Jogan through the Eyes of Derek

Julian Larson was the biggest deal in freshman year. Everyone wanted to be the actor's friend, but he was closed off. There was a wall between him and the rest of Dalton. When I met him he looked so sad and lost. I was his first friend, and my best friend became his second.

We stuck together like glue freshman year, especially when we learned we had all been placed in the Stuart house. I didn't mind being around Julian, and he didn't mind being around me (or Logan), however I always sensed there was something he never told anyone.

One day I found the lost actor sitting on his bed sobbing his eyes out. I walked into his room, sat down, and placed a hand on his shoulder. I remember whispering comforting words before he told me he was hurt inside.

"Derek," he had whispered. "I don't know who I am…"

It honestly broke me to hear the strong, and walled off boy being so vulnerable. The next few weeks were spent trying to arn who Julian was. Logan and I tried everything to crack open the synthetic shell, and access the non-famous person below. In the few weeks we all learned that Julian had never been to France, he hated a few of his co-stars, he loved singing, rain relaxed him, he had a problem with commitment, and he was scared of everyone, because he never knew if they would leak his life to the press.

After one day assuring Julian that I was not out to leak his private life to the press I asked him the most serious question. "Julian what are you hiding?" Julian was hesitant at first.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," I said. "That you are hiding something from everyone, including Lo, and I. We can tell. You're walling off again." It was then that I found a sobbing burnet in my arms sobbing his eyes out, and admitting his growing romantic interest in Logan Wright.

I promised to keep his confession a secret, and I did. However, it broke me to see Julian stare after Logan, and the blonde boy not understand. It hurt me to see them make eye contact longer than usual, but Logan just brush it off as friendly. It hurt me so much to see my best friend in pain, and the other not understanding what was going on. However, I kept Logan in the dark as not to betray the trust Julian had placed in me.

I remember the day that Blaine Anderson arrived. The Hazel eyed boy had unruly curls, and a vacant expression. It's hard to believe that the dapper Warbler lead was once a scared little boy.

I watched as Logan took an interest in the young boy. Maybe too much of an interest. He swore the day he realized Blaine had befriended the Brightman twins, and that he (the white rabbit) was dorming in Winsor. However, this didn't stop a determined Logan. To make the best impression on the new kid he took his medication, sang a lot more during Warblers, and tried to take an interest in talking to Blaine.

I remember sitting in my room alone when Julian stormed in angrily. He whispered some cuss words, and finally collapsed on my bed in tears. Later I found out that Logan and Blaine had hit it off, and the two had started going out. I felt a pain for Julian, like one would feel for a brother. I hated seeing him in so much pain.

I remember the day he left. He decided to take an acting job so he packed his bag, and just walked out the door. I can distinctly remember Logan sitting in Julian's room staring at the empty room, and looking at the lone Dalton uniform that hung in the empty closet. When I told him what had happened Logan lashed out, and ran to Blaine.

I remember when Blaine and Logan broke up. The harsh words that Logan had said to the frail boy crushed Blaine's spirit. I had never been so angry at Logan in my entire life. Blaine Anderson wasn't strong at that time. His memories from the past haunted him, and the Winsor's told haunting tales of him waking up at night with nightmares, drenched in sweat. I tried to confront Logan about it, but the blonde boy told me to go jump off a bridge. I left him alone.

I remember when Julian came back the first time. The look of joy on his and Logan's faces was amazing. I knew they had missed each other, so I left them alone. However, it was painful to see the look of hurt on Julian's face when he realized that Logan still didn't have feelings toward him. He cried himself to sleep in my room his second night back to school

I remember sophomore year. It came and went without any big ta-do's. Julian's harbored feelings for Logan continued to grow, while the blonde continued to flush his med down the toilet, and ignore Julian.

I remember when the courtenor walked in mid-way through junior year. Julian was heartbroken when he came back from his shoot to realize that Logan was pinning after yet another guy. He fumed, and told me in confidence that he wished he could leave again. However, he stayed.

I remember how Julian pushed away his own feelings to comfort Logan when Kurt declined him, and went out with Blaine. It was heartbreaking to watch the actor comfort the person he loved while the boy mourned over the lost battle for the courtenor.

I remember watching Julian and Logan collide on top of each other, as the building collapsed on Hell Night. I remember watching them look at each other, cough up some ash, and then be rushed in an ambulance together. I don't know what happened that night but I do know one thing….

I remember a time when I could look at Julian and Logan and not see the disgusting PDA in the common room. I remember the days that weren't so perfect, but I remember that they must have always loved each other…