basically full tray. Kiba frowned and Naruto smiled, throwing the food in the trash can, they walked into their last class late.

The teacher waved them to take their seat.

"What took so long Dobe? Was it really that good?" Sasuke questioned from behind him.

Naruto shook, but Sasuke thought it was a shiver, "um, yeah."

Sasuke left him alone for the rest of class, smirking. Naruto got most of the lesson, he only had a couple of questions, and he wanted to ask them one on one with Iruka. Iruka knew how to explain more clearly directly to him.

The bell rang for the end of school, Naruto said good bye to his friends, and talked to Iruka while Sasuke went to his locker. He got his questions answered, and ran to the car. Sasuke drove Naruto back to his apartment. The drove wasn't long, and actually good, since he lived the worse part of town, he would see his dad from time to time. It was a sign that he was still alive.

Naruto father, was a police officer, undercover, and has been for the last 15 years. They have talked on the street as a passing, but it kept each of them going, though dangerous, Naruto knew his place. Only did it once every few years. Sasuke didn't even know, he thought he was an orphan, Kiba knew thought. Kiba knew everything about Naruto.

"Get out, I need to get home. I have homework." Naruto was out in a few second and running up the steps.

Naruto decided that he would be dangerous today and talk to his father, it was a Tuesday any ways. Nothing happens on a Tuesday.

Naruto wore everything but his hoodie, but he added studded leather arm warmers. Locking the door behind him, he walked the couple blocks to his dad's gang. He stood across the street until his dad noticed from inside a building. They walked down the opposite sides of the street, his dad crossed it, and they ducked in a coffee shop.

Naruto ordered a small vanilla latte, and his dad ordered the same thing. Small meant he was almost done. They sat deep in the store back to back at different tables. His dad watching the door, and Naruto watching the back.

"Just a couple more months now, we've scheduled the dance. How's duck butt?"

The learned to speak in code and they were good, "duck butt, well, I'm going to break the stick." which meant he was going to break up, "the mirror shows me a red head," 'I keep dreaming about a red head'

"Ai? He's a red head from your back" 'Ai? He's a red head from your past'

Naruto paused, he didn't know anyone named Ai, or the Japanese terms meant love, that still didn't make sense.

"Who's Ai?"

He got no response, he turned, and his dad was long going. Grabbing the cup he looked inside. 'I love you my son'

Tears sprung to his eyes. He missed his dad so much, just a couple more months.

-sasunaru-

Naruto jumped into the car, "What are you so happy about?"

"I don't know," Naruto honestly didn't know, something about today was just going to make his life a lot better today.

They arrived at school and did their morning routine, talk to friend and then run to class.

Naruto looked up from his work when the door opened, a red head walked in, the same one that haunted Naruto's dreams. He had a blazing crimson hair, creamy skin. Naruto had a face to his ghost. Naruto's eyes finally settled on the tattoo on the head heads forehead, Ai. Love.

Memories flooded his brain tears formed in his eyes. Gaara, his childhood friend.

Naruto stood, "Gaara!"

Gaara smirked, "hello Naruto."

At lunched Gaara had sat with Naruto and Sasuke, Naruto felt guilty and he couldn't figure out why. Was he worried about what Gaara thought. Gaara was a childhood friend, but they had lost contact, cause he moved.

After that, they all walked to math, Naruto talked joyfully to Gaara, who smiled in returned. Gaara sat next to Naruto in math with Sasuke behind Naruto of course.

Iruka let them work on their homework from other classes since they were ahead. They talked quietly.

Another teacher walked in looking grim, he whispered something to Iruka who's eyes bore in to Naruto. Naruto had seen the entire exchange and read the other teachers lips. Something he taught himself to do.

"Gaara," Naruto gripped harshly on Gaara's arm.

"What is it Naruto?"

"Minato died."

-chapter end-

So far so good,

Reviews are better than favs!

Kaden

Ja Ne!